LarryDavis
2002
A legitimate disgrace to the franchise. Some of the worst level design I've ever seen, Chucksters, and platforming so sloppy that it necessitates your stupid-ass jetpack handicap. Shigeru Miyamoto is spinning in his grave.
2007
A platforming game where you can't see what's in front of you most of the time. What a concept!
Thankfully they course-corrected with the excellent Mario Galaxy 2, but Galaxy 1 remains one of the three Bad Mario Games, alongside Sunshine and The Lost Levels.
Thankfully they course-corrected with the excellent Mario Galaxy 2, but Galaxy 1 remains one of the three Bad Mario Games, alongside Sunshine and The Lost Levels.
2021
Despite being a combination of two things I hate in video games, roguelikes and cards, my Eternal Optimist (Dumbass) status led me to giving this a shot. It looks pretty cool, actually! People say it "goes places"!
The problem is, when a game "goes places," those Places should be better than where you're Going From.
The first part of the game, like pretty much all games of this type, comes down to trial-and-error, and hoping to get a random loadout that breaks the game and allows you to overcome the enemy player's horseshit. Get a high-damage card with the 3-attack sigil and it's ogre for the bad guy. Then, you get to the second part of the game, which consists of the card game from the first part, but with a very boring art style, meant to evoke the Pokemon TCG game boy game.
At this point I lost interest, and the plot about creepypasta haunted games or whatever the fuck wasn't interesting to me, either. I love when games insert random FMV segments (you know I'm looking forward to Alan Wake 2), but this wasn't even a particularly good implementation of it. And from what I've heard, the third part of the game is even worse. I will never know.
4/10 - One third of the game is alright, and one bonus point for neat integration of DualSense features in the PS5 version.
The problem is, when a game "goes places," those Places should be better than where you're Going From.
The first part of the game, like pretty much all games of this type, comes down to trial-and-error, and hoping to get a random loadout that breaks the game and allows you to overcome the enemy player's horseshit. Get a high-damage card with the 3-attack sigil and it's ogre for the bad guy. Then, you get to the second part of the game, which consists of the card game from the first part, but with a very boring art style, meant to evoke the Pokemon TCG game boy game.
At this point I lost interest, and the plot about creepypasta haunted games or whatever the fuck wasn't interesting to me, either. I love when games insert random FMV segments (you know I'm looking forward to Alan Wake 2), but this wasn't even a particularly good implementation of it. And from what I've heard, the third part of the game is even worse. I will never know.
4/10 - One third of the game is alright, and one bonus point for neat integration of DualSense features in the PS5 version.
Current feelings, about halfway through: a pretty good mech game, not a very good Armored Core. All attempts to make it more like a Souls game are for the worse, and making it control well has destroyed a central facet of those games.
oh god, I sound like one of those original RE4 purists...
also every time someone talks about Coral I just keep thinking about Walking Dead Rick screaming at his son
oh god, I sound like one of those original RE4 purists...
also every time someone talks about Coral I just keep thinking about Walking Dead Rick screaming at his son
The Dark Souls 2 of Batman games (people hated it before it even came out because it wasn't "the A team" but it's actually one of the best)
Infuriating that it continues to be treated as the red-headed stepchild of the franchise, not even included in the """trilogy""" remasters. Where's Arkham Origins: Scholar of the First Sin??
Infuriating that it continues to be treated as the red-headed stepchild of the franchise, not even included in the """trilogy""" remasters. Where's Arkham Origins: Scholar of the First Sin??
My review of the base game is here.
Annihilation Line is really just more of the same, for better and for worse. Taking place midway through the base game's campaign, it resets your skill points and inventory (though with an accelerated XP curve and an allotment of points to start with) so it's best to play this after completing the main game. If you play it where it actually slots in, it would be weird to start fresh, end it at max level, and then go back to the final third of the base game.
A particularly strange decision here is the continued presence of ballistic ammo. You very rarely find non-plasma weapons, and you're almost exclusively fighting Terminators in this anyway. The small/medium caliber ammo only serves to clog your inventory.
The story is the high point here. Your character goes on a mission with The One, The Only, THE Kyle Reese (as seen in the background of Steve1989MREInfo videos) that ties into the first movie in some pretty interesting ways that non-Termheads wouldn't recognize. It also has an explanation for one of the most common questions about the franchise, though it's somewhat obfuscated by the lack of the movie actors' likenesses. Look, that last sentence will make sense after you've played it.
I had a good time with this, just like the main game. Takes around 4-5 hours if you fully explore the environments. Normally retails for $15, occasionally goes on sale on PSN and Steam for $9. Recommended.
Annihilation Line is really just more of the same, for better and for worse. Taking place midway through the base game's campaign, it resets your skill points and inventory (though with an accelerated XP curve and an allotment of points to start with) so it's best to play this after completing the main game. If you play it where it actually slots in, it would be weird to start fresh, end it at max level, and then go back to the final third of the base game.
A particularly strange decision here is the continued presence of ballistic ammo. You very rarely find non-plasma weapons, and you're almost exclusively fighting Terminators in this anyway. The small/medium caliber ammo only serves to clog your inventory.
The story is the high point here. Your character goes on a mission with The One, The Only, THE Kyle Reese (as seen in the background of Steve1989MREInfo videos) that ties into the first movie in some pretty interesting ways that non-Termheads wouldn't recognize. It also has an explanation for one of the most common questions about the franchise, though it's somewhat obfuscated by the lack of the movie actors' likenesses. Look, that last sentence will make sense after you've played it.
I had a good time with this, just like the main game. Takes around 4-5 hours if you fully explore the environments. Normally retails for $15, occasionally goes on sale on PSN and Steam for $9. Recommended.
A technically impressive game that's about twice as long as it should have been, made worse by its languid pace.
Every side activity is turned into a chore that makes me not want to even engage with it. Why, exactly, do I need to skin the animal, put the pelt on my horse, and then transport it to one of the Three (3) trappers hidden around the massive map? And why is there a limit to how many of them I can even put on the horse? This was the most glaring example, but everything in this game is absolutely glacial. The whole mechanic of retrieving guns from your saddle is bizarre, and maybe the worst example of Halo's wretched "two guns" influence ever to be conceived.
But I suppose that's the point, right? This is almost an Old West Tourism Simulator. You just slowly ride around and soak in the sights. To their credit, Rockstar packed the map full of stuff to do, and strange things to encounter. It's not a Breath of the Wild-style "copy-paste empty field" situation. Still, even if you solely stick to the story, you're in for a long haul, and divergence from the critical path pushes this game into PS2 JRPG territory in terms of length.
The story, meanwhile, is pretty repetitive for most of the game. You get to a new area, Dutch has some wild plan, it goes south, you move to another new area. Rinse and repeat. The main problem is that when it does take another direction, it's... Just repeating the first game. RDR2 is almost the definition of "diminishing returns". The Cuba section in the middle is not as good as the excursion to Mexico in the first game, and the whole finale/epilogue is just a retread of the first game's, but about 20x longer.
RDR1's ending and epilogue were incredible at the time. Nobody had done anything like that in an open-world game, and it was kinda mind-blowing. When I was approaching the end of RDR2, I was like "... oh. They're really doing this again, huh..."
Is it executed well? Absolutely. All of the characters' performances are fantastic. But it's also a shame that Rockstar were so bereft of new ideas that they decided to essentially take a mulligan on a game that's... A prequel. I have seen people advising to play this before RDR1, and to me, that's insane. But hey, there are also people who say to watch the Star Wars prequels first. I assume microplastics are to blame.
8/10
Every side activity is turned into a chore that makes me not want to even engage with it. Why, exactly, do I need to skin the animal, put the pelt on my horse, and then transport it to one of the Three (3) trappers hidden around the massive map? And why is there a limit to how many of them I can even put on the horse? This was the most glaring example, but everything in this game is absolutely glacial. The whole mechanic of retrieving guns from your saddle is bizarre, and maybe the worst example of Halo's wretched "two guns" influence ever to be conceived.
But I suppose that's the point, right? This is almost an Old West Tourism Simulator. You just slowly ride around and soak in the sights. To their credit, Rockstar packed the map full of stuff to do, and strange things to encounter. It's not a Breath of the Wild-style "copy-paste empty field" situation. Still, even if you solely stick to the story, you're in for a long haul, and divergence from the critical path pushes this game into PS2 JRPG territory in terms of length.
The story, meanwhile, is pretty repetitive for most of the game. You get to a new area, Dutch has some wild plan, it goes south, you move to another new area. Rinse and repeat. The main problem is that when it does take another direction, it's... Just repeating the first game. RDR2 is almost the definition of "diminishing returns". The Cuba section in the middle is not as good as the excursion to Mexico in the first game, and the whole finale/epilogue is just a retread of the first game's, but about 20x longer.
RDR1's ending and epilogue were incredible at the time. Nobody had done anything like that in an open-world game, and it was kinda mind-blowing. When I was approaching the end of RDR2, I was like "... oh. They're really doing this again, huh..."
Is it executed well? Absolutely. All of the characters' performances are fantastic. But it's also a shame that Rockstar were so bereft of new ideas that they decided to essentially take a mulligan on a game that's... A prequel. I have seen people advising to play this before RDR1, and to me, that's insane. But hey, there are also people who say to watch the Star Wars prequels first. I assume microplastics are to blame.
8/10
2011
An incredibly irritating game. Between the stupid-ass time travel mechanics and the levels packed with conveyor belts and springs, this is less of a video game and more of a pachinko machine where you close your eyes and hope things go your way.
1994
This is Sonic 2 but with significantly worse level design. Not as bad as Sonic CD's, but it's getting there.
2010
In an incredible, revolutionary bit of game design genius, the fine folks at Sonic Team decided you should be able to see where you're going, and thus created the best Sonic platformer to date. Look at how zoomed out the camera is! Beautiful!
There are also little fairy powers or whatever and that's fine I guess.
There are also little fairy powers or whatever and that's fine I guess.
The best Sonic game ever released, for multiple reasons:
- You don't have to play as Sonic or any of his dipshit friends.
- Features characters from Jet Set Radio, Crazy Taxi, and Skies of Arcadia.
- Basically like Diddy Kong Racing except it's not a huge pile of steaming garbage.
A really fun kart racer with a great drifting mechanic. Always be drifting. ALWAYS. The usual kart racer rubberbanding bullshit is made more tolerable when you're screaming obscenities at the monkey from Samba De Amigo. The only flaw is that this game does not have the Floigan Bros as playable characters.
Better than any Mario Kart. Pack it up, Nintendailures.
- You don't have to play as Sonic or any of his dipshit friends.
- Features characters from Jet Set Radio, Crazy Taxi, and Skies of Arcadia.
- Basically like Diddy Kong Racing except it's not a huge pile of steaming garbage.
A really fun kart racer with a great drifting mechanic. Always be drifting. ALWAYS. The usual kart racer rubberbanding bullshit is made more tolerable when you're screaming obscenities at the monkey from Samba De Amigo. The only flaw is that this game does not have the Floigan Bros as playable characters.
Better than any Mario Kart. Pack it up, Nintendailures.
1992
The best Sonic game on the Genesis, but that's not saying much. Increasing the speed from the first game was a good call, but you can't see more than 2 feet in front of you so when the game decides you suddenly need to do Actual Platforming (not Sonic's strong suit) you careen into objects and come to a dead stop.
The incredible brain geniuses at Sega somehow never realized how infuriating this is, and the absurdly close camera remained a mainstay in the series until Sonic Colors, the best Sonic platformer to date.
Also, gonna be honest, one star here is entirely because of Chemical Plant's music. Goddamn that's a great track. Better than anything that hack fraud Michael Jackson made for 3...
The incredible brain geniuses at Sega somehow never realized how infuriating this is, and the absurdly close camera remained a mainstay in the series until Sonic Colors, the best Sonic platformer to date.
Also, gonna be honest, one star here is entirely because of Chemical Plant's music. Goddamn that's a great track. Better than anything that hack fraud Michael Jackson made for 3...
2019
A very pleasant little adventure game. It's a bit twee for my liking, specifically in the dialogue, but it's not Borderlands-style reddit meme crap or anything.
The biggest issue is the camera. You don't have direct control, and it loves to freak out when jumping or flying, making it impossible to see where you're actually going.
Still, I had a good time with it. But please, indie developers, every game doesn't have to have fishing.
7/10
The biggest issue is the camera. You don't have direct control, and it loves to freak out when jumping or flying, making it impossible to see where you're actually going.
Still, I had a good time with it. But please, indie developers, every game doesn't have to have fishing.
7/10
2021
The best example of "video games as art" from at least the past decade.
This game is pure outsider art, actively hostile to the player and wallowing in complete disregard for conventional gameplay mechanics. Will you hate it? Probably. Will it give you a headache? Almost certainly. That's all part of the Experience. Learn to enjoy it.
If not, I dunno, rate it a half star on here like a dumbass. Just know that everyone is laughing at you.
This game is pure outsider art, actively hostile to the player and wallowing in complete disregard for conventional gameplay mechanics. Will you hate it? Probably. Will it give you a headache? Almost certainly. That's all part of the Experience. Learn to enjoy it.
If not, I dunno, rate it a half star on here like a dumbass. Just know that everyone is laughing at you.
2018
A really good platformer with incredible music and art. And then every once in a while you have to read someone's self-insert tumblr therapy sessions.
Years before "Mario has a panic attack" became a real thing, and was (rightfully) widely derided, this game did it with full-throated sincerity. Not since Braid has there been such an amateurish and, honestly, vicariously embarrassing gulf between gameplay and story.
Years before "Mario has a panic attack" became a real thing, and was (rightfully) widely derided, this game did it with full-throated sincerity. Not since Braid has there been such an amateurish and, honestly, vicariously embarrassing gulf between gameplay and story.