Part of me still doesn’t believe this is real. I feel like we’ve been waiting for so long for Nintendo to even acknowledge this game and here we are and there’s a full remake. I honestly can’t believe it, I went to pick up my copy and I got it in my hands and teared up a little. Which I’d normally call some nerd virgin loser shit, but man with this game I can’t help it. Thousand Year Door and Super Paper Mario raised me, and are two of my favorite video games of all time. My emotions for this game are irrational but man are they true. So when I sat down to play this game I wanted to absorb all of it and I think I got enough to write a review. I’ll go by chapter.

Chapter 1- The perfect intro to a video game. Goombella, Koops, and Frankly are great characters and when you meet them you just can't wait to spend the adventure with them. It's also a good length for an intro chapter. Gotta say though, Koops SUCKS as a party member. He falls over to half the attacks in the game and can only hit on the ground. His overworld ability is great, but not in battle. Also I think it's strange that the new translation calls Hooktail a female from the start rather than saving it as a little surprise later on. Oh well though, doesn't matter.

Chapter 2- I always remembered this as a massive low point, but upon a replay it's not. The Boggly Woods have a great art direction and you meet Vivian here! Yay! The puzzles in the tree are definitely annoying, but it's still fun enough. Madame Flurrie is another party member who has a great overworld ability but in battle she's...fine. I'd never use her over some of the later members, but she's ok.

Chapter 3- Yeah, it's the best one and it's agreed upon by most people. The string of battles is so addictive because the combat in this game is so fun, Mario being called “The Great Gonzales” is fucking hilarious, Yoshi is the best party member at this point in every area, and Grubba will always be one of my favorite Mario characters. Phenomenal chapter and the new boss fight in the remake that you get in the post game sounds awesome, can’t wait to do it.

Chapter 4- One of the chapters I remember being really tedious and bad, but no I think I was just a dumb kid and couldn’t find the letter P. Speaking of, the fact that you even have to do that is so funny, Dooplis is great, the crows’ conversations are hilarious, and you get to actually recruit Vivian! And she’s gay in the American version! Yes, Pronoun Queen! Too bad that now the God Fearing Libs of TikTok watching Americans refuse to buy the game, but they’ll just miss out on peak who cares. You can also recruit Mrs. Mows in this chapter which I did but never used her because she blows.

Chapter 5- another tedious one in my mind but no. Definitely a bit too much backtracking for my taste in the jungle, but I love Flavio, Cortez, and Bobbery so much that I don’t care. Bobbery is the best Party Member easy. Top 3 are Bobbery, Vivian, Yoshi.

Chapter 6- Definitely a weak point. I do not enjoy this one as much as the rest just because it’s not as memorable. No memorable boss, the train crew is ok I guess, and you spend most of it in the station, which isn’t very fun. Easily the weakest Chapter, but man You get the L emblem here so it’s ok. And DON PIANTA YOOOOOOO

Chapter 7- This is infinitely better in the remake due to the fast travel room. The Snow Bomb village becomes tolerable and the moon part was always fun, so this is a pretty good chapter. Nothing amazing, but pretty good.

Chapter 8- Man. I love this game dude. The bosses in this chapter rule. The puzzles in this chapter are great, and man, MAN what a final boss. I clutched out the final boss by hitting TWO SHINE SPIRTE BINGOS and destroying her. I cried at the scene where everyone reaches out to Mario. The music got to me, I’ll say it. I love this video game man. So much.

Chapter Ranking goes 3>>4>8>5>1>2>7>6

The remake here doesn’t add many unique features, but what it does add is great. Two new bosses which make me squeal, a remastered soundtrack which genuinely made me tear up on many occasions, ESPECIALLY the Glitz Pit Battle theme, some striking new visuals, and a TAD bit of rebalanced gameplay. I feel like the audience interferes way more now. But my favorite things they added was the concept art. It is all SO interesting. This game has such a unique development and getting to see a glimpse at that is special. Sure the game is in 30 FPS now (which is only noticeable in the Superguard timing), but this is easily the better version still. Still wild and weird.

The Thousand Year Door is special. The story, dialogue, and style is amazing. Even compared to the other Paper Mario’s, it’s just amazing. Even the side content like listening to Luigi’s story Is just phenomenal. This is so special. After playing the remake it’s a close tie between this and Super Paper Mario for being my favorite game now. Just man. The Combat is immaculate, the Badges here are perfect, everything is just UGH. I love this game. I love Paper Mario. Play it.