caleb
2022
This review was written before the game released
Thank you, Dark Souls.
2016
More a prototype of an interesting game than an actually interesting game. Fascinating as a mass-scale social experiment, though.
2009
Playing League when there’s Dota is like going to Fogo De Chão and choosing the salad bar.
2016
SUPER. HOT.
I haven’t gone back to confirm this is still the best 3D platformer ever made, but at the time it was definitely the best 3D platformer ever made.
2013
Don’t play this game; it will ruin your life.
2011
AKA “the GOOD Dragon Age.”
2007
They did it. Those bastards did it. They made the perfect video game, and then they made it again nearly just as perfect.
Criminally good. Like a fantasy of every Star Trek and Firefly ship simulator I ever wanted made real. The final boss structure is eventually kind of a bummer, but FTL is otherwise an all-timer.
Groundbreaking storytelling. A then-new standard in 3D platforming. Charming as hell in its presentation.
Also the combat sucks hardcore and you will repeat the exact same sequence of moves about 5,000 times before you even hit the halfway mark. Sours the whole experience, if I’m being honest.
Also the combat sucks hardcore and you will repeat the exact same sequence of moves about 5,000 times before you even hit the halfway mark. Sours the whole experience, if I’m being honest.
Repetitive combat, uninspired level design, and a sluggish narrative that doesn’t have nearly as much to say about mental illness as the breathless advertising and media coverage of this game would lead you to believe. It does some interesting visualization of nightmare PTSD scenarios, but that too quickly grows repetitive (get ready for lots of tall sword dudes in demonic armor. And fire.). There’s close to zero accuracy in its depiction of schizophrenia according to a bunch of mental health professionals and actual schizophrenic people out there, so strip that away and I’m not sure what you’re left with but a dull action game with a thick layer of mud caked over its otherwise lovely visuals.
By the end of the first two hours it hasn’t communicated as much as even a mediocre genre film, which is pretty much my metric for a badly paced video game. It’s also just plain not “fun” to play, though you could probably have guessed that going in.
By the end of the first two hours it hasn’t communicated as much as even a mediocre genre film, which is pretty much my metric for a badly paced video game. It’s also just plain not “fun” to play, though you could probably have guessed that going in.
2017
Feels good to shoot waves of things in this game while you ignore the characters blathering on about some poorly explained, context-free mess of cosmic stories and listen to a podcast instead.
Truly, if you didn’t play Destiny 1 the narrative here is indecipherable nonsense. The game doesn’t even tell you what missions out of the gazillion available missions you’re supposed to do next to advance the “main story.”
But the guns do feel good to shoot, that much is true.
Truly, if you didn’t play Destiny 1 the narrative here is indecipherable nonsense. The game doesn’t even tell you what missions out of the gazillion available missions you’re supposed to do next to advance the “main story.”
But the guns do feel good to shoot, that much is true.
2009
It cannot be overstated how bland and generic this game’s central story is (including its primary antagonist, practically a nonentity). The party members are cool and there are hints of interesting political conflicts in the background, yet the main quest is lowest common denominator Tolkien fan fic.
It’s also got some incredibly tedious copy-paste-encounter dungeon design. The dwarf knockoff Moria level in particular is a labyrinthine hell of repetition no one should have to suffer through for the wet fart that is Origins’ finale.
Why three stars, in that case? Idk, I’m a sucker for Flemeth and illusory moral dialogue trees I guess.
It’s also got some incredibly tedious copy-paste-encounter dungeon design. The dwarf knockoff Moria level in particular is a labyrinthine hell of repetition no one should have to suffer through for the wet fart that is Origins’ finale.
Why three stars, in that case? Idk, I’m a sucker for Flemeth and illusory moral dialogue trees I guess.
2009
Phenomenal core traversal and murder mechanics crushed under the weight of all the tedious chores and terrible dialogue this game expects you to slog through for hours between every assassination.
2016
This game was a bug-ridden mess at launch, but I kinda still loved it. Must be pretty stellar by now with all the patches.