31 reviews liked by Goffers


Dredge promises so much intrigue in its opening hour and none of it really pays off.

Alan Wake writing the most twisted fucked up horror story he can conceive: The dark darkness encroached darkly upon me, I noticed my shoes were stained red with blood, red blood, on the ground pooled the crimson ichor of a bloody ritual murder enacted in the name of the Dark Lord of Darkness himself; Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, The Father of Lies, the Lord of Flies; Satanas, Diabolus- The Devil.
Remedy writing the most twisted fucked up horror story they can think of: Imagine being trapped in this guy's writing

i believe this game suffers from "umineko syndrome", as in, in order to finish it you /really/ have to commit to it, which in turn makes it so you're gonna give it a high rating (since you were probably already primed to do so since hour 30 or so, or otherwise you wouldn't have kept playing)

now, with that aside:

PEAK
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FUCK BINAH
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incredibly good incredibly peppy, i would kill every single person i've ever even made eye contact with in my entire life for more jrpgs to be 15 hours long

if you handed this to a space alien, approximately none of the facts they would learn about the Y2K era would be accurate but they would have a complete and flawless impression of its vibe

I don't have much to say about Hypnospace Outlaw itself beyond it being one of the funniest, most heart-warming, most endearing, most sincere, most ironic, most fun depictions of the Internet ever presented.

In my review-cum-memoir on World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King, I bemoaned the death of online spaces noted for their lack of thorough knowledge. It is perhaps fitting that WotLK's release came a mere five days before the launch of Jim Garvin and Ryan McGeary's 'Let Me Google That For You' website. Perhaps by divine providence too, WotLK's release coincided with the steady downward trend of Bill Dyess' then World of Warcraft database Thottbot and the first massive spike in traffic to Wowhead. The coincidence is staggering, but also points to a trend which has irreversibly altered the gaming landscape, and society at large. Much as WoW players sought user-data-verified hard statistics on their MMO of choice, tech savvy individuals' astonishment and contempt for being asked readily verifiable questions reached a tipping point in late 2008. Confirming and corroborating data on WoW would in time become something accomplished by every player. LMGTFY would in time become a site even your grandparents might send as a slight towards a query. The genuine question 'where is Mankrik's wife?' was less the object of ridicule, more a target for sarcasm and eye-rolling as the naive were directed to Wowhead. With ever increasing databases and wikis, games and media in general have become less about a sense of mystery, more one of minutiae. Players no longer revel in not knowing, they would rather examine the entirety of a game's mechanics and lore and history with a finetooth comb.

My point in bringing this up is two-fold. One: Games have genuinely not been the same since players expected to be able to understand them inside and out at whim. Two: The Internet has genuinely not been the same since users expected others to rely on a corporate search engine, largely constructed (especially now) to deliver advertising rather than substantive content, to remedy their perceived ignorance. As Embracer Group, Microsoft, Tencent, Sony, Epic, Valve, Ubisoft, EA, and other megacorporations oligopolise the gaming space, so too do Alphabet, Amazon, Meta, Tencent, Joybuy, Alibaba, Twitter, Spotify, ByteDance, Baidu, Adobe, Block, and others reduce Internet diversity to a minimum. I can't act as if I knew the Internet of eld in its entirety, but a lifelong fascination with Internet obscura and history has me at least somewhat informed.

In my review of GeoGuessr, and corroborated by jobosno's review of Microsoft Flight Simulator, stressed was the importance of appreciating the non-place. So too does this apply to the Internet at large, and Hypnospace Outlaw itself if we wish. Not everything on the Internet is substantive or substantial, nor is every page on Hypnospace. We fall down rabbit holes of Wikipedia deep dives, we examine every page on Hypnospace regardless of its relevance to our duty. Duty and productivity and the confines of time and the constraints of life and gaming guide us towards Internet or Hypnospace use that is conducive to our end goals, but those detours persist as availabilities. In the real world, they dwindle as web diversity shrinks, as webhosts go offline, as swathes of the Internet go unarchives and unremember[ed/able]. In Hypnospace, their finite nature means we cannot search forever.

The Big Crunch theory postulates that at some point, the universe will cease expansion, and will recollapse unto itself as all is returned to zero. To null.

At some point, the Internet might cease expansion, and will recollapse unto itself as all is returned to zero. To null. We will not go to website, we will go to keywords. That which is unadvertisable, incompatible with commercialisation will in effect go dark. In due time fewer and fewer spaces will exist. In due time, all will be one, and one will be none.

The Big Freeze theory postulates that the universe will never cease expansion, and will drift into entropy until all is returned to absolute zero. To null.

At some point, the Internet might expand infinitely to the point of unnavigability. In a web of infinitudes, all will be irrelevant and all will be lost as data becomes unable to be quantified on any scale. In due time, one will be all, and all will be none.

The unknowability of the universe renders any theory pointless. We do not know what will happen. We cannot know what will happen.

The unknowability of the Internet renders any theory pointless. We do not know what will happen. We cannot know what will happen.

Enjoy the Internet as it is now. Enjoy the Internet as it was then. Enjoy the Internet as it will be. Forever is it in flux, forever is it a stable constant. Forever does it all drift apart, forever does it all close in. Forever shall it be known and forever shall it be unknown.

We exist in a cosmic nothing of no import.

We exist in a digital nothing of no import.

Every atom in the universe is critical to its being.

Every byte of the Internet is critical to its being.

As a historian, I live on a periphery of data boundless yet intangible. I scour for that which does not exist, may never have existed.

At the end of Hypnospace Outlaw you are tasked with archiving a wasteland.

Archive our wasteland with the Wayback Machine extension. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/wayback-machine/fpnmgdkabkmnadcjpehmlllkndpkmiak https://addons.mozilla.org/en-CA/firefox/addon/wayback-machine_new/

We exist at a time where unfathomable amounts of human knowledge are being erased from existence every hour of every day. This is not a deliberate book burning. This is an incidental blaze.

Save what you can.

What a beautiful thing we are a part of.

Seek the obtuse, obfuscated, and obscure.

A selection of webzones I have found and I enjoy:

https://geocities.restorativland.org/

https://web.archive.org/web/20021215085602/http://www.u-ga.com:80/jp/games/mobile.html

https://web.archive.org/web/20070902163202/http://www.cbs.com/primetime/kid_nation/

https://web.archive.org/web/20050222012115/http://everquest2.station.sony.com/pizza/

https://prairieecologist.com/2020/01/13/finally-a-practical-guide-for-roadside-wildflower-viewing/

https://web.archive.org/web/20010118210000/http://www.l0pht.com/

https://web.archive.org/web/20030207171752/http://www.wired.com/news/games/0,2101,50875,00.html

https://web.archive.org/web/20060314162213/http://www.classicgaming.com/pac-man/Pac-Games/PacManVR/pac.htm

https://www.geo-grafia.jp/product/

http://erogereport.blog.jp/archives/cat_87375.html

https://web.archive.org/web/20060515154050/http://users.stargate.net/~glshir/PLAY.HTM

https://dreamlogos.fandom.com/wiki/Dream_Logos_Wiki

https://web.archive.org/web/20150222012855/http://quitesoulless.com/story.htm

https://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=Oi1qbcz2m2SnwUeztGYcnQ

https://web.archive.org/web/20030407094755/http://www.vernonjohns.org/snuffy1186/movies.html

http://www.poetpatriot.com/

https://web.archive.org/web/20000229230522/http://symantec.com/avcenter/venc/data/y2kgame.hoax.html

https://forums.furaffinity.net/threads/camping-in-a-u-haul-they-are-cheeper-than-an-rv-and-better-than-a-tent.53919/

https://web.archive.org/web/20140803164736/http://theodor.lauppert.ws/games/

https://tss.asenheim.org/

https://jimedwardsnrx.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/pepsi_gravitational_field.pdf

https://web.archive.org/web/20130812175052/http://csbruce.com/tv/clone_high/

https://xercesblau.com/

https://www.walgreens2.com/peach-ring/peach17.html?fbclid=IwAR0iWWPkq0qf2kkYIVmUgL2pPuE1023aImBPnYuwmQXAxtyXNiElOnSDlVs

http://www.secondlivestock.com/

https://origamisimulator.org/

https://web.archive.org/web/20180818104057/http://underlinestudio.com/linesbreakingnewspaper/

http://blueteethnovel.tilda.ws/

https://web.archive.org/web/20170207203428/http://pacificitysoundvisions.com/

https://web.archive.org/web/20120915100800/http://meryn.ru/portfolia/

https://web.archive.org/web/20130415230745/http://www.reddit.com/

http://www.woodswoods.com/new-gallery-5

https://web.archive.org/web/20120807153003/http://weblog.liberatormagazine.com/2010/11/minstrel-show-visual-art.html

https://glasstire.com/2012/11/23/the-ten-list-walk-as-art/

https://news.ourontario.ca/page.asp?ID=2910113&po=6&n=1

https://www.orionsarm.com/xcms.php?r=oaeg-front

http://1x-upon.com/~despens/teletext/

http://www.teletextart.com/

https://web.archive.org/web/20060411023755/http://www.gamengai.com/main.php

http://fullmotionvideo.free.fr/

https://www.amusement-center.com/project/egg/

http://retroblues.sakura.ne.jp/regeokiba/index.htm

http://msx.jpn.org/tagoo/

https://fm-7.com/

https://www.gamepres.org/pc88/library/frame1.htm

http://p6ers.net/hashi/

http://furuiotoko.la.coocan.jp/

http://85data.world.coocan.jp/

http://ayachi0610.blog65.fc2.com/

https://datafruits.fm/

https://www.catsuka.com/player/binge/

http://myduckisdead.org/

https://historicfilms.com/search/?

https://www.fontsupply.com/fonts/

https://contactjuggling.org/

http://www.t0.or.at/scl/agents.htm

https://archive.org/details/TheVistaGroup-TheAndersenTiltWashWindowStory1990s

https://cursed-commercials.fandom.com/wiki/Square_Butts

https://www.yygarchive.org/

https://news.nestia.com/detail/%E4%B8%8D%E6%AD%A2%E6%9B%B9%E4%B8%95%EF%BC%9A%E8%BF%99%E6%98%AF%E4%B8%80%E6%AE%B5%E5%85%B3%E4%BA%8E%E6%97%A5%E5%BC%8F%E6%88%90%E4%BA%BA%E6%B8%B8%E6%88%8F%E7%9A%84%E7%AE%80%E5%8F%B2/6267619

https://www.jacketsjunction.com/product/wikipedia-editor-jacket/

https://opendirsearch.abifog.com/

https://vimeo.com/729784691

https://ubuweb.com/

https://discmaster.textfiles.com/browse/2902/3D%20Images.iso/bmp/a

http://web.archive.org/web/20040405155729/http://www.mbnet.fi:80/apaja/alueet/

https://carta.archive-it.org/

I have a hard time digesting a remake of something that was already so perfect, I literally have to keep reminding myself this is a reimagining which it is and that it's not Resident Evil 4, it's a whole new game. RE2 and RE3 had leeway since they were genuinely so old and it was welcomed by most, but with 4, for me it's just not the case.

The game starts off with the right foot for the most part, we get a great recap like in the original game from Leon, and The Drive plays and you know the rest. It's good but it's still not as good as the original, they even changed the lines and the police voice actors are not that good.

A lot of the charm such as the funny dialogue and moments are gone for the sake of making it more "grounded" and "horror" so why are suplexing and kicks still mechanics? It just seems like they are embarrassed of what made RE4 good at times. Don't get me wrong alot are still there and it has a few good new ones but not much. But it's like the game only commits half way of trying to be something new because they know if they cut stuff and change too much we won't like it, so it ends up feeling unfaithful and is kind of cheating itself. No art on loading screens is also stupid, little things like that add up.

Ada's va line delivery is awful. Krausers va is alright. Overall other than Luis, Ashely, Leon, and maybe the Merchant the voice acting is super mediocre.

Merchant is an improvement in terms of buying and selling and upgrading and while not as iconic as the og he's not bad, he's pretty good. Leon's new va is good but I just couldn't help think of Paul Mercier. It's werid, all the voice acting just doesn't feel that good. Even all the enemies it's just not as good as the original, and maybe it's not supposed to be but what did they give us in return? In my opinion what we got in return wasn't that good. So much was cut and changed for worse than better it's actually insane.

The gameplay feels smooth, insane attention to detail. It's a pretty good reimagining of RE4 and a newer modern direction of the original game. However aiming feels annoying, crowd control is not there, and things are just not as thought out as the original. And it just pisses you off sometimes, like when you run by enemies you might get stunned or Leon does this werid jerk movement it's so stupid, and the crouch button is so pointless.

The controls are pretty good, but I much prefer the strategic and more thought out controls of the original, it was more thought provoking and fun and you just felt like you were in control, like an experienced Leon, don't get me wrong though some of that feeling is still here.

Unreal graphics, great sound design in its own way, art direction is great too. I still like the original better and it's aged like wine and I think it's more scary, but again it's good here too they did the best they could while keeping some of the originals soul.

Parrying mechanic is awesome. Great idea to change it up from the original. But what's the point when your knife breaks every 5 seconds.

The dialogue is nowhere near as good as the OG. And I don't understand why they had to change a lot of it, like I get it but they're changing it and giving us something not as good in return.

I also absolutely hate the fact that the notes are so trash, in the original I was always intrigued and wanted to read more and was invested but in this game they just feel generic and you kinda have no motivation to read them, like I still remember Luis's research from the OG.

The reload animations and animations in general are really good, they're a treat to see.

I liked the remixed soundtracks it adds an authentic feel at timed and I enjoyed the soundtrack for the most part.

Crafting overhaul is nice it's similar to RE2R, but it's nothing crazy.

Quality of life stuff is cool and instant switching is nice but I don't like it. Takes away from so much of the strategic elements of the og.

Amazing ai at times, but it gets annoying at times. Especially Ashley, although her character is great in the remake and I still prefer the original, the commands are stupid. You have less control and she's constantly running and more annoying in this one. In the original games the commands were perfect and they should have kept them that way. The addition of her hiding and stuff is cool though.

Big cheese fight was good. The second phase kind of sucked tho. Salazars design sucks too just to mention it.

Tutorial section for the knife was so dumb, you already learnt how to use the knife yourself before that.

Dialogue with Hunnigan is ass and overly serious, and it just takes it self so seriously and I hate how Leon is such a hardass. His characterization in the original is so much better and he's literally a CHAD.

All these improvements are great but I FEEL next to nothing.

Sections feel like modern gaming at times, just walking around or getting something or whatever it's so boring at times and isn't as intriguing as the original or even the RE2R.

I feel people are being dishonest or have their glasses on where they can't see flaws, or are having recency bias because the game has issues it's not perfect like people say. This is NOT a generational game like the original and other games. There's nothing jaw dropping or revolutionary about this game like the original, not one new amazing innovation. Like how does this game have better reviews than something like RDR2, the original, some of the greatest games ever? This is not even the best remake. This game is not even close to them, it's a good game, but at the end of the day it's a knockoff I feel, the best Resident Evil 4 knockoff you can buy.

But why would you wanna buy a knockoff? When you can enjoy the original thing. Capcom should have used this energy on a game that actually needed it or made something original entirely. Modern gaming I guess.

RE4 remake impresses, its a fun game, a great game at times, it carries over parts of Resident Evil 4s soul, but it doesn't manage to capture me or make me FEEL what the original did, and what it offers is just subpar especially compared to it...

I know I may sound negative, I enjoyed the game still, and my standards are high. But it's just that the original Resident Evil 4 means so much to me and was so freaking amazing and revolutionary. It's one of my favorite games ever, and I love it so much. So Resident Evil 4 Remake was set up to fail for someone like me.

7/10

Noita

2020

Noita calls itself “The Falling Sand Roguelite”, a description which will probably only make sense to people who spent a lot of time playing flash games. For those of you who didn’t, “Falling Sand” refers to a genre of simulation sandboxes where you spread around particles of various substances, like water, oil, or sand, and play with their interaction. You watch as oil separates itself from water, which you can then set alight, and then smother with sand. There isn’t a goal to accomplish, the reason to play is simply for the joy of experimentation. Noita builds its worlds around this concept, with every pixel of the environment having simulated physical properties, which you can manipulate using the random magical abilities you find along your journey. Your goal is to traverse a series of biomes, fighting increasingly stronger enemies until you reach a tough-as-nails final boss. Even in this small summary though, you may have noticed the disagreement between each of its genre halves. If progression is done by defeating a linear set of enemies, why is it mixed with a genre about freeform experimentation? Not only does the linear difficulty structure incentivize players to only create wands that kill enemies as quickly as possible, the randomness of the magic means the map generation always has to include a freely accessible exit that doesn’t require magic at all. Most of the time, you’re just quick-firing boring magic missiles or arrows, leaving all the fun interactivity essentially as window dressing. Not only that, but taking risks with more complex wands is actively disincentivized by how fragile your character is, when accidentally hitting yourself is often a one-shot kill, leaving you with no way of enjoying that wand you were so lucky to craft. Confusingly enough, this falling sand game not only lacks a sandbox for experimentation, but it actively discourages you from experimenting much at all. It’s no wonder that some of the top mods on the Steam workshop are the ones that add testing rooms and custom wand spawning, giving players a way of actually enjoying the potential of the robust simulation. This is one of the rare times I’m happy about a game being heavily modded, because the beauty of all the elemental interactions is something more people should experience, and I’m glad there’s a way to do so without sinking hours into mediocre roguelike randomness.

doesn't feel as good to play as the original and it's soulless

I think we should all collectively agree that birds should not be allowed to operate heavy machinery.