The true horror of this game is the cruel reality of the average underpaid employee in the fast-food chain industry. It's not Freddy who we must fear, the real monster here is the CEO of that cursed company.

It's REALLY hard to not see Five Nights at Freddy's as anything but the thing would end up inspiring such a massive cultural phenomenon and be the grand-father of the plague that it's the ''Mascot-Genre'', and right out of the gate many will despise it for that reason alone, and I mean, it's not like FNAF is the most quality franchise out there, but as someone that was there to witness the YouTube explosion when the original four games released and I still have a soft spot for these animal robotic weirdos, so it was only fair to face my past and beat the origin of the nightmare… and I’m left feeling so conflicted…

For the first two nights we have a game that manages to create an oppressive ambience, only make even more dreadful ad the prospect of not being able to move, be at the mercy of two metallic doors and a power system, and specially because of the looks and sounds of this crusty pizzeria and the lack of knowledge of the things that haunt you. It’s not a simple background for funny YouTube men to scream at in exaggerated ways, it truly manages to create a knot in your stomach, you are lost but always knowing what tools at your disposal, you are left in the dark and on your own, only accompanied by the calls of another night-guard that’s clearly trying to make this situation look like everything except what it really is. The jumpscare is only the release of all tension built during the night and the punishment for failing, and not what the fear of the experience fully revolves around. This blend of elements works wonderfully, and it made me realize that this game may be far than it could appear now-a-days… and then night 3 comes around and that just kinda stops.

Nothing in the game necessarily changes for the worst, but every horror elements goes away by that point and a deep feeling of routine sets in; you begin doing the same things over and over just faster and faster, and yes, it still is satisfying to overcome a night, but not because I feel like I defeated the mechanical forces that were going after me, it felt more like just getting over an incredibly boring shift… which it honestly may be even more suffering inducing. But even jokes aside, that’s just what it feels like, a samey experience that still retains some moments of terror with the introduction of Mr. Fredderick himself, but it also doesn’t last long once you realize what you need to stop him from even moving, and that the biggest problem the game could possibly have, because without those feelings it evokes at the beginning, you are left with a simplistic, not really visually pleasing nor interesting and tedious experience that only the only thing that it doesn’t even have a story yet, not that it matters ‘cause seeing how it convoluted it is a this point, it’s for the better to not really have it.

Five Nights at Freddy’s is not really horrible, and I don’t think I could bring myself to call it consistently bad. It works, it functions, it has an amazing start and really cool ideas, but it only strives to be an average arcade game instead of expanding on what it initially builds upon. Maybe more mechanics and animatronics would have helped, maybe they would have turned into less of a horror game, it’s really hard to tell with this one…

In the end, even if it’s not a great game by any stretch of the imagination, after playing all I can think of is not the problems , the night 5 tedium and the unspeakable horrors it would inspire, but the good memories of sharing theories and watching announcements about it with friends, the actually great stuff related to it, be it fan web series or fan-games. It has it’s own dumb beauty that a game so flawed could create so good moments for many… but I’m not dumb, I know very well of how its community and creators around can be and do some of the most horrible things imaginable, but I really want to leave this review in a good note so let me have this!

And hey, maybe the new upcoming Plus remake may solve many of the problems I have with it and turn it into a worthwhile horror game, but that may be me just being way too optimistic, only time will tell…

EDIT 08/14/2023: SO... THAT AGED QUITE POORLY QUITE FAST... I don't want to get into specifics since this not the time nor the place, but putting it short: following a controversy related to FNAF Plus's main developer, he resignated from the "Fanverse Initiative" and, considering how the game's page was pulled from Steam, it's fair to say that the game is not seing the light of day anytime soon... It's honestly embarassing to end the review in such a positive note only to be proven wrong mere days after the fact, even if there's a bit more of nuance in this case (I say this but the creator acted EXTREMELY bad and unproffesionally,I'm not condonning anything what-so-ever). Again if you want to get the full picture, you'll have to do it on your own, but now one thing is clear; this outcome is far more bleaker than I could have ever expected, and sometimes I should be more cautious with my optimism... Man, this sucks...

Oh and also, I played this with a buddy watching me and after dying a lot of times in the fifth night, the winning attempt was the one we talked about Ford v Ferrari and Christian Bale, so the fact that actor and this series of games will be forever intertwined in my brain for now on is not the outcome I expected, but it is very funny nonetheless.

I was lied to, I was deceived, bamboozled if you will.

It wasn't Sonic who had a rough transition to 3D. It was Sonic Team.

Sonic Adventure is a mess, and I mean, in what world it wouldn't have been? It follows the long lasting tradition of the franchise of having bat-shit and insanely short development cycles, plus the fact it was the game that followed a myriad of disastrous attempts of bringing the blue bastard to the third dimension without inducing massive headaches or implicating near-death experiences; and what fucking worse better ingredient to add to this mixture of chaos (eh? see what I did there?) than good ol' crunch time?! The game needed, nay, it HAD TO release alongside the Dreamcast's launch, which considering how that console was the ''make it or break it'' for the company, in a way it makes sense, but it only worsened the making of a really ambitious game that already had a ton of issues to begin with. I could keep talking about the problematic design and development philosophies of SEGA and Sonic Team and the problematic relationships between the American and Japanese divisions but it would take me quite literally more than entire reviews I’ve written in the past, so for know let’s simply say that this was yet another Sega moment™.

Even if you didn’t know the game was done under sever crunch, it’s not like it hides it very well. When I say Adventure is a mess, I mean it, it has the whole pack: really clunky animations which, even if in part can be justified when taking into account the time of its release, the really weird pacing and direction of the scenes sure can’t; the movement of almost every character can sometimes feel imprecise and things like Sonic’s homing attack just decide to not work out of nowhere; extremely buggy collisions that make running along walls feel extremely unreliable and glitchy and it seems that the lands surrounding Station Square must have poor soil since you are able to go fall through thE GROUND SO MUCH; the main overworlds, while sometimes cool, feel pretty empty and don’t really point you in the right direction and that can make it very confusing to navigate them, and even if there are reasons to explore them since there are secret emblems and even power-ups to get, a lot more work could have been put into making places like Mystic Ruins feel more engaging to traverse and explore; the whole story parts related to Tikal and Chaos feel rushed and disconnected to the individual stories and even the overarching basic plot, and while by the end we may get the overall story, I really doubt that the characters aside from Sonic and Knuckles know what the hell was going… Oh and just to add a little bit of salt to this really weird dish, many of the glitch related problems are even greater in the DX version, since what should have been the ‘’definitive’’ way to play Adventure just screw things up even more! This, in all honesty, should have been unbearable, I’m not exactly one to be really bothered by technical problems, but when so much of the game feels so rough around the edges and when movement, the hubs and the ‘’puzzles’’ feel so archaic and/or choppy, it should have made the entire game in nothing more than a cool history piece, the first dive of the hedgehog into full-blown 3D and another showing at how we could have almost had a fantastic game if the team was just given enough time… except no, that’s not how the story goes, much less how it ends, ‘cause after having a laugh at the funny animations and weird dialogue and voice acting when I started the game, I began the first phase in Sonic’s story and I… enjoyed myself, like, despite some moments of frustration because of the aforementioned problems I was having a great time? And I actually adored the levels and concepts and found them to be really entertaining? And I during the whole game I was actually having a ton of fun with the story and actually getting invested? WHAT KIND OF WITCHCRAFT IS THIS??!!

Things that by all accounts should have been almost anger inducing where the ones I grew so attached to; the corny voice acting and animations became so endearing in a way I cannot describe, the dumb songs with lyrics that play during cutscenes that at first where annoying turned into something I cannot get enough of, the glitches-no, those are still bad, especially when they made me lose a life, but certain things like the bosses’ life bars nor feeling the gauge and certain aspects of the game’s ‘’unpolishment’’ were… adorable, not in a ‘’Awwwwwww ~, they are trying his hardest, it’s so cute’’ but in a ‘’There’s a incredibly solid game here and that makes the minor mistakes really endearing’’ type of way, ‘cause yeah, the only reason these things awaken these feeling in me is because, despite everything, there’s a metric ton of fun to be had with Sonic Adventure.

‘’How the hell do we translate this character’s gameplay from 2D to 3D?’’ is a question that many major franchise’s had to face, and it was especially difficult to answer back during the fifth and sixth generation; Mario found its answer in a more open world approach, with different missions in big areas not divided by levels, and Sonic, after so many trials and tribulations, found its own way to resolve the conundrum by bringing new ideas to the table as well as keeping what worked from the pixel days and expanding upon it. As I mentioned before, we have a few ‘’Adventure Fields’’ at our disposition, and while as I said I find them to be too big and empty for their own good, they are still pretty neat playgrounds to test the different characters moves and it’s cool they managed to create areas in which everyone can traverse easily, plus since you’ll be re-visiting these places so much during the six camapaings, it's fun to quickly know and react to what you need to do to progress and even find ways to resolve the same puzzle with different abilities at your disposal, even if it’s clearly still re purposing content and a by-product of the lack of time the team had to expand upon each area. But where the true meat lies it’s on the action stages, and oh my sweet chaos, this stuff is GOOD. Instead of the 2D Zone and Act usual division, we get singular stages that we revisit multiple times with different characters each; every time they are perfectly adapted to the character’s gameplay and objection, and it honestly feels like we are visiting different places of the same area each new time, which makes it not only feel overall bigger, but when we actually get to explore same lay-outs feel worth-wile and allows this weird world feel alive and connected. Specially in Sonic and Tails’ case, these zones feel like an bringing old levels to the third dimension, having speed sections and different paths to take and explore, but it also functions as an expansion of that concept, there’s more verticality, more twists and turns, more ideas thrown to you to resolve and more puzzles and obstacles to beat than ever before, some may be a bit uninspired, but most fit the theming and new environment extremely well, like platforms that allow you to walk vertically or switches that activate rockets and secret passages. There may be hiccups along the way, but it’s all just so consistently and just so… uncompromised. Despite all the problems and hurdles, it’s clear that the team didn’t want to give up on ideas, it’s clear they believed that they game wouldn’t be what it needed to be unless they put everything it needed: six full stories with six completely different characters, three main huds with a ton of NPC’s with funny interactions and even upgrades to the movesets and kits, and overarching plot that works incredible with the different perspective idea and a god-damn entire sub-game about raising a Chao that is incredibly well designed and mechanically deep and connects to the main game really naturally… Yeah, I wasn’t joking when I asked which witchcraft they used, they called fucking Ixis Naugus for this shit. And you know, all this talk about how fun and mechanically sound the game is and the six different stories, makes me want to rank them and talk a bit about them individually… but nah, I honestly don’t have that much to sa- SIKE LET’S DO IT.

-Number 6 is Amy’s story, I like the idea of a more stealth approach, but Amy herself probably feels the worst to control out of all the characters and the phases go on for too long despite the story itself being pretty short. It also just doesn’t add a lot to the overall plot, even if I like the idea of Amy gaining more independence and helping the little birdie. Last boss is also pretty cool.

-Number 5 is Big the Cat. Even ignoring my love for the absolute unit that its Big, I really didn’t hat its phases, I understand why it can be the least favorite to some but I liked the phising mechanic once I got used to it and this more calm, slower set of levels was a fun way to change things up. Last boss sucks ass tho.

-Number 4 is for Knuckles. It flip-flops between being pretty fun and a chore; the echidna himself controls like silk and I like a more exploration-based gameplay, but the randomness of the emerald pieces placements made it so it was either a walk in the park or extremely frustrating. But hey, punching enemies and bosses was a blast and Knuckles’ personality and theme were pure gold. I loved the stupid rad red.

-Number 3 goes for Tails. As an individual story plot-wise it was probably my second favorite, I loved this kid’s story of self-improvement and how that tied on beating Sonic on the levels themselves, plus the fact that it was him who ended up saving everyone from Eggman made it such a fantastic way to wrap up his arc, since after all is Sonic who gets the spot-light in the final story. Some clunky combat and frustrating movements because of flight make it so it can’t be higher, but it’s still pretty damn good.

-Number 2 is for Sonic and Super Sonic. The fact that this is one of the best it’s the best possible outcome since it’s also the longest. Just a fantastic translation of Sonic’s gameplay into 3D, I loved the light dash and the homing attack here (except when they didn’t want to work) and going fast can be an absolute joy. Super Sonic is also a great send off to the game, a fantastic final boss and a really nice implementation of the yellow version of the hedgehog.

-And finally, number 1 is Gamma. I… wow… I just…. I honestly wish it was even longer. Gamma has by far the most interesting narrative in the whole game, and probably in any Sonic game period. It tackles incredibly interesting themes without spelling them out to the public, and whether that was intentional or because it was rushed, the result was outstanding nonetheless; and it did that while also being a really fun journey with thight controls, shooting down enemies and hovering was probably the most fun I had in all the game along side Sonic’s sections. I loved Gamma’s story of self-doubt and discovery, it was fantastic and honestly, the fact it was so beautiful perfectly showcase the entire game as a whole.

It's so beautiful and full of heart at times, even if sometimes it’s rough and has little polish; it’s so fun to control and packed with content, even if that sometime makes it bite its own ass. Even if it has problems, what the team managed to accomplish here is nothing short of commendable. It still pains me that I cannot say that I liked it more, but you know what? I’m happy that I like it this much. Sonic Adventure is shattered dream, one that they managed to put the pieces back to place, and even if easy to see the places where its broken, it’s extremely charming, fun, and full of passion and genius. Rough… yeah, that may be true… but also sleek when it really wants to be…

Oh… I completely forgot about the music, didn’t I?... Well, it doesn’t matter…

No really, It Doesn’t Matter, ‘cause IT’S A FUCKING FANTASTIC SONG AND AN INCREDIBLE OST LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

''Pokémon is a franchise that plays it safe'' is a statement that only gets more and more true as time goes on and the whole brand gets bigger. The card game, the mobile free-to-play ventures, an animated series and every conceivable form of merchandising under the sun; the games aren't the only major product anymore, and it could even be considered that they aren't the main ones anymore. There’re deadlines to be met and other products to coincide with, and opportunities to expand or experiment upon the stablished formula, let alone deliver a polished product, are something that now can only be considered a luxury instead of a standard.

But you most likely already knew all of this, even if you are not a fan of the series; this rather pedantic introduction is not to say something about this Pokémon age in which we are in that everyone knows, but rather how it is made all the more bizarre considering that, not so long ago, the series went through what is perhaps its most experimental and weird (in a good way) period, the ‘’DS Era’’. The mainline games, while maintaining the same core gameplay, sought revolutions in other ways beyond visual changes, most interestingly in the narrative department: the fourth generation bringing a more ‘’spiritual’’ perspective to the world of Pokémon with the exploration of myths and legends; and the fifth generation proposing an entire deconstruction of what the series stood for. Beyond personal gripes or serious problems that the games may have had (I’m looking at your direction, Diamond and Pearl!), it’s obvious that during this time there were attempts at exploring what new things Pokémon could bring to the table, and even tho Pokémon Dash or even Link! came before, and in reality this one is a GBA game as much as it is a DS one, there’s no doubt in my mind that Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Rescue Team is the game that marked the first step into this Trainerschool of thought… That was my worst pun to date I’m so sorry…

There had already been a lot of spin-offs for the series like Colosseum and Snap, but Mystery Dungeon stands out for different reasons: not only does it try out a new form of gameplay, or at least new for this series, but it also puts a ton of focus on the narrative, something that the games outside of the main generational line usually stray out of, specially the handheld ones, the which at this point mainly consisted of the trading card games and… pinball. So while Blue Rescue Team is not the first Pokémon game to try out new gameplay styles or have a more involved narrative, it’s certainly the first of its kind on trying to mix and match this myriad of elements in a way none of the other spin-offs had ever even attempted, a big full-blown adventure outside of the usual catching and battling routine, and all of this is extremely important to consider, or at least it is to me, because it gives me the lenses in which to review this game; I already knew that I didn’t want to compare it to what would come after simply because it isn’t fair, and a lot of factors that would come in consideration for latter entries don’t really apply here, and I also know that I don’t want to analyze it like any other game in the series ‘cause that’s just not what it is. Blue Rescue Team, even by today and its own series standards it’s its own thing that asks for your investment and considering what it’s trying to do… and it’s all this build-up and considerations with it what makes it even more painful to say that, despite some bright spots, I can’t bring myself to ignore its faults and feel the shame of how it close comes to greatness, only to throw out most of its inspired ideas for seemingly no reason.

The Very Good Stuff

But that’s a story for the half-way mark, ‘cause when the adventure starts there are little to none complains. If this game is something, it’s charming: from the cheesy dumb quiz that will decide what Pokémon you will be to the almost manic attitude of your companion and how you both become best buddies almost immediately, it gives for a fantastic first impression of what will be a seemingly more carefree adventure, but it also has a great hook: I really wanted to know what happened that resulted in the transformation into a Pokémon and the meaning of the dreams that the main character had from time to time, and even if it takes a while, these are questions that the game will pick up in extremely interesting and compelling ways. Yes my friends, this is an isekai and I’m IN. I also couldn’t stop myself from falling in love of how this game looks and sounds; like I said, this is effectively a GBA game, and the differences with Red Rescue Team are minimal. The game doesn’t hide that it was made for a completely different system, and it has barely adapted to the newer hardware, both in the lack of updates to the non-existent use of the DS particularities like the touch screen (and the use of the upper screen is a minor convenience at best and inconsequential at worst), and even tho this should by all accounts translate into me calling it a ‘’lazy port’’… I just couldn’t care enough when everything was so good-looking and sounding as it was.

The different musical pieces are stellar, simple but catchy and wonderfully brought to the newer sound-font, it just took the title screen to win me over, like… Listen to it, listen to it and REJOICE IN THE DUMB FUN! The pixel art work is also immaculate, a ton of attention and care was put into every single tile: the Pokémon themselves and the amazing portraits representing their emotions unique to each one, the buildings with more personality than entire games, the fantastic environments, even if most are static, feel alive and pop out thanks to the amazing detail and colors. It’s joy to listen and watch this game… which it kinda need to be since most of the time is spent in otherwise very similar narrow corridors… Speaking of which…

Dungeons, More Dungeons and… You Are Never Gonna Guess It...

Dungeons!

Soooooooooooooooooooo remember when I said that the gameplay of this game was new to the Pokémon series but not exactly a brand new concept? Well, what is also not brand new is the name ‘’Mystery Dungeon’’! Even tho now it’s a name that’s almost completely associated with Pokémon, in reality it could be considered a subseries of sorts, in which they stand along several games based on Dragon Quest and even a remake of the second entry of theShiren The Wanderer series. So yeah, in reality this spin-off was born of taking a concept that originated from another spin-off from another series and putting Pokémon in it, and the result is a Pokémon Rogue-Like game!... Those bastards… Jokes and simplifications aside, the ‘’Mystery Dungeon’’ formula fits this new context EXTREMELY well; it retains a ton of the elements from the main series while still feeling organic; the type chart, the four selectable moves and the possible items all are ones that those familiarized with the series will immediately recognize, a the transition from main-line game to MD is made a lot easier by the fact, tho it’s not like it really matters. All of the systems are extremely simple and can even be simplified, like binding actions to certain commands, and while as I said the type chart is still present, it has been MASSIVELY simplified, eliminating immunities and a ton of resistances, and while knowing what type of move to use it’s still very useful in most situations, this is that type of game where you can brute force your way out of pretty much every situation with the right items and right positioning… except when you steal something Kecleon. DO NOT STEAL ANYTHING FROM KECLEON

So, on paper, everything sounds fine and dandy: we have a gameplay system that fits quite well on the context of controlling one of these capsule monsters and recruiting others and has a ton of elements from the original series plus putting a flare with its own ideas, plus the motivation for saving and helping other Pokémon makes it so the possibilities for missions are almost endless… Even if I wish they weren’t.

That simplicity that originally wasn’t that bad and even welcomed starts becoming a problem when you notice things like that the AI partners are incredibly slow and won’t ever take any kind of initiative, the death of any of the partners will prompt the immediate failure of the mission, the rewards feel lackluster at best and the game ends up almost encouraging you only accepting the missions with the best rewards DESPITE the story saying the opposite message… The systems are stretched so thin that it’s impossible to notice the broken stitches; repetition is the name of the game here, and boredom is guaranteed when you have to do the exact the exact same tasks over and over again purely for the sake of padding, and I mean it literally since many of the story sections are stitched through these pointless deviations, SPEAKING OF WHICH.

The Not So Good Stuff

What at first seems like a game that seems to mix the fun on going on to missions with a more episodic but still cohesive narrative doesn’t take too long to turn into a snail-paced adventure with more care for the spectacle than for the substance.

It drops its most interesting arc, one where you and your partner are forced to run from every single other rescue team and abandon the town and your friends, just before it can have a proper conclusion, depriving us from a proper final confrontation from what it seems like a logical final battle, but hey, you battled some really cool legendary birds along the way! That makes up for it right?... Right?

What at first is charm dumb fun ends up turning into a desperation for the story to take a logical turn, to have proper stakes instead fumbling around to battles that happen out of nowhere and the only stakes that they have is that they are against big birds and dragons. It’s clear it wanted to tell a story, a story about characters, a story about the people on this small world and their slow desperation against the superstitions and the impossible, but instead it just didn’t. Instead, we have a ‘’villain’’ that I really like the concept and his personality, but ultimately feels wasted because he has so little importance in the main story, and he only gets more focus after the credits roll. Instead, we have a final battle that its barely built upon and the final menace comes up of nowhere. Instead, we got wasted opportunity for expanding upon the world after wasting opportunity. Instead of an absolute success, we got a faulty attempt… an attempt with a ton of heart.

Where I found a repetitive gameplay loop and a wasted storyline, many others found n amazing game worth loving, one that sparked in many the love for the franchise, all because a small experiment that turned out to be so unique in so many way.

Blue Rescue Team would go on to create a pretty big series, and its sequel would result in a monument of a game, and that’s a story for another time, but even ignoring that, even with its many errors and faults, I’m glad Pokémon Mystery Dungeon is real, I’m glad it came out at the time it did and even if I wished I could be more positive about it, it sure did make me smile and have fun.

I just wished it went harder at places, that it had the courage to go all in. But that’s more of a dream than anything else…

“All dreams are but another reality’’.

‘’Never forget…”

I have a confession to make... despite the fact I hold this game in a extremely high regard and I even already praised it when I reviewed Fever, I actually never reached its end, and you know, after finally beating it after so long... I understand why.

Rhythm Heaven/Paradise doesn't pull any punches, I don't know if I would call it the hardest game in the series, but it's for sure the most consistently challenging out of all of them, especially when going for the Superbs. In occasions it feels like the game it's saying to your face ''Oh, do you want a reward? Maybe a pat on the back? Then you gotta earn it, bucko'' and proceeds to tell that you did ''Just OK'' despite only making ONE (1) mistake in the whole rhythm minigame, and that's not something that happens one or two times, it's an extremely common occurrence... and I love it for it!

I love that it's so demanding that in some cases it asks for perfection, I love that it requires to put the DS in such a seemingly weird position and can only be controlled with the touch screen, I love that it was marketed as a game that everyone can enjoy and learn from despite its absurdity and difficulty, I just love that it doesn't feel ashamed to be what it is, and on the contrary, it constantly enjoys simply existing. And you may be thinking: ''...well, that's nice I guess, but you've said really similar things about both Tengoku and Fever, so what makes Heaven/Paradise so special?’’ and the answer to that is quite simple… FROGS SINGING IN SPANISH.

Take everything I said about Fever making you feel incredibly happy while you are playing it, multiply it by at least a hundred, and you get the exact way I feel when I’m experiencing Blue Birds; while I’d say that both games are on par quality wise, all of the rhythm minigames in both experiences being incredibly creative and fun, Heaven/Paradise has a certain charm that I find extremely difficult to describe despite how easy is to pint out; every game has its unique visual flare, the music has that unique feeling that only the DS sound font can give off while also being unlike anything else on the system and producing some absolute BANGERS, and in spite of Megamix proving that a lot of this minigames can be controlled with a button control system just fine and even improving upon them, I’d still say that is this ‘’Touch book’’ system of controlling the game and holding the handheld what makes it that much more unique and injects so much fun into it. There is not other game like Rhythm Heaven/Paradise for the DS, even if I think Megamix is the superior experience in the series, is this one that it’s the most… well, itself; the one that pulls all the stops, the one the weirder stuff (as hard as that is to believe), the one that went as far as to even have full-blown vocal translations of songs to other languages, and as such the one that feels more personal, the one that feels just like paraíso.

Even if there are a lot of re-used minigames which don’t feel expanded upon enough, even if the flicking and touching control scheme can get a bit to get used to (even tho it ends up being a fantastic way to play the game and I absolutely loved it), even when the difficulty to get 100% completion can begin feeling a bit like bullshit (Remix 6 is absolute evil), I still love it. I still love it with minor flaws and gripes, I enjoyed every single moment I spent with it, and I will never forget the satisfaction that gave me not only beating Remix 8, the minigame in which I gave up in my first time back when I played it so long ago, in my second try, but also getting a superb. I’m so glad I finally beaten it, and I’m so happy to say I’ve loved it so, so much more than those years ago, and I found value in things I wouldn’t have even considered back then.
Time sure flies, it seems so long ago, I finally got some rhythm, and we’re on our own path now…

So let’s go!


Oh and also, this game’s Remix 10 is better than Fever’s in both the music and fun department and yes, I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL AND NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE, TAKE IT AWAY, CONDUCTOR!

The history behind and outside of Journey it’s almost as enthralling at the game itself; Chris Bell, former producer and designer at ThatGameCompany, has told of the anecdote of the time he got lost in Japan during a trip to the country, and it was the kindness of a woman that, without ex-changing any words and by Bell only showing her a photo, grabbed him by the arm and lead him to its destination. Personal experiences giving new design ideas is nothing rare in the videogame medium or in any form of art as a whole, but it’s clear that this experience stuck with Chris Bell on deep level; he would go on to make Way cooperative online game where two players have to interact and help each other to reach the end without using any words. If this idea sounds oddly familiar… well… makes sense, as it was most likely developed either before or after a game he worked that would release just a year after Way, one that would through the company though a spiral of development hell and complications… and one that would change and inspire so many to go through their own journey.

But I’m getting ahead of myself with the melodramatics (yes, this is going to be one of those), ‘cause when I said the outside history of the game is really interesting, I meant it; Journey was the third game to be developed by ThatGameCompany under their contract with Sony Interactive Studios, it was going to have a 1 year development cycle with a team of merely 7 people and none never really managed to settle on an idea aside of Bell’s concept, Jenova Chen’s direction and that it was going to have some kind of online component, I would love to tell you that development went smooth as butter, but the paper that I got regarding that only said ‘’shit is fucked’’. The team increased from 7 participants to 18, and the expected 1 year development cycle turned into an almost 3 year race against the clock where that company almost had to face absolute financial loss. To say that everyone that had a hand in the game had to face hardship would be an understatement, and Journey had to go through many changes and cuts before it became the final product we know today… but one thing that really struck me as I read interviews and behind the scenes accounts is that, despite the absolute hell and pressure and pain, everyone involved loves Journey, not in a sense that they feel proud in making it after the fact, but rather that the team really wanted to make this game something really special, and it caused them as much pain to see some ideas not be realized (in fact extra hours were CUT both to avoid tensions and so that the money could go to the game itself) as it generated within them a profound happiness to play for themselves they very thing they all worked together to create; and all of this story and knowing all of this background makes it unbelievable to me that the game that we ended up getting is as majestic as it is… and makes it easier to drawn some strange yet beautiful parallelisms with the game itself. While you can throw out names like accomplishment like Chris Bell coming up with the original idea or Jenova Chen’s fantastic direction, I think no one single participant is solely responsible for the game we got, nor the story of Journey seems to be conceived as a parallelism of one person or the team’s feelings at the moment of making it; it’s the accomplishment of a team of a few passionate people that even with misunderstandings and difficulties along the way, worked together for what they thought it was worth making, and funnily enough, I believe it was that search of ideas until something clicked and the cuts so that that the game could release… what would end up making it so beautiful.

Journey is a short and simple voyage across an endless desert, and even if across all of the experience it feels profoundly quiet and humble, it could say to me at the start ‘’Hold on to your seat motherducker, you are about to get journeyed’’ and I wouldn’t complain a bit, like, hell yeah man this is amazing, you earned yourself some arrogance and showing off!... But no, it never does that, Journey, even at its most spectacular and bombastic, it always feels… nice, it feels self-contained and just… striking and pretty. It’s honestly really funny to go from the hopeless and dead wasteland of It Comes in Waves to the constantly changing and colorful dunes of Journey; melancholy is a sentiment present in each ‘’level’’, this constant reminder of something that was once grander than life and prospered now is abandoned and left in ruin, but this sensations meld with the wonder and mystery that each locations inspires; even when it gets scary, this sensation of hopeful adventure and that the end is at hand is ever-present, and it helps that you feel like you are a part of all of this despite you limited available actions. Moving and emitting sounds are your only tools that are always at your disposal, as jumping (or rather, flying) is only granted to you by the flying particles fabric and the strange creatures also seemingly made of the same fabric, and it’s that exact dependance of the environment and your interactions, that necessity of analyzing the ruins that surround you and guessing what to do next while never feeling unnatural or challenging, it what makes it so compelling to explore everything, and it’s what made me submerge in this world, in its sounds and music and in its wordless sad tragedy… well, that’s not entirely true. This is a mountain that can be climb alone, yes… but isn’t it nice to have someone by your side?

Co-op in Journey has little-to-none extrinsic value: at no point there is a puzzle or some kind of platforming challenge that requires two players to complete it, there may be the occasional section where two players might be able to accomplish a task faster than if it was only one, but Journey is so linear in most of its sections than it never really accomplishes anything in the grander scheme thing… and that’s precisely the point. Even going beyond and ignoring the fact that someday Journey will be impossible to play online (even if luckily that fate seems far off from today), at a purely the level, that it’s not the point of this co-op. Other players appear as you advance in your adventure, as if you were encountering other travelers in a long route, and… it feels almost like magic. No words are needed, the only for of communication are the sounds you can emit, and this strange language means nothing… and everything at the same time. The boops that respond to the tooms, the high sounds you can make by maintaining the button pressed that grant the other player energy to fly that almost feel like hugs, and sometimes the sounds aren’t even needed: the kindness of waiting for each other, other players showing you the location of secrets you couldn’t even imagine… You form a connection with people you don’t even know their Steam name until the game is over, let alone talk, and that’s something beyond my wildest imaginations of what a game could ever accomplish, and turns moments that on their own have a ton of impact and emotional charge, into some of the most memorable experiences I have seen in the entirety of the media, and it turns the hopeless into the hopeful.


Journey came out in a time where both players and game journalist seemingly threw their arms up and screamed desperate to prove that videogames were art, when many games had long released and proved it by that time, and while now we turn back upon how we looked at certain games in a different light, not only now I understand how and why Journey was held in such high regards, but also why it inspired an entire generation of games inspired by its ideals and how the game itself is so special. It isn’t the first contemplative game, it isn’t a game that shakes the videogame industry as we know it, it isn’t the definitive proof that games are art… but it a damn good example of it, it’s a fantastic example of how the conditions that both inspire a work and under the ones it’s made can make it so unique and fascinating. Journey is a treasure, one that understandably isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and people have smarter than me have already sing their praises and problems with it; in that sense, I’m a passerby, one that’s incredibly happy of walking this amazing road and sharing it with the strangers that put a huge smile on my face, and even with the adversities that came before, during and after it, is one I will walk again, I have no doubt about it in the slightest… and hey, I might not have cried, but that didn’t stop from knowing that yeah… that was lovely.

The moment you press Start Journey on the title screen, you are thrown into a decrepit town of orange buildings in the middle of an endless desert. A few of the inhabitants speak of a tongue you cannot understand, others seem to express a kind of pity for you and tell you it’s best to ‘’move on’’, most of them simply dismiss you or express a deep hatred towards you; you clearly have committed a heinous deed, but nobody is interested in revealing what. There’s nothing to buy, no one to talk to, no mission to receive, there’s nothing in this place for you, and once you get on your speeder and embark to the middle of nowhere, you can never return. There’s nothing to go back to.

It all starts when you leave…

I discovered It Comes in Waves thanks to @LordDarias fantastic review of it, and since then I just knew I had to try it. If anything, it seemed quite interesting, I do like me some introspective Sci-Fi, and I think it says a lot about the game that despite knowing the themes and general ideas it was going to tackle (it’s not like it tries to hide itself anyway, in the steam page already describes itself as a ‘’experimental open-world adventure about guilt and grief’’) it still surprised me and captivated me in ways that I didn’t expect it would do.

There has always been this kind of repetitive and at this point dumb discussion around if videogames need to be fun to be worth or engaging, if enjoying the gameplay is synonym of enjoying the experience as a whole; I call it ‘’dumb’’ because I truly believe that we’ve gone WAY past the point where it has proven that no, a videogame doesn’t have to fun to be worth it, and in fact it can have value in precisely being the total opposite. Now, I’m not saying that everyone can and should enjoy games that center their mechanics around frustration and repetition, but I’m saying that there’s an undeniable value in that, and It Comes in Waves it’s the perfect showing of how despite not being quote on quote ‘’fun’’, it’s engaging as few other works manage to be.

It all started when you left…

Despite never being properly named in-game, a look to the steam page reveals that you’ve just arrives to ‘’Eremar Prime’’, which, aside of sounding oddly like a Zone out of a Sonic game, makes it immediately apparent that mercy is not going to be a granted thing around these parts, even if the welcome is surprising warming; a couple of sings shed a bit of light on how the game controls and finally give a bit of context: you carry a ‘’specimen’’, but it’s not fully grown yet, and entrance to the sanctuary remains closed until you change that. Your quest is clear, make the specimen grow, arrive at sanctuary, and not die of thirst and the dangers and scarcity that ‘’Eremar Prime’’ holds in store. Good luck.

People have said that the gameplay loop of the game it’s only secondary to what it aspires to say and show, that this is a more contemplative game than anything else, and I only half agree with that notion. ‘’Emerar Prime’’ is nothing short of striking despite its empty nature; an empty sadness of what this land once was plagues its every corner; a dead forest that ends on a titanic tree that seemingly reached for the stars and was punished by the sun to eternally burn, giant remaining and skulls of deceased titans of old fill the landscape, their blood pouring from a few and infecting the rivers they touch; the only alive beings that walk this land are the scavengers , the robots, and whatever are the things the grunts that plague the fields come from. It’s not a particularly big setting, but it feels as such, each that you walk without being close to death is a victory in its own right, and locating and orienting yourself on the map makes the lands feel a bit less daunting… a bit. The excellent music and sounds helps ‘’Emerar Prime’’ feel more alien than it already is; each piece evokes a deep sense of dread and fear to an unknown that isn’t really there, but fear is. Fear is communicated as well by the ambience as it is by the gameplay, and that’s when what I said earlier with only ‘’half agreeing’’ comes in.

It Comes in Waves’s gameplay might not be the most profound or entertaining thing in the world, but it is central to making you feel the horrors of the desert, and I’m not talking about the threat of Permadeath. As you scavenge the lands for guns and upgrades to your equipment, not so different from the enemy scavengers you mercilessly kill as you encounter them and their scattered bases, you also seek to make the specimen grow faster and, most of all, find water for yourself. Water and the lack of it is exactly what poses the difference between life and death; it’s a constant fight for survival that it’s never truly won. There might be some moments of peace after finding a tank of water in the middle of nowhere, but just as the desperation is gone, it comes back fast: water is always depleting, and it does it fast. You may encounter upgrades that slow the depleting process, but it’s never too much help to make you ever feel comfortable, and the only moment it does slow down considerably is when the night falls, moment when the sight, one of the two things you have to aid in your survival alongside your weapons, is almost gone. The only calm is fleeting, and the stress has moments where it goes quiet. It comes in waves.

While I think that the randomness of where certain scavengers may spawn (or rather not to) and the water tanks just being in random places are things that go a bit against what It Comes in Waves goes for and make it feel more ‘’videogamie’’, they are still far from huge detractors (and there is a deeper meaning to search in the fact it makes you feel sad at the prospect of not being able to find people to kill and steal their resources) and what is done right delivers in spades. It’s an experimental work, and the experiment was a success, at first I believed that its themes may have been a little tacked on, but once the personal quest starts is more than apparent that’s far from the case. Everything comes back to guilt, everything returns to that overarching feeling of desperation and loss, of a past impossible to go back to and a present seemingly impossible to fix… but there’s a reason to go on to. A result that might not result on eternal peace or forgiveness, but it might calm the grief if just for but a fleeting moment. And that alone might be worth deifying the hollowness and thirst.

My first death was drowning in the river of blood; driven fearful by the night and thirst I fell down to a demise that was in front of me.

My second one was to thirst; I was defeated by the wasteland.

In my last attempt, scared of not finding more water and with the specimen 90% grown, I decided to try to finish my pilgrimage. I arrived to the doors of sanctuary without water, and then and there I stopped, and it was a matter of what would happen first, I would be given death, or the specimen would fully grow, and for a moment, despite the circumstances that should be anything by calm, I felt at peace. I had arrives and came this far, it was a victory on its own right, but I also felt hopeful. This was gonna be it.

The specimen reached 100% growth. The gates opened. I entered, only with 13% of my health remaining. I had done it and the fear was over, and I watched the finale, for I moment I questioned if the character would even make it out of there or after screen went black it would be its finale nonetheless.

A pessimistic thought to be sure… and one that didn’t take too long to go away. This was not moment for theories or negative thoughts. It was a moment of peace.

It all ends when you arrive…

Putting Monkey Watch in the second row of rhythm games is perhaps the most evil deed any of these games have ever performed… well, that and Remix 10’s whole existence. Beat the Beat: Rhythm Paradise (As it is called over here)? It appears to be quite the contrary my fellow, as it seems that the beat is BEATING MY ASS.

Back when I talked about Deltarune: Chapter 2, I mentioned that there are certain games with the ability to just make anyone happy, to express such a sensation of comfort and happiness even when something bad is happening or when losing non-stop, and this effect isn’t produced by ‘’vibes’’ alone; every element need to click and fall into place juuuuuuuuuuuuust right, feel the amount of polish and passion that it was put into a certain work is something that doesn’t happen very often, and while Rhythm Tengoku came pretty close to achieving such elements of sheer ectasis by fumbling a bit in some aspects… this is it, Luigi.

Fever isn’t the first game in the series to reach such levels of excellence, but it is the first one achieving such heights of visual and sound spectacle; it’s great to see that, despite abandoning the varying art-styles of the past games in favor of a single and consistent one, it has a fantastic sense of identity and this still feel as Rhythm Heaven as (f)ever, and the sound design and OST… H O L Y F U C K I N G S H I T. The freacking madlads literally said ‘’Yeah, we’ve composed Blue Birds, Munchy Monk, Remix 8 and goddam That’s Paradise…but wouldn’t it be crazy if we put banger lyrics in a remix centered on food?

Air Rally, Remix 4, 8 and 9, Samurai-Slice, Flock-Step, MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE THAT IS Flipper Flop AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THOSE SEALS :D. I do think and maintain that DS had the overall stronger OST when looking at it as stand-alone songs, but Fever has by far the strongest collection of musical pieces in a purely rhythmic sense; that is not to say that I wouldn’t listen to some of them outside of the game (if it has lyrics, it’s ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC), but they specially function flow for the task they went conceived, they flow exceptionally with the fantastic gameplay and you feel as by merely listening and pressing buttons you are learning rhythm, and in a way, you are indeed doing that.

Fever is a festival, on that invites you to stay as long as you like you need (specially because it gets really challenging at times), an packed with side content as much as it has bonkers main challenges. I also really appreciate that despite being on the Wii, there are no motion controls in any of the rhythm sections. They knew very well what they wanted to do, and they went for it.

Rhythm Heaven is a series that loves itself as much as it loves the people that put the time into playing it, and while Fever is not the peak of the series to me, it’s an amazing experience, one of pure joy, one about loving both music and fun

If you are wondering, I gave up at the atomic numbers rule. I'm weak and I remain defeated, I just couldn't do it, I barely know what a Fe even is, my brain can't keep up!

It's difficult to be really critical of a game that is designed to be as absurd and overly difficult as it can be; when the game is all about the astronomical challenge it poses and be a game that most will never beat, it feels a bit dumb to criticize it for being exactly that... that doesn't stop me from doing it anyway!

There are some rules that genuinely funny or really interesting, some are based around general knowledge or just searching a bit on the internet, going to other web-sites like Wordle or one that I didn't even get to experience like feeding a emoji chicken with emoji worms every three minutes. These little annoyances pile up, but I couldn't do anything but smile at first; sure, they are incredibly stupid rules, but also clever and all of them feel like puzzle pieces you have to fit with each other as they appear, and it's incredibly satisfying to find the perfect ways to make several rules click... but yeah then it gets dumb.

The moment I had to start changing the captcha to find one that wouldn't screw up the new and past rules, I know that this game had officially transitioned from an interesting puzzle game to a le troll game, and yeah, seeing what comes after and the rules that I didn't get to see, that seems to be the case. The fact that the game basically mandates to change parts of the password isn't a problem at first and it seems like it adds an interesting layer to the challenge and math problems it presents, but it reaches a point of no return where it becomes an absolute shit-show with the amount of things you have to keep track of, and it just becomes a frustrating, infuriating mess with moments reminiscent of the troll games of old that isn't fun in the slightest... but the problem is that THAT is exactly what the game is going for!

At first is stupid, the is just dumb, but it's always clever; the game is going for a very specific thing, and as much has been stating by the developer, and in that way is a success; I don't know if I would necessarily call it ''genius'', but it reaches a point of tom-fuckery clearly intended that I do appreciate, even if I cannot enjoy it in the slightest.

For me, if I had to give it a mark, it would be a exact 5/10, but it's hard to even give at a rating not because I'd be embarrassed to say the game defeated me or something like that (mainly because I have no problem saying it both kicked my ass and brain), but because that would be missing the entire point of The Password Game. It's an incredibly dumb experience, but it looks like it has been scientifically designed to be that; I only enjoyed at times, it stumped me once it became absurd and I really don't know if I'd recommend it, but it did make me think in two ways, one while play it, and the other on how I could talk about it, so in an absurd way it does have value... which is fitting, not gonna lie.

After many years, I finally have been able to get a physical copy of Punch Out!!, and what better way to celebrate than to complete again in original hardware? Truth be told, I also wanted to re-play it 'cause back when I first completed it, I thought it was amazing, and I wanted to make sure if that was the case or just the initial shock for being the first game in the series and because of the fantastic animations and sound design... and no yeah this game fucking rules.

The fact it even exists it's fucking surreal, being the first mainline entry of the series 15 years Super Punch Out released and still being the same arcadie experience as always, in fact it could be considered a full-blown remake of the original if it weren't because of some changes and additions; this game feels proud to be part of the series and it shows, not only because in some ways it's a celebration of it, but because it takes everything that the series stands for and expands on it or changes it for the better.

When I said it could be a remake of the original, I absolutely meant it, because in what refers to controls, this the exact same thing, punches, dodges and all. So your options to face challenges really haven't changed, rather the boxers themselves have. Not only all of them have been given new life and personality by their design and animations that goes past the series’ focus on ''haha stereotype, isn't that a funny joke?'' (to be fair that isn't entirely gone either), but it also expands on the move-sets, challenge and even exploits that the original fighters posed. Every fight feels like it’s own chapter in a series, every boxer has its own weaknesses and it’s own fighting style, and it’s up to you through defeats and concussions to rise to victory, and foes it feel good when you manage to pull off and incredibly hard strategy. For this playthrough I went for trying to beat all of the fights in the first round, and while I wasn’t able to do it in some of the rematches, the fact I pull it off in so many felt amazing, and it shows the game may punish you constantly, but the reward makes it all worthwhile.

Some of the final fights in the title defendant section fall into the dreaded ‘’fail and repeat’’ territory a little too much to make them that enjoyable (Mr. Sandman and Soda Popinski especially), but they are just some rough spots in and otherwise, fun, mechanically deep, hilarious and charming as all hell game, and no matter how much you fail, Doc will always be there to encourage you… or tell you to join the Nintendo Club, and I wish I could Doc, I wish I could…

But beyond all said, the best thing this game did was the immense glow up it give to Don Flamenco, I love that piece of shit; if Don Flamenco has only 1 fan, I’m that fan, he went from a scummy pathetic bastard in the original with the most unfun fight in the game, to the most outlandish, funny bastard I’ve ever seen in my entire life. This fucker oozes charm as much as he oozes rose petals, I both hate him and love him so much. As a representation of flamenco and Spanish culture he doesn’t really make much sense for various reasons, but c’mon, he bull-fights PUCHING the bulls, he’s an asshole, but what an asshole. An olé for you, Flamenco

If this game proved anything, is that I for sure ain't got rhythm.

Considering that I basically grew up with the DS game and Megamix is one of my favorite 3DS games ever, it’s almost heresy that I haven’t even touched none of the other two games in the franchise, and the timer for Fever will arrive, but now I’m nothing but amazed at how Rhythm Tengoku, with flaws and all, manages to be an excellent starting point for the franchise… tho an admittedly pretty hard at that.

Rhythm Heaven as a whole always had really challenging sections, and Tengoku is no exception, but unlike the rest, this one has The Bon Odori and Polyrhythm, or to put it in another way, it holds pain in store. I believe those and their sequels (seriously, when I saw that there was a Polyrhythm 2 I began to hear the Godskin Apostle theme out of sheer dread ) are the most egregious cases where the game just goes batshit insane and asks of you perfection for certain segments, but they are not the only example of this. I’d say overall that this is the most imbalanced selection of rhythm minigames out of all the series, which might be a bit of a mean comparison considering this was the first one, but it still doesn’t fully excuse how some of these challenges can be extremely frustrating and sometimes weirdly dependent on the visuals (Toss boys is a great example of this), which is a issue considering how depth perception can be a bit messy on some of these and it’s a problem that none of the other later games would ever face (at least not that I know of, but I’m sure Fever will also stick the landing in that department). And yet, despite the frustration, despite the occasional uninteresting minigame, I just couldn’t stop being captivated.

The music pushes the GBA sound-font to its limits and it’s pleasant as it is a joy to listen to; there are some incredible themes here, specially on the remixes, as is as almost everything in the game itself is dancing at the music, which it’s a feeling that the game is going for, but no other GBA release that I’ve seen has been able to even come close. I may have trashed The Bon Odori a bit before, but it’s a musical stun as it is visually. Even if only the best games on here where the ones able to achieve the joy and satisfaction that I associate with the series, I can’t deny that them all are a pleasure to the eye, visually varied and incredibly imaginative: you may have a color-book style in one game, but in the next they might even use 3D. Despite everything, Tengoku made me feel the joy of getting a superb, of being one with the rhythm, of discovering what the next challenge has in; it’s still a damn good rhythm game one that since it’s inception it was made to be a challenge as well as an experience everyone can enjoy, and I think there’s something beautiful in that that sincerity was present from the very first moment.

Also I’m contractually obligated to say that Remix 6 is a banger, which it is, but I would also like to point out Remix 5’s theme, ‘cause HOLY NOW THAT’S A BANGER AND IT HAS COOL PINK MONKEYS, PEAK I TELL YOU, PEAK.

It's finally time for Mario to face his biggest enemy yet; not Bowser, not Bowser Jr., not the camera, not even the slopes... but the legal system.

Super Mario Sunshine is weird, yeah I know, what a daring statement, but I’m not referring about its presentation and ambience, I’m talking about how it manages to be an amazing and incredibly fun platformer that I would even go as far to say that holds in store some of the best parts in any 3D Mario period… and an absolute mess of a game with glaring flaws in both pacing and design that make it at various points flat out infuriating, frustrating and tedious. I’m baffled at how they screw up in some areas, ‘cause I really cannot stress enough how much of a home run is the good stuff in here.

Delfino Island and its locales amount to what it’s perhaps the best assortment of levels out of any Mario game, at least thematically that is. Peach’s Castle in 64 was a pretty good main hub, and the rest of the series followed suite and they all have fantastic central areas that hold up very well in their own regards (except Odyssey I guess, mainly ‘cause it really doesn’t have one), but none of them hold the candle to Delfino Plaza; not only it’s a fantastic starting point full of secrets and side-quests and a playground to experiment with the mechanics and F.L.U.D.D. as well as very neat introduction to the whole concept of shines and how the isle operates, but it also feels like central area, one where, even if you still have to use paintings and pipes to get to the levels, everything feels interconnected naturally. Being able to see other places from certain levels or the Delfino Plaza itself helps a lot on this regard, but what sells it all it’s how every place works together to form a strong thematic feeling; Mario games aren’t really that into having a particular theme, the only other exception maybe being Galaxy with its space setting, but Sunshine is just on a whole another world: the playful and whimsical nature of Pinna Park, the striking sunset and seemingly endless hotel rooms of Sirena Beach, the ancient and massive looks of Noki Bay… The concept of platforming across the different places in a tropical island was already good, but Sunshine uses this idea and takes it to its fullest potential. With the exception of maybe Pianta Village which fills a tad artificial and purely focused on the platforming challenges, every single one of the main areas are real places in which the inhabitants live or the tourists go visit or have fun, and it just so happens that they are fantastic places do some platforming; of course I’m not saying that there aren’t parts that don’t feel gamified, in fact there are a lot of subareas that are completely obstacle-course focused (we will get to those later), but in the moment to moment gameplay this immersion is only matched by a few other platformers, it’s creativeness it’s only paralleled by the joy-filled sounds and soundtrack, how well these places are designed and how fun it is to traverse them… ‘cause yeah I actually adore the movement and platforming in this game AND I SHALL DIE ON THIS HILL.

It's honestly shocking how despite limiting Mario’s base movement compared to the last entry and putting a focus on vertical movement, Super Mario Sunshine lends itself to be a joy to control using all the capabilities at your disposal to the maximum and being a ton of fun… or at least 50% of the game does… again, we will get to that later. F.L.U.D.D is obviously the star of the show; it’s completely unexpected and bonkers to focus the sequel to motherfucking Super Mario 64 on water and how to use it as a movement tool, but despite only being able to do a handful of things, this water tank trumpet looking-ass is a game changer. The squirt nozzle is a great way to expand of combat and making boss fights WAYYYYYYYYYY more interesting than they ever were, but it’s with the hover nozzle that the game goes insane; hovering in itself is a super cool ability, but in this game not only is mandatory to use it for certain sections, not only it is highly convenient and a life saver in multiple instances, it is what gives you the chance to break entire missions in half, having this tool makes you think outside the box and a ton of the fun of the game comes exactly from that. The missions themselves are also mostly fun (emphasis on mostly), some offer really cool platforming challenges as I said, but a ton of the levels do actual story progression within each of them, having small narratives that advance as you complete chapters and gain shines; it’s a really compelling way both gameplay and story wise to make me just keep playing chapters aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Shadow Mario stole F.L.U.D.D. … Uh-oh.

Yeah… the fludless levels are by far the most disliked part of the game by many, and while I do think there are some fun levels of this kind here and there… yeah no more often than not they are highly frustrating. It’s really strange to me that the developers decided for this to be such an important and mandatory part of the game considering how every single part of the experience is designed around having F.L.U.D.D., which includes the moments you don’t have the goddam thing. A lot of people say that it feels like Mario’s shoes are slippery or on soap, but I think that’s not exactly the problem: again, I think Mario itself controls pretty well, it’s move set is focused on verticality yeah, but by itself there’s not much problem with it… until you can’t hover, and that’s when you realize the physics on this game are atrocious. I swear whoever designed these sub-areas must have had a terrible day, not only there are some almost mean design aspects that make them overly difficult, but if Mario as much as touches a slope, that plumber is already dead. And ignoring the almost comical aspect of Mario letting himself be stolen by Bowser Jr. MULTIPLE times, it’s terrible how some of these sub-areas connect to the main mission; some do it fine enough, but in other’s you’ll be doing a totally normal and actually fun mission to then be immediately teleported to one of these with no reason at all and suffer! Isn’t that fun?!. All of them having the exact same song and visually similar doesn’t help in the slightest, and it juts results and a bunch of stuff that you really don’t want to do… and that’s something that not only affects these obstacle-courses.

Look, Sunshine isn’t the hardest game out there, and despite me not being the most skilled player out there, I actually didn’t find parts of it as other people said they would, hell, some stuff like the sand bird or the watermelon mission I managed to do them just fine! The problem with this game isn’t that its consistently hard, more.so that is consistently annoying. Even some of the missions that I’ve been praising can be a slog, they are just not fun and repetitive, and death meaning being booted back out and having to start from the very beginning is actually evil and an huge waste of time, considering how entering a levels takes a lot more than it did in 64. It’s made even more frustrating ‘cause you’ll be presented with a very cool and original level where you have to clean a huge eel’s teeth and is super fun and challenging, only to have to do one where you have to be thrown by Piantas with 0 aiming skills or having to traverse and overly long, boring and confusing maze; there’s no middle ground, the missions are either 10 out of 10 or a torture beyond human comprehension, and a lot would be remedied if the game just was more friendly in communicating what the hell you need to do; sometimes is clear as water, others, the way to progress is at the exact opposite plaxe from where the start of the level is (fuck you too Pianta Village!).

Progression is also kinda weird; the story is weirdly fast pace, with basically no spoken dialogue or cinematics after a certain boss fight and they disappear until the ending, and the way you obtain the nozzles and Yoshi is also really weird, the nozzles are fine I guess, but it’s weird that you only really unlock them for the main hub (and I believe they would work far better as permanent upgrades) , and that they are also pretty imbalanced, the rocket is WAYYYYY more useful than the other one that I only used like two times and don’t even remember the name. Yoshi is also kinda bizarre since you need to beat a specific mission for it you unlocked, but hey, it doesn’t really matter, after all, all 7 first chapters of every single level and mandatory, so it really that big of a deal!... Wait a second WHAT.

Look, I’m fine with tying the progression with the defeats of Shadow Mario instead with the Shines themselves, that idea at a base level isn’t bad, what IS bad is that because how it is made, shines serve absolutely no purpose unless you want to get 100% completion, which actively makes the already kinda frustrating coin and blue coin MULTIPLE shines even more pointless AND this teensy-little fact is NEVER told by the game EVER. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS SUNSHINE, I WANT TO LOVE YOU SO BADLY.

Super Mario Sunshine it’s beyond flawed, and its missteps only become more and more apparent as the game goes on… but still, I have gained a huge fondness for it; at times it’s a fantastic experience, and I value it both for what it s and what it is not: it is a fantastic game with some of the best platforming in the series and incredible sense of style, and it is not just a sequel to Super Mario 64, it’s its own thing that would go on to define modern Mario and a lot of the design choices, like the pan out of the level and showing the objective and the more developed boss fights that , would go on to inspire future 3D Marios, and in that alone it has value, and plus, it’s still a damn good game. I think I’ll ponder over this one for a bit, but as of now I now clearly but even with flaws, it’s worth playing it and discover the surprises it has in store.

And now, officially, summer begins…

I played this with a friend watching me and the moment the chairs started fliying and spinning across the room we lost our fucking minds; that, plus the vine booms and Jumbo Josh, fucking sent us.

I’m not gonna dedicate more time to this review than the developers took on making the game: Garten of Banban only holds value in the fever dream-like experience it produces while playing, and it's absolutely shocking how this game fails in almost every department, be it visually, level design-wise or the general concept.

At first, back when I heard of it, I just thought it was a normal bad game that had the misfortune of turning into the poster child of everything that's wrong with modern broader horror, but after seeing more of it and know playing it, I now know better, oh do I understand now.

This is like if someone with zero artistic qualities tried to do a macaroni art version of the Mona Lisa, except that in this case the Mona Lisa isn't even that good. Uninspired, visually overly simplistic and ugly, puzzle logic that seems to be designed by some kind of rat man that has lived in the sewers for 20 years that purely consists on going around on cycles finding stuff and telling a drone to bump into buttons and finding electric pads under FUCKING DESKS, non-existent horror elements, aspirations of being a cash-grab by following a episodic format and having a god-forsaken merch-store, horrible setting that doesn't make any kind of sense at a logical level (the games it follows beat by beat even manage to make their settings at least believable), putrid art-style, poorly designed, vile, unappetizing, disgusting excuse for a videogame it has ever been my displeasure to have entered within the range of my visual field!... and yet, I... I fucking adore it.

This game activates all of the dumbest neurons in my brain, reaching high levels of awfulness while not being absolutely infuriating or boring. It’s a like seeing a clown car crash, it’s horrible and you can’t stop looking at it, but it’s funny in a very twisted way. It all is just bonkers enough to be endearing, with character designs that are stupid as they are the best things in the universe; Jumbo Josh is an absolute unit and a king and I shall not take any negatives for an answer. And the best part of all of this is that I’m not alone, my friend was also losing his shit at this game, as so did what it seemed like the entire internet, and is a fascinating case almost deserving of study how this preposterous product such at thus could have this effect, but it’s precisely that twisted fun what gives it’s only thing of value.

It’s Garten of Banban the worst thing ever? No, as much as I have trashed on it, it’s at least functional, it at least has a semblance of design, it at least it has kinda neat ideas in theory, at least it’s funny… which may be the bare minimum to ask but hey, at least it does something. I know that it’s its short duration what prevents it from being and absolute shitshow, and I don’t have any kind of doubts that the other chapters wouldn’t be deserving of an extra half-star, but hey, at least I can say of this one that there was an attempt kinda not really.

It's bad, it’s borderline atrocious, but it’s kinda amazing how a game can give me so much joy in a way it didn’t intend at all. This is the definition of a guilty pleasure, except it’s not really a pleasure… ‘’guilty novelty’’, yeah, I think that’s the better way to put it.

This is, indeed, the BOTY.

More like Metal Slog X am I right or am I right fellas (I'm not right in the slightest this game kinda slaps)!

The Metal Slug series blew my mind since the very first time I discovered it, back when I was a stupid and young and stupid kid that barely knew how to use the DS, 'cause holy hell these games look INCREDIBLE. As such, I've tried playing them multiple times, but my poor stupid and young and, you guessed it, stupid mind weren't really that accustomed to Arcade experiences, and so every time I attempted any game I ended up feeling frustrated and didn't finish it; but today that changed, I finally was the Metal Slug... I still ended up feeling frustrated tho.

In a technical aspect, this game is fucking surreal; the pixel-art is crisp and beautiful, as it is the art-style. It's clear that very single sprite was originally a 2D hand-drawn images, and that makes it not only have spectacular looks, but insane animations as well. The backgrounds are also amazing, and they also showcase what makes this game (and the series for that matter) be as unique as it is, it being the personality that oozes from every pixel: the smallest details like a baby just walking around a battlefield, the definitely not German inspired soldiers screaming in sheer terror when you respawn, the hair-driers that the aliens have for guns; all of these little things go from really fun and hilarious add-ons to fantastic visual clues and animations that inject the whole running and gunning with so much absurd life… which something that the soUNDTRACK ALSO DOES OH MY FUCKING GOD DOES THIS OST SLAP!. It all feels to good to be true, which is a sentiment that the game itself seems to feel ‘cause hooooooooooooooooooo boi is it full of slow-downs. It’s absolutely expectable considering that this originally released back in 1999, even before if you considered that X is an upgrade of Metal Slug 2, and also a great one that adds even more details and better balancing and even some music changes, but still, this doesn’t change the fact that it affects GREATLY the experience, and this one being a re-release, it makes it even more disappointing they just emulated without trying to fix any of these issues.

But hey, this game has Eri and that weird muscular man with a machine gun, I imagine it takes a lot to process all of that, especially the latter.

The level design also surprised me greatly, I already knew it wasn’t bad at all, but my god are these layouts fun; the way platforming and gunplay is combine gives for a fantastic feeling in the moment to moment combat, and that combined with the sheer variety of enemies, weapons and even vehicles (you can ride a plane for crying out loud, A PLANE), makes for some incredible set pieces (the boss of Mission 2 specially, that one is pure gold) and a mostly fun game… except Mission 5, I have no idea what happened there. Mission 6, the final one, even with its problems, it has really cool moments and original challenges, but Mission 5… I mean if a level had to be bad, I’m glad it wasn’t the first or the last one, but I’d rather not have a straight line full of what feels like hundreds of enemies and repetitive encounters in which the slowdown makes it impossible to distinguish what it’s happening, y’know? And it’s not like that’s the only bad thing with design wise; Metal Slug X is an arcade game, and that comes with certain design decision, for better and for worse. For better, is a quick, fast paced experience that pushes its advanced hardware to its limit (sometimes too much), and for worse it can turn into an endless and incredibly drawn-out showdown against hordes of enemies that doesn’t feel fun or fair and boss fights that feel to spongy and long that otherwise would be really fun. I get it what it’s like this, you gotta take away those pennies some way or another, and maybe if I played it in an Arcade I would value it more, but even as it stands, there are moments that just feels like they filled the screen with enemies with no consideration if it would be fun or not.

Also there are some depictions of people from certain countries that… haven’t aged all that well honestly. I’m not holding it against the game since it doesn’t really affect anything and there doesn’t seem to be any kind of ill-intent, but I know that there are some people that understandably don’t like that type of stuff, so if you are one of those people, keep it in mind if you plan to play it, ‘cause… yeah, with flaws and all, I actually recommend Metal Slug X.

Most of its problems are just results of the hardware it was released on, both in terms in how it was designed and the technical problems it has, and that, plus it being a revision of another game, it actually adds it a ton of value. What’s here is just absolutely fantastic, an achievement, and I can’t stop looking at it in awe as well as having A TON of fun in its best moments. I don’t know id this particular release is really worth checking out compared to other re-releases, but I do know that the game itself is wild and has some moments that are just the best.

…and also, I would like to take this last paragraph to say one last thing... THE HELICOPTERS FUCKING SUCK AND I HOPE THEY GUY OR GAL THAT DESIGNED THEIR ATTACKS STUBS THEIR TOE- ok maybe that’s a bit too far, nobody deserves that… the same way nobody deservES FIGHTING AGAINST THREE HELICOPETS WHILE SOLDIERS ARE SHOOTING AT YOU FROM BOTH SIDES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Finally, after stealing, labor exploitation, underpaying and very likely tax evading, Wario had only one thing left to tackle... Child labour!

Similarly to Twisted I originally intended to skip D.I.Y, I'd play it in the future for sure, but I didn't have plans to play it right now right after the other WarioWare games and before Gold, the main reason being not that I didn't thought it would be good, far from it, but rather that it looked extremely different compared to the rest, putting the micro-game creating aspect in the spotlight and the actual frenetic moment to moment gameplay and stages more as a side-mode; I imagined it would be more than a tool than a game... and I have never been so wrong yet so right in my entire life.

D.I.Y lets you, well, do it yourself; at its most basic, is a tool almost entirely dedicated about the level editor, an incredibly robust one at that, and the now sadly defunct sharing with other players experience, and only with a few side modes that depart from the idea of you being the one that pumps out games for the greedy mustachioed. That alone is an interesting concept, but, and I know this may sound incredibly dumb, the thing that takes all of this to the next level is how much WarioWare everything feel, and you may be thinking ‘’… well, fucking duh’’ but hold on for a second, ‘cause when I say that I absolutely mean it; every aspect, every mechanic, every part and sound of the process, everything here, it all oozes that identity that makes this series unique, and that it’s what takes this editor and WHOLE concept of the game to next level.

When I said the micro-game creating process is robust, I mean that it’s absurdly deep. This isn’t your baby’s first level editor, this is no ‘’select from a couple of options’’ kinda game; of course everything you make has to be simple and short just like any other micro-game would be, but within that limit, you can do absolutely anything; you are left free to draw, program and compose and record your own sound effects and music, and all at first is kind of shocking at a bit intimidating, but the game has you covered. The fantastic visuals and sounds that have characterized the series are now taken to a completely new context, one that asks taking things more slowly, more calmly, and that don’t put pressure on the player, and they exceed on that task by miles. Everything is so pleasing, so fun to navigate, immediately clear and well communicated, it makes creating games a game within itself, and a really enjoyable one. Even the tutorial, that all things considered can drag on a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit, are made lighter by the character interactions ,I really didn’t expect to have a blast reading the conversations of Penny and Wario in a freacking tutorial, but I sure did. Even outside of said tutorials, everything feels as if it’s designed to teach you slowly on the fly, like letting you experiment with music, completing the micro-games that Wario left half-finished, and even the character stages that aren’t really character stages!

Yeah, this time around we really don’t have the usual story mode, and instead we have 5 stages that don’t really have an ending, which kinda makes sense, this time they aren’t the focus and they do serve as a pretty cool showcase of the crazy stuff you yourself can pull out and do and it’s pretty inspiring, specially 9-Volt’s stages… but, and even if there are some really cool ones here and there, overall the minigames are extremely simplistic and visually samey, which, once again, makes sense since they really aren’t the main attraction… except they kinda are in a way. Unless you have a DS full of other people’s micro-games, these are the only non-tutorial single player level in the entire game, which, aside from being its own showcase how the passing of time inevitably has impact in some games, it also shows how this game only has value depending on how much effort you are willing to put in.

I can’t stress it enough how fun and fleshed out the editor is, but that itself doesn’t really do much if you aren’t that interested in making games, which granted, is the point of the game, but you aren’t going to make games for all of eternity, is nice to play others, and while I’m sure that my perception would be more positive if I played this first when it came out and when I could have shared games with my buddies, that doesn’t share the fact that D.I.Y is probably the game in the series until that point that would leave the most amount of people feeling indifferent, at least in the long run.

It's by all accounts still a fantastic package, and I’m really glad I experience and I may even come back to it to do some dumb stuff in the future, but as it is, I don’t really feel compelled to keep creating; this time your schemes won’t trap me, Mr.Wario!...

…wait…wa-wait, wait a minute… Schemes? Exploitation? Stealing ideas from others and presenting them as his own? Abusive and unprofessional language? Having all his money on a tax haven? Child labour?....... Oh… Oh no… Dear God no. No. NO. NO NO NO NO OH FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

This game made me take my Wii from the darkest depths of my closet, and that alone makes it my worst enemy for making me face the horrors of cables, connectors and configuration, and as the savior, for finally giving me an excuse to complete Super Mario Galaxy 2 and Resident Evil 4 in the near future.

After the absolute joy that was Twisted I went into Smooth Moves with a very optimistic view; I had seen some things and read some reviews that looked like it would follow some of the same missteps that Touched! did, but wanted to believe, how could I not trust the Wii iteration of a series of a man that steals and that barely pays his employees?

Well, to my absolute joy, I did have reasons to trust him, because Smooth Moves rocks! Not as hard as the first one or Twisted, but this is fucks, not gonna lie.

The micro-game collection this time around is very interesting: it has higher highs than usual, as it has the lowest lows of the series. They are either absolutely delightful or pretty barren and simple, hardly any in between, tho luckily there are by far more quality ones. However, all of them are similar to the ones in Touched!, in the sense that ALL are either dependent on you shaking the Wii-mote or using the pointer, nothing else. And you may be asking ''wait, if it kind of does the same thing the DS game did, just using a new control scheme that feels reiterative, what makes it good?'' and let me tell ya my dear reader, the answer is very simple... PRESENTATION!.

WarioWare has always been absolute bonkers since its inception, but this time around they just went into full bat-shit insanity mode. Do not be mistaken, a lot of the micro-games are fun on their own, but it's the way everything is shown that just sells it. The Arts, as the game calls them, are nothing more than an excuse to put the Wii Mote in funny ways, but they are a VERY good excuse; this is by far the game in the series that made me laugh the hardest, even when it gets intense: it's dumb in the best way, and invites you to be dumb, to act stupid, to do crazy shit, and the results is giving the minigames much more feedback and depth they would have had otherwise. And the arts aren't the only thing that inject rhythm into the game.

Not only both the visuals and music are crisp as hell once again, the overall game is just more irreverent, more shameless in the best way possible. Whereas past games were just Wario and his friends making games because he found a way to make money... here he founds an ancient artifact and he just takes it... WONDERFUL. The rest of the stories are once again presented in a more episodic format, and they are delightful as always, and once again a bit more crazy than usual. The side content is also pretty neat, as it is the brand-new post-game! Orbulon and Crygor are stages that appear after the final boss, and they are fantastic send offs for the character based stages.

Smooth Moves is, by far, the game in the series that asks the most out of you, but if you are willing to give it, it's one hell of a time, still flawed, nothing that was already present in previous entries and could be considered ''bad'' is gone, but it's still a very nice time, one to which I wasn't scared of being completely submerged in its stupidity. It has Jimmy P. for crying out loud, this game knows damn well what it is.

Oh, and also, one final warning, those who tell you that the Wii had not Star Fox games are not to be trusted. They are both liars and deceivers, and want you to be left unaware of the truth that Wario holds… plus, it’s also better than Star Fox Zero, which is just funny at this point.