This review contains spoilers

Xenogears - as a piece of art - is incomplete. It’s a game defined by a tragic story of a development cycle that continued to never sway in its favor. Yet it’s exactly through that that Xenogears is as fascinating as it is. You can never truly separate art from its process of creation. Whether intentionally or not, it will always find itself manifested somehow in the final work. It is an unavoidable effect of the fact that creating art is projecting yourself onto a blank canvas.

The main and underlying theme of the game is that we, as people, cannot be complete. Everyone is flawed in some way. No-one is ever truly ‘whole’, and you can never truly become that. Instead, Xenogears suggests that everyone is an imperfect half, made to be complimented by another imperfect half. The main visual symbol for this theme are the statues of the one-winged angels. Two religious symbols of imperfection, existing to fill in each other’s flaws by helping each other, and being there for one another.

This theme is also explored in the game’s most iconic scene, that being Adrift at sea where Fei and Elly, upon becoming stranded together, share a moment of introspection. The introspection intentionally omits any dialogue boxes or signs of who is talking, because the scene is wholly universal to the both of them. It is what they both needed to hear at that exact time. They feel happy to help each other, both through their mutual introspection, as well as through the sharing of rations.

"It's okay to not be 'whole'. Even if you only feel partly complete, if you repeat that enough, eventually it'll be 'whole'. A part... is better than zero."

Yet I’ve always found that even stronger than any narrative symbol for the game’s themes, is the nature of the game’s release itself. Xenogears was dealt a bad hand by Square Enix. Initially rejected from being Final Fantasy VII in favor of Yoshinori Kitase’s game, and then rushed through development and faced with a difficult choice. Tetsuya Takahashi was told that he could either release disk one as a separate game, then pray for a sequel that would most likely never come to be, or rush disk two and release it in an incomplete state. He chose the latter, and while I believe he made the right choice, he has clearly been haunted by it ever since.

A game about imperfect halves ended up being forced to have half of it utterly incomplete. Disk two is extremely rough around the edges. Its balancing is all over the place, it omits most gameplay and opts instead to describe what happens over text, it never has any time to focus on anything else than what is most important. It’s a rushed effort for the sake of completing an ambitious vision that was not allowed to come to light.

Coming back to the game’s relation to FFVII, I find that both games are completely inseparable. I don’t think you can earnestly analyze one without connecting it to the other. Perhaps exactly because they were both initially supposed to be the same game, they hold a lot of connections with each other, be they narrative, thematic, or general execution. Both games are perfect companion pieces for each other, and playing both of them in close vicinity of one another sheds so much insight into the inner workings of both games. Once again, two imperfect halves filling each other in to make one another more ‘whole’.

But there is also a much more cynical way of looking at this. When asked in an interview which character Takahashi relates most to, he answered that it’s Ramsus. While at first this seems like a very funny answer, it makes a lot of sense if you consider it in the context of the game’s fate. Ramsus was created to be a perfect being. He was created by Krelian to become the contact, and to kill and replace Emperor Cain. In the end, however, Ramsus was a scrapped project in favor of Fei, who showed much more promise as the contact. Ramsus came into the world as an imperfect existence, replaced by Fei since birth, and only finds solace in the idea of killing Fei to prove his status as an ultimate existence.

Ramsus IS Xenogears, and Fei is Final Fantasy VII. And if you will humor me to take this analogy further, Krelian is Square Enix. Xenogears too was a promising concept, in the end replaced in favor of its peer. Xenogears too was forced to come in as an imperfect existence, completely and utterly overshadowed by what ultimately became the biggest JRPG to ever exist. Ramsus is a character that is essential to understanding the whole of Xenogears, because his character is Takahashi’s spite and resentment towards both Square Enix and Final Fantasy VII projecting directly onto a canvas.

I’ve often pondered the hypothetical of “What if Xenogears DID get to release as Final Fantasy VII” and wholeheartedly I believe that it would have the same amount of influence as FFVII did. That influence would just be taken in a different direction. Xenogears and FFVII share so much between each other that I do sincerely believe that the reception of XG as FFVII would not be much different from what FFVII ended up receiving. Of course, there is no way to prove this. This is a mere hypothetical decided by a lot of different factors. Maybe Xenogears wouldn’t have succeeded as FFVII, maybe it would. Regardless, the sheer idea that this beautiful game could have had the same amount of influence, is ultimately extremely tragic, and I think this is definitely something that was on Takahashi’s mind. Once again, not unlike the relationship Ramsus and Fei have over the course of the game.

Entertaining the idea of Krelian as Square Enix is admittedly a humorous one, because it’s so scathingly spiteful. Krelian doesn’t care about any of his creations. He’s willing to make anyone suffer for his own benefit, and no amount of human pain is ever too much if it means achieving his goal. He actively experiments on humans, then feeds said humans to other people. He is a mad scientist who has no qualms about robbing people of their lives and transforming them into monsters. When he scraps using Ramsus as the contact for the sake of Fei, he does it directly in front of him, and acknowledges that he’s already able to understand everything he is saying. Was this how Takahashi felt being told about the promise of Final Fantasy VII as his vision was being actively shut down? There is no way to know for sure, but I don't think it's a stretch to imagine it that way.

It’s truly no wonder that Takahashi has spent the rest of his career attempting to recapture and remake Xenogears. The Xenoblade series so actively attempts to finish the vision he never got to accomplish with Gears. Across the entire series, there are so many major parallels, often down to following the exact same plot points. Takahashi is by all means a successful creative nowadays. Xenoblade Chronicles is an enormous JRPG series, respected over the entire world. That in turn shows just how deep the scars caused by Xenogears go. Even Xenoblade 3, the big conclusion to his series, ended up being about finishing his vision for Xenogears. The parallels between N and Lacan are really not hard to spot, with some segments between the two being nigh identical.

On the other hand, I do find it important to mention that Xenoblade Chronicles 3 contains a direct reference to Final Fantasy VII. Towards the end of the game, Noah can be seen standing in front of a skyscraper much in the same composition as the iconic cover of FFVII. Referencing a game that ruined everything for him in a wholly respectful way feels really cool, and possibly means he no longer holds feelings of resentment towards the game that doomed his own project. Whether this is an empty homage or proof that Takahashi has let go, who can truly know, but I would rather believe the latter.

Xenogears is a beautiful and massive game that can be analyzed under so many lenses. There is sincerely so much to talk about with this game. With this essay, I purely just wanted to focus on what I always found to be most fascinating about it. Going back to my initial thesis: art cannot be separated from its creation process. Takahashi’s frustrations, his sadness, his anger, it all comes through in the game. Disk two is not finished, and it’s not even conventionally good, in spite of containing a lot of the game’s best scenes. But that only makes the game so much more beautiful in my eyes. Xenogears managed to become its own self serving proof of its themes.

Xenogears is incomplete. Xenogears is not whole, and will never be whole. Xenogears was robbed of its chance to be huge.

And yet, if you look at it just right, Xenogears is perfect.

anti-woke masterpiece. the protagonist reminds me of my desire to be a fly on the wall in the room of the person i love most. combat is fire but i feel like it could benefit from sporting mayhaps a levelling system with skill trees. where is the combo counter? i once made her partner install a hidden camera inside of the toilet

all the way back in 2014, i had heard a lot about this game from different video game reviewers, usually with some video title like "the worst game of all time" which resulted in me finding a strong interest in the title. i would watch a lot of videos on it and found its reputation to feel a little weird, since at worst it looked generic. later that year i chose to play the first kane & lynch and i thought it was okay, it was a weird little third person shooter game but i ended up really liking it. i then chose to play the demo of kane & lynch 2 on xbox 360 since i wasnt willing to pay for the game, and again, i did not get why this game is as hated as it is. my interest in the series however promptly faded as i moved onto other things.

fast forward an entire decade, and as a result of a joking whim with a friend, we decided to play this game in full. over time, i had largely forgotten about my previous experiences with the two games and the impression of "worst game of all time" sat again in my mind, choosing to believe i just "didnt get why it was bad" as a kid.

the game quickly struck me with its horrible gunplay, nauseating camera and weird (albeit really cool) aesthetic. shooting at people feels no different than shooting at nothing, its hard to even tell when youre actually doing anything half the time. the game feels extremely obtuse and uncomfortable to play. i sneeringly said "this is all meta kino, kane & lynch 2 is a violence bad masterpiece" not thinking too much of it.

yet the more i played, the more my sneering comment just felt like it was coming true. the sheer grotesqueness of the game, the edginess of the dialogue, with its endless and excessive swearing and shouting, it all just clicked in the chapter where kane and lynch run around butt ass naked. i realized that, completely in spite of how intentional or unintentional it may be, this game made me feel the exact same way as i did when i first played drakengard 1.

after the aforehand mentioned chapter, i found myself entirely engrossed in the game. i couldnt find it in myself to mock it anymore. my friend and i almost found it funny at just how seriously we both started taking it at a point. realizing the entire plot starts from a single woman being killed by our protagonists, one who is unnamed, and doesnt have a single scene beforehand. the death that feels completely weightless from the perspective of both our psychotic protagonists, AND the violence numbed player, one typically inclined to find themselves playing a shooter game like this.

there is no such thing as a weightless death. the sheer amount of dissonance between the significance her death has, and the significance felt across the entire game are worlds apart, and defined entirely by how normalized violence and killing had become in gaming (and media as a whole) at that point in time.

in conclusion, kane & lynch 2: dog days is a meta kino violence bad masterpiece. it effortlessly communicates its message through its gameplay and aesthetic alone. my 10 year long journey with this duology has randomly been brought back into my life at a time when i can appreciate it for what it is.

kane & lynch 2: dog days is an ethnic masterpiece.

angry joe gave this game a 3/10 though so idk if i can keep liking it. most of my opinions are shaped by his so i cant really think anything else :/

mmmmmfghhhhhhh... i could insert my plug into astro's socket, if you know what i mean haha... i wish he would pull MY cable if you know what i mean. i think i hauve covid. i could fix him. he could change me. we can mutually save each other by just being there. ive formed a deep emotional connection with astro (not to be confused with travis scott's astroworld) and im thinking of taking it to the next level. if you know what i mean

borderlands 1 absolutely nails a complete and utter sense of dread and carries that into its very bleak atmosphere perfectly. every character feels like someone thats gone insane from living in a world where theyre lonely and have to fear for their life every single day. i honestly adore the way the game sometimes makes you take long drives across the maps with the ost setting the tone in the background. driving through both of the rust commons is a very memorable experience. some of the side quest content is also genuinely haunting (is tk ok? and tannis' echo logs primarily). unfortunately this game is kinda crushed under the weight of its own ambitions. the gunplay - while extremely satisfying - is also extremely basic, and despite the large amount of weapons in the game, most of them kinda feel the same to use. the balancing is also really wack with how weapons are more about parts than level. a level 25 double anarchy will still do you very well at level 50, its a little goofy. nothing's ever stopping you from using the sledge's shotgun or a double anarchy for the entire duration of the game. the story is also rather minimal, and while i partly do enjoy its wordless minimalistic nature, its hard not to feel like the game is using its atmosphere as a cover for the lack of any substance. the sense of balance is especially made goofy by the fact that two out of four vault hunters are significantly worse than the rest. there is very little reason to run anyone but lilith and brick on high level play. regardless of all of this, i still absolutely love this game. its absolutely something special and nails such a specific niche in my heart that i just cant help being in love with it (a little like dark souls 1, except that game is still actually amazing). all in all, i'd say this game is definitely worth experiencing, and it makes me sad that this game's poor reception when it came out from gamer dudebros who just called it boring resulted in them developing borderlands 2 as the opposite of everything borderlands 1 was (especially on the sense of humour lmao)

man dont do this to yourself

one of the greatest experiences with a game i have ever had. this absolutely is the apex of the medium, and i dont know how we are ever going to go up from here. she stumble on my guy, but i never fumble or fall

"Every life comes with a death sentence, so every few months I come in here for my regular scan, knowing full well that one of these times – hell, maybe even today – I'm gonna hear some bad news. But until then, who's in charge? Me. That's how I live my life." - Walter White

the fear of death is something that transcends generations and cultures. for as long as the world has existed, humans have been trying to find a way to cope with the fact that their lives will inevitably end. whether its through literature, religion, philosophy, every avenue of history is shaped around the fear of the end.

one of the few guarantees that we have in life is that one day it will inevitably end. death is absolute and indiscriminate, and comes to some in ways more fair than others, but does the fact that life will end mean that we should simply give into that? that the knowledge that one day everything we've ever done will be for naught, as the eternal tranquillity of death embraces us, mean that everything we had done is pointless? thats how some choose to view it, however, such a philosophy is a recipe for a miserable life. one of nihilism, of loneliness, of never truly finding happiness.

the meaning of life is something you find when you accept that your life will end, but instead of being consumed by apathy or fear, you choose to live in spite of that. an unavoidable end means that we should find beauty in what we have. the everyday life we lead, the bonds we make, tiny things we take for granted begin to truly show their importance when you come face to face with death. by making the most of every single day that you are alive, and choosing not to live a life of loneliness, when the time to die does come, you can look back at the meaningful life youve lived. the good, and the bad, moments of happiness and ones of sorrow, the connections we made with the people dearest to us, who will remember us, and treasure our memory long after we're dead.

perhaps one of the greatest games ive ever played

having now fully replayed and 100%d this game, i can confidently say that i still have no idea why i like it, let alone why its my favourite of all time

2010

amazing way to finish the game. its difficulty and mechanics feel like such a natural progression of every previous level in the game while also feeling entirely different from every other level. one of the best things I've had the pleasure of experiencing and I will miss celeste dearly