9 reviews liked by Average


Never played but obligated to give it a 10/10 because of how much enjoyment I get from joining a new MegaTen server, making a joke about how Persona 3 was the first Persona game, turning notifications on my phone, and then shoving it up my ass

My wife: i like sonic
Her sister: i dont
Me (full of wife’s penis): mmhghhfff
The chairs:
Her dead husband:
Egg man: i hat that hedgehog

Giving this a half star out of spite, free Palestine, Neil Druckmann making a game about cyclical violence whilst crunching his devs and supporting Israel is not lost on me.

This review contains spoilers

This game is DENSE. I didn’t used to like Joustus, but it’s a genuinely well made card game, and optional if you wish to ignore it, but rewarding if you engage. I appreciate smaller stages from a collectible PoV because you’re not punished for missing something by replaying giant stages, and that’s huge. The WarioLand esque control scheme and relic selection are so fun here too, I found myself using the flame sword a ton. If I had to needle a flaw down, there’s a pretty severe grind. 50k for all of the cosmetics, which aren’t armor, necessary for the game to consider you fully upgraded is WILD. It’s cool to get, but you do need to grind. And trying to get every Joustus card is RNG, which also necessitates a grind. The story here is genuinely excellent as a prequel. While a comedy, it is a tragic one, as you see how widespread the impacts of King Knight’s folly and treachery are. A peaceful kingdom descends into one with a deposed king, Cooper goes from sailing around in the Glidewing to having a limp after being betrayed, the Troupple King is forced to hide, etc. Specter of Torment tells a personal tragedy, but King of Cards tells the tragedy that befalls the world, how the arrogance of a people’s champ spits in the face of them all, leading to the state of the world in Shovel of Hope and Plague of Shadows. And yet, this is a tragic comedy, filled with witty dialogue and ample opportunity to laugh at King Knight’s buffoonery. It’s fun to laugh at the misadventures of such a manchild, but that manchild’s mistakes fall on everyone, not only himself. It’s what makes the ending, where after losing the support of his mother, the only person besides himself King Knight can muster care for, the game ends right before Shovel Knight gives him his pummeling, so satisfying. We watch one manchild’s descent into villainy, dragging the world to squalor with him. And though we know he’ll be deposed, that makes such an ending all the more satisfying.

The fact that it’s a collection of 4 platformers that I got for 10 bucks because I early adopted on the Wii U, and for 25 on Switch? It’s awesome. It’s such a rewarding story to see this game succeed and be composed of a really charmingly built world and cast of characters, on top of clearly being a Mega Man homage that innovates so much in its own ways. I mean, it really is four games in one. And they’re all excellent.

You relate to Madeline because you are transgender. I relate to her because I have Bipolar 1 and a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. We are both based.

Edit: now I relate to her for both reasons 🏳️‍⚧️

If you're wondering how the fuck did I play Cuphead again while I'm vacationing in another country at the moment, I have my methods.

A very good and charming remake of a solid game that has aged roughly in some spots. Pac is super fun to control, music is a bop, and the bosses are pretty darn fun.

Hope this remake sold well to warrant a remake of Pac-Man World 2