208 Reviews liked by FingerCaesar


Really a step forward for humanity that fanfiction can no longer just be found on wattpad but you can now buy it for $60

>ark 1 released
>ark 1 runs bad
>ark 2 announced
>ark 1 canceled and official servers closed
>ark 2 canceled (?)
>ark 1 released again
>ark 1 runs bad

nomura smoked a fat one while playing ff7 and this happened

Yo, could you speed this shit up? I wanna go to Freckle Bitches.

Saw

2009

did you know Konami not only wanted this game to be a much larger series but also be the new silent hill?

Saw

2009

Pure cheesy bullshit bliss. Runs like shit, plays like shit, barely fun, worth a play

Video games do not “age poorly”

Everything about Tomb Raider’s design is deliberate. The tank controls, the grid structure, the delayed jump, these “dated and clunky” mechanics are what allows TR to have platforming that is extremely precise; to have seemingly insurmountable gaps. The tank controls make lining up jumps natural. The grid structure is what allows the jumps that take advantage of every last inch of Lara’s jump (and allow the small dev team to make an absolutely huge game very quickly). The delayed jump is automatically timed perfectly when the player presses square 1 block away (or one back-dash).

The game is never at fault. It is always the players’ mistake when you miss a jump. TR requires the player to have patience and fall into its deliberate design. Rush a jump and you fall. Engage with the mechanics, you’ll pass the gap just fine. TR is player agency dialed up to 100. It is immensely satisfying.

The level design is masterful. TR’s stages are enormous with many secrets to find. Levels in TR require the player to solve platforming puzzles, engage in light combat, and think critically to progress. The levels combine the games’ mechanics (block pushing, swimming, shimmying, slopes, etc.) constantly to create new and engaging puzzles room after room. It never gets old. I find it hard to put down.

The atmosphere and OST are both great. TR is a very lonely game; all the player hears are Lara’s footsteps and the occasional grunt. The music helps create an inspiring feeling of discovery when arriving in new areas. It’s so exciting seeing a new area wondering what challenges await me.

TR’s final level can be exhausting on console. While the platforming itself is fun, as it takes all the elements from previous levels and creates a gauntlet of traps and obstacles to traverse, it becomes tiresome doing the same section 10-15 times as you inch your way forward. There just needed to be one or two more save crystals in my opinion. The combat in Tomb Raider isn’t good. It’s not devoid of strategy, but it all boils down to jumping and holding down the fire button. At least there’s not much of it, and there is a decision to be made about the weapon you’ll use.

Tomb Raider (1996) is a litmus test game. It completely filters out those that have no idea what they’re talking about. Like I said in my title, video games do not age poorly. I’m 22 years old and played TR for the first time 4 years ago. There’s no nostalgia, there’s no yearning for better days, it’s just one of the greatest games ever made.

9/10

generally i don't review anything based on first impressions but as a series veteran i just gotta say: this sucks, man

it opens on mindflayers on a spaceship fighting undead dragons in the sky or some shit to this effect and i look at it and i just feel nothing. it's so boring. it's so completely unearned.

every previous larian game i've played has just been the epitome of everything that bores me about fantasy rpgs so i guess i'm prejudiced. but this isn't even really baldur's gate 3, this is divinity 3 or whatever number they're on. let me explain.

far be it from me to uphold "brand identity" to the detriment of creativity, but think about what made both baldur's gate games work: they put in the work to situate you in the world, get you acquainted with candlekeep and everyone living there, before pulling the rug from under you, and then doing the same thing again on a much grander and scarier scale at the beginning of 2. they gave you a reason to care. this one just kicks off on epic and fucked up shit happening to you like it's a marvel movie.

i know it's early access and etc etc but you put the stuff that's supposed to hook people in the first hour or two, and that hook was clearly supposed to be a) the combat (about which i have no complaints but also it's unmemorable) and b) how cinematic it is -- which is the exact thing i'm complaining about. baldur's gate had the pace not of a movie, but of a fantasy novel; maybe not the most ambitious or literary one, but 250 pages in you just kind of get attached and keep going. this one has the pace of a youtube video. i don't want this.

EDIT: yeah i eventually finished the game anyway. i wouldn't say ALL my whining was vindicated, i was actually very pleasantly surprised at the quality of some of the character writing. however, overall, i really don't think i was wrong to rate it low. act 2 is a dull slog and act 3 would have been actually pretty sick if not for the ending sequence being so completely out-of-the-ass ridiculous. i can't describe it without spoilers, but if they were trying to replicate the experience of being railroaded by a DM who thinks they've come up with the coolest shit ever, it's a massive success.

also orpheus is not a fucking githyanki name. i'm sorry. the hook on the wall on which i suspend my disbelief is very sturdy, but it didn't survive that one. at least call your half-baked NPC that you had to invent on the spot "steve swordguy" like a real DM would.

Fantasy should never be written by anyone who thinks poetry is lame.
(Poetry is lame, it's just that fantasy writers aren't allowed to know that)

Just wanna say this game's box art fucking sucks

why did they make Tifa a generic 'pleasant' bubbly anime woman. why is she holding onto Cloud's arm like 'oooh i'm soooo scaaareeed!' like they nail almost everyone except Tifa. why is she so boring and submissive and weak. why isn't she calling me slurs.

what if you were caught in a love triangle that includes a scientist with no moral grounds and one of the worst people alive and also somehow your dead dad what then, what would you do

dirge of cerberus is a game made for a very specific type of people and luckily I am that kind of people. it's self-indulgent, crazy, stylish, funny, serious, deep, edgy, full of one-liners, gray, coated in steel, red, dark, sad, digital, blue, cruel.

the shooting feels honestly great with all the weapons and I was even surprised I was able to find use to all of them evenly. while sometimes shots would not connect, most of them had to do with the shooting taking enemy movement into account instead of just confirming the hit if your crosshair aligned with them, so I never felt too frustrated. stages were fun to explore and most missions were nice additions to the pacing of the stage (sans a few). I did miss a bit of aesthetic variety during a brief stretch of the game, but honestly the level design usually compensated for it. seeing some FFVII locations on the PS2 was also a blast.

I like how this game is very focused on Lucrecia and Shelke more than Vincent himself and that's really good seeing how important of a character Lucrecia is supposed to be. but they don't shun Vincent either and it gives tons of closure to his arc in FFVII. it's also nice seeing a bunch of the gang back even if half of them are stuck in pre-rendered CGs.

overall I vibe with this game and if you can find any other game that plays it's near final sequence to the sound of Gackt you can count me in

One of those games that just feels truly depressing to play. Not what most people wanted, but an artistic statement that will stand the test of time.