My sin is not having played this earlier.

My punishment is sitting at my PC for half an hour trying to come up with a review, but the words just don't come to me.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that didn't understand what the hell transpired in this game. It doesn't matter, though; enemies go boom.

If you had told me earlier this year, or anytime in the last few years for that matter, that I'd have a Kirby game in my top 10, let alone my top 5, I would laugh at your face and go back to gawking at Super Mario Galaxy. So, what happened here? How can a game from a franchise that has eluded my admiration for many years suddenly come out with a new entry that surpasses Galaxy as the king of 3D platformers?

To understand this, let's talk a bit about Mario Odyssey. Easily one of my most anticipated games when it was announced, and the main reason I wanted a Switch (not including BOTW since I could play it on my Wii U if I wanted to). While it ended up being a good game, it was ultimately a disappointment for me and a far cry from what I expected of it. This can be attributed to my general distaste for open world/sandbox games. When it comes to platformers, I prefer more traditional "reach the goal" level design. Ultimately, Odyssey kind of left a void in the Switch's exclusive library for me, where I was craving a great AAA 3D platformer, but there was none. And then came Forgotten Land...

I was very hesitant to even get this game because of how lukewarm I've been on the franchise up to this point. Sure, Robobot was pretty good, but seeing as it seemed to be a fan favorite, I was doubtful that Forgotten Land could barely be as good, let alone exceed it, especially since this was Kirby's first 3D outing. This was something that hadn't been done before, but all the good reviews + my friend's insistence finally got me to budge. I had no idea I would end up loving it as much as I did.

First of all, the presentation. It's a gorgeous game, even with the Switch's limitations. The world is vibrant and super charming, and despite its often-formulaic environmental design (you got your desert levels, ice levels, etc), they're still brimming with enough creativity to make it feel fresh. This extends beyond just the art direction and includes level and boss design, as well. They're fun! I could have done without the recycled mini bosses at times, but no biggie.

Kirby feels right at home in 3D, and if I had no prior knowledge, it would be hard to believe that this is the first 3D Kirby game. You still jump, float, suck, and transform with fun abilities. I especially love the new gimmick of Kirby sucking up objects to traverse terrain and/or access secret areas. I know people love to meme about "Car Kirby," but it is genuinely so much fun driving around as a car despite only being able to in short bursts on rare occasions.

For each land, you need to save an X number of Waddle-Dees to unlock the boss at the end of it. But each level has its fair share of bonus objectives that grant you more Waddle-Dees. The general short length of the levels makes it so that it's not at all tedious to go back and replay them for the sake of finding secrets and completing optional objectives you may have missed. There's also optional timed challenges scattered around the overworld that grants you "rare stones" which allow you to upgrade your abilities. And here lies the reason I prefer this game over Galaxy. The fact that I actually want to go for 100% in this game, and even beating the target times in these challenges (which do not count for 100%), says a lot. I'm not usually a completionist, even for games I really like, unless actual achievements/trophies are concerned.

Heck, as of writing this review, I still have a lengthy post-game to go through with tougher challenges, but I'm already looking forward to it. If it wasn't for Elden Ring releasing this year as well, then Kirby would have certainly taken the spot for my GOTY. It may not be as mind-bending as Galaxy, but all a platformer really needs to be for me is fun, and this game has it in spades.

When I first gave this a shot many years ago, I felt very indifferent about it. For people who know me, it's no secret that a lot of the older FPS games I've played tend to get me motion sick. It may be a result of low FOV or low-res graphics. It just depends on the game, really. DOOM made me nauseous with its mix of pixelated graphics (which were no doubt impressive for its time), and maze-like level design that had me wanting to projectile vomit as I turned the same corner for the 10th time, completely lost.

Little did my dumbass younger self know, the game has a map! I recently decided to give this another shot, and after switching to a 4:3 aspect ratio and learning of said map, I was off, and I could not stop. Something about this game just works in a way that not even the 2016 reboot did for me (which I loved). I already knew just how influential this game was for the FPS genre, but I didn't really get it until now. Absolute peak level design, and with satisfyingly simple gameplay. Using the shotgun for most of my first run was pure ecstasy. These shotgun blasts felt somehow punchier and more satisfying than using any weapon in the modern DOOM games. I can already see myself replaying this every once in a while for funsies while trying new loadouts and hunting for more secrets.

It's raw, it's unhinged, it's freakin' DOOM, baby!

The Shores of Hell > Knee-Deep in the Dead > Inferno

While it's a tragedy that this ended up being the final game that I completed in 2022, it feels strangely apt to end on such a sour note. I don't mean to sound like a pessimist, but I'll admit I haven't been in the right headspace for quite a few years now. 2022 was no different, and while I continue to grow as a person and learn to appreciate the little things in life, I'm still dealing with personal traumas and my subpar mental health as I go. But, how exactly is this relevant to Sonic Boom?

Well, every year I think to myself, "This will be my year. Great things await." But nope, every year is the same as the last. Certain ambitions and expectations that are ultimately shattered by disappointment. And that's what Sonic Boom is, really, and with a title like that, it seems highly appropriate. Rather than it being the smashing success that the team probably hoped it would be, it was an explosive failure that somehow managed to make Sonic 06 look competent. In a way, it also parallels the tiny bit of shattered hope I had of 2022 being good.

The funny thing is that I don't really have any major complaints. But it's such an incredibly bland experience that it feels insulting to even play. When I set out to finish every Sonic game, I never expected the series to reach such banal levels of insipid game design, despite knowing full well of this game's infamy. This was a game I could tell was going to be horrible within the first 10 seconds of actual gameplay.

Imagine this: You are running on rails through some uninspired floating roadway as is typical of these games, but suddenly the framerate drops to 15 through some loop or some other janky transition, all while Sonic says any of these phrases and more:

"Built for speed!"
"This is what speed looks like!"
"Can't slow Sonic down!"

As I reference a Nintendo Life article, former Sega of America producer Stephen Frost gave a few reasons for the game's failure, "one of which is that based on focus tests, people were "sick and tired" of Sonic going too fast and wanted to slow him down."

My guy, what the fuck are you talking about? Even if this was accurate, that doesn't also mean literally dropping the framerate. That's the power of CryEngine on Wii U, I guess. And no, I never expected this game to be anything more than somewhat mediocre, but truly, this is much worse than I could have imagined. At least the other bad Sonic games I've played were short enough and didn't subject you to 6 grueling hours of some piss poor excuse for entertainment.

So yeah, 2022 was not at all the year I hoped it would be, but there's always next year. To end on a more positive note, I have to admit that it was not all doom and gloom. There were actually a lot of great moments that happened this year, mostly involving time spent with family. As a coaster enthusiast, I was also able to get a lot of new credits. It's those small and joyful moments that make it worth pushing through life's harships. But anyway, here I am, with only a few minutes to go 'til the start of 2023, fireworks going off outside my window, finishing up this write-up. I am once again hoping 2023 will be my year, but even if it isn't, I can still look forward to the little things I'll certainly continue to enjoy out of life, and I can also find some solace in knowing that I won't ever have to touch this game ever again.

Preface: The following letter makes more sense when you realize I originally rated this game a 3.5.

Dear Gamers,

It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter of resignation from the Worldwide Gamers Association. Due to my recent first playthrough of DMC 2, I have concluded that my opinions are not of any worth and that the label of "gamer" should not apply to someone with any sort of appreciation towards this game, such as myself. It was a short journey. One with brainless combat involving continuous pistol spamming, lack of interesting enemy variety, and bullet sponge bosses that just wanted to waste your time. But dammit if I didn't still have fun with it.

Honestly, it's a shame that this game wasn't longer, because maybe then I would have truly come to hate it. I mean, by Mission 14, I was starting to get a bit tired of it.... But then the game ended not long after. So yeah, I like this game. Hell, I was actually loving it at first. I am fully aware of the consequences in life that this public confession may lead to, but I hope this letter of resignation at the very least alleviates some peoples' anger and disgust.

Sincerely, SwitSwat (Former Based Gamer)

P.S. - Sorry, not sorry lmao

Update: Now that I have finished Lucia's playthrough, I'll lower my overall rating of the game. Playing as Lucia was definitely a more mediocre experience for me overall, though part of it is that it's just more of the same. However, in retrospect, it made me realize that Dante's playthrough wasn't as good, either. Lucia's underwater missions are especially bad. That one underwater boss (if yk, yk) is so annoying.

Honestly, if I had started with Lucia, I might have not been so quick to play through Dante's route, as it made the game's faults that much clearer to me. I'll go ahead and accept that DMC2 is a bad game, but I still think it gets too much hate. Its short playtime makes for an inoffensively OK and silly time for me. Of course, compared to the first game, it may as well amount to steaming garbage.