omg firelink shrine again? that's so cool!
oh also undead burg..?
and darkroot?
demon asylum? ash lake and lost izalith?
anor londo?
even kiln?
am i even playing a sequel?

Despite all of the love people seem to have for it, I didn't really fall for Dark Souls 3. To begin with, the Clownmaster Orgville fight was dissapointing, and not at all what I was expecting given the leadup in the Hallowed Bastion area. Pretty much none of the levels I explored--not even the Forest of Unkempt Fires--really had that DaS vibe that is so important. Demon Stalker was a fun boss, as was the Moss Valkyrie. And I guess filling the Essence Urn with the spirits of the Big Five was a satisfying goal--still, the final fight against Oversoul Snindermight just lacked something. I wished I was back in Lordran, fighting the first iteration of "cool old timey monster bosses," rather than this later take on it. Something was lost, a spark; the game is hollow and the characters fungible.

the writing in this game is just

"WOAH THERE MR. BADASS MCSWAGOTRON! HOW YA DOIN WITH THAT BITCHIN NEW MISSION EH????? HOW BOUT THOSE SEXY NEW GUNS?????? AHAHA ANYWAYS MY WIFE LEFT ME BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT, WE GOTTA GO KILL THAT ULTRA BONER NAMED HANDSOME JACK! ANYWAYS, I GOTTA GO, MY MICROWAVED BURRITOS ARE DONE! FUCK EM UP MR. AWESOMESAUCE!"


hire me randy and then treat me like shit