Not as good as shadowgate but dare I say quite a bit funnier? The game for once actually throws you a bone and tells you that doing a certain action will definitely get you killed. You don’t want to go down that hole, it says, there’s a spider down there and it’s bigger than a breadbox. You have to willingly choose it three or so times before the game finally gives up and lets you go down the hole, and then the game text is like “well what do you know, a giant spider. Fuck me though, right?”

And let’s not forget “most people die first and THEN go into a coffin.” And I mean, yeah, he has a point there, idiot. The narrator has really had it up to here with your bullshit. But you know, yeah, by all means, have fun being locked in that coffin dumdum

Wahahahahaaaah, welcome weary car crash survivor, did you have an invitation?! No...?!

begins tearing you apart and laughs hysterically as your body slumps to the ground

Uninvited fuckin' rules. A genuine fun romp of a point-and-click adventure with a similar aura to other such scary/funny NES games like Monster Party, where their objective is to unnerve you until they start saying shit like "that bouquet would look pretty good next to a gravestone". That particular quote stands out for me, because not only does it seem like dark humor out of nowhere as you're just examining things in the dining room, but it's also a clue. In a way that's just this game in a nutshell. Just you bumbling your way around a house while shit just pops off and the narrator hits you with dry wit. Love it.

The original computer versions exist, but they lack music which in itself the silence can be quite a help in making the game spookier, but I really really enjoy the stuff here in the NES port. It really sets the tone of the desolate hoity toity mansion out in a forest, and it's "danger" and "death" themes are legitimately haunting and create a sense of paranoia when you suddenly hear them as you enter what seemed to be an innocent room. The original games also have the infamous "time limit" that I'm not big on, it still exists here in the NES port in some spoiler-ish form but it's pretty easy to figure out. At least your torch isn't going out while you're in some hallway with the game explaining that you died by tripping like a clumsy oaf and smashing your skull into the ground at a high enough velocity to kill you instantly. What a palooka you are.

A few solutions can be a bit preposterous and out of nowhere, but nothing horrendous when you have Sierra games running amok and this game lets you continue from a screen ago, which is downright hospitable. The maze can be a bit confusing to traverse, but it's small enough that you shouldn't take more than five minutes, especially when the game is at least using literal "dead ends" in the form of zombie mobs to keep you on your toes. Genius.

Also, rare moment where I prefer the funny NES art over the original. Muhhahahahah, welcome to the devil house motherfucker! A fun annual replay for me around this time of the year, and I genuinely think of it as a favorite of mine now for the system.

Capcom Classics Collection Revisits #9

When Capcom Classics Collection hit the scene on PS2 a lot of us saw the three versions of Street Fighter II on there, and asked "why isn't Street Fighter 1 here?" None of us played it, but we were always curious about this piece of history to this world famous video game franchise that just suddenly started at "II". It's gotta be great right?

How naive.

Fighting Street's entire feel is shit, the characters don't move around in any smooth capacity, and just shimmy all over the place like crabs. Hits have zero impact with garbage sound effects vaguely sounding like someone dropping their rubber ducky in the bathtub. Next to no hitstun means constant button mashing, and hoping that Gen doesn't divekick you four times in a row for your whole lifebar, unless you know the special moves, which you probably do since you weren't born yesterday. Best of luck getting a hadoken or shoryuken out consistently, because it's really strict and is based on button release rather than button press. They were originally intended as hidden secret moves of sorts, which explains why one dp or tatsu can potentially kill a man in one hit.

Capcom decided to try voices with this one, but unfortunately the one guy they got to do the voices just couldn't stop munching on toffee that morning apparently.

"WHAT STWENGTH BUTDONTFOWGETDEWAFBFBFBF ALL OVAH DA WOWLD"

Probably the same one they got to play Dr. Light in MM8.

The characters for the most part are horrifically stock and stereotypical. How many people can you find who are clamoring for the return of fucking Joe the homeless guy from SF1? How about the amazing English representation in the form of the mohawked punk and the stuffy aristocrat? What about bushy eyebrows man from Japan or THE NINJA GUY? Unfortunately, I've actually seen people online who want Retsu back without any memes attached. Dorks.

It took me a while, but I beat this piece of shit after spamming DP against Sagat and managed to oneshot him two rounds in a row, lucky me. Goddamned great music here by the way, sounds like an infant Sega Genesis with whooping cough. It's kind of sad that my only reasoning for not giving this a lower score is because of reasons like "I've played worse", or that it's at least hilarious for how much of a low point it is for the series. If I played the version with the stupid pressure-sensitive buttons I'd probably rate it lower after breaking my wrist and splitting my knuckles on the cabinet controls.

I think my favorite trivia is that Capcom still tries to pull the wool over our eyes by declaring that Mike (SF1) and Balrog are different characters, because they're still afraid of Mike Tyson swimming across the pacific and beating the shit out of them for parodying him like everyone else during the late 80s/90s.