The most "Yakuza" Yakuza game. In its main story, side content, battle animations, etc. they have never made a game before or since that has captured this series' qualities and cranked them up to 11... for better and worse. Everything that is problematic about the series, it's here. Everything that can be tedious about the series, it's here. Everything that makes the series sick, it's here. Everything that you could say about the stories of these games, it's all here. For many reasons I now refrain from calling this "the best", or even that this series is "good" in actuality. However, I know back when I played this as my first Yakuza game, I absolutely had a blast (before and when I got back to it from a 2 year hiatus) and legitimately cried throughout the finale,whether the game actually earned that or not. If you were to play one Yakuza game (and please, for your own sake, do not play every Yakuza game), I'm not truly sure if this should be it, this is the 5th game of a long running series after all, but I do truly believe that this is the definitive Yakuza game in all of its strengths and its faults.

https://i.imgur.com/AbGZYCb.png
Game's heavier than a honey baked ham!!!
For every moment in Yakuza 5 that lead me into thinking I was playing an untamed vortex of passion and uncompromised vision, there were two-to-five other uncomplimentary moments that felt like spinning plates and taking the meandering narrative for walkies. Spreads its roots far & wide across so many ideas and gameplay concepts that, on paper, scans as a maximalist daydream I'd love to lose myself in, but all of it feels so perfunctory and checklisty. Fifty different minigames to micromanage and level up in individually to access Harder Levels of said minigames - - - Vidcon Gospel since time immemoria but my patience has limits :(

Haruka's chapter was probably my personal standout, if only with thanks to how vastly different her story played to any character to come before. The rhythm battles were so fun albeit with the game's slim tracklist, and her substories took on a refreshing dynamic too. The combat in these games has never impressed me but I'd much rather play an unimpressive rhythm game than a brawler I've lost heart in. From a narrative perspective, it is infuriatingly complacent with the practices Japanese idol industry in a way I find legitimately toothless in a series that tends to dedicate fisticuffs to rooting out corruption and it makes Haruka's characterisation weaker as a result.
When came the Shinada chapter I was desperately hoping the end credits would finally begin to roll, which is a shame because he and Koichi's dynamic is probably my favourite spark of character chemistry in the entire series.

I in complete honesty couldn't tell you a single thing that happened in the final hours. This was a game I had started months ago and it rather hilariously demanded for me to recall with perfect clarity a cloak and dagger conspiracy that happened in the initial chapters. The overarching story was a wash for me but I much preferred when the leading cast were locked in their own little bubbles, & exploring their own vignettes about dreams lost & worth aspiring 4. Truly believe that in another world, this would have been a younger me's One Playstation 3 Game For The Month and I'd have completely melted into it - but sadly, I had to play this in incredibly granular sessions that largely felt like clocking in for community service.

+this game basically presents four mini yakuza games with a finale tying everything up, and it's all the better for it. trying to stretch a single plot over 45 hours of story would be a death sentence
+after putting kiryu at the end of y4 with little relevance to the plot, they made sure to put him front and center here, and he's got one of the better stories of the bunch. his loneliness and listlessness as he attempts to provide for haruka and morning glory from afar is a standout arc for him
+the half-step engine upgrade here (that would be used for ishin, 0, kiwami, and fotns following this) is quite good, and makes this one of the better looking ps3 games in my opinion. all the character models look much less like action figures and the level of detail in each city is staggering
+haruka's dance sequences may be my favorite thing in the whole game, with both her main performance minigame and dance battle minigame being the best rhythm games in the series. her story is an unflinching view at the idol industry, and haruka's timid optimism matches her mentor mirei park's bipolar violent/cold streak that hides a yearning for motherhood. haruka also gets briefly kidnapped, and the scene actually feels important and not like lazy filler!
+the princess league competition and japan dome concert are some of the coolest moments in the series. winning feels like a significant accomplishment (esp since losing has lasting consequences), and the performance preceding the final battle serves as a greek chorus richly laying out the thematic underpinnings that encompass kiryu and the villains. truly amazing sequence
+I've always wondered what a game where you're penalized for disobeying the rules of the road would be like, and the kiryu taxi driving sequences nail it. my only complaint is that there's so few missions!
+saejima's hunting sidestory is an interesting and oddly relaxing mode to play in. the area is just large enough to explore without having to commit too much time to it, and hunting larger creatures feels suitably tense without being frustrating
+the improved batting cage minigame feels like its best incarnation, and shinada's sidestory revolving around it shows off the mode rather well
+substories across the board are on par with yakuza 0, if not in wackiness than certainly in quality of writing and difficulty of the prompts. the ones that come to mind immediately are the magical girl idol that akiyama manages for a day, shinada working at the convenience store, haruka having dinner with her vain classmates, and kiryu's acting one (admittedly basically the same as in yakuza 3). substories are also instantly visible on the map, in a major QoL move for the series (one that would be rolled back a bit for later entires)
+the comedy routine minigame is infamous in this version for its difficulty, but I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the translation and feeling of getting prompts correct. iirc the team that localized the remaster couldn't improve it and instead just added a meter that indicates when to press the button, which definitely could have been used here... also just lowering the score required to pass would have been useful. none of them took me more than a few tries to get right though
+baka mitai appears for the first time here, and I got a real kick out of kiryu crying into his drink over the morning glory shibu inu. the saejima/akiyama versions are lovely as well, the akiyama VA in particular has a great voice!
+the ramen cooking minigame... I had no idea about this one going in and enjoyed it quite a bit. I honestly would play it sometimes just for the hell of it
+getting to play as akiyama in this engine was an absolute godsend. he's like the rush style from 0/kiwami on crack, especially with his new launcher/aerial rave move he gets. shinada is also pretty fun to play, and I like how he can grab in the middle of a combo to deal with guarding enemies
+the two omi captains watase and katsuya are great, especially katsuya who reminds me a bit of mine from yakuza 3. I wish they got more screen time, though katsuya gets plenty of great moments bumping up against dyna-chair during the haruka/akiyama section.
+this game might qualify for the least amount of random deaths in a yakuza game, surprisingly enough. you can tell that they sort of know what people expect tho, given how many close scares they throw in throughout the story
+the stakes are so damn high in this game... it truly feels like a game worthy of its length, roster, and size. it's also the first entry that really reflects on how far the series has come and the unquestionable legend surrounding kiryu and his exploits

-issues I have with the combat in 0/kiwami begin to appear here, though it's still reliant on a lot of mechanics from 3/4. encounter rates are much higher, and the combat feels less click-y than any in the older games (akiyama being the exception ofc).
-saejima's special throw is virtually useless, considering how many ways there are to deal much higher damage without expending heat gauge. special moves in general feel overly situational especially as bosses are virtually immune to all of them
-the bosses in this game aren't exceptional, especially as this game worsens the yakuza 4 problem where the entire game feels like its at an early-game difficulty thanks to how often you must switch between characters. anyone who's gotten to this point in the series will likely feel disappointed tackling these compared to previous entries
-majima is supposedly a pivotal character in this game but is incredibly underutilized. he literally appears once at the end and clears up little of the mystery surrounding the plot even though he supposedly was a major player behind the scenes
-the story as a whole... yakuza 4 is incomprehensible in a way that makes it feel sloppy. this game, on the other hand, is confusing in a different way that makes it feel unfinished. the main villain has flimsy motivations and the explanations given for his actions fail to account for parts of plot given prior (what the hell did shinada's section have to do with anything?). there are multiple unexplained plot threads, and the whole game ends without the usual "things go back to normal" scenes that yakuza games tend to have (though this isn't necessarily a bad thing). the game sort of implies that there was supposed to be a third omi alliance lieutenant vying for the chairman position, but he's only mentioned briefly and dies off-screen. characters in the finale often routinely discover or figure out things they have absolutely no reason to know, with no explanation on how they figured them out
-saejima's section has two chapters where you're stuck in prison, with brief dream sequences in tsukimino to chop up the otherwise linear gameplay. the third chapter is entirely hunting-based in a mountain village, leaving most of his actual action to the fourth chapter. this makes his section feel unnecessarily long, and his interactions with kitakata feel like a dead-end for the plot. as I've implied earlier, the only sections that matter from a plot perspective are kiryu's and haruka/akiyama's
-the drag racing minigame is stiff, which is confusing to me given sega's racing game pedigree. thankfully they're very easy thanks to heat actions you can pull off right before the finish line that make losing nigh impossible. I also was disappointed at how many of the submissions in kiryu's sidestory were text-based, given how fun the actual taxi missions are
-the snowball fight minigame is laughably bad, what a shockingly poor FPS engine. thank god the trophy requirements are very slim for it
-the final boss fight is an infamously stupid twist, and a big difficulty spike as well. it's nowhere near as hard as jingu, but it's odd to have a boss with over 10 health bars and a goddamn healing ability after the previous bosses rarely exceeded 2 bars.
-performance on ps3 is not that great, especially in kamurocho, fukuoka, and kineicho. not really an issue given the remaster however

this game is absolutely an incomparable opus, and in some ways a manifesto on what a yakuza game should be. it's riddled with some of the series' highest highs and some pretty low lows, but as a package it's undeniably a fantastic game that is worth stomaching even the worst entries in the series to reach. it's an absolute monster too, with my playthrough clocking in around 80 hours just to reach the end (though I did the vast majority of the substories and finished every sidestory). this is also where I feel like the characterization began really taking off for this series, with much less of a focus on devising characters to tell a plot, and more on fleshing out the characters and making them appealing. a titan of a game I'm glad to finally have completed.

Kazuma Kiryu's career has essentially been a series of attempts to retire which all failed. I already know he's in the next one so evidently this isn't an exception, but it was still meant to be the last game with him as the main character. My assumption is that this would be a big sendoff for everyone: a big treadmill of old pals retiring and leaving things to a new generation. The Florist? Komeki? Sure, heck yeah, bring all those jokers by for a conclusion.

And then that's not what happened! The story instead focuses really narrowly on Kiryu and his found family, old and new. They managed to make a dad game that wasn't just about how hard it is to be a shitty father who hates his kids and abuses them. Amazing. Truly unheard of in the gaming industry. I think a lot of people were not happy that the "main" extended cast of Haruka, Daigo, Majima and Saejima spend most of the game incapacitated. I understand that. I too wanted Majima to show up just like old times and say the thing. I did. But the game is really still about them through a certain lense, and that's interesting. After 5 was a big bloated mess, 6 is scaled way down to make room for a more personal story. Not really a small story, but a personal one.

Just to get the like, game stuff out of the way, I had some mixed feelings on the new engine. It was a bit physics-y at times, making everything feel kinda weightless. But it's nice to get a closer look at some of these spaces we've spent 6 previous games in. I felt that there was less variety in the fighting, but I'm not sure that matters. Weapons seemed more important. The experience system could be interesting but almost everything requires every type, and the green "technique" experience is the rarest, at least with how I played, so it was really just about that one type rather than five. Maybe Kiwami 2 fixes it a little?

So anyway, it's about Family. It's about shitty dads and why they're shitty. It's about how a dad doesn't have to be blood related, but blood is still powerful, but it also isn't enough. Anyone can be a dad, says Yakuza. Dad is a state of mind. But anyone can fuck it up, too. Blood and love and dedication can't do it alone. In the end, I saw that the characters who spent the whole game offscreen were kind of there in spirit the whole time, exerting gravity on events, because it was the end of Kiryu's story, and that means the conclusion of his relationships with all of these people. I cried, in the end. This probably isn't my favorite of these games, but the restraint it showed made it stronger overall, not weaker.

Also he punches a shark in this one.

an impressive study on what makes yakuza tick. crosses a line that the other ps3 titles wouldn’t dare to even tread near. each character is pushed to their absolute limits, placing them under a stern spotlight that shakes the audience’s hearts incessantly. its length is often criticized but realistically demonstrates what a pure, fully thought-out yakuza experience looks like. every part is given their own respective time to shine in full.

where yakuza 5 succeeds is not in the grandiose scope of its overarching narrative (though i do like it better than the previous two titles), rather in the intimate character moments - kiryu’s stoicism against mayumi’s passion, saejima intently conversing with his cellmate recluses, park & haruka’s heart-to-hearts, shinada clashing with familiar faces from yesteryear - the series’ writing is at its peak here. there’s some real thought provoking analysis on each of our protagonists. truly feels like the whole team gave it their all in coordinating the entire experience to insure it felt balanced and emotionally rousing. this is the ultimate blend of every strength this series holds. and fortunately it doesn’t feature a climax that puts the entire narrative’s quality into question.

some other positives i can’t highlight enough would be the gameplay and sheer scope of everything. the combat is some of the most fun i’ve had since 2; i especially enjoy the frequent brawls filled with massive clusters of enemies. i thought they were formidable tests of your skills, almost feeling like a musou at points with how it demands precise spacial awareness to minimize damage taken. wandering around the new and old recontextualized cities in the new engine was just as immersive as it was for me when i sank into 1 & 2’s thick metropolises. something about them here feels more polished than in 3 or 4.

nothing gets left out, nothing is undercooked, and most importantly everything is impactful. i absolutely love the finale and how it wraps up everyone’s characters. kiryu’s final moments are some bone-chilling stuff. yakuza 5 is the quintessential embodiment of what this series stands for.