Imagine having the talent/resources to create such gorgeous sprite animation, and wasting it on something this horrible.
Every kick and punch in the game is competing with each other to be the most off the wall, creative thing you've ever seen. The end result is a gawky mess. There's a character who walks backwards by using prehensile hair as legs. (even though she walks forward using her own legs... yeah) There's another character who can make her skeleton leave her body and fight with her skeleton instead. Because.. why not I guess. What's wrong with just normal punches and kicks? No, that's boring, every attack needs to be like, "her tits become snakes and the snakes grab a chair and whack you with the chair".
Aside from the sheer tryhard aesthetic his is an by-the-numbers 2D fighter. All the same pitfalls that apply to Japanese made games are unapologetically copied here. Tutorials (with lots of reading. "Read, bitch!!" That you can skip through and just fulfill the objectives.) and I guess "main" modes that you can use to recite all the phone numbers you've memorized in training modes. If you want to, that is. Did I mention this is totally one of those games where your character's color is determined by what button you pressed to select them? (and obv X is not the default color, and O certainly does not cancel / go back)
The Vita port is plagued with additional issues like tiny text and stupidly blurry menus. Therefore wading through the tutorials is made a hassle. There's one that requires you block nine mixup combos with increasing difficulty. Umm, no. Guys. If you already told us how to block high and low, we can figure out the rest on our own. The tutorials don't need to make us masters of the game. (Except in the sense that, a properly designed game is essentially an extended tutorial for whatever the final level/boss is. But that obviously doesn't apply here, since we're talking about a standalone tutorial mode included in the game, like some PC CD-ROM game released in the eighties.)
The backgrounds are also completely static. Like, the game is saying, omg check out how oozing with personality I am!!11 Oh you want animated backgrounds? no, no, stupid, as long as the gameplay is accurately recreated that's all that matters. Don't be superficial, idiot.
Every kick and punch in the game is competing with each other to be the most off the wall, creative thing you've ever seen. The end result is a gawky mess. There's a character who walks backwards by using prehensile hair as legs. (even though she walks forward using her own legs... yeah) There's another character who can make her skeleton leave her body and fight with her skeleton instead. Because.. why not I guess. What's wrong with just normal punches and kicks? No, that's boring, every attack needs to be like, "her tits become snakes and the snakes grab a chair and whack you with the chair".
Aside from the sheer tryhard aesthetic his is an by-the-numbers 2D fighter. All the same pitfalls that apply to Japanese made games are unapologetically copied here. Tutorials (with lots of reading. "Read, bitch!!" That you can skip through and just fulfill the objectives.) and I guess "main" modes that you can use to recite all the phone numbers you've memorized in training modes. If you want to, that is. Did I mention this is totally one of those games where your character's color is determined by what button you pressed to select them? (and obv X is not the default color, and O certainly does not cancel / go back)
The Vita port is plagued with additional issues like tiny text and stupidly blurry menus. Therefore wading through the tutorials is made a hassle. There's one that requires you block nine mixup combos with increasing difficulty. Umm, no. Guys. If you already told us how to block high and low, we can figure out the rest on our own. The tutorials don't need to make us masters of the game. (Except in the sense that, a properly designed game is essentially an extended tutorial for whatever the final level/boss is. But that obviously doesn't apply here, since we're talking about a standalone tutorial mode included in the game, like some PC CD-ROM game released in the eighties.)
The backgrounds are also completely static. Like, the game is saying, omg check out how oozing with personality I am!!11 Oh you want animated backgrounds? no, no, stupid, as long as the gameplay is accurately recreated that's all that matters. Don't be superficial, idiot.
2 Comments
This comment was deleted
Chandler fell for a ZEELLO review
chandler
1 year ago
if you want every fighting game to be as dull and mundane as street fighter, then just stick to street fighter