One of the worst games that I ever played but still somehow manages to be good.

It’s a buggy mess that looks and plays horribly, but it is still fun?

An enigma of a game.

The performance is rubbish, where the i5-9600k cannot run this game at "High" settings, since it is optimised horribly. Not that "High" settings don't look bad, but still better than the "Low" settings I had to contend with.

Gameplay-wise , it's actually pretty great — you sneak around guards and cameras, you can stack boxes and use your car to jump fences (which is definitely intended). There is one particular property which offers a fairly fun sneaking experience, which can be completely skipped by jumping over a fence with your car, going inside, looting, up to the second-floor balcony, and back over the fence and out of the area.

The different gadgets you get are pretty fun, if barebones — the window knife and the hacker laptop in particular change up the gameplay in major ways — and there is generally enough variety to keep things fresh across the game's twelve-hour runtime.

Overall, the game sucks on the technical side, with the sound propagation system being very unrealistic and jank all around; and it can be rather simplistic. However, I would say that I enjoyed the game quite a lot for what it was. There's nothing quite like tosding an $8000 3D-printer over a fence onto my car and using janky parkour to jump the fence and escape the property.

In real life, I don't shoplift or steal from people, but in your typical open world RPG, I'm a kleptomanic that pockets everything and gets addicted to trying to steal from that locked chest in the restricted area with 12 guards, so I was excited to play Thief Simulator, since it's a game that's only that.

I had this on my wishlist like five years ago, but I guess I removed it because it looks cheap and lame, and it kind of is cheap and lame. It's very obvious that this game was in the first wave of the modern and more popular work sim (not to be confused with the classic and very boring german work sims) and that it was made with stock Unity functionality. It has the same control feel and feature set as all of these games from the same genre and era. You can interact with objects in the world, in this case by stealing them, and you have access to a fake internet you can do things with, as well travel between a few locations. Standard Unity work sim stuff where nothing stands out and nothing feels technically (or artistically) impressive, but it works anyway because stealing digital stuff with no actual victims is just so much fun.

The game offers a hideout, a pawn shop and a few neighborhoods for you to loot. The first one is low and middle class and have little to no security and no guards. In those areas, you can either install a camera or manually spy on the family that lives there until you've fully tracked their routines and know when you can go in without witnesses. You usually get inside via a hole in the fence, or vines that you can climb. On very rare occasion, you have to park your van next to the fence so you can jump over. Inside, you dodge cameras and residents (if you need to go in while people are still at home) and lift small things to put in your backpack, while larger things have to manually carried to your getaway vehicle. This is the fun part, and creeping around people's houses does have a satisfying sense of tension, especially in houses that are never truly empty and where you have to perform yoru thievery with at least one resident still at home. What I would do is scout the place, plan my route in and out and try to make sure it's an empty path where residents/guards don't go and where I can haul as much as I can fit in my car out without being spotted. Thankfully, the other people don't care about opened car gates or garage doors for some reason (though they do care about open doors and windows), so that helped in planning a lot of escape routes. Fill my bag, try to grab both the TV and some art and then go home and fence it.

You fence by either going to the computer to fill special orders, like how someone wants four PC monitors and so you can either steal all four at once or you can stash them in your storage until you have the correct amount. If there are no special orders, you go to the pawn shop and sell it off. You can even steal a few cars, and there are even mechanics for taking it apart and selling for example the full wheel set. That part was surprisingly ambitious. You use the cash you gain to purchase upgrades to your equipment as the story and security progresses and asks more and more of you.

The other neighborhoods are the classy area with tons of security but few guards, and then the industrial/fancy area which has both tons of security and tons of guards. Difference between guards and tenants is that guards never leave and never take breaks, so there's always people in the industrial area. There's also the bonus, "free DLC", farming area that comes with its own (very barebones) subplot and a reputation mechanic, which I wish was in the whole game and not just one DLC area. The first two and the bonus area are all fine and enjoyable, but the final area is such a pain to get through, because this is where the problems start to crop up. In the previous areas, it was fine that other humans are frustratingly observant and that you go down immediately if a guard or cop (or even some residents) catch up with you and tase you, and they can tase you from pretty far and often through objects and such, so if you get seen and there's no closet to hide in nearby, you'll probably get tased and respawn at your car, having to do the whole heist over again. This is fine in the early, and easier, areas, but the latter areas are a painful trial and error party where you have to start over like a million times, and that's when you really start feeling the kind of brutal load times for what a small game it is running on a PS5. Like so many Unity games, this one also struggles with saving and saving freezes the game for longer and longer the more your save grows, and ultimately, I had to quit the game because the game somehow destroyed my save to the point where it would ONLY remember a save I had from monday evening, and any progress I made would still be done if I had the game still open, but if I shut down or the game crashed, the save would revert to the same point. The third time that happened, I quit out and uninstalled because I wasn't about to the final 5-10 hours of the game in one go since my save apparently decided to stop working.

In short, this is a cheap and basic Unity work sim with a fun theme and mechanics that are engaging, addictive and entertaining in the early areas, but the whole game becomes a pretty major drag in the late game for both game design and technical reasons. I enjoyed and can recommend the first half of the game, and will as such give it a decent score, but I don't think anyone will have fun with the final area and final third of the story campaign. It does help that I paid €3 for this on sale and I would probably have been less enthused if I had paid like €20+.

The gameplay loop is just sort of all it has to offer, and while I found it pretty average, ymmv. I thought that new mechanics were being introduced at a fine-enough rate to keep things interesting, but this decelerated as the game is like, way too long. The last few missions are also just infuriating, as the first 2/3 of the game at least gives you some freedom in how you approach, but the difficulty in the last third forces you to be extremely cut-and-dry about it, and if you fail (like you likely will on each one), just do it all over again in your bored stupor. Really messes with the pacing, and by the time the story kicks into "endgame", I was completely exhausted and it took me like five months to get back around to finishing it.

There is this sense of freedom that the game dangles over you like a carrot, and there is a much better hypothetical version of this game where there's more freedom and ingenuity that comes with approaching missions. A lot of mechanics that hint at this really upset me, like the waveform bar that shows the noise you're making. Ultimately useless, but in the first couple hours of the game I was waiting to see how the game would use it in a cool way.

Overall it's probably in the better half of quick Unity asset games I've played, but it could've been a lot better if it was half its length.