MJ_
2022
"It [this game] also contains minor jumpscares." do you mean the burger?? that flies at you at the end of Star Spangled Banner??
please watch the trailer for this game https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERCw-c3515s
1991
for what it's worth, i was the person being spectated in Jenny's review. it's been two years since i've beaten hard mode and i've just figured out that you can rotate the paths in the subway. i just thought you could get permanently locked there. actually heartbroken.
TBD
Quintessential achievement collecting game. It sports maximally-monotonous gameplay, harrowingly putrid sound design, and royalty-free collage graphics so honestly unfathomable that I fail to put it into words. The header on this page gives a good idea but, god, just look at it. But none of that matters, does it? All five thousand achievements come pre-unlocked, so you don't need to get past the launcher; open the game, get the achievements, move on. Open the game, get the achievements, move on.
Open the game, get the achievements, move on. Open the game, get the achievements, move on. Open the game, get the ACHIEVEments, mooove on OPEN the game GET THE ACHIEVMENTS mooove on move on OPEN THE GAME GET THE ACHIEVEMENTS MOVE ON OPEN THE GAME GET THE ACHIEVEMENTS MOVE ON WHEN DOES IT END WHEN DOES IT END OPEN THE GAME GET THE ACHIEVEMENTS MOVE ON OPEN THE GAME GET THE ACHIEVEMENTS MOOOOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE ACHIEVEMENTS ACHIEVEMENTS
This little addiction of mine started with this game. It was in a $2.73 bundle, with fifty Steam games. I spent $20 on New Years Day across a couple similiarly-priced bundles, thinking it wouldn't be so bad to spend minimal amounts to get that funny little cheevo number up a couple hundred-thousand. God. You naïve motherfucker, Emery. I've spent more on shovelware like this than I'll ever admit or ever make back. It keeps piling up. It never ends. This was my warning sign. This was #3 on the list of achievement shovelware. That list is damn close to a thousand, well-surpassing it if you counted the things I haven't dared play yet. It never ends. It'll never end. It'll outlive me. Am I too far-gone? For what gain? Some number most people just hack anyway? A sense of pride and accomplishment? There's never been either of those to find here. Why? In some effort against capitalism, to help some random bozo make a living in exchange for a service I want? Fuck if that's a good excuse anymore. If I could just go back to stop myself from playing Bathroom Chef, or anything before or around it, perhaps I could be living my best life.
Hellfire, hellfire, take my soul.
Melodrama aside, in my three years playing crap like this, this is still one of if not the worst I've laid my eyes upon; that's why I'm honoring it with a rating at all. It's not reflective of achievement-spam games at large, but good god don't follow my path. Many achievement-spam games are banned nowadays (this included,) so the leaderboards on tracking sites are all but a dream; plus, most of them are just soulless asset flips anyway. Stick to hunting—complete the games you love, the ones you already own, the ones you're passionate about. Take care of yourself and do the things you enjoy most. Don't play Bathroom Chef.
Open the game, get the achievements, move on. Open the game, get the achievements, move on. Open the game, get the ACHIEVEments, mooove on OPEN the game GET THE ACHIEVMENTS mooove on move on OPEN THE GAME GET THE ACHIEVEMENTS MOVE ON OPEN THE GAME GET THE ACHIEVEMENTS MOVE ON WHEN DOES IT END WHEN DOES IT END OPEN THE GAME GET THE ACHIEVEMENTS MOVE ON OPEN THE GAME GET THE ACHIEVEMENTS MOOOOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE ACHIEVEMENTS ACHIEVEMENTS
This little addiction of mine started with this game. It was in a $2.73 bundle, with fifty Steam games. I spent $20 on New Years Day across a couple similiarly-priced bundles, thinking it wouldn't be so bad to spend minimal amounts to get that funny little cheevo number up a couple hundred-thousand. God. You naïve motherfucker, Emery. I've spent more on shovelware like this than I'll ever admit or ever make back. It keeps piling up. It never ends. This was my warning sign. This was #3 on the list of achievement shovelware. That list is damn close to a thousand, well-surpassing it if you counted the things I haven't dared play yet. It never ends. It'll never end. It'll outlive me. Am I too far-gone? For what gain? Some number most people just hack anyway? A sense of pride and accomplishment? There's never been either of those to find here. Why? In some effort against capitalism, to help some random bozo make a living in exchange for a service I want? Fuck if that's a good excuse anymore. If I could just go back to stop myself from playing Bathroom Chef, or anything before or around it, perhaps I could be living my best life.
Hellfire, hellfire, take my soul.
Melodrama aside, in my three years playing crap like this, this is still one of if not the worst I've laid my eyes upon; that's why I'm honoring it with a rating at all. It's not reflective of achievement-spam games at large, but good god don't follow my path. Many achievement-spam games are banned nowadays (this included,) so the leaderboards on tracking sites are all but a dream; plus, most of them are just soulless asset flips anyway. Stick to hunting—complete the games you love, the ones you already own, the ones you're passionate about. Take care of yourself and do the things you enjoy most. Don't play Bathroom Chef.
2016
It's neat! That's all there is to it, really. It handles the concept of speed and adrenaline quite well through its visuals, it gives a bit of a thrill to play, and that's all I could ask for. It's missing a decent dollop of polish—it does occasionally forget to be fair, sometimes you die mid-animation—but that's it; simple but effective.
raw
2018
hi so it's worth a mention that, despite being happiness incarnate, the developer is emotionally abusive https://twitter.com/hellosephi/status/1208442231385931776?s=19 https://twitter.com/hellosephi/status/1208740526956122114
there isn't much else that this game has to offer so there isn't anything else i have to say
(i mastered before this came to light)
there isn't much else that this game has to offer so there isn't anything else i have to say
(i mastered before this came to light)
2013
look i know this game is basically entirely community-driven but for the love of god don't touch it with a ten foot pole. just play what you want, dailies, weeklies, get better on your own terms, don't you dare talk to anyone else
edit: i will leave an actual review at some point soon
edit: i will leave an actual review at some point soon
2009
I mean, it's a product of its time. It's about as simple as you can get, though with a framing that gets it to stick out a bit. It's fine, it's early no-budget indie, it is what it is. (Guess you could say the developer's name checks out!)
2022
i cut the lights, i play during a thunderstorm, my whole internet goes out mid-session while the tension becomes truly terrifying, and what do i get in return? a sound clip of david szymanski going BLAAAARRGRRHGHRH
i played this with fellow backloggd user LenaLesbian and it was so cool!!! i loved the part right after beating the final boss where the tv blacks out and disconnects and an assistant has to completely dismantle the machine. so immersive really
Sonic had a rough transition into 3D,
So there's two elephants in the room with this game: the achievement spam, and the broken English. This review will be entirely ignoring both of those as neither honestly affect the meat of the game to me.
That said... this game is baffling.
Consummate:Missing World is an adventure game that follows the aforementioned Consummate after she's lost all her memories, alongside a guy named Hentai—no I'm not kidding—who wishes to take care of her, in an unfathomably large, seemingly inescapable building. It's a premise I found myself honestly interested in, especially as more parts of the building are revealed and the premise is developed, which is definitely in part because it's bonkers. That's not a dealbreaker for me at all, I like games that bewilder me, but it does jump well into the deep end at the last chapter and breaks my suspension of disbelief.
Though, my issue with the game is less with the story and more with the gameplay. It's true that I largely enjoyed this game, front to back, however that's only really because I had a guide right in front of me; I confess I only really wanted the achievements. Without the guide, there's plenty that strikes me as impossible to figure out without brute force. That can be chalked up to a skill issue on my end, sure, but the game doesn't pull any punches; there's game overs left and rights, plenty of bad endings to fall into, all without any indication of what could've gone wrong. Part of that frustration is that many of these endings technically break the story, but I suppose that's to avoid any early spoilers, so I digress.
My favorite part of the game, though, is actually neither of these: it's the Gallery, which is half-revealed in Ch. 6 and fully revealed after finishing the game. (unmarked postgame spoilers past here but this doesn't concern the story) It shows a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff, concept art primarily, but also including some extra fun facts about the game and its development; it lays itself bare, almost, and it very clearly shows that quite a bit of time and effort went into this title from all involved. But it's not without its uncomfortable moments... like Consummate joking about a developer's fetish and the developer's self-insert straight up advertising that he's single like why would you do that?? Why??? (spoilers over)
All in all, it can be said that I enjoyed this game, but it's hard for me to recommend with the unclear and obscure story progression requirements and the plentiful pitfalls with it. Yet that's not to say there's nothing here; it's definitely well-put together and it's absolutely worth it at full price. If you need to throw a dollar at something and I'm not convincing you otherwise, there's no harm in giving it a whirl. (Or, of course, if you just want the achievements.)
That said... this game is baffling.
Consummate:Missing World is an adventure game that follows the aforementioned Consummate after she's lost all her memories, alongside a guy named Hentai—no I'm not kidding—who wishes to take care of her, in an unfathomably large, seemingly inescapable building. It's a premise I found myself honestly interested in, especially as more parts of the building are revealed and the premise is developed, which is definitely in part because it's bonkers. That's not a dealbreaker for me at all, I like games that bewilder me, but it does jump well into the deep end at the last chapter and breaks my suspension of disbelief.
Though, my issue with the game is less with the story and more with the gameplay. It's true that I largely enjoyed this game, front to back, however that's only really because I had a guide right in front of me; I confess I only really wanted the achievements. Without the guide, there's plenty that strikes me as impossible to figure out without brute force. That can be chalked up to a skill issue on my end, sure, but the game doesn't pull any punches; there's game overs left and rights, plenty of bad endings to fall into, all without any indication of what could've gone wrong. Part of that frustration is that many of these endings technically break the story, but I suppose that's to avoid any early spoilers, so I digress.
My favorite part of the game, though, is actually neither of these: it's the Gallery, which is half-revealed in Ch. 6 and fully revealed after finishing the game. (unmarked postgame spoilers past here but this doesn't concern the story) It shows a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff, concept art primarily, but also including some extra fun facts about the game and its development; it lays itself bare, almost, and it very clearly shows that quite a bit of time and effort went into this title from all involved. But it's not without its uncomfortable moments... like Consummate joking about a developer's fetish and the developer's self-insert straight up advertising that he's single like why would you do that?? Why??? (spoilers over)
All in all, it can be said that I enjoyed this game, but it's hard for me to recommend with the unclear and obscure story progression requirements and the plentiful pitfalls with it. Yet that's not to say there's nothing here; it's definitely well-put together and it's absolutely worth it at full price. If you need to throw a dollar at something and I'm not convincing you otherwise, there's no harm in giving it a whirl. (Or, of course, if you just want the achievements.)
i think that i'm touhou (i could not possibly be more wrong)
(played through the Ace Attorney Trilogy)
This game starts out very, very slowly. I will in particular single out Case 2, with how completely off the rails it gets, the beyond shallow murderer, and the deus ex machina bullshittery making everything else feel like a waste of time. The entire case can be thrown away, and it's mostly what drags down this rating.
But.
In spite of that, and my other usual nitpicks, this game is honestly a work of art. The writing can span from "so bad it's good" to "absolutely exceptional," with very little in-between, but as the game goes on it leans quite heavily towards the latter. The way everything is structured is amazing, with truly flawless sound design and lovable characters to boot. In spite of the general early installment weirdness trope coming in full force, I was very genuinely enthralled from beginning to end - unable to look away, and even laughing along when the blunders came by.
I can't say it's perfect - far from it. But it's something everyone should experience once. And that does include that final, bonus case - this'd be a 7/10 without it!
that said, why is everyone santa claus
This game starts out very, very slowly. I will in particular single out Case 2, with how completely off the rails it gets, the beyond shallow murderer, and the deus ex machina bullshittery making everything else feel like a waste of time. The entire case can be thrown away, and it's mostly what drags down this rating.
But.
In spite of that, and my other usual nitpicks, this game is honestly a work of art. The writing can span from "so bad it's good" to "absolutely exceptional," with very little in-between, but as the game goes on it leans quite heavily towards the latter. The way everything is structured is amazing, with truly flawless sound design and lovable characters to boot. In spite of the general early installment weirdness trope coming in full force, I was very genuinely enthralled from beginning to end - unable to look away, and even laughing along when the blunders came by.
I can't say it's perfect - far from it. But it's something everyone should experience once. And that does include that final, bonus case - this'd be a 7/10 without it!
that said, why is everyone santa claus