I'm not exactly what you would call a big F-Zero fan, I do enjoy the games, but I'm not a huge advocator for the series, nor I'm one of the many people that was genuinely waiting for its grand return. So, if even I felt emptiness and even a little bit of anger inside when I saw the word ''F-ZERO'' alongside the number ''99'', I can only imagine the sheer pain real F-ZERO fans must be feeling.

But look, despite the sheer disappointed and kinda mean way it was shown, I still wanted to at least give it a fair chance. After all, I do really enjoy Tetris 99 and the different takes Nintendo has done on it during all these years, and this was yet another spin I really wasn't expecting, and hey, a racing battle-royale is not the worst idea on the world, so let's ignore, for just but two paragraphs, that this is the new home console F-Zero game after 20 fucking years, let's ignore that unless it does really well, it will probably shut down after a year , let's ignore ALL of that for but a fleeting moment, and focus on the real important question: Is the game, at the very least, good?


...Meh, kinda.

I think the best thing that can be said about F-Zero 99 is that it is, in fact, F-Zero. From the original game, it was clear that behind its presentation as a high-speed racing game with minor combat elements, the series wanted to create a clear resource management based gameplay that rewarded quick thinking and skill, and it very much succeeded at that. The original game in particular made clear that it was no mere technical showcase, it was a really fun game that established a really fun foundation, and it's that foundation that F-Zero 99 embraces and upgrades. With much clear UI's (albeit with much less personality) and brand new mechanics, like the speen and the skyway, this game expands every possible aspect of the original in a... actually fun way? It's pretty fun and balanced, honestly, especially for a 99 player setting, and that coupled with fun modes like the team races and the mini and grand prix, this game is not that terrible or mind-numbing way to pass the time. There’s a ton of strategy at play, you really need to consider you position and power meter at all times, so you don’t get eliminated or destroyed. It is F-Zero, and I’ll admit, it’s fun to spin at other players and defeat the ‘’rivals’’ a mechanic I do think it’s pretty good on paper; at its core, this game does work… but it is with its problems, don’t get me wrong.

While having more racers with the introduced mechanics sounds fun, is not 98 player fun; the races feel EXTREMELY cluttered, specially at the beginning, they do try to mitigate this with an introduction before some courses, but it just devolves into absolute chaos after a moment. It’s pretty impossible to keep track of any specific player, which is kind of important considering the ‘’rivals’’, you’ll almost never actually actively defeat them, and it just seems like you beat them by mere chance of simply racing, or by other players intervention. The side modes are fun, but the fact that they are all rotating is absurd to me, specially the Prixes; like, I already need the tuckets to participate in them why do you also add the time restriction? So that I don’t blow them in one go? This is a game that you’ll play in small bursts, so that is a dumb reason if that’s the case. Also, I was gonna praise the sound, music and visuals of the game… until I realized it was all lifted from previous games or promotional material, and all new stuff clashes really hard with it and feels extremely generic.


The game IS good, it IS functional, it IS F-Zero, but it ISN’T more. It’s just a funny little idea that wasn’t really fleshed out as much as it could have been and came out at the worst time possible (see? I told you, only for two paragraphs), it doesn’t even justify its existence by being amazing, it’s just… good, and not even Tetris 99 good. I’ll probably boot it up from time to time since it does lend itself to fun moments, but the fact I say ‘’probably’’ and not ‘’surely’’ it’s a huge fault in the game’s part; I really hope it finds its audience, I’d hate to see the newest piece of F-Zero content being gone soon, but still, I would also understand if people just gave up on it after a while.

Well, at least it’s the latest apparition of Samurai Goroh, so it does have really good stuff…

I do not know how to talk about 0_abyssalSomewhere.

I mean, in a way I do, but not in a manner it would do it total justice. It's incredibly obtuse, it doesn't make any part of it be clear, it's terrifying and tense despite death being non-existent. And yet, I loved it.

I don't usually remember my dreams very well, but when I do, they tend to be nightmares. Nightmares of me being lost in abandoned places, surrounded by cement walls, oppressive and claustrophobic, and the beings I encounter are hostile, human in form, but lacking something crucial, and that makes them terrifying. In that sense, it's uncanny how much this game replicates and evokes those exact feelings, playing this made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, but now it's stuck on my head.

I know that this review may be biased, but even excluding my own personal dumb experiences with dreams, those sounds coming for the abyss of stone and rusty copper and the cryptic and ethereal monsters made of light and night amounted to something I've never seen in another game.

I believe that its admittedly clunky controls (especially in the ''combat'', despite being so little of it) and its overly cryptic nature do stop it from achieving absolute greatness, but it's still nothing short of incredible. It's a half-hour experience that evokes feelings that other works would wish to.

I cannot wait for what's next in Tower of No One man, for the first time ever I WANT to be creeped out... oh god I'm gonna end up playing Silent Hill won't I?

Putting Monkey Watch in the second row of rhythm games is perhaps the most evil deed any of these games have ever performed… well, that and Remix 10’s whole existence. Beat the Beat: Rhythm Paradise (As it is called over here)? It appears to be quite the contrary my fellow, as it seems that the beat is BEATING MY ASS.

Back when I talked about Deltarune: Chapter 2, I mentioned that there are certain games with the ability to just make anyone happy, to express such a sensation of comfort and happiness even when something bad is happening or when losing non-stop, and this effect isn’t produced by ‘’vibes’’ alone; every element need to click and fall into place juuuuuuuuuuuuust right, feel the amount of polish and passion that it was put into a certain work is something that doesn’t happen very often, and while Rhythm Tengoku came pretty close to achieving such elements of sheer ectasis by fumbling a bit in some aspects… this is it, Luigi.

Fever isn’t the first game in the series to reach such levels of excellence, but it is the first one achieving such heights of visual and sound spectacle; it’s great to see that, despite abandoning the varying art-styles of the past games in favor of a single and consistent one, it has a fantastic sense of identity and this still feel as Rhythm Heaven as (f)ever, and the sound design and OST… H O L Y F U C K I N G S H I T. The freacking madlads literally said ‘’Yeah, we’ve composed Blue Birds, Munchy Monk, Remix 8 and goddam That’s Paradise…but wouldn’t it be crazy if we put banger lyrics in a remix centered on food?

Air Rally, Remix 4, 8 and 9, Samurai-Slice, Flock-Step, MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE THAT IS Flipper Flop AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THOSE SEALS :D. I do think and maintain that DS had the overall stronger OST when looking at it as stand-alone songs, but Fever has by far the strongest collection of musical pieces in a purely rhythmic sense; that is not to say that I wouldn’t listen to some of them outside of the game (if it has lyrics, it’s ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC), but they specially function flow for the task they went conceived, they flow exceptionally with the fantastic gameplay and you feel as by merely listening and pressing buttons you are learning rhythm, and in a way, you are indeed doing that.

Fever is a festival, on that invites you to stay as long as you like you need (specially because it gets really challenging at times), an packed with side content as much as it has bonkers main challenges. I also really appreciate that despite being on the Wii, there are no motion controls in any of the rhythm sections. They knew very well what they wanted to do, and they went for it.

Rhythm Heaven is a series that loves itself as much as it loves the people that put the time into playing it, and while Fever is not the peak of the series to me, it’s an amazing experience, one of pure joy, one about loving both music and fun

Dracula, my friend, we sure are in quite the predicament; not only I’ve already defeated you three times each in different games, but it seems that you are quite the persistent rapscallion, and I need you to put you back together just to beat you yet again. Certainly an odd yet pretty fucking funny dance to have… but let’s make it memorable, shall we?

The first Castlevania is pretty straightforward in every sense of the word, a simple tale of a Vampire Killer that goes to Dracula’s lair to defeat him and free the land of Transylvania of its influence, and as many turns and ups and downs as that seemingly never-ending castle had, it still was a linear platformer. If that game attempted to realize a legend or a short myth made NES game, then this follow up tries to do the same for a full-fledged odyssey or saga, but even putting it that way makes it seem lesser than it really is, because in an era in which a surprising amount of sequels were already trying to differentiate themselves from their past outings, Simon’s Quest entirety identity and fundamental design, from the most visible of level lay-outs to the most hidden of secrets, revolves entirely around making Simon’s sad quest for what should have been his highest accomplishment a reality, no matter the cost.

I’ve never felt so conflicted about a game this much since… ever, now that I think about it; I struggle to point out parts of it that I truly enjoyed without also noticing stuff that irks me, I cannot mention definitive flaws without acknowledging that those manage to find some ways to work I adore, it’s a work I value, but also one I can’t really say for sure I enjoyed experiencing, and I cannot promise that I would have come out of this with my sanity intact if I didn’t use certain guides. Castlevania II is a game so unfathomably different to its original, so incomprehensibly ambitious, that I do not know if this is the result of an excellently creative mind or a completely mad one… perhaps both at the same time…

I think the subtitle of Simon’s Quest is the single most simple yet fitting string of words you could ever use to describe this, a true quest across the land of Transylvania with it’s riddles, monsters, secrets, weak to holy water walls and a mysterious ferryman that only brings you to were you need to go if you show him a heart and kneel, with it’s the single most metal thing I’ve ever seen in a NES game now that I think about it but I digress. The entirety of Transylvania is within a grey cartridge and the y and x axis, and it feels real, it shouldn’t, but it does: plagued by sessions changing between screens to make enemies respawn so you can farm hearts, the most of obscure and random of artificial steps you need to take so the game has mercy on your poor soul and lets you proceed, 2 feet deep lakes that immediately kill you unless you have a stone in hand so that the screen can move a bit down; all of this can be found in Simon’s Quest, and it’s as frustrating and mind numbingly complicated as it sounds, it’s not fun, but it somehow feels real.

Arriving at a town bathed in pale moonlight, a town with name and a place, you fight wraiths and dark spirits after the relief of the first sun rays of the dawn, which dissipate the evil for fleeting moments, letting the city breath in peace for the remaining of the day; the townsfolk mutter slowly, yet it feels too fast, to complicated to begin to understand it, others have very few to say, others sell, trade, and in some city even lie to you or spat out completely meaningless words, but after resting in the church (if you are lucky enough to encounter one), you leave once again, to the forests, depths and cemeteries of Transylvania, traversing terra ignota until you energy doesn’t let you act carelessly; perhaps you’ll get to another town, maybe you found the locations of one of the mansions, or maybe the night surrounds you once again, your enemies stronger and fiercer than before, and the only thing you can do is push forward. This, this right here, moments like these are were Simon’s quest has true meaning: the process of finding treasures and items that make you feel as if you were evolving, understanding the tricks and nonsense of Dracula’s curse in your favor, falling from invisible blocks time and time again but learning from it and getting stronger, beat the many mansions and getting Dracula’s remains thanks to the stakes and your own wit that has gotten you this far, and seeing the people of this land scream to you to get out of their town and how you made everything worse as you approach the remains of what was once the count’s Castle. In those moments where the game taps into the fullest potential of this open adventure, asking you to learn from it or fail, that is when Castlevania II achieves utter excellence… but by that you’d have to ignore pretty much everything else.

Beyond the occasional but very impactful slow-downs or the extremely samey aspect between pretty much every area, mansion and town besides the color palette, which are things that can be justified by how this is a entire open interconnected word running on a NinToaster (I had to throw out an AVGN reference at some point), Simon’s Quest fails in ways that put into jeopardy the very nature it tries to pursue. The design of the landscapes and dungeons themselves lack any of the intrigue and interesting architecture that the original had, and interesting enemy behavior has been thrown out the window in favor of different variables in the ways some approach you; bosses especially seem to have lost all the will to live despite never staying dead, and you know something’s up when that damage you more if you touch them than by their actual attacks, Dracula himself seems like the exception of all of this and the actual most challenging part of the adventure… until you start wailing on him… and you keep stunning him… and he just doesn’t move…. and the battle ends and you win… yeah… Simon’s Quest doesn’t really create challenge through interesting and complicated sections or enemy placement, but rather through endurance, how much patience you have to tackle the same enemies over and over again, how much you can you put up with ledge-jump after ledge-jump, with the only thing changing until the very end and in some very specific rooms being the damage you need to deal to defeat the enemies. The tricks of this land start to grow old and tired after a certain point, and those that don’t are to cryptic to discover them in the first place; I maintain that Transylvania feels real, yes, but does so while going through great lengths to sacrifice every possible aspect that could make it more engaging or fascinating to play beyond the base level, Simon’s Quest exists mostly to itself, but also for its torment, for Simon’s, for ours.

Simon’s Quest aimed for the stars and didn’t land among them, but it also didn’t quite miss, it’s out there, somewhere, occupying a weird space which can be both loved or hated, and in some cases both at the same time. I couldn’t end this review in good conscience without pointing out the many outstanding write-ups that many amazing people have done over here; Vee’s and poyfuh’s are outstanding analysis that value Simon’s Quest in a new light, while others like Kempocat’s view the reasons why the game fails while also recognizing its victories, and these are only a few examples, I’m beyond sure that this page is full of incredible analysis that bring new light to this game, each in a different way. I do no think there’ll ever be a point of consensus surrounding Simon’s Quest, nor I think I want it to, the passage of time has allowed the game to have more and more voices defending it, while others only see it as a mess speaking in moon runes (and rightfully so), and then there’s people kind of stuck in the middle, which I’m part of and I’m sure there are more like me that feel about this one similar to me, and maybe, by managing to create so many perspectives surrounding it, having so many possible interpretations and ways to see a game in which the characters only have one text-box of space to rely weird-ass info, maybe in a way, Castlevania II succeeds, and no matter what else could I say, both negative and even positive, I could never take that victory from it, and I’m so glad it has it…

… tho the endings being decided by how long you take to beat the game is weird as hell, like, ‘’Simon died because of his wounds after the battle’’, what are you talking about? I stun-locked the bastard with the golden knife for the entirety of the fight, the motherfucker didn’t even touch me!! What are you even on abou-

Y'know, I could complain about the extremely choppy framerate, but who needs a stable FPS when you have thE APE CUBE?

There once was a war even greater that the Lylat Wars, known only as the terrible and cruel Bit Wars; even if as a child I did succumb to the tempting and stupid brutality of the console wars, the bit wars are a time I didn't got to live, much less to see. But I do know some things about it, how its players were locked in a race against each others clocks, always raging to be the first to arrive at the stop of progress, or to put it in other words, to see who had the machine that could produce prettier shapes.

It was, by all accounts, a contest to see who had the largest wang, but it was a very good marketing strategy; being able to say in the magazines that you next game would look better than any prior product was going to catch eyes, hell, it still does today in some ways. And that's precisely where Star Fox enters, a showing of how with even 16 bits, you could have the 3D everyone so desires (kinda), an to be honest, to say that Star Fox shines only because of its graphics is both in part true and a disservice to the game.

Star Fox is impressive beyond believe, partially even to this day, to think that THIS was running (or rather walking) on a SNES is something that could only be attributes to some kind of black magic and really fancy chips. It's incredible how, even if its crude in some respects, the presentation holds up so amazingly even to this day; the never fails to communicate where the action is taking place, in big part thanks to the amazing pixelated background, but at the same time it has this kind of surreal and abstract feeling that makes it so incredibly original. The starships of Andross feel like they defy every kind of conventional design or even physic law, they all share this kind of clean and simple color palette that clashes with their complex and confusing nature, but not in a way that feels jarring, but adds to just give designs that truly feel alien to any world, all culminating in Andross' himself, there may be an ape cube under there, but man does is he weird yet imposing and I love it. Also, special mention to the BANGER soundtrack, they managed to capture such a special feeling with it and I understand why so many people like it so much.

The price to pay for the looks is, of course, the extremely choppy framerate; look, personally I don't find it as bothering as others tho, maybe because its consistently bad, but it's true that sometimes it makes it incredibly hard and confusing to distinguish anything, especially when the screen gets filled with enemies.

When this game throws you at ton of stuff at you, it can be HELL to manage it all and extremely confusing when the frames decide to be specially clunky, which is an huge shame because the gameplay and game feeling as a whole is outstanding! The way the ship controls, combined with the set pieces and possibility to change view, it's all so surprisingly fluid and works extremely well, and when you add the fact that you have multiple initial routes and you can even deviate of it... how? How did this come out in 1993?

I think that is where the true value of Star Fox lies, not in the fact that it may be a tool of war or a marketing strategy, but that the impression it causes is genuine, there was a ton of passion put into it and it shows, and despite its many unfortunate flaws, it still has very fun moments and I really enjoyed it!

Even if you end up disliking it, I really think it’s worth giving it a shot before jumping into other games of the series; it's an incredibly unique game that surprised me even 30 years later- WAIT, 30?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... That somehow feels wrong for so many reasons.

Anyway yeah, game pretty good... but I really hope that the companions are more useful in next installments, it feels like they don't do shit, THAT GOES SPECIALLY FOR YOU, FALCO... but you are pretty good in Smash so its forgiven.

There are some faces I will never forget, be it loved ones, some characters from audiovisual works of art that I love... or that weirdo from LCD, Please with hair growing out of their ears.

I hold the original Papers, Please in very high regards for a myriad of reasons, and its a game deserving of its own full review that I need to write sometime in the future, but for now, just know that yes, to my eyes it's fantastically designed game in both its routine based gameplay and how it makes you question to if it's worth to put your morals at the front of the actions you make in the cold walls of Arstotzka's border checkpoint even if it's at cost of your and your family's survival. It's a work that tackles a ton of really interesting themes, and many of people over here far more intelligent than I have already touched upon them, and I invite you to give the reviews on it a read.

So now the thing many of you will be wondering is a pretty understandable question:.. How the fuck to you fit all that on system that's essentially a calculator that plays Donkey Kong? Simple! You don't!

LCD, Please isn't a brand new take of a past concept made out of a desire to explore the themes of Papers, Please from a brand new perspective and limitations, it's a fun little project born as a celebration of the 10th anniversary of the original game (each day that passes I'm closer to turn into dust and crumble) , as a love letter to the LCD systems which Lucas Pope (Developer of Papers, Please ) grew up with and as a self-imposed challenged to see if he could even pull it of. This all means, of course, that LCD, Please compromises a TON, it turns the original ideas into an absurd caricature and the high score based gameplay feels... weird, in a way. It's Papers, Please at its most basic, without all the nuance that made it interesting and without the grounded setting that made its routine more impactful, and I think the best example of all of this is that Arstotzka's citizens can be an option in the pool of which immigrants can be banned from entering the state... in the Arstotzka border.

LCD, Please inevitably falls a flat when looked from a perspective akin to the one you would look at its older brother, but that's because that's just not the point of its existence. It's a dumb, almost adorable joke that feels like a genuine passion project and casual celebration of a monument of a indie game that manages to be simple fun. To be honest, the best part about it, apart from it just simply existing, was reading the log from Lucas Poper commenting on the development, you can read it right here and I can't recommend it enough, a really insightful read that made me appreciate every little design decision even more.

A toast, for another 10 years of Papers, Please, can't wait for Virtual Boy, Please in 2033!

In this game the whole universe’s stability depends on a giant semicolon and that has be the most genius thing ever put into any videogame... and that's the only thing I can say that its exceptional about it

Toodee and Topdee sold me on its concept since the first moment I saw it, the idea of controlling two completely different characters in two completely different perspectives in a puzzle/platforming setting that demands of you both thought and skill sounds incredible, and yet, as Toodee's perspective, it ends up falling flat.

That's not to say the game is nothing short of creative, 'cause holy hell if it oozes it: the first two worlds are a showcase of how this idea can lead into fantastic levels; it just keeps building on top of itself, expanding on what it already established, mixing old mechanics while introducing completely new ones, like the teleporting blocks in world 4, which lead to some amazing (albeit cumbersome) puzzles and challenges. But it's in these two worlds where the true meat of the game lies, the parts that will make you feel incredibly smart after you realize what you need to do, or even solving a problem in a way the game didn't account for. But then half-way through world 3, something terrible happened, something despicable and horrifying... I wasn't having fun.

Like... how is it possible? The past two worlds were a blast, how come from world 3 onwards the game just… didn’t feel right? After finishing, I thing the answer lies on the fact the game stops revolving around you trying different things and you finding an answer out of the multiple ones, to a trial and error festival that demands of you doing the puzzle the EXACT way the game wants you, and if you fuck up, you gotta repeat all over again. And you may be thinking: ‘’Demon you absolute nut shitter, that’s exactly what puzzle games are about’’, and while that’s true (tho we could argue that the best and most challenging puzzle games are the ones that let you solver their puzzles in multiple ways), Toodee and Topdee is also a platforming game, and that’s the thing that hampers it the most. Cryptic solutions, really wonky hitboxes at times, bosses that just feel like memory trials and not actual challenges that demand skill, and the one that ISN’T based around trial and error, it’s the most annoying lump of pixels I’ve ever come across in a LONG time. But perhaps worst of all, not only there’s the possibility of one of the two characters dying, and as such having to start THE WHOOOOOOOLE thing again, but it also doesn’t have any kind of rewind feature, and you know what that means: if you screw up at some point, and unless you are the most skilled player alive, YOU WILL, there’s no way to undo the error you just made, you have to start. All. Over. Again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. AND. AGAIN. It all just feels like frustration for the sake of frustration, all culminating on the last world and levels, in which you have to do them basically perfect if you want to complete them, as if you fuck it up even once, you die. The thing that basically sold me on the game, the mix of puzzling and platforming elements, ended up being the exact thing that caused it’s downfall, leaving the game stuck between dimensions, not knowing what it really wants to be, something that even affects the story!

While the two main characters are fine and charming, the game as a whole has dialogue that is constantly trying to make jokes, puns and soft fourth wall breaks, and even ignoring the fact that I didn’t find them particularly funny, it makes an ending that tries to be emotional completely meaningless. The game didn’t take itself seriously for most of the adventure, hell, there are barely any instances where the characters interact at all in the first place, if all of the story was like this, I wouldn’t even talk about it, but since the finale tries to go for this ‘’sappy’’ route, I’m not even surprised that I didn’t feel nothing, ‘cause, if the game can’t even make up its mind about what it really is, how can I even care?

And that’s what kills me, that I don’t care about Toodee and Topdee, because I wanted to love this game so badly. The concept, the first bunch of levels, the soundtrack, the animations, all amazing elements that cannot fix a frustrating, indecisive mess of a game that feels like it has a semicolon in the middle. I can’t call it bad, it does have some incredible moments, some (VERY) few levels even in the later half are good and the final section shows how this game really wanted to be something special, but even in that part it just was infuriating.

It's the worst kind of mediocre game: A game that has so many fun and genius elements ; yet it takes a path that makes it much worse that it could have been.

Tho I have to say, the game did teach me something, and that is that pigs in 3D are killing machines. Those pesky porks!

I've grown wiser with time, or at least I like to think I have, even if only a little bit; I know what to trust and what to be weary of, and I know that you never, NEVER must trust a singing pumpkin under ANY circumstances... a dancing one however? Now that's a whole different story, show them the forbidden steps, Jack!

A few months ago I played and subsequently reviewed Haiku, the Robot, and during my every interaction with that game, I couldn’t scratch off the feeling that despite me having fun with it, despite some of its elements really clicking with me, despite overall enjoying the experience, I just found the game at times just… derivative. I think that’s one of the worst fates any kind of piece of art can have; now of course, when a game ends up falling flat on its face despite the best efforts of the author or team behind it it’s always an enormous shame, but I certainly wouldn’t call some of the worst videogames I’ve played ‘’derivative’’, if anything they’ve made me realize what’s what I truly appreciate in good art and, even when those are blatantly lifting ideas from other works, I certainly wouldn’t say that they haven’t provided anything of value, even if it is for all the wrong reasons. At least they made me feel something, at least I learnt taken something of value out of the experience, and when a game instead is derivative, I’m either just pondering over one singular question while experiencing it: ‘’Man… I could be playing [INSERT OTHER PIECE OF MEDIA THAT ISNPIRED WHAT I’M CURRENTLY PLAYING HERE] right now instead of this…’’ . I’m perhaps being too mean using poor little Haiku as an example of this, since I still would call it a pretty competent metroidvania, but I think it’s a perfect subject to use in this specific case, because while Haiku the Robot was a game that feels hindered by the fact it follows so much the other games that inspired it and seems afraid to form a mold of it’s own, Pumpkin Jack is a game that lends a ton of elements from its inspirations while also forming an unique identity and heart of gold. It also features the best line in any platformer to date:

‘’Hooray, we killed Santa Claus!... OH NO, WE KILLED SANTA CLAUS!’’

The MediEvil inspiration is apparent as soon as you start the adventure, to the point I at first began wondering were the statues with Scottish accent would be or if the villain would say some funny British swear words ; the base of style, presentation and even gameplay of both games have pretty much the same DNA, what with your platforming with segments of light hack ‘n slash, the spooky medieval ambientantion and even the parts where you pull off a MediEvil 2 and Jack enters crawling head mode, but as soon as I kept playing and playing, rather than this similarities becoming more apparent, quite the opposite happen, and by the time I got to the second level, it was clear that Pumpkin Jack, while taking the same skeleton (no pun intended) of the original PSX series and its many elements, manages to craft an experience that it’s completely it’s own, and one could argue that in some instances it parodies those games; with Medievil being the story of an entitled little prick that after being revived and given a second chance tries to be a true hero a save the world, Pumpkin Jack is the story of a massive asshole that gets revived to work for the devil to keep being a massive asshole freely… majestic…

And my devil, let me tell ya something, I wasn’t expecting this game to be bad in the slightest, but to not only surpass my expectations regarding its own identity but also being this fun is just something I wasn’t coming, and I’m ever so glad for my non-existent mouth to be shut by it. The devil is right to accurse these lands, because the change of look is pure fire; one thing is to try to go for a spooky ambience, and other thing is to consistently pull it off this well level after level, idea after idea, being so original while also managing to have that consistent sense of style and visual flare. Pumpkin Jack looks good and it knows it, each area feeling so natural while being as cartoony and comically terrifying as possible, putting on a spin on the most basic of ideas like cemeteries and swamps, to the most fun and original of all like the mines and even a Christmas theme town. The music makes it even more of a blast, there are no weak pieces here, every track slays, and none feel similar to each other, which taking into account the very specific spoopy style they are going for is a major accomplishment. And for almost everyone in the game looking or being dead, holy hell do they have style; even tho I wished there was a bit more enemy variety, part of that is because every single design is a joy to witness; the use of colors and shapes make every single one of these Grimm Adventures of Billy And Mandy rejects so lovable, and even the most generic of skeletons and gargoyles feel so special and distinct from anything I’ve seen in a long while it’s surreal. I honestly wished Jack interacted with more of this weirdos, because where the dialogue is a perfect encapsulation of everything absurd in this world; it feels like every single character that speaks has at least one or two fantastic lines, either comedic or even a bit more serious, and at the center of it all there’s the son a bitch that is Jack. As I said before, he’s an asshole, but a good kind of asshole! It never steps the boundaries of trying to be ‘’ultra-cool’’ or ‘’dark’’, and when it does is for more comedic effect, instead he feels more like a tired prick that just wants to get this thing done as soon as possible, and bounces off the rest of the characters and takes things seriously enough so that it feels both believable, likable, and that the stakes are very much present, even if this time around those are bringing the world to its doom instead of saving it.

Thankfully, dialogue isn’t the only good thing about this weird-ass vegetable, because the way he controls… Oh. My. GOD. Level design nor combat in Pumpkin Jack are particularly deep, but they are varied and fun enough so it’s always fun to do them, and what seals the deal is just how good Jack feels to control. Even if his move set is limited to two jumps, a roll and an attack, the responsiveness and snappiness of every single movement and attack, the weight on his run and the jump being just floaty enough to be responsive and forgiving and the little moments where the gameplay changes up to something more akin to an on-rail section make what would otherwise be a fairly simple but fun set of levels, to a joy of little worlds to traverse through and complete; hell, even when you are just a head it feels good to move. The bosses are also a highlight for sure, showing off the strengths of Jack’s movement and of the combat, specially that of the crow, a nice substitute for a high-range attack that can be extremely satisfying to use on the right moments (Plus, the crow is just funny, I really like that bird). The collectables are so perfectly balanced, the bird skulls, which are also the coin to buy skins, are easy enough to find so you consistently get them, but hidden enough so it’s always satisfying and that you’ll miss a few, and the gramophones are a bit more hidden, tho still easy if you look for them enough, and the reward is… well, you’ve already seen one of it, so I guess it isn’t necessary to say that it’s more than worth it. The developer behind this game clearly knew what worked and what didn’t, and sticked to that all the way through, tho ironically enough, is in that repetition of the formula where I have my gripes.

The game does repeat a ton of beats level after levels: There’s always three on-rail sections, always two or three headless mini-levels, you always get a weapon at the end of each level… things are always varied enough so it never becomes truly boring, but’s it a bit hard to not notice that you are pretty much repeating the same actions over and over again, and I honestly could have done without the second memory game with tombstones full of references, I honestly believe that if the game stripped back a bit some of its sections, it would make the ones that would be left a ton more memorable and impressive. How are weapons handled is also a bit weird? I say it with an interrogation because it’s not that any feel particularly bad, not at all, it’s just… there’s not much incentive to go back to previous weapons once you get a new one, except I guess on the final level; none of the drawbacks the new weapons that you get have are enough to deter you from constantly changing between arms, which was probably the intention, but as it is, it really doesn’t feel right, and now matter how slow the scythe may be, it really doesn’t make me want to go back to the shovel.

But even in these flaws, it doesn’t feel like the age tried to follow the beats of another and screw up, it just tried something different that in some aspects didn’t pan out, and that’s what makes me so happy about Pumpkin Jack. It screws some aspects a bit, yeah, but it’s still a really, really fun platformer, a game with so much passion and love for itself that even the credits are full of images of early builds and designs of it; is yet another proof that yes, you can borrow a ton of elements of other media and videogames while also feeling original and inspired, it’s a fine and hard line to walk on, but Pumpkin Jack holds its horses and nails it. So happy to have yet another spooky platformer than I can say its both fantastic and its own thing, a truly beautiful thing…

Oh, and another thing, when I showed the game to a friend, he said, and I quote: ‘’He looks like the Fortnite guy’’, which I didn’t really understand or see… and then after a boss he gets a shotgun… and if you have it equipped your jump is literally the jump from Fortnite… I… don’t know if to, laugh, clap or to be scared, to be honest.

Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in!

The idea of playing the (almost) entirety of the WarioWare catalogue this year was one I’m really glad I went through, it turned out to be a fantastic experience and a made me gain new-found appreciation for this series that I never had before, not even after playing Get It Together a few years back, but it was also a very out of nowhere decision, which kinda fits considering what games we are dealing with, but imagine my sheer surprise and excitement when I saw that Move It! was announced; the timing couldn’t be better, and considering this seemed to be heavily be influenced by Smooth Moves, I was extremely excited to see what they pulled of for their third (technically fourth) fully original home-console WarioWare, and after playing it I can say for sure… that they did Jimmy-T dirty as hell this time around, he gets barely any dialogue and some of the most disappointing micro-games are his, how could they do this to him… how could HE do this to ME?!

It feels extremely weird to me that this released only now and after Get It Together, ‘cause this feels like something that would have launched during 2017’s summer or even the console’s launch. I think no other game in the Switch’s library has used the Joy-Cons to their fullest potential other than this one (Aside of 1-2 Switch, I guess…), and the same thing with Smooth Moves repeats here where it feels more gimmicky than any other of the WarioWare games, but similarly to that game, that doesn’t get in the way of it being yet again another dose of the stupidest fun you could possibly have. It once again invites you act stupidly, to be irreverent and whacky, and it that it succeeds, I’d argue to an even greater degree than Smooth Moves ever did; the poses and their explanations return, this time under the context of legends of the island, and the creativity is commendable and, how else, pretty fucking funny. The micro-games are pure fire, specially the first batches, they are as dumb as ever and easy to understand and just a joy to watch a play, and here we have some of the best boss mini-games in the entirety of the series… but also some really weak ones. Yeah, similarly to Smooth Moves, there are some really high highs and really jarring lows, and while the overall quality of micro-games is far better in Move It!, at least in its Wii counterpart it felt like everything worked; one problem with being far more experimental and daring is that trying to use technology that really can’t keep up, it’s gonna be clear as day that something is amiss, and no there are no better examples of it that the joy-con camera and how the things’ gyroscope acts in certain poses; there are some truly inspired and fantastic micro-games and stands, they are the majority in fact, but I can’t deny that the few that feel unresponsive or undercooked left a bad taste in my mouth, and I imagine that the reason that this game is so forgiving even after losing all 4 lives is that they knew all of this but really couldn’t find a way to make it work.

Well, with all of that said, let’s see what else there is to say… uhmmm…. Huh…….. oh……. Oh I see… Here’s the thing, Move It! is very much designed to be a party games, which, let’s ignore that you need a pair of joy cons for each player which makes it hell to play if other people don’t have a switch themselves or you don’t have a spare pair (which makes sense because… you know, 80 bucks is a bit crazy), even ignoring that, right out the bat for most players a huge portion of the game will be immediately impossible to play, which makes that, aside of the story mode, the extra single player modes you have to play are a bunch of I independent minigames, the three difficulty animal towers and… that’s…. it… Smooth Moves divided its content in a very similar manner to this, but at least having two Wii-Motes was far more plausible than having two pairs of joy-cons, and it still have a ton of modes and minigames unlocked right out the gate before you even beat the story mode. I’m not asking content comparable to Twisted and Gold, but I’m asking anything, you could have added the online components that Get It Together had but… not, no they did not. And, again, Smooth Moves has a similar issue to, but to go and try to replicate the exact same structure of that game EVEN more is weird, and not the good kind of weird. It doesn’t feel even like a sequel, but rather like that they tried to replicate a past success and, don’t get me wrong, in a lot of ways it works, but it also leaves Move it! feeling a bit hollow, not derivative, but it does feel devoid of uniqueness aside from its setting, and similarly with the game over thing, I wonder id that change of style and location is also a patch to cover another glaring issue with the game’s… in this case existence, I guess.
Move It! has fantastic micro-games, fantastic style, and it even has dinosaurs and penguins, but that can’t stop it from just feeling like the first game in the franchise that seems just like more of the same, more so than the game that consists on recycling content from past games. It’s still the better of the Switch Wario games and far better than something like Touched, but at least that one felt unique enough to have a ton to talk about, even if it wasn’t that great. I plan on playing every 2-player mode in the future as soon as I can, and I’ll probably talk about it again when that time comes, but for now, as far as WarioWare games and a single player experiences come, it’s still a really good one, but if falls short by its own nature, and even if I don’t regret playing it at all, I can’t see myself coming back to it when there are so many greater options within the same series… and you know, there’s a clear responsible for all of this… JIMMY!

I know he messed with the poses, I knew how they worked; as if I could ever make such mistakes after busting it down in Smooth Moves, never, NEVER! I just… I just can’t check it in the console settings, he covered his tracks and made that stupid-ass boss game terrible to make me look bad on purpose, and that’s not all! The AR Camera… you think a camera just happens to suck fucking doo-doo balls like that? NO! He orchestrated it! JIMMY! He used a shark as a surfboard! And to think I was a fan, I promoted him as the best WarioWare character! But I shouldn’t have… Saved my best shitty jokes for him, what was I thinking?! Ever since the GBA he was planning it, he was planning this take us all down! And HE gets this drawn out really shitty mess of reference?! What a sick joke! I should have switched to play Wario Land when I had the chance, he will always be Tenacious Jimmy, he- HEY, I’M NOT CRAZY, I’M NOT CRA-

If this game proved anything, is that I for sure ain't got rhythm.

Considering that I basically grew up with the DS game and Megamix is one of my favorite 3DS games ever, it’s almost heresy that I haven’t even touched none of the other two games in the franchise, and the timer for Fever will arrive, but now I’m nothing but amazed at how Rhythm Tengoku, with flaws and all, manages to be an excellent starting point for the franchise… tho an admittedly pretty hard at that.

Rhythm Heaven as a whole always had really challenging sections, and Tengoku is no exception, but unlike the rest, this one has The Bon Odori and Polyrhythm, or to put it in another way, it holds pain in store. I believe those and their sequels (seriously, when I saw that there was a Polyrhythm 2 I began to hear the Godskin Apostle theme out of sheer dread ) are the most egregious cases where the game just goes batshit insane and asks of you perfection for certain segments, but they are not the only example of this. I’d say overall that this is the most imbalanced selection of rhythm minigames out of all the series, which might be a bit of a mean comparison considering this was the first one, but it still doesn’t fully excuse how some of these challenges can be extremely frustrating and sometimes weirdly dependent on the visuals (Toss boys is a great example of this), which is a issue considering how depth perception can be a bit messy on some of these and it’s a problem that none of the other later games would ever face (at least not that I know of, but I’m sure Fever will also stick the landing in that department). And yet, despite the frustration, despite the occasional uninteresting minigame, I just couldn’t stop being captivated.

The music pushes the GBA sound-font to its limits and it’s pleasant as it is a joy to listen to; there are some incredible themes here, specially on the remixes, as is as almost everything in the game itself is dancing at the music, which it’s a feeling that the game is going for, but no other GBA release that I’ve seen has been able to even come close. I may have trashed The Bon Odori a bit before, but it’s a musical stun as it is visually. Even if only the best games on here where the ones able to achieve the joy and satisfaction that I associate with the series, I can’t deny that them all are a pleasure to the eye, visually varied and incredibly imaginative: you may have a color-book style in one game, but in the next they might even use 3D. Despite everything, Tengoku made me feel the joy of getting a superb, of being one with the rhythm, of discovering what the next challenge has in; it’s still a damn good rhythm game one that since it’s inception it was made to be a challenge as well as an experience everyone can enjoy, and I think there’s something beautiful in that that sincerity was present from the very first moment.

Also I’m contractually obligated to say that Remix 6 is a banger, which it is, but I would also like to point out Remix 5’s theme, ‘cause HOLY NOW THAT’S A BANGER AND IT HAS COOL PINK MONKEYS, PEAK I TELL YOU, PEAK.

After many years, I finally have been able to get a physical copy of Punch Out!!, and what better way to celebrate than to complete again in original hardware? Truth be told, I also wanted to re-play it 'cause back when I first completed it, I thought it was amazing, and I wanted to make sure if that was the case or just the initial shock for being the first game in the series and because of the fantastic animations and sound design... and no yeah this game fucking rules.

The fact it even exists it's fucking surreal, being the first mainline entry of the series 15 years Super Punch Out released and still being the same arcadie experience as always, in fact it could be considered a full-blown remake of the original if it weren't because of some changes and additions; this game feels proud to be part of the series and it shows, not only because in some ways it's a celebration of it, but because it takes everything that the series stands for and expands on it or changes it for the better.

When I said it could be a remake of the original, I absolutely meant it, because in what refers to controls, this the exact same thing, punches, dodges and all. So your options to face challenges really haven't changed, rather the boxers themselves have. Not only all of them have been given new life and personality by their design and animations that goes past the series’ focus on ''haha stereotype, isn't that a funny joke?'' (to be fair that isn't entirely gone either), but it also expands on the move-sets, challenge and even exploits that the original fighters posed. Every fight feels like it’s own chapter in a series, every boxer has its own weaknesses and it’s own fighting style, and it’s up to you through defeats and concussions to rise to victory, and foes it feel good when you manage to pull off and incredibly hard strategy. For this playthrough I went for trying to beat all of the fights in the first round, and while I wasn’t able to do it in some of the rematches, the fact I pull it off in so many felt amazing, and it shows the game may punish you constantly, but the reward makes it all worthwhile.

Some of the final fights in the title defendant section fall into the dreaded ‘’fail and repeat’’ territory a little too much to make them that enjoyable (Mr. Sandman and Soda Popinski especially), but they are just some rough spots in and otherwise, fun, mechanically deep, hilarious and charming as all hell game, and no matter how much you fail, Doc will always be there to encourage you… or tell you to join the Nintendo Club, and I wish I could Doc, I wish I could…

But beyond all said, the best thing this game did was the immense glow up it give to Don Flamenco, I love that piece of shit; if Don Flamenco has only 1 fan, I’m that fan, he went from a scummy pathetic bastard in the original with the most unfun fight in the game, to the most outlandish, funny bastard I’ve ever seen in my entire life. This fucker oozes charm as much as he oozes rose petals, I both hate him and love him so much. As a representation of flamenco and Spanish culture he doesn’t really make much sense for various reasons, but c’mon, he bull-fights PUCHING the bulls, he’s an asshole, but what an asshole. An olé for you, Flamenco

Y'know, I originally wanted to keep the gag going and this time do a review in 10 seconds, but then I realized I value my sanity, so let's just pretend that I grabbed a ton of coins and have more time, ok? Nice.

Anyway, Minit Fun Racer surprised me in the best way possible! I liked the original Minit, but seeing its duration and premise, I imagined this being just a small little experience that doesn't do anything interesting; something cute, but nothing more. And don't get me wrong, it wasn't the most impressive thing ever, but it was better than I had anticipated, and i was once again reminded me of the futility of time and thatI'M GONNA BE LATE FOR MA DATE.

Whereas Minit put a spin in the classic 2D Zelda formula, Minit Fun Racer is more focused on giving a new arcade-like experience rather than subverting an already existing idea. The time limit is once again the main focus of the game, but the new style of gameplay, plus the time itself going from 60 to a merely 10 seconds, changes the time limit from a mechanic to learn from and overcome via discovering new paths and tools to a way to revolve the game around failure, making you progress and buy items only when you die, and one that becomes the main obstacle to beat.

In some respects, it reminded of a mobile game; the good type of mobile game, something to pick up and play from time to time, and in this case to pick up and finish, since it's extremely brief and its true length lays on wanting to complete it to 100%, and even considering that I don’t imagine it being longer than one or two hours. But even in that briefness, it absolutely sells you in that idea of progression, the dopamine rush that gives you getting a new item that poses a big difference in the way you play, and even if it only takes a little over 20 minutes, the feeling of pure joy once you finally reach the end (especially when there’s only one second remaining on the clock).

Again, it still has it’s flaws: even if the visual style is once again charming and full of references to the previous game, it’s hard to appreciate it when MY EYES HURT SO BAD. Maybe this is a me thing so take it with a pinch of salt, but the game this way auto-scrolls was a pain to the sight, even when deactivating the smooth scroll (tho it made things better), and made backgrounds just impossible to appreciate or sometimes even distinguish some obstacles. Again, this might be something that only bothers me, so take it more as more of a personal complain than a flaw. However, things like some poor collisions, the level sometimes putting obstacles just before ramps and a pretty short variety of areas are things I can’t pass off as personal gripes. The games is far from amazing… but still I really enjoyed it.

It's a short experience that all the profit it generates goes directly to charity, and a game that managed to be good while also doing a great cause deserves all of my outmost respect. And you sometimes you just need that y’know? A flawed but good game to pass the time, a game that’s fun as it is original, not ground-breaking, but still good.

It also has a horse mode, which add like half a star on its own right. More games need a horse mode.

...I’m not gonna say it. Nope. I refuse. It’s too easy and predictable of a joke... Ugh, goddammit…

PIZZA TIME

Yo! Noid 2 is one of biggest videogame anomalies I've come across in my life. It also has only one graphic quality setting, called ''Noid'', which is the single most menacing thing I've ever seen in a settings menu.

Under all pretenses, a game for a game-jam that seeks to be a false sequel for a game based about a forgotten Domino's Pizza mascot should have been nothing more than short, jokish experience, but no; instead it's an incredible 3D platformer, full of charm, wit and that it actually has a few things to say, although it's not immediately clear. This all not to say that games made for game -jams cannot be good, quite the contrary in fact, some fantastic experiences I had the pleasure to play were free, short games made for these little competitions, but like, c’mon, this one presented itself the ‘’lost sequel’’ to fucking Yo! Noid, I think that the initial doubt was justified. But any semblance or possibility of this being a ‘’shitpost’’game is wiped out the moment you start it.

It really sells you the idea of this being some kind of lost PSX game, visually it has both the style and even the little imperfections, like flickering, clipping or soft static (which it all can be turned off if you finding it too intrusive or bothersome), and while I’m sure a lot of this stuff couldn’t be done in original hardware, it really sells you that idea in the moment to moment gameplay, and that goes a long way in making this experience feel like a real, official game, which in turn it makes it even MORE surreal! Even if as the game progresses it becomes more and more apparent that its hiding something, at first it could really pass off as an licensed game: the advertising, the jokes and puns made by Noid (the fucker has a entire button dedicated to DAB and I both hate it and absolutely love it) and the charming, overly-cheeky presentation at points. The only thing that kinda kills the feeling of this being an ‘’ad’’ game is that, well, it’s actually good and fun, so they messed that part up, so much for realism…

I… I don’t know, it’s just… this game is extremely fun. The move set is fairly simple: at your disposition there’s only jumping, the wall-run and wall-jump, grabbing onto ledges and the all-mighty Yo-Yo, but that doesn’t get in the way of the amazing level design, one that, while it doesn’t really keep introducing new elements, it does keep it consistent enough to make you keep playing, and … it actually hard parts? Yeah, this game is actually pretty demanding, and it would fairly to call it one of the most challenging 3D platformers I’ve played; it askes of you both skill and patience, and the reward is not only the feeling of satisfaction, but also seeing these fairly simple and straight-forward mechanics reach their absolute limit. The punishment is never too harsh, and even in the frustrating bits, you want to reach that pizza, to taste the crust and claim victory. But a game that demands perfection need to give that perfection in return, something that Yo! Noid 2 doesn’t always do. The Yo-Yo functions surprisingly well, and locks on automatically to the nearest object you can use it on, but here and there I had moments where it just didn’t work, tho again, not enough times for it to be a big complaint. But in the realm of not working, the wall-run takes the absolute cake. It’s incredible unprecise, jumping out of it is super inconsistent and it just doesn’t feel good to use, which, considering the hardest level in the game asks of you to use it quite a lot, it made me completely hate it. I don’t know if this was intended, if it’s just me being bad or, as I believe, a genuine flaw, and the only thing in the game that makes parts of the levels unfun and unfair.

And oh sweet four cheeses the levels! Starting off with a tutorial heavily inspired by the first Yo! Noid, we are thrown into the pizza hut hub, and tasked by the toppings to retrieve the pizza-pie and reform the tower of pizza… a pizza tower if you will!.... I should just stop….

Each of the locations, accompanied by some incredible pieces of music, feel like real places in this cheesy world, each of them with completely distinct identity, challenges, and design. They all are fairly linear, but they still feel big and open enough for you to want to explore and discover every possible secret, which mostly consists of p i z z a and pretty charismatic NPC’s that got a chuckle out of me in different occasions. They went all out in the design department, and even if it sometimes can be confusing where to go or what to do (even the main hub is too big for its own good) it’s never enough to sour any of this linear 3D design marvels, and swinging across a cheese sea, uncovering the secrets of a pizza temple or into the very core of the planer are some fantastic moments I didn’t expect to enjoy so much.

And, again, what was I meant to expect? The Noid is a joke! An old joke. A forgotten joke…

Yo! Noid 2 it’s about something, and that’s probably the thing that surprised me the most about it. It’s about a past left behind, a place left to never be seen again, someone left to rot and to be replaced, even tho he doesn’t know it. It is for a reason, it was for a reason, Noid’s existence caused an extremely bizarre and terrifying case in which luckily nobody got hurt, and after that, it wasn’t long before Noid became nothing more than an odd thing from some old commercials, and that saddens me. It’s a guy in a rabbit suit that destroys pizza, a forgotten joke, one that I absolutely adore. Old mascots being left to rot or shunned away after some creepy thing or association happened (Oh my poor, sweet Mac Tonight, you were granted a horrible fate and legacy) seems like almost an inevitability, and Yo! Noid 2 is exactly about that, that its inevitable to be replaced by vocaloids or clowns, specially with such a past, and this game itself seems like something that never came out because of exactly that, it’s all a big joke. And maybe, that’s how things are destined to be, and maybe it’s for the best… or maybe destiny has other plans.

The Noid is back, to my absolute surprised, that fucker is still alive, and for a moment, I forget about the nostalgia bait and commercial purposes, because those are the reasons he’s back, and I just smile, smile that the funny red destroyer of pizzas keeps on going, am I a fool for it? We are all the fools? I don’t know, and honestly, it’s probably not even worth the headache. Or maybe it is? Oh god this one is a doozy.
The bottom line is, Hatsune Miku is defeated, and Yo! Noid 2 is a banger, an absolute recommendation and I wish I could have paid for it, this was some good pizza.

Now, with the Noid back… it’s time for the true king to return

Ah yes, this brings back memories, back when I was a dumb kid that never even got past unlocking Mario and that genuinely thought that the 64 was because there were other 63 games before it... good times.

Nintendo is no stranger to remastering and porting their games, hell, the last generation and with the Wii U to Switch transition we probably got the most amount of ports we've ever gotten; but they are far more stingy when it comes to fully remaking their previous work. When it happens it’s this unexpected event, and with the exception of maybe the Pokémon franchise, most of their series have so little full-blown re-imaginations of older titles that most can be counted with only the fingers on one hand. So yeah, it’s a big deal when it happens if only to see how it ends up turning up, so I guess it’s kinda obvious to say that when they announced a remake of Super Motherfucking Mario the 64th, for their brand new handheld at the time and as a launch title, it was indeed a pretty huge deal. Even with the original being far from a favorite for me, I’ve said in numerous occasions that Super Mario 64 is an absolute monument of a game; while saying it alone revolutionized the 3D gaming industry is a bit of an exaggeration, it was for sure the most important game for the platforming genre, one that experimented with movement like few other games had done, and to this day it holds up surprisingly well and many play it rigorously to this very day, so it’s only natural to thing that a remake of it would still be talked about to this da- you know where I’m getting at don’t you?

Everytime the SM64 or even the 3D Mario sphere is in a conversation, 64DS is almost always left aside, and results into the almost meme worthy statement that is ‘’3D Land was the first 3D Mario in a handheld (64DS doesn’t count)!’’, like, poor game needs a hug, man… But to be completely honest, for the longest time I didn’t blame anybody if it just forgot about it; just the memories of those years back when I first played it were enough to put me in a bad mood: constant falls, terrible feeling controls, almost headache inducing camera, this was not just a mere case of me sucking at games yet again, this time… this time the game was ass. And so, I really dreaded returning to it, but it was just a matter of time; it is the only remaining 3D Mario game that I had yet to beat, and with the original game behind me, it was time to, yet again, finish what I started… and right off the bat, I think by far the best compliment I give this game is that it doesn’t suck even half of what I expected.

64DS is as much a original game as it is a remake of the original Super Mario 64, and right off the bat I can say it’s a pretty faithful remake; it doesn’t have as many changes as it does additions, and so practically all the levels were completely untouched, with only some sections to accommodate new missions within the levels or simply to make platforming not such a chore as it could be in the original game, like some changes in Whomp Fortress or a ground floor being added to Tick Tock Clock, which is like encountering an oasis admist the desert. Aside from those minor alterations, all of the World Portraits and Peach’s Castle are a carbon copy of their N64 counterparts, and that translates into all the positives I said about them mostly hold up: inspired ‘’toy box’’ design, a wonderful main hub area, fantastic ambience and even pretty funny dialogue, super creative missions, and pretty simple but fun boss fights; these latter two being even greater than before thanks to the new additions made in the remake. A whooping 30 new stars were added to the game, that, plus THREE brand new characters (this game is in fact the first instance of Luigi being playable in a 3D Platformer, so it gets points on that alone), prompted the addition of new small phases and even bosses, and these new content is honestly fantastic! The new mini levels are super fun obstacle courses, and fighting King Goomba and King Boo was a really unexpected surprise, but a welcomed one that references other parts of the series I really wasn’t expecting. So yeah, this game does have a ton of stuff that is pretty good, well that’s fantastic! Maybe this was hidden gem all alon- Yeah I should stop doing this bit, but anyway, the game still blows in many, MANY areas.

First, let’s address the elephant in the room, and no, not that one; the controls. Look, 64 DS was born as a way to showcase what the DS could achieve graphically first, there’s no denying that, but saying that the team simply slapped the game into the system without consideration is also a gross misjudgment. There tried, like, REALLY tried, they made the camera far more responsive and useful than it ever was in the original, they added the whole touch screen support thing to give the 360 movement, there really was attempt, but that’s what it was, an attempt. The D-Pad and the eight directions it can provide just don’t adapt to the complex and 3-Dimensional environments of Super Mario 64, they make the once so fluid action of just moving and jumping so much complicated and unreliable, and coupled with the fact that every action and button feels so cramped considering this a fairly complex game, it results in never truly feeling like you are in total control of ANY of the characters, and even if some sections were changed or made easier to accommodate that, that’s the equivalent of shooting the game with a shotgun and putting a band aid over the wound; that’s just trying to make less painful something that it didn’t have to happen in the first place. Controls are not the only thing that is problematic tho, the squad is here to also be kinda mid! I… do not really understand why there are more characters here, like, the idea IS really cool, but considering that the original game only had Mario to begin with and how it’s implemented, it’s once again a case of solving a problem that wasn’t there on thee first place. The Power-Ups are now grouped together in the singular Flower-Power-Up, which has an different effect on each different character and that, plus the fact that stars are made exclusive to character’s specific capabilities, like Wario’s super strength or Mario’s wall jumping, it does the total opposite of stream lining, it complicates once so simple and fun missions and turns them into a slog that in some cases you have to wait to even beat! Now granted, the fact that there are the hats that let you turn into another character does prevent this from becoming a DK64 situation, but it still can be a pain to get to were the hats are before getting the start itself, and if it just so happens that the start requires Yoshi, the you gotta exit the level and change into him, and oh, what’s that, there are black bricks outside Peach’s Castle? Welp, time to change into Wario! Oh? There are bars you cannot get through? Well, you better change into Luigi to grab the invisibility power-up you scoundrel! And would you look at that, you need to wall jump in this specific area! Time to change into Mario and get over it! Oh wow! Black bricks! Time to head back and- you get the aggravating picture…

And you know, this wouldn’t be half a problem if at least playing as all the characters felt unique and fun in distinct ways, and yes, in a way they do, so you’d think tha- WELL THINK AGAIN BUCKO. Yoshi feels fine enough, the flutter jump is pretty useful but overall he’s severely limited compared to the rest of the cast; Mario is as he was in the original, only worse because of how everyone controls now, and actions before super cool are now borderline impossible; Wario is a gross parody of its own character, it makes sense for him to be the strong one that has the shortest jump, but for him to be so goddam slow and barely acrobatic make him a slog to control, especially when swimming, and just giving him a couple of bonuses instead of a moves like the shoulder-bash and the dash so to make him faster in exchange of being harder to control and making him similar to his Wario Land self is a huge missed opportunity; and then there’s Luigi who is… who is just fucking insane. His backflip makes many of the challenges completely inconsequential, that and other abilities like his run and floaty jump make him by far the best character to play as and makes the rest completely obsolete. Is this terrible balancing and turns the game into essentially Super Luigi 64 but not in a fun or charming way? Absolutely! Do I found this hilarious as hell and love that is Luigi the one that’s so broken? Absolutely!

But the worst part, even if it’s not the worst thing with the game itself, it’s how hellbent it is to just refuse to make changes to the base game. As I said, there are some very minor changes to the levels and stars turned into character specific missions, but that’s it. All the problems I has with the original game are still present here, mainly having to repeat entire sections for different missions, something that was not only left unchanged, but it even plagues the new levels as well… and in spite all of that… it’s still fun.

How. How does the plumber fucking do it. Super Mario 64 DS is by far my least favorite 3D Mario, is the one plagued with the most design flaws, and doesn’t quite reach the same highs as other games in this particular sub series… but it was still fun. It has bad stuff, but nothing I’ve said I would qualify it as terrible; there is still a fantastic game here, with flaws on top of it as well as new good stuff. As absurd as it sounds, maybe it’s a game that with a true remake it could be even greater that the game it remade in the first place, but right now it has too much stuff holding it back. Nevertheless, it’s a great time, and it’s attempt that does succeed in a bunch of things, and for that only it deserves my outmost respect.

Thank you so much for playing my game…

Do you ever come across a game that in some way or another ''blows up'' popularity wise and just... get it? Like, a game that a first may seem like a weird or uncommon choice for having such an online presence but then play it and you can only say ''Oooooooooooooooooooh... So THAT'S why!''.

I say this with no ill intent whatsoever, quite the contrary; sometimes a game just so happens to hit the right notes to spread like wildfire, and while this effect can be and has been manufactured, there are others in which it's more of a direct result of the nature of the game itself or the circumstances around it, some games take years before even being put under the spotlight; such is the case of this little bringer of desperation called Suika Game. Of course there’s an asterisk on that, since what really popularized the game was the very recent Switch release and its subsequent explosion in the streaming landscape, which is what brought it to my attention in the first place, but even back in 2021 with the original browser release, all of the elements that make it what it is were already in place: a highly addictive, cutesy looking puzzle game.

Many of its ideas and even presentation are nothing new, but I’ll be damned do they work so great; it’s a joy to the eye and everything is clear from the get go, you simply combine fruits with faces to form other kind of fruits with faces… except bigger! The concept itself couldn’t be simpler, but it does hit many of the right notes: the focus on physics and collision makes getting chains or simply getting lucky manage to feel so incredibly satisfactory, sometimes a well-placed strawberry can make the difference between creating that sweet coveted watermelon or losing miserably. That alone makes it a treat, a really fun gameplay loop that makes you go want to keep trying and go back time and time again, all to see if you can get and even better chain and score, but that sweet spot has a really ugly side, since it’s part of the same coin… and by that I mean that sometimes this shit is sometimes so luck dependent it’s not even funny.

You simply cannot predict nor adapt at some of the things that are thrown at you, which isn’t something I can’t say about the best puzzle games of this style, but here the RNG is not only ever-present, it’s egregious. You are only told of the next singular fruit that will spawn next, and that’s only now that we are lucky, in the original web-browser English version you don’t get such a luxury! That, plus how the collision just can decide to go completely wrong, sometimes even sending fruit pieces flying, or how the game acts weird or unpredictable if three pieces of the same type touch, that’s what makes it so luck dependent in the heat of the moment… and that’s exactly what it’s so compelling to go back to. The highs of getting a nice streak and reach crazy scores is so beyond satisfying because you also beat bad luck, and while I can praise that since at the end this is not a game to which you are gonna become literally addicted or compelled to play for hours, I cannot see as something but a glaring flaw with its design and that prevents it from being even more fun or interesting.

It's a joy to go back to in your spare time, but I’d be hard pressed to recommend it beyond that, there are far more interesting and fairly designed puzzle games, this one is more like a snack, a fruity, healthy snack that’s fun to have sometimes.

Also, this is one of those games that needs either more songs or a better loop, I really had to mute it after a while because I could feel my sanity as I heard this Winnie The Pooh baseball game sounding ass theme while trying to get oranges to touch each other. In a way it brought back memories to Super Hexagon and I would prefer those traumas to be left forgotten, thank you very much…