I played a Gregorian Day's worth of Vampire Survivors looking for any substance and came up empty. This game is the ludological equivalent of doodling endlessly on a pad while you're on hold with the bank. Finding out the developer worked on digital slot machines before making this game made all the pieces fall into place: you pull the arm, the images flash, the numbers go up, you die. It's sickeningly mesmeric, it reeks, it is completely frictionless. It is the exact spiritual midpoint between Cookie Clicker and a pachinko machine. I am worse for having played it and so are you, may god have mercy on us all.