I only ever started playing FF14 because it was a social thing, because a group I was in was playing this game. I used to hate FF14 when it came out, not just because 1.0 sucked and was infamously bad, but because even when ARR dropped it had so many asinine issues with it that I didn't ever want to install. I hated that it was even a numbered FF game just like 11. One look at my profile and you can see what kinda man I am with the games I do and do not like. I don't care if you think I'm a weirdo, a contrarian, or even if you agree with me and accept that I am a true Kinosopher and lover of all Kino. The truth is, this game was an MMO and I don't like those usually. I didn't like their awful class system at the time with shared role actions, I hated TP, I hated how most of the duties worked, the story was sloppy as hell, I hated how you needed to make alternative characters to play with certain servers and data centers, and 1.0's taste was still fresh in my mouth. I would endlessly bash this game from around 1.0's release to just about the time the Monster Hunter World collab dropped, because THAT also sucked (for MHW that is). In hindsight? I was actually right to bash and hate on everything that I had. It was AWFUL. It genuinely sucked. After 2018 or so I stopped paying attention to it, and this is the time Shadowbringers dropped in. It went under my radar for so many years, and I regret not at least learning more about it.

While most of the MMO mechanics were still around at the time of this expansion's drop, I played it only this year since I joined around Summer of 2023. I got to play the game after every complaint I had about the game itself was changed and fixed. Literally everything above that I mentioned, it's gone. The game itself is massively improved. I went through the slog that was ARR but enjoyed specific moments of it. I played Heavensward which was narratively a bit better but god awful with its level design. I stomached the ass that was Stormblood MSQ (the non-MSQ content was great actually). I had heard great things about Shadowbringers beforehand from friends and others online, and I had moderately good expectations considering the main writer for ShB was the DRK scenario writer, a kinosopher who also clearly loves Berserk. Natsuko Ishikawa is a brilliant writer, and it is a shame she has not written much more than what she has for XIV. Genuinely it is a tragedy and a loss that she does not have more works under her name, solely because her quality of writing is so good that we could use more of it. Not only had I gone in expecting something good, I was assured that a good writer was going to make it consistent throughout the expansion.

I was wrong. It was not good. It was perfect. It far exceeded whatever expectation had placed for it. I expected an 8 or so but I got a 10. Half a star is missing for the usual MMO padding, a death that should have happened (but they are not allowed to kill certain characters it would seem), and for issues pertaining to XIV as a whole. That being said, the MSQ was fucking perfect and encapsulated the feeling of hopelessness and moving on from pain and loss. The story itself is next to flawless, but on top of that the quality of the individual lines written is top notch. The details are remembered and carried throughout the expansion. It's not just a great story, it's a well-written one at that.

This expansion is Square Enix's Metal Gear Solid 2. A perfect, life changing story written by a woman primarily (mgs2's story was rewritten and edited by a woman! Kojima doesn't like people knowing that!) and it will never be topped again or even met at eye level by the company producing the game. It is a shame that Natsuko Ishikawa has stepped down, it is super clear from 5.4 and 5.5's story (and what I have seen of Endwalker) that she has stepped down due to the quality of writing following her down the stairs. Stand tall, my gamer.

STARING AT DEATH, I TAKE A BREATH, THERE'S NOTHING LEFT
NOW CLOSE MY EYES, FOR ONE LAST TIME, AND SAY GOODBYE
LYING NAKED WHILE THE SNOW FALLS ALL AROUND ME
DRIFTING CLOSER TO THE EDGE BUT SHE WON'T HAVE ME
WAKE UP IN SWEAT, FULL OF REGRET, TRY TO FORGET
THESE MEMORIES, LURKING BENEATH, LOST IN A DREAM
UNCHOSEN PATHS, A BROKEN PAST, FORESPOKEN WRATH
THE PAIN WON'T CEASE, I'LL FIND NO PEACE, NO SWEET RELEASE
FRAGILE CREATURES, WE ARE TAUGHT TO FEAR THE REAPER
EVER RUNNING, WE ARE DEAD BEFORE WE MEET HER
THESE VOICES TELLING ME LET IT GO (LET IT ALL GO)
I TRY AND TRY BUT I CAN'T SAY NO (TRY AND SAY NO)
THIS ENDLESS NIGHTMARE HAS JUST BEGUN (NOWHERE TO RUN)
MY HEART IS DRAGGING ME DOWN INTO OBLIVION
THE ENDLESS LIES, I'VE CAST ASIDE, LOCKED THEM IN ICE
STEELED IS MY SOUL, MY BLOOD GROWN COLD, I'VE GAINED CONTROL
FEARLESS CREATURES, WE ALL LEARN TO FIGHT THE REAPER
CAN'T DEFEAT HER, SO INSTEAD I'LL HAVE TO BE HER
THESE VOICES SCREAMING TO LET IT GO (NEVER LET GO)
THIS TIME I'M SCREAMING BACK NO NO NO (GO ON SAY NO)
MY MIND'S MADE UP, YEAH MY FEAR IS GONE (WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?)
OPEN MY EYES NOW HERE I COME, OBLIVION
FOR THE LAST TIME (I WON'T SAY GOODBYE)
FOR THE LAST TIME (I WON'T SAY GOODBYE)
FOR THE LAST TIME (I WON'T SAY GOODBYE)
FOR THE LAST TIME

An extremely shameless cash grab, it's literally just the Mega Drive/Arcade game, but with new visuals that somehow looks worse than the original, mainly because of the lazy animations, and is extremely expensive for literally no reason for such a simple arcade game like this, which you can finish in just 30 minutes playing normally, the only new thing this remake adds compared to the original is the extend mode, which... you guessed it, extends the levels to be longer, but the game still doesn't have checkpoints in this mode, which only ends up making the game more tedious.

Just play the Arcade version instead if you really want to play Joe & Mac, it's also available on Steam for a MUCH more acceptable price, you really won't be missing out on anything by skipping this one completely.

GLASS OCEAN ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
VIRTUAL PARADISE ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
VAINGLORIOUS CHORUS ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
SIN TO WIN! ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
PENDULUM ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
CLOUD NINE ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
HELLION ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
FIGHT OR FLIGHT ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
HOUSE OF CARDS ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
THE WORLD TO COME ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
RIGGED GAME ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
ANGEL'S PEAK ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
SOLITARY GRACE ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
THE WICKED HEART ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
FALSE WITNESS ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
THOUSAND POUND BUTTERFLY ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
HAND OF GOD ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
MISSION COMPLETE (NOT BAD FOR A DEAD GUY) ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
SERMON ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
PEACE OF MIND ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
HEAVEN CENTRAL AUTHORITY (MIKEY'S THEME) ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
HEAVENLY DELIGHT ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
COMPLETELY CLUELESS ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
LIGHT IN THE FOG (RED'S THEME) ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
NEON BAR ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
SQUIRT OF LEMON (RAZ'S THEME) ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
SUNCOAST SUITE ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
FIST BUMP (YELLOW'S THEME) ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
RUDE INTERLUDE ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
PEARLY GATE PROMENADE ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
DISPATCH ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
BLOODY SNEAKERS (VIOLET'S THEME) ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
MILLENNIUM ESCALATOR ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
OUT OF BOUNDS ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
RINGER OF BELLS ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
DARK TWIST ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
MECHANICAL HALO (GREEN'S THEME) ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
COIN FLIP ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
STAINED GLASS ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
APPLES & HONEY ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
RUMORS ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
HOLY GROUND ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
SEVERED ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
BE NOT AFRAID ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
BURDEN ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
MERCY ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
WTF ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
CONFESSION ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
LIGHT IN THE FOG PART 2 ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
MILLENNIUM STAIRCASE ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE
FADE TO WHITE ON REPLAY TILL THE DAY I DIE

What a comeback! If Streets of Rage 4 was an A, this is a genuine S+!

Tee Lopes did an amazing job on the soundtrack, and every vocal track was an absolute trip (shout outs go Johnny Atma for his amazing performance!)

The pixel itself was pretty good, but it was just incredibly charming. Gameplay was on point too, an absolute delight to play and with a full party the game somehow manages to still stay perfectly playable. One of this year's highlights and honestly made me want to go back to TMNT and see what I've been missing out on.