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Favorite Games

Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil 4
Valkyria Chronicles 2
Valkyria Chronicles 2
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Tales of the Abyss
Tales of the Abyss

056

Total Games Played

026

Played in 2024

000

Games Backloggd


Recently Played See More

MultiVersus
MultiVersus

Jun 17

Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes
Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes

Jun 13

Valkyria Chronicles 2
Valkyria Chronicles 2

May 31

Valkyria Chronicles Remastered
Valkyria Chronicles Remastered

May 23

Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil 4

May 18

Recently Reviewed See More

Am I playing a video game or visiting the fucking foreign exchange? Before the tutorial is even done, MultiVersus starts throwing its different currencies at you - the gems, the battle points, the diddly-doodlies, and then fucks right off, not even bothering to teach you the controls properly. Mobile gaming and its consequences have been a fucking disaster for the human race. MultiVersus is ostensibly a Smash clone making use of WB's many phagocytosed IPs, but in reality it's a front to sell you imaginary shit you don't need as hard as possible.

This game is so utterly banal, so sterile, so bereft of personality, so devoid of character, that it sparks no joy at all. The monkey's paw curled, and I realized a huge crossover between all these characters was better left as a pipe dream. Any smidgen of a stimulus has been carefully scrubbed out, with the art style sitting cozily between corporate training video and GrubHub ad, while the music never dares to edge near the foreground. It took me a while to realize that they actually were using musical motifs appropriate to the stages and characters, just that the soundtrack was arranged to be as same-y and unexciting as possible lest the customer switch out of 'buy' mode.

As for the gameplay... it's functional. There really isn't a lot to do, and the game feels very slow, and you spend more time looking at rewards screens screaming 'CLAIM CLAIM CLAIM CLAIM' than you do actually playing. Almost none of the characters are unlocked by default, to force you to either grind for or buy them - it actually kind of shows how diluted Superman's brand has become that he's unlocked by default in a game this greedy. Guess we should accept Batman is the DC mascot now?

This is one of the most cynicism-inducing experiences I've ever had with a video game, and the second-fastest I've abandoned one. It's joever. The obvious attempts to fry your dopamine receptors don't even work anymore... Well, before I quit I did play against two people who had bought custom skins yet barely seemed to know which button did what (and I am by no means good at Smash), so maybe it does work on some folks.

Seeing as Metal Gear is one of my favourite series, I was determined to make an event out of the first time I played Ground Zeroes. I sat down with a plate of strawberries, joking to my friends that, knowing the series' infamously long cutscenes, I would probably have finished them before the first cutscene was over. As you can see, I make very funny and original jokes, which is why I have lots of friends and am DEFINITELY not lonely.

These were famous last words. Not only was the intro over before I had eaten my strawberries, but so was the fucking game. Ground Zeroes is incredibly short, and savvy readers already know the only story-related mission can be completed within an hour.

I'll give it this: from a technical point of view, Ground Zeroes is a marvel. The first time I played it was on a laptop that didn't even have a GPU, and it still ran like a dream. The graphics are phenomenal, bringing the nigh-photorealism we take for granted today. I remember the exact moment in the first cutscene that I realized that there hadn't been a single camera cut, and I was mindblown. This gritty, guerilla-cam directing style became a staple of Hideo Kojima games from this point onwards. The climax is one of my favourite cutscenes in any video game.

And the gameplay is superb. Ground Zeroes provides a stellar stealth action sandbox that, while not quite up to The Phantom Pain's level of 'if you can think it, you can do it,' was an excellent taster of what was to come. There are many ways to achieve your goals, and the developers thought of everything: cutscenes change to accommodate the smallest detail. Despite the low score, rest assured that this game plays very well.

That said, it's terrible value for the money. Ground Zeroes launched for the price of $40, and even today, is being sold for $20 - $10 if you buy it as a bundle with Phantom Pain. Every one of these prices is a scam. Make no mistake, this is a demo. The story can be cleared within 45 minutes, the side ops (all using the same base) lack proper stories, and score chases/collectibles aren't a suitable incentive for the casual player.

It would have made sense if Ground Zeroes had been released as a free demo, or included in The Phantom Pain as a prologue chapter. There are a few players who claim to have hundreds of hours in it, but the only explanation I can think of is that they left their PC on all night. Even if you sieve this game for every morsel of material, it adds up to a few hours at best. Unless you're a completionist, you won't get your money's worth buying this game at full price. And here's the thing: you don't have to impose these conditions while purchasing other games. It's usually bad form to judge a game's value by its length, but here it's justified.

The long and short of it is, Konami found a way to fuck it up once again. It's a shame that a game with such high production value was handled by a company whose unofficial motto is: "Where there's a will, there's a slot machine."

Best known as the publisher for Trails/Kiseki before being subsumed by Marvelous, XSEED Games have a wholesome publishing philosophy: they won't localize a game unless someone in the office really, really likes it. A quick look through their output proves quite eclectic - Corpse Party, Uppers, Unchained Blades, Zwei, Way of the Samurai 4, Ys, the Senran Kagura series. The one nibble of cohesion between all these games is this: they have personality.

Sakuna: Of Rice and Ruin is no exception. It's a charming game about an entitled goddess cast down to earth, forced to subsist as a humble rice farmer. Alongside her are a bunch of humans who walked a little too close to the heavens. They are her only companions on an island plagued by all creatures ungodly. Sakuna must not only clean up this unholy plague, but also take care of her newfound friends.

This is a lovely game. Sakuna does not gamify the task of rice farming; it appreciates it so that we, the players, do so too. You don't click your way through planting and harvesting while virtual numbers go up - you care for your crops. You till the field, add fertilizer, manage the water level, and harvest and hull your crop manually. All from a beautifully stylized third-person view. During your time in the paddy, you can also interact with your makeshift family, eating meals and conversing as the sun sets on your little home. Then dawn arrives, and it's time for work: clearing out demon infestations in side-scrolling combat exploration.

This latter portion makes for a servicable action platformer, marred by a few glitches and weak enemy AI. The farming, however, is the undisputed highlight. Sakuna's homey charm during your time in the rice paddy is unmatched. Yet I do not believe it would be this perfectly achieved if not for the combat sections, feeble as they are. Like garnish on a steak, they complete the package, and give Sakuna the comfortable vibe of the work-life balance we wish for in reality. Highly recommended.