Punished_Mippy
1997
Played on NSO but I actually acquired an N64 during my time playing this and somehow my copy of GoldenEye that was hanging out in my backpack as a good luck charm of sorts from the 8th grade (2008) until my final year of college (2019) is still in perfect working conditions which I take a bit of pride in. Not sure what my dirty brother-in-law was doing to his N64 collection that today contains too many BUSTED up cartridges which he now has NO excuse for given the backpacks I've had during my time in school suffered a WHOLE lot of abuse to the point that it's beyond a miracle this cartridge survived.
Anyways, really this is my first time playing this (copy I had in my backpack was just an extra copy a friend back then didn't need). Word on the street is that this does not hold up too well and maybe with some game design choices, sure, and more or less with the N64 controls (didn't play it for too long on there and while I thought it worked just fine for the first two levels I can imagine later levels getting pretty annoying with them) but once you properly reassign the controls on the Switch this thing is on fire. Some levels are all-timers, some levels were a chore to get through. Above all else is the shooting and the satisfaction of seeing, hearing, and landing shots on the bad guys. If there is jank in this version of the game it's so minimal because from my experience an aim-assisted head shot can play out so smooth and feel so good that I can easily overlook a whole lot of things. Was definitely annoyed by a whole lot of things not shooting related here but at the end of the day it's so easy to see why this was such a hit back then and only makes me hate the cheap-ass 2010 remake, that I was BEYOND excited for at the time, even more.
Anyways, really this is my first time playing this (copy I had in my backpack was just an extra copy a friend back then didn't need). Word on the street is that this does not hold up too well and maybe with some game design choices, sure, and more or less with the N64 controls (didn't play it for too long on there and while I thought it worked just fine for the first two levels I can imagine later levels getting pretty annoying with them) but once you properly reassign the controls on the Switch this thing is on fire. Some levels are all-timers, some levels were a chore to get through. Above all else is the shooting and the satisfaction of seeing, hearing, and landing shots on the bad guys. If there is jank in this version of the game it's so minimal because from my experience an aim-assisted head shot can play out so smooth and feel so good that I can easily overlook a whole lot of things. Was definitely annoyed by a whole lot of things not shooting related here but at the end of the day it's so easy to see why this was such a hit back then and only makes me hate the cheap-ass 2010 remake, that I was BEYOND excited for at the time, even more.
2022
I've seen enough and am now clocking out for my own well-being. Not much more to add than what's probably already been exhausted. I can put up with annoying (though some actual good jokes here and there) but I will NEVER put up with boring and cheap. MAD Duke Nukem Forever vibes which is never good but at least Duke is technically competent (or at least more competent) and didn't have a gun that's voiced by dumbass Morty.
1999
Maybe not a perfect 5/5 but given, you know, EVERYTHING that's going on here both technically and structurally (whether for it's time or not) it just feels wrong not to give it that. This is like everything I could ask for in a narrative video game. Further proof that nothing matches the original PlayStation's aesthetics. I always kind of push survival horror to the side despite the fact I'm always playing near perfect games from that genre. Haven't played something that's crawled under my skin this well in a long while, if ever. Hope to get the good ending (the one time I don't fully explore an area in this game upon immediately entering it and it SCREWS me) and try out those sequels (legally, but also I'm not paying like $100+ each for them) someday in the future.
In the beginning, the Waddle Dees' numbers are limited. Maybe around a dozen of them. Civilization must be rebuilt. What's the first thing they build? A movie theatre. I've waited all my life for a video game that truly gets me and I'm very happy it's the Kirby game where Kirby's swallowing cars and vending machines. A wonderful, wonderful game. Ending, the first one (as much as I love this I'm not sure if I'll go any further past the credits, asides from more Waddle Dee Café), is an all-timer. Would've played this forever when I was younger, had more time, and didn't have an entire backlog of games.
1992
Favorite part of the Lethal Weapon movies was when Murtaugh fell into the water at the LA Port and had to use his Sonic the Hedgehog spin move to thwart off sharks.
2021
The 20 or so minutes I spent on the first mission with my one friend in co-op mode is probably the best time I've had with a (new) multiplayer game this year. Just chaotic and plenty of ways to infuriate one another. Gorgeous when you're focusing on the stars and rocks. Frustrating, at times yes, but nothing completely unfair and given it takes place in space it comes with the territory. Wish there was more actual risks in this game other than having to swim about for a minute more for that object you misplaced but it doesn't bother me too much being I was never not having a good time here (asides from mandatory cursing in plenty of parts). MIGHT try to go all out and master in Newtonian mode.
Edit 11/20: Ended up 100%ing it. Just to reiterate, because I basically have the exact same opinion as when I first wrote about this game, definitely needs more risks/challenges (Newtonian mode is a lot more fun but not exactly a big step up in difficulty) but I was never not having a good time playing it (asides from all that mandatory cursing).
Edit 11/20: Ended up 100%ing it. Just to reiterate, because I basically have the exact same opinion as when I first wrote about this game, definitely needs more risks/challenges (Newtonian mode is a lot more fun but not exactly a big step up in difficulty) but I was never not having a good time playing it (asides from all that mandatory cursing).
2022
"I have faith that out art... Will endure for generations to come. Preserved and protected by you. My worthy successor..."
--
"It's been a long, long time since I had the chance to do something good and decent. That's reward enough."
--
"Even if your body dies... Your heart won't, will it? I know it won't..."
1. Distant Future
2. Imperial China
3. Middle Ages (probably the best one)
4. Finale (also probably the best one)
5. Wild West
6. Near Future
7. Prehistoric Era
8. Twilight of Edo Japan
9. Present Day
Loved them all except Present Day. Still liked it though. A good change of pace from the rest of the game.
Got the bad ending (deservingly so) and watched 90 minutes worth of the other endings on YouTube. If you feel the need to cyberbully me for that I understand. It's time for me to move on but I won't ever forget this. One of the few pieces of media that got me to think about that Metal Gear Solid 2 quote about the responsibility we have to leave what traces of life we can when earth inevitably comes to an end. Deserves to be preserved to show that there is good to be found in us humans. A celebration of games, of love, of life.
--
"It's been a long, long time since I had the chance to do something good and decent. That's reward enough."
--
"Even if your body dies... Your heart won't, will it? I know it won't..."
1. Distant Future
2. Imperial China
3. Middle Ages (probably the best one)
4. Finale (also probably the best one)
5. Wild West
6. Near Future
7. Prehistoric Era
8. Twilight of Edo Japan
9. Present Day
Loved them all except Present Day. Still liked it though. A good change of pace from the rest of the game.
Got the bad ending (deservingly so) and watched 90 minutes worth of the other endings on YouTube. If you feel the need to cyberbully me for that I understand. It's time for me to move on but I won't ever forget this. One of the few pieces of media that got me to think about that Metal Gear Solid 2 quote about the responsibility we have to leave what traces of life we can when earth inevitably comes to an end. Deserves to be preserved to show that there is good to be found in us humans. A celebration of games, of love, of life.
1996
"You are a great Wave Racer"
And all was at peace.
Wasn't sure if I was gonna play this for very long and ended up "mastering" it or at least beating every championship and in-game record. Still have a good while to go until I truly master the game and all of it's mysterious (yet perfectly straight-forward) ways but the journey up to here has been just wonderful. Setting aside how pissed off I'd get at those AI cheating fucks in Championship mode (why did no one tell me time trials is where it's at?), I don't think I've ever had this much fun with a racer of any kind. Once you get the controls down it takes off. Helps that it has some of the best vibes & colors the 64 has to offer (the water here is just insane). Of everything they've added to Nintendo Switch Online so far I was not expecting to be so grateful for this one and it's just so cool at how well this holds up almost 30 years later.
And all was at peace.
Wasn't sure if I was gonna play this for very long and ended up "mastering" it or at least beating every championship and in-game record. Still have a good while to go until I truly master the game and all of it's mysterious (yet perfectly straight-forward) ways but the journey up to here has been just wonderful. Setting aside how pissed off I'd get at those AI cheating fucks in Championship mode (why did no one tell me time trials is where it's at?), I don't think I've ever had this much fun with a racer of any kind. Once you get the controls down it takes off. Helps that it has some of the best vibes & colors the 64 has to offer (the water here is just insane). Of everything they've added to Nintendo Switch Online so far I was not expecting to be so grateful for this one and it's just so cool at how well this holds up almost 30 years later.
1990
After 27 years I finally got through/found all of the game's 96 exits (100% completion). Not without using the Switch's rewind feature constantly but I spent so many hours struggling with this game as a kid (certainly isn't THAT difficult anymore) that I basically DESERVE to use it with no shame. Forever and always the best game.
2009
Immensely disappointed that the final battle with Ares wasn't this ambitious Shadow of the Colossus type battle but instead possibly the easiest & dumbest boss battle I've ever played in my many, many years of video gaming. Never mind technological limits of the time (if that would've been a problem), it really feels like they ran out of money and patience with how quick and lazy it feels. All that build-up for a battle that's no different from the hundreds of other enemies I hacked & slashed to death in the exact same way? Some of those respawnable enemies somehow being much harder than this battle with the actual God of War??
10/10 first 1/3rd of the game and then I kind of checked out after that. Lots of stuff here that deeply annoyed me but the scope of this one is pretty insane. Plenty of memorable images here that will be burned into my brain for a long time; highlight being your first time seeing Ares, the giant, in battle as you gaze at him from a mountain in the distance. Just a wonderful, wonderful image and no doubt a highlight of the PS2 era (that I'm playing an HD remake of for the PS3 on the PS4 but still!). While I'm not a fan of this I certainly liked it enough that I'll check out the sequels sometime down the line.
10/10 first 1/3rd of the game and then I kind of checked out after that. Lots of stuff here that deeply annoyed me but the scope of this one is pretty insane. Plenty of memorable images here that will be burned into my brain for a long time; highlight being your first time seeing Ares, the giant, in battle as you gaze at him from a mountain in the distance. Just a wonderful, wonderful image and no doubt a highlight of the PS2 era (that I'm playing an HD remake of for the PS3 on the PS4 but still!). While I'm not a fan of this I certainly liked it enough that I'll check out the sequels sometime down the line.
2004
Got the Japanese version because every mf on the planet wants like $80 for the filthy American version. Knowing no Japanese whatsoever basically all of the word games here involve me taking just a bunch of wild guesses in order to pass them which in retrospect is always hilarious when the clock is ticking so fast at the highest level with one life left and I'm just flipping the game boy all over the damn place hoping something matches up and lets me move on. Still the best. Definitely doesn't get enough recognition for how insanely well it controls especially when things easily could've went south. I think that Touched is still my #1 but this is a close second (have yet to play that supposedly neato GOLD though). A game/series with a soundtrack made up of nothing but the catchiest earworms. Dangerously addicting. In a perfect world we would shut everything down for a week whenever a new entry in this series is released so we can all enjoy it together. A series that can heal this world. Exactly my kind of party.
2007
Narratively, this is a fascinating artifact. So disjointed and surreal it almost feels like the fever dream of a deeply sick crew member recalling their time working on the movie. Obviously rushed to be released at the same time as said movie and yet they completely forgot to incorporate anything from it into the game. Every single villain in the Spider-Man universe seems to be crammed in here and when the developers were ready to put this onto shelves they realized they completely forgot to include any of the major characters from the movie and just haphazardly threw them in there.
How else can you explain why they're given so little time here? If you knew nothing about the movie you would have no idea why all the climatic moments in this are centered around characters with almost no prior build-up. Without the opening and closing monologues that just flat out explains the entire Raimi series and Spider-Man's philosophy nothing here would make sense. Harry, a MAJOR part of the movie(s), only has two moments in this (both moments that the game INSISTS are majorly important) outside the opening monologue and when all is said and done we don't even know the fate of his character. He's just swatted off the screen by a strangely dummy thicc Venom and that's the last we see of him. No reconciliation with Spider-Man/Peter, not even a whisper of him in the closing monologue. He's just gone. Like where the hell did he go? Why did they put him in this??
The climatic finale taking place in a construction site that was surrounded by hundreds of bystanders in the movie is left completely barren here as Spider-Man and New Goblin battle it out with Venom and a GIANT Sandman (mind you, like Harry, this is only the second time the game has you interact with both Sandman and Eddie/Venom). The only person there to care is Mary Jane being her useless self (and that's okay) while bystanders are literally driving right next to the site giving it no attention whatsoever and it couldn't be any funnier how much the game doesn't give a shit about any of it. The game will dedicate four or five missions to each of its own villains but anything from the movie gets one mission after every 30 missions of the game's own. Almost feels like the developers had some kind of vengeance at Sony and purposefully sidelined the movie in favor of their own (boring yet hilarious) stuff. They're game developers working for a major company so it definitely wouldn't be shocking if they had any hostility towards the heads during the making of this.
Nonetheless, bless these developers. Entire game is a combination of rushed & "who fucking cares" with enough effort put into the existent yet non-existent narrative that it hits that peculiar line in the middle of "so bad it's good" and "they actually meant for this to be like this". You can really melt your mind thinking about how this one came to be. Was never not having a good time listening to these iconic characters they've made unbelievably deranged. Highlights of the game are that dummy thicc Venom and when you go idle while wearing the black suit Peter will eventually start screaming for no reason which is probably the only worthwhile gameplay in this. The slow motion dodge button makes the game stupid easy and if you don't use it some sections are almost impossible. Camera is just about the worst thing you can get in a videogame where a core gameplay element is swinging from building to building and the overall presentation is the stuff of nightmares. Back when this came out I remember thinking that this was (or at least was gonna be) next-level stuff that was going to push next-generation consoles to its edge. Maybe Peter sometimes looks neat in the black suit but overall not a single thing here looks good (even for back then) but for the best because would you ever want to replace something like this classic moment, among many, with anything else?.
Definitely a BAD game but certainly an entertaining one. At the end of the day, this has only made me miss the days of the movie tie-in game. Rarely do we get this kind of "memorable" anymore and it only made me sad that this era is long over with. Probably a 1 star for how awful it plays despite how entertained I was by everything else but I can't give anything with Bruce Campbell as The Narrator anything less than two (but this version of the game should really be zeros stars for the omission of our Father Doctor Michael Morbius).
How else can you explain why they're given so little time here? If you knew nothing about the movie you would have no idea why all the climatic moments in this are centered around characters with almost no prior build-up. Without the opening and closing monologues that just flat out explains the entire Raimi series and Spider-Man's philosophy nothing here would make sense. Harry, a MAJOR part of the movie(s), only has two moments in this (both moments that the game INSISTS are majorly important) outside the opening monologue and when all is said and done we don't even know the fate of his character. He's just swatted off the screen by a strangely dummy thicc Venom and that's the last we see of him. No reconciliation with Spider-Man/Peter, not even a whisper of him in the closing monologue. He's just gone. Like where the hell did he go? Why did they put him in this??
The climatic finale taking place in a construction site that was surrounded by hundreds of bystanders in the movie is left completely barren here as Spider-Man and New Goblin battle it out with Venom and a GIANT Sandman (mind you, like Harry, this is only the second time the game has you interact with both Sandman and Eddie/Venom). The only person there to care is Mary Jane being her useless self (and that's okay) while bystanders are literally driving right next to the site giving it no attention whatsoever and it couldn't be any funnier how much the game doesn't give a shit about any of it. The game will dedicate four or five missions to each of its own villains but anything from the movie gets one mission after every 30 missions of the game's own. Almost feels like the developers had some kind of vengeance at Sony and purposefully sidelined the movie in favor of their own (boring yet hilarious) stuff. They're game developers working for a major company so it definitely wouldn't be shocking if they had any hostility towards the heads during the making of this.
Nonetheless, bless these developers. Entire game is a combination of rushed & "who fucking cares" with enough effort put into the existent yet non-existent narrative that it hits that peculiar line in the middle of "so bad it's good" and "they actually meant for this to be like this". You can really melt your mind thinking about how this one came to be. Was never not having a good time listening to these iconic characters they've made unbelievably deranged. Highlights of the game are that dummy thicc Venom and when you go idle while wearing the black suit Peter will eventually start screaming for no reason which is probably the only worthwhile gameplay in this. The slow motion dodge button makes the game stupid easy and if you don't use it some sections are almost impossible. Camera is just about the worst thing you can get in a videogame where a core gameplay element is swinging from building to building and the overall presentation is the stuff of nightmares. Back when this came out I remember thinking that this was (or at least was gonna be) next-level stuff that was going to push next-generation consoles to its edge. Maybe Peter sometimes looks neat in the black suit but overall not a single thing here looks good (even for back then) but for the best because would you ever want to replace something like this classic moment, among many, with anything else?.
Definitely a BAD game but certainly an entertaining one. At the end of the day, this has only made me miss the days of the movie tie-in game. Rarely do we get this kind of "memorable" anymore and it only made me sad that this era is long over with. Probably a 1 star for how awful it plays despite how entertained I was by everything else but I can't give anything with Bruce Campbell as The Narrator anything less than two (but this version of the game should really be zeros stars for the omission of our Father Doctor Michael Morbius).
Total Deaths: 295
Got some very annoying news last week and decided to "relax" with this one right as I was starting the final fight with Chef Saltbaker who, for me, ended up being harder than all the new bosses combined. The stress/anger towards that news combined with Chef Saltbaker's insistence that I am worthless has, I'm pretty sure, permanently displaced my heart beat. Was definitely shaking when I finally killed his salty ass.
Despite shaving years off my life, it's still Cuphead and it is still damn good. Even when I was soft yelling BS at the screen I knew that I could only blame myself and not the game. The best controls you can get when it comes to these HARD games. All the bosses (even that fucking Saltbaker mf) are great but Glumstone The Giant will probably be the most fun boss/level I'll play this year. No images in a game more delightful than the ones of Glumstone ripping off his beard in anger, falling to the ground, coming back up with two hand puppets and having them play catch together.
Got some very annoying news last week and decided to "relax" with this one right as I was starting the final fight with Chef Saltbaker who, for me, ended up being harder than all the new bosses combined. The stress/anger towards that news combined with Chef Saltbaker's insistence that I am worthless has, I'm pretty sure, permanently displaced my heart beat. Was definitely shaking when I finally killed his salty ass.
Despite shaving years off my life, it's still Cuphead and it is still damn good. Even when I was soft yelling BS at the screen I knew that I could only blame myself and not the game. The best controls you can get when it comes to these HARD games. All the bosses (even that fucking Saltbaker mf) are great but Glumstone The Giant will probably be the most fun boss/level I'll play this year. No images in a game more delightful than the ones of Glumstone ripping off his beard in anger, falling to the ground, coming back up with two hand puppets and having them play catch together.
2009
Obviously terrible but more video games/media need to end with their rough & tough protagonist singing/rapping over the end credits. Among others I'm sure, we currently got a list that includes Clint Eastwood, Jackie Chan, Freddy Krueger (ft. Busta Rhymes) and now Dick "Goat Fuck" Marcinko, all hail. Hope to see that coward, Tom Cruise, follow suit next year with the next two Mission Impossibles.
2010
"It appears that the devastation we brought upon ourselves was complete. Heaven, hell, and purgatory were atomized as well. So, when a soul leaves the body, it has nowhere to go and must remain here in the Metro. A harsh, but not undeserved atonement for our sins, wouldn't you agree?"
--
"Even the Apocalypse didn't stop us from killing one another over ideology. I was about to go through the front line between the Nazis and the Communists. I've heard they once fought another war and that the Nazis lost."
--
"....even in these times, we can't relinquish the things that make us human."
--
"Even the Apocalypse didn't stop us from killing one another over ideology. I was about to go through the front line between the Nazis and the Communists. I've heard they once fought another war and that the Nazis lost."
--
"....even in these times, we can't relinquish the things that make us human."