The end credits have started rolling and I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here. This game is rubbish. I went in expecting something akin to a noir-ish murder mystery that you as the player are supposed to unravel, but Immortality isn't that at all. It's... wank. Pretentious wank. With an overarching supernatural element to the story that's so laughable it could have been written by a sixth former.

You as the player spend all of your time watching fragmented clips. These clips tend to be very dull and full of obnoxious characters being obnoxious. You watch scenes from movies, rehearsals of scenes from movies, some behind the scenes stuff from movies and cryptic nonsense involving immortal beings who have way too much gel in their hair. It quickly becomes apparent that none of this is interesting to peruse. There's little actual drama to sink your teeth into. Watching clips of Minsky just made me want to watch David Fincher's Zodiac again. Watching clips of Two of Everything made me want to watch David Lynch's Mulholland Drive again. Watching clips of Ambrosio made me want to watch some porn.

I give this a 3 out of 10 because, credit where credit is due, the performances are uniformly strong, and one can't help but admire the sheer ambition this has for an FMV game. Many of the scenes are well shot and choreographed. But my lord is it a load of boring wank with zero payoff. If you kept Immortality exactly the same as it is, but changed it so that David Cage's name was above the title, everyone would hate it.