Bully: Rockstar's roughest diamond is a game worth checking out still in 2023, and despite overflowing with jank, I believe it to be a great IP in dire need of a sequel. TL;DR at the bottom.

There've been no remasters of Bully, the closest thing being a slightly updated version stuck only on your cell phone. Meaning, if you're going to try and play this game on PC in 2023, you're in for a tough time. Honestly, so tough, Rockstar probably doesn't deserve your money for it: you'll likely need to run it in compatibility mode, definitely need at least one fan-released patch, and tweak settings in your graphic card's control manager as you cannot do so in-game. After that, you'll still be putting up with hard crashes, animations locking up, unadjustable sensitivities, some audio sounding like it was recorded through telephoned walkie-talkies, and bugged missions that have you alt-tabbing after each snowball toss. It is also a must that you play with a controller, believe me. I tried KB+M for a long while, but it is fundamentally flawed and the controls are terrible. If you play Bully on PC in 2023, there's simply no way you're going to have an effortless nor flawless time with it.

All of that said, I think a lot of Bully is Rockstar at their finest. You like their jokes? Bully is loaded with them. Eclectic characters? Plenty here. World exploration, stacking cash, and pummeling annoying pricks? Baby, you got it.

Bully shines the most in its gameplay variety and humor. If you like video games, you probably like Grand Theft Auto, but let's face it: it's often a repetitive loop of drive here, shoot twelve people, drive away. Bully will send Jimmy to ten different classes, each with their own minigame, there's bicycle and go kart racing, carnival and arcade games, lawn mowing and paper route jobs, and more. Don't want to dress in a Bullworth uniform? There is a wild number of outfits for you to embarrass Jimmy in: try scoring a recently-scabbed cold sore kiss from Beatrice for the double health bonus while you're dressed like Santa's elf.

I love the world of Bully. Pissing off the wonderfully-named principal, Dr. Crabblesnitch, just feels right. Painting increasingly lascivious renditions of the art teacher in the morning, boxing the cousin-dating, future-senator yuppies in their gym at night. Accepting a mission for a whopping $10 payout, enough for a pair of shorts and a couple emergency Beam Colas. Thinking you're dealing drugs for the chemistry teacher only to find you've been selling hair-growth cream around town, cream that has rendered said teacher addled, experiencing hallucinations, yet still leaving him bald. Jimmy romancing a classmate with a Shakespearean "Nice shoes... let's make out." This game just has a simple charm to it that was achieved thanks to a lot of work put into the little things.

I really enjoyed my time with Bully, enough to 100% the game, which for the most part didn't feel painful and was just a rewarding completionist act. The last couple errands were tough to find and drinking 500 sodas was masochistic, no two ways about it. Rockstar has said they love the Bully world too and want to do more with it, but it's been a long time with nothing official. I'd like a sequel with Jimmy in a rundown community college.

I highly recommend Bully, even with its terrible PC port!

TL;DR Be prepared for a lot of issues with the game. You'll likely find yourself saving extremely often after learning the hard way how much progress a hard crash can take from you. Despite the problems, Bully is very charming and full of fun, and if you like Rockstar games, I'm sure you will enjoy what Bully can offer you.

Combining Rockstar's cynical sense of humor with the sensibilities of an early 2000s high school drama may sound like a disaster waiting to happen, but Bully manages to straddle the line between childish whimsy and immature edginess to land an atmosphere that feels wholly unique compared to almost any other game, movie, or tv show.

Even almost 20 years later, I can stand by my opinion that Bullworth is one of Rockstar's most accomplished worlds. Almost every student has a unique persona and persistent voice lines, personalities, and positions in student hierarchies that fluctuate as the game progresses. It's an accomplishment, especially for the early 2000s hardware.

Finally, the gameplay itself isn't anything astonishing, but Rockstar has expertly transitioned the GTA formula into a more adolescent format flawlessly. No longer will you be stealing cars and shooting guns, but instead riding around on bicycles and slinging kids in the back of the head with a slingshot.

Bully is the most interesting game Rockstar has ever produced, and is a bonafide classic of the open world genre.

Starfield is an incredibly unfortunate game on multiple fronts. It's not a title that can be labeled as "lazy" or "unpassionate" as love and effort oozes from almost every corner of the game from it's shipbuilder to the hundreds of planets you can explore. However, it's also clear that the scope of this game was never going to work with a Bethesda-esque RPG in mind. As a result, the game is incredibly unfocused and the quality of quests vary wildly from moment to moment. A truly special moment will come along every ten hours or so, but you'll end up filling the time between with meaningless and boring adventures that won't stick around in your mind for long.

There are some people that are worried Ninja Theory will be closed because of what occurred with Tango Gameworks recently. Worry not, fellow Xbox denizens and zealots, as a leaked, highly confidential performance review of Ninja Theory written by Satya Nadella has just come across my desk. I will post the performance review below in its entirety, unredacted. This performance review shows that this game was indeed a 10/10 experience, and that Microsoft, Xbox and Satya all love Ninja Theory and that Ninja Theory is long for this fucking world:

“Performance review of Ninja Theory
Performance assessed by Satya Nadella, CEO
Performance corroborated by Amy Hood, CFO, and Phil Spencer, CEO of Microsoft Gaming


Teamwork: 10/10

Willing to be counted on by their teammates and expect the same in return
Develops strong relationships in a professional setting with coworkers, superiors, and other staff members
Provides support to teammates on their tasks, even though they are not directly responsible for them or obliged to help
Exemplifies a culture of collaboration on a daily basis
Readily collaborates with their coworkers to accomplish the goal
Exceptionally adept at motivating team members to bring out their best effort.
Oversees the team's operations and delegates tasks to team members appropriately.
Built a highly motivated team that collaborates to commence and finish the task on or before the deadline
Always willing to assist teammates who are going through a tough time with their responsibilities


Attendance: 10/10

Replies to emails and attends calls of stakeholders on time
Attend conferences, workshops, and seminars on time at all times
Always arrive on time for work each day
Completed 5 years of flawless attendance
Consistently available even when their division's work schedule is unrelated to it
Follows the schedule and plan as accurately as attainable
Always shows up on time, sticks to the schedule, and takes lunch breaks as scheduled


Interpersonal skills: 10/10

Has strong interpersonal skills and needs little to no instruction in communicating well with others
Possesses the ability to deal with sensitive circumstances promptly and efficiently
Can hear and effectively comprehend verbal and nonverbal indications from coworkers
Ensures that their teammates are comfortable with a decision made by a higher authority
Is an excellent team player who enjoys working with others
Possesses the ability to resolve team conflicts
Has the capability to collaborate with colleagues to resolve conflict in a respectful manner
Possesses the ability to communicate clearly with people from different cultures, places, etc.


Communication: 10/10

Adept at efficiently conveying complex messages and decisions
Routinely offers constructive criticism
Communicates complex subjects to the rest of the team in a transparent and understandable manner
Asks interesting and meaningful questions
Not afraid to answer when confronted with a difficult question
Is skilled at summarizing and conveying critical business decisions
Is open to hearing other people's opinions


Achievement: 0/10

Game was not really a game. Seemed like more of a movie?
Game received only 81 on OpenCritic
Sales are absolutely tanking
No material movement in software sales, console sales, or subscription sales and retention as a result of this game


Innovation and creativity: 10/10

Frequently comes up with fresh, creative answers to handle difficult situations
Thinks creatively and unconventionally
Always encourage or assist teammates in coming up with innovative ideas
Their creative capabilities are a valuable contribution to the company
Has a strong imagination and routinely offers some of the most original ideas
Uses creative thinking to carry out a vision for the business
Consistently offers fresh ideas during meetings and when working on projects




Overall: 10/10

Conclusion from CEO Satya Nadella: We will not close Ninja Theory. However, we will lay off 45% of the staff. And we will no longer greenlight games like Hellblade II from this studio. Consider having Ninja Theory join Activision’s umbrella to work as a Call of Duty support studio.”

I thought Splinter Cell: Blacklist was damn good. While it felt weird hearing somebody else besides Michael Ironside voicing Sam Fisher, I thought Eric Johnson did fine. What I appreciate most about this installment in the franchise was the ability to tackle the missions (or most of them) the way you wanted to. If the series ever makes a return, I do hope that they keep going in that direction. Story was good and the characters served their purpose by helping push the story along. Don't look for any deep character development here but was is here is enjoyable.