Internet buffoon tries to start a high school band, accidentally causes the Third Impact.

I generally only collect Japanese copies of games that can easily be beaten without an understanding of the language, but the Evangelion games are something of a curiosity to me. How do you even turn Evangelion into a game anyway? This is a series so known for its emotionally heavy storytelling that audiences still debate its greater meaning over social media today. Is it about our capacity to love others and to be loved ourselves? Is it a pointed deconstruction of otaku culture? Wrong. Completely incorrect. It's about a big robot whose weapons are all assigned to a god damn roulette wheel whiffing every shot it takes.

The answer to "how do you make Evangelion into a game" is, evidently, by crafting a combat system wherein Angels are fought through a combination of tells and dumb luck, both too complex to be understood without a guide yet easy enough that you can kinda brute force your way through it. How do you call in support from the other Eva units? How do you choose when to change armaments? When should you block? Don't know, don't care, and never. I'm over here disassociating and going "blap blap blap" with my Glock, and it's been working out just fine. That's because I'm at a level of emotional trauma that makes me a perfect Evangelion pilot.

Of course, Evangelion is about more than the big robot fights, so breaking up these combat sequences - and arguably being the main thrust of the game - are FMVs that occasionally provide the player the ability to choose dialog and affect the outcome of the story. I was mostly navigating my way through these like my name was Max Payne, so 90% of the time I found myself staring at Shinji as he lays in bed with his headphones on whining to himself. It's impossible to interpret if this is good or bad.

Look, my read of 2nd Impression is limited by a language barrier and the presentation of its mechanics. The experience of playing (or perhaps more accurately, watching) 2nd Impression is like finding a VHS tape with a lost episode at some anime convention. It's strange, unseen material that you can't quite parse correctly, and fascinating as a piece of withheld Eva media. Moving beyond that novelty requires more of me than I'm capable of, unfortunately, and given the lack of coverage for 2nd Impression even on fan sites and wikis, I doubt there's enough interest for a translation to ever materialize, especially considering it's mostly spoken dialog, potentially requiring some Bulk Slash level effort. The most I was able to find was a lone YouTube video apparently stitching together someone's single run through one of the game's four divergent scenarios.

Perhaps the most interesting and readily appreciable part of 2nd Impression is its packaging and supplemental material. My copy came with all of its inserts, which mostly just advertise other games and products releasing around the same time, which I think is cool enough on its own, but the main draw is the set of collectable character cards (mine are sealed and I don't have it in me to open them) and the bonus soundtrack printed on a cute mini-disc that can be read by the Saturn. This contains two versions of two songs exclusive to the game: "You Are the Reason You Were Born" and "Get it on! ~To Kiss a Doppelgänger~". Having previously engaged in Tulpamancy, I would not recommend kissing a doppelgänger unless you want to end up on IV antibiotics Asuka says you've got to get it on, it doesn't matter if your partner isn't a real person, constructed beings are fair game. Mandate: Get. It. On.

If you want to listen to the soundtrack, thankfully it's been preserved and made available on YouTube. You won't be getting the true 2nd Impression experience of hearing these songs cranked out through the speakers of an old CRT while a Sega Saturn audibly whirrs in the background, which as any true audiophile will tell you adds important texture to the music.

Though I can follow a guide, read one of a few plot synopses, or watch a single translated playthrough, my own lack of ability prevents me from more directly participating with the game, so I'm not going to bother rating it. Just feels unfair to do so. What I can say is that 2nd Impression is pretty cheap on the aftermarket and that I think it's worth the ten-or-so dollars you'd pay to have it on your shelf, especially if you're an Evangelion fan to begin with.

Get in the robot, Shinji. Or Rei will have to play the Sega Saturn again.