Platinum fans are the Jojos fans of games, and I say this with as much derision as possible. Really, what fandom would be complete without hoards of incessant blabbermouths, who appear out of nowhere to tell you how much you’re missing out? I am certain it is a vocal minority, but it’s hard not to notice. There is a certain brand of fan that wants to make it very clear to you at every chance they can that the thing they like is both wacky and good. It’s a brand of fan I greatly dislike.

But the more I meditate on all this, the less I am able to convince myself that any of this is a bad thing. Why is people being excited about a thing, even incessantly, a bad thing? Logically, I know that being annoying is, well, annoying, but I’m not sure that the annoyance is the only thing that’s annoying me. I dislike that brand of fan, but I worry it’s pettier than that. I think I might resent them simply for being so enthusiastic. Why should I resent someone for being passionate about something they enjoy?

Through the later years of high school, I basically only had one friend. I had switched schools, and most of my human contact disappeared with it. It was an extremely dark time. That one friend really liked fighting games, (part of my apprehension around fighters starts here, too) and in that vein, really liked Platinum games. He eventually felt obligated and did dive into Jojos, too. Once, I asked if he could lend me his copy of Bayonetta and Bayonetta 2 for the Wii U. But he declined, saying, “I treasure them too much” or something of that ilk. That friendship ended quite ugly. They completely stopped talking to me one day. I would occasionally bump into them at college, but they didn’t seem to want to talk to me. One day they reached out to me, asked if I wanted to meet up for some food or something. I didn’t really know how to follow up. I sort of regret not doing anything about that.

Anyway, I started playing Bayonetta, and all I could think about were the annoying Platinum fans. I try to ignore them, but it just keeps nagging at me, this blight of contrarian twinges. I write a tweet.

Platinum game fans: yeah i love Platinum games, every game they make is great! oh except that one is bad, it sucked. oh and i heard that one was trash, i didn't even play it. oh and--

This post had been in my head for a long time, months actually, and I finally just let myself post it. And you know, it’s true, it’s a pretty good goof, but I also know it was fueled a bit by spite. I hate that about me. It was a good post, but I hate that. It got a hair of attention, including from known Platinum enjoyers, so at the very least some of them took it in good sport. But what I found was that, after I had finally let the sass out, I was able to enjoy Bayonetta a lot more.

Why? Is this small act of pettiness really enough to relieve the anxiety? Is that really a healthy relationship with discourse and art? Should I vent my spite for my own good? I try to avoid being sassy and rude online. I don’t try to target people for their taste, and I try not to dunk on anything. Everytime I do, I usually feel bad. I spend so much energy repressing it. I have no shortage of snark and spite inside me. But I bottle them up like pickles, let them lactoferment in my gyri. Does that make me seem all snooty and holier-than-thou? I dunno, I just feel like I ought not. The scruples are stuck in my teeth. Do I deserve to be a little snarky? I don’t know.

I would say its similar to my response to hype, which it is, and hype has ruined so many things for me, but this has its own dimension, too. For example, it even goes backwards. I had played Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance a long time ago, and I had enjoyed it. I had fun with it. But as time passed, and I was exposed to more and more of that certain breed of fan, I began to resent the game. How dumb is that? I liked the game, now I feel worse about it because other people I don’t like also liked it. Is that really healthy?

Some years ago, on a forum, we were discussing Astral Chain. This was before it was out, during an E3. I commented that I was weary about the theming of cops. But a Platinum fan dissuaded me. Surely, Platinum, the beloved studio, would not screw this up! I said I wasn’t optimistic, given their other games. Another Platinum fan, who from now on we will call “The Vigilante”, rode in. “Um, actually, you see, Platinum games are actually the most progressive and leftist. Actually, the trailer makes it look like the cops are the bad guys. And actually, it is your ignorance on display here.” I’m of course paraphrasing, editorializing, and reading into it. But the condescension was palpable. I recognized The Vigilante as a poster who tended to roll into threads, tell people they’re wrong and dumb, and then leave. Later on in that thread, someone shared an interview with the director who said “maybe people will come away from this game with a better perspective on the police.” But The Vigilante was gone, a shadow in the night, their duty to condescend fulfilled.

Now, Astral Chain has come out, and of course I was fucking right. The game was not some scalding critique of the cops. And all I’m really able to feel is a smug sense of satisfaction at The Vigilante being full of shit. Why are they even on my mind? The Vigilante is the same reason I couldn’t stomach to enjoy any of Utena, along with, well, trying to watch it in the presence of someone much similar to them. I was told with insistence that Utena is simply the best, and to not recognize it as such is, of course, my failing. It’s the best, most queer, most philosophical, and most best anime that there ever was. And that’s all I was ever able to think about the entire time. Trying to figure out where I’m wrong, or they are. Trying to figure out if they were right to cast judgement.

You know, I literally have to excuse myself from conversations about Jojos these days. I find myself increasingly exasperated every time it comes up. And of course it will always come up, Jojo fans love letting you know that they like Jojo, that it’s so wacky and good, and that you should really understand their references. But why should I fucking care? Seeing a thousand comments on prog rock videos will things to a person, I guess. But it’s probably more likely that it’s this… weird impulse I can’t shake, that I want to rid myself of but it just clings on me like a deertick. The sad thing is that I’d probably like Jojos if I had gotten to it before I met the fans. It seems extremely stupid and sort of bad, but I like things that are stupid and bad. But I have sworn off it to spite… I don’t know who. The incessant fans? My old friend? Maybe. I don’t know.

Have you noticed I haven’t said a word about Bayonetta? About the game this is ostensibly about? Probably. It’s because I cannot rid myself of the infection of spite.

As for the game, I mostly like Bayonetta. There’s not a lot to say in one way or the other that probably hasn’t been said. There’s almost no point in me saying anything, but whatever. I thought the combat loop was slick. I enjoyed hammering out flashy combos. I think Bayonetta is a fun character. I think she’s a bit much and very obviously one man’s fetish doll, but I’m also not above admiring her sass and her ass. I legitimately enjoy this game. I probably like it more than I’m letting on. Of course, there are things I don’t like, too. I don’t like its shitty motorcycle sections, or its shitty shmup section, either. I don’t like that it asks me to dodge attacks I can’t predict right out of a cutscene. I don’t like Luka. I don’t like its shitty quicktime events. And I dont like its awkward camera either. But all this is relatively small, right? I’ve loved games despite worse. And when I think about what I don’t like about Bayonetta (or Revengeance, for that matter), the first things that come in to my head are people like The Vigilante. Nothing to do with the game itself. Just things about discourse, people talking about how superior it is, about how the game is secretly feminist, how it’s secretly queer, how everyone says its simply the best combat in the universe, how Platinum fans are convinced these are some obscure niche kino, and… well, you get it.

These things aren’t that complicated. Sometimes the thing you like is not so transcendental. So much stuff has been pitched to me as the best, and I wish people would just tell me what it is without the effusive hyperbole. I don’t want hype, I don’t want to be told “you cannot predict what will happen” or that “you cannot oversell this”. You can, and you will. Maybe it’s my fault for taking people at their word, or my fault for getting so obsessive. I’m sure I’ve done the same. But fuck, man. Just let them be the things they are, whether they’re corny magical girl anime or sunshine pop or a wacky martial arts movie or a campy and horny hack’n’slash. Sometimes that’s all they are, and that is why they’re good. Platinum games are dumb action games, and that’s why they’re fun. It’s not complicated. I just wish people told me this stuff.

It’s so dumb. I know it’s dumb, but it just won’t go away. I felt judged, and I want to judge back. But I hate judging people. It makes me feel sick. So instead I just have this festering mass in my noggin, glowering down. I have so many examples of things like this in my life. Is this what people think about me when I talk about the things I love? Is that why I’m so afraid to do it? Is it because I can find so little in my life to enjoy enthusiastically that I feel envious? Or am I just being a snob? Am I really so petty? Am I so contrarian? Am I still upset about my old friend? Am I envious of the fans? Why do I have to obsess over what The Vigilante and other jerks think? Why do I let things be ruined by people I don’t respect? And why do I care so much about what they think about me?

There’s no moral to this. I just wish my brain wasn’t like this.