Kia: I would not stand a chance. This guy has a foot in height on me and he's a trained military man who has proven himself on multiple occasions to be excellent in a fight. 1/10

Louise: I'd have more of a chance against him than I would against Kia but I'm still not counting on it. 3/10

The heroine of this game is a wet sack of bags who can't even speak to defend herself, let alone put up her fisticuffs. 9/10

Sorry, Lucas, I probably already killed you with Rentokil and didn't even realise it. 10/10

Jimmy is only a child so perhaps my reluctance to be aggressive towards children would give him the upper hand since he certainly wouldn't have any qualms about being aggressive towards me. That said, if he did provoke me and I had no way out, I don't think I'd back down and ultimately we'd be fairly evenly matched. 5/10

Probably the only protagonist on this list who I would actually initiate a fight with. I fucking hate Keitaro and that combined with his frankly excessive pacifism would see me through to an easy victory. 10/10

I would literally melt. Cardia's skin corrodes anything it touches so bye-bye to my body, unless I can somehow get my hands on a gun before she can touch me. 1/10

He's physically stronger than me by a country mile, he knows how to use a gun and he can transform into a great big fuck-off demon. There'd be no point in even trying to retaliate; I would just run. 1/10

Uhh. I mean. It depends on how drunk he is and how high his physical/motorics skills are? 4/10, probably

Really? You expect me to go up against a big fucking ape? 1/10

Strength, agility, guile AND bravery? It might not be an instant loss but I certainly wouldn't get complacent in a fight against Zidane, even without Trance. 3/10

I wonder how good hunting rats in a sewer makes you in a fight against a human woman. Probably quite good if it can give a street urchin a burgeoning six-pack. 4/10

I own next to zero purple clothes so at the very least he likely wouldn't provoke me for plot reasons, but this is a GTA protagonist we're talking about. You don't have to do an awful lot to provoke one of those. Also, I don't have a gun. 2/10

From what I remember, Chizuru doesn't actually do an awful lot of fighting despite always carrying a kodachi and hanging around the Shinsengumi. I think she'd be a decent enough fighter but she'd be too reluctant to fight dirty to actually win. Not only that but she'd get too flustered by tricky manoeuvres to act quickly. 6/10

Extremely strong and not afraid to show it. 2/10

How tall even is the Prince? Like, a few centimetres, maybe? I guess I could just stomp him before he managed to roll me up into his katamari but could I do that? Could I really stomp the poor, sweet little Prince to death? By way of cuteness, 3/10

This is probably the easiest loss ever. Akira has a strength stat of 16 (the highest possible number from what we've seen in the first two Spirit Hunter games; they range from 4-16) and he solves practically every non-spirit-related problem that comes his way with his fists. Phone won't stop ringing? Fists. Finding a steady source of income? Fists. Making a new best friend during childhood? Fists. Hell, even that first one was technically spirit-related. 1/10

Honestly, for such a thin and unhealthy guy, Towa's not too shabby in a fight. I think he'd give me a run for my money and one hell of an adrenaline rush. 3/10

Yashiki's pretty average in terms of strength and is more adept at using his wits than his muscles in a fight, thanks to his numerous confrontations with spirits and his goal of purifying rather than destroying. I think he could put up a fight if he really had to and with his MacGyvering, he could probably fashion a pretty good makeshift weapon out of whatever's in his bag but ultimately, it would be very circumstantial with no way to determine a conclusive victor. Also, important context - I'm not a spirit. 5/10

What you gonna do, Youji? Shit on me? 7/10

Literally the first thing you learn about Akira is that he's superhumanly strong, which is basically the main driving force behind the entire game... what is it with guys named Akira and an association with blood/inhuman strength? 1/10

As with Bully, I dunno how good I'd feel about kicking a child's ass but much like Jimmy Hopkins, he also seems like the type to provoke me if he felt like it. That aside, he's a gangly lil weirdo who fights with badge pins, of all things. He'd also be too distracted by his headphones to realise if I was behind him or to his side. C'mon, Neku, I use headphones when I'm out and about too but I'd at least take 'em out if I got into a fight. 8/10