Username8
2009
Just say it. Go ahead. It is pronounced exactly how you think.
2023
Friends, loved ones, we gather here today to remember our good friend Hi-Fi Rush
The cliche saying "life comes at you fast" is apt to describe Hi-Fi Rush. It simultaneously announced and released at the end of what I would generously describe as a very mid Xbox game presentation in January 2023 to the delight of half-asleep gamers watching everywhere.
Hi-Fi Rush is rhythm-based character action game that had unique gameplay. It was forgiving to casual audiences so as to acclimate them to rhythm aspects of the game, but had aspects about it that made it the most hardcore character action game out there if you wanted it to be. If you wanted the highest ranking. If you wanted Chai to be holding a real guitar, you had to earn that shit in blood.
The game embraced a fun cast of characters. Embraced a saturday morning cartoon setting and story. It made Xenogears references when half-jokingly describing running out of budget for the last act of the game. It had licensed music from bands like Nine Inch Nails. Hi-Fi Rush was truly a hi-fi rush that made thousands of people think the game was tailor-made for them. Simply by being more in line with what people actually like. It was nice to see as such cases of personality and life being that it was rare to see such on a major publisher level.
Hi-Fi Rush was pushed out into the world to be loved, and to help boost a rapidly dying gaming platform, but actually mostly that first thing...
But mostly that second thing, actually.
The cancer of corporate consolidation and power, a time when optimal financialization is the only language those unrightfully holding the reigns of the industry speak. That is what killed a moderately successful game studio. Lack of passion or enthusiasm didn't kill Hi-Fi Rush. A financial officer running numbers and determining a sequel would make X amount of dollars less than a Call of Duty skin killed Hi-Fi Rush.
So as we lay them down to rest, we celebrate Hi-Fi Rush as it reminded gamers of a time when all games both big and small were released to be enjoyed unconditionally; with the upfront price tag of exceptional games were the beginning, middle and end of what was asked to own it.
Sadly, those days are snuffed out. You must now rent and subscribe to begin to be pumped with complicit, tedious gameplay trends that feel more diluted with every repackaging. Will we die with capitalism? Probably. Shit crazy out here, b.
Whether or not you cherished the life of Tango, or it's products like Evil Within or Hi-Fi Rush, you must understand that gaming on consoles is dead. Dead until the console platform holders release their own Steam Deck and it's probably going to be lame as fuck compared to a Steam Deck if your name is not Nintendo, but whatever rest in piece Hi-Fi Rush.
The cliche saying "life comes at you fast" is apt to describe Hi-Fi Rush. It simultaneously announced and released at the end of what I would generously describe as a very mid Xbox game presentation in January 2023 to the delight of half-asleep gamers watching everywhere.
Hi-Fi Rush is rhythm-based character action game that had unique gameplay. It was forgiving to casual audiences so as to acclimate them to rhythm aspects of the game, but had aspects about it that made it the most hardcore character action game out there if you wanted it to be. If you wanted the highest ranking. If you wanted Chai to be holding a real guitar, you had to earn that shit in blood.
The game embraced a fun cast of characters. Embraced a saturday morning cartoon setting and story. It made Xenogears references when half-jokingly describing running out of budget for the last act of the game. It had licensed music from bands like Nine Inch Nails. Hi-Fi Rush was truly a hi-fi rush that made thousands of people think the game was tailor-made for them. Simply by being more in line with what people actually like. It was nice to see as such cases of personality and life being that it was rare to see such on a major publisher level.
Hi-Fi Rush was pushed out into the world to be loved, and to help boost a rapidly dying gaming platform, but actually mostly that first thing...
But mostly that second thing, actually.
The cancer of corporate consolidation and power, a time when optimal financialization is the only language those unrightfully holding the reigns of the industry speak. That is what killed a moderately successful game studio. Lack of passion or enthusiasm didn't kill Hi-Fi Rush. A financial officer running numbers and determining a sequel would make X amount of dollars less than a Call of Duty skin killed Hi-Fi Rush.
So as we lay them down to rest, we celebrate Hi-Fi Rush as it reminded gamers of a time when all games both big and small were released to be enjoyed unconditionally; with the upfront price tag of exceptional games were the beginning, middle and end of what was asked to own it.
Sadly, those days are snuffed out. You must now rent and subscribe to begin to be pumped with complicit, tedious gameplay trends that feel more diluted with every repackaging. Will we die with capitalism? Probably. Shit crazy out here, b.
Whether or not you cherished the life of Tango, or it's products like Evil Within or Hi-Fi Rush, you must understand that gaming on consoles is dead. Dead until the console platform holders release their own Steam Deck and it's probably going to be lame as fuck compared to a Steam Deck if your name is not Nintendo, but whatever rest in piece Hi-Fi Rush.
Endless Ocean: Luminous is fucking slop. I pirated it to see if was worth paying $50 for and it is not. Thank you, and good night.
Luminous does a good job making you feel a sense of wonder sometimes, but the Switch is so old that the graphics do not compel, and the gameplay does not compel. The game is at it's best when you're in a fugue state with no neural activity in your brain and your eyes are blurred out of focus and your brain tells you a sweet little lie that you're immersed in something. The reality is nothing is happening, and you will not remember the unremarkable visual stimuli happening across your screen the moment it passes. I am not angry, just disappointed.
Here are better games (* marking especially banger titles) if casual underwater exploration interests you:
Abzu *
Aquanaut's Holiday
Aquanaut's Holiday 2
Aquanaut's Holiday: Hidden Memories *
Endless Ocean
Endless Ocean: Blue World *
Everblue
Everblue 2
Luminous does a good job making you feel a sense of wonder sometimes, but the Switch is so old that the graphics do not compel, and the gameplay does not compel. The game is at it's best when you're in a fugue state with no neural activity in your brain and your eyes are blurred out of focus and your brain tells you a sweet little lie that you're immersed in something. The reality is nothing is happening, and you will not remember the unremarkable visual stimuli happening across your screen the moment it passes. I am not angry, just disappointed.
Here are better games (* marking especially banger titles) if casual underwater exploration interests you:
Abzu *
Aquanaut's Holiday
Aquanaut's Holiday 2
Aquanaut's Holiday: Hidden Memories *
Endless Ocean
Endless Ocean: Blue World *
Everblue
Everblue 2
2024
DISCLAIMER: This is a re-edited review of Stellar Blade. Just telling you now, I'm going to be talking about more about the dark sides of gooner culture than the game itself because Stellar Blade is a lynch pin for things I find fascinating about the internet as it stands in the month of May, 2024.
We been spendin' most our lives living in a gooners paradise.
I am fascinated by Stellar Blade and what this game might mean for the future for video games. It's going to sound like I hate this game, but I don't. I think it's Fine™.
If it wasn't obvious, this game wants to be Nier Automata Souls Asura's Wrath Bayonetta. The intro of the game is VERY similar how Asura's Wrath started just swapped with Korean mobile game models usually reserved for Gacha-pull auto-battlers -- doing orbital drops onto the Earth doing Bayonetta moves before getting torn to pieces like Gears of War characters by Infernal Demons. There are other games you could pull into the conversation that Stellar Blade reminds you of and you'd be on the money. The game is a homunculus of other game ideas. Stellar Blade is just the title that dared to glue every game it worships together like this. It feels like an astounding ripoff with enough effort put in it's distinctions for me to not feel mad about it.
My only two real criticisms that I care about is that the parrying is BAD. DELAYED FRAME WINDOWS FOR PARRYING IS BAD. If you are going to have parrying in your game, and the parry timing is not finely tuned to the animation of an attack, then the game is going to suffer because of it. Lies of P did this shit, too. We are half a decade removed from the release of Sekiro. Make the parry windows make sense.
Secondly, the plot and characters are just so bad that I find it cannot be enjoyed even in an ironic way. This game is so earnest in it's stupidity, turning on my brain to pay attention to the game's narrative actually felt like it was my fault. You play as android woman named EVE and you meet a guy named ADAM and you two are basically the last people on EARTH.
It's not deep. It is in fact stupid as fuck. But, at the end of the day, I like the fact that Stellar Blade THINKS it is deep. But who cares what I think. Thinking is for people who are not edging to Stellar Blade in between unemployment checks. Just shut the fuck up, me. You cuck-pilled kink-shame-maxxing soyboy. I'll kill you.
After the intro, the game settles into being Nier Automata with Souls gameplay. You know what? That mix sounds pretty damn nice. It IS pretty nice sometimes. It needs a lot of fucking work in the plot department. I only care because the game wants you to care about the whole lot of nothing happening 90% of the time. Only one character has an arc worth bring a first-monitor amount of attention to, but that goes nowhere too after faking out the audience that it WILL go somewhere and it's just like what the fuck are we doing, people. What the fuck is this. What and why do you want me to care. I demand someone answer me. And why is everything sticky?
I love the checkpoint system, I really like the PS2/PS3 platformer style exploration of the environments. The hair physics are too much and it actually affects the performance of gameplay, but IT IS fun to have Eve walk under a waterfall and her becoming wet and her hair wrapping itself her body so you look like a bog witch. Very funny. I struggle to talk about the gameplay itself. It's a goddamn Souls game with platforming. You can autofill what to expect from there.
Stellar Blade should be something more aligned with how it paints itself. I waited for something beneath the veneer of this game to make itself known, only to let myself down when it didn't really happen. This shit REALLY ain't that deep. Which is ok, but why go through the effort of pretending? You know? Hello? Are you listening? It still feels like I'm not being heard right now. You know what? Fuck it, whatever. Let's move on.
My real fascination with Stellar Blade is the cultural impact. Sometimes I wonder how detrimental it is being a perpetually online, horny weirdo in the long-term. I genuinely wonder how much have mobile games that inspired the character design of Stellar Blade conditioned porn-addled individuals to latch onto this game like a big-titted, zero personality octopus dragging a victim into the ocean? How much was the sexiness of Eve was factored into the marketing equation as a distraction from Stellar Blade's unpolished elements? It's straight up nefarious how mentally ill Twitter people who want to jerk their dicks off their body and continue to jerk off the flesh mass on the ground until it is giblet paste -- will tie their sexual freedoms to a corporate product. That's just the state of the world I guess.
I don't want to see cultural zeitgeists eventually revert back to prudishness when it comes to sex, but what I see online from those defending Stellar Blade from being seen as anything other than the best game of forever -- is cumming from a place of defense for unapologetic gooner-maxxing instead of objective reverence for the game itself. Eve isn't real (yet). Her pussy isn't going to vacuum your internal organs out of your genitalia (yet). Gooners, please. Divest 10% of the blood of your penises back into your brain. I need you with me, buddy.
On the flip side, seeing a character like Eve on the cover and the game not being a complete waste of time is an unironic step forward for the gaming industry. The cover looks like fucking Onechanbara spin-off. I do believe we are close to a real gooner game with undeniable quality. Stellar Blade is in many aspects SO close to classic status.
Still, the game is good, not incredible. Bayonetta 1 is incredible. Nier Automata is incredible. Those two games are gooner games with brain cells in them. Though the guy who directed Nier Automata is saying that Stellar Blade is better than fucking NIER AUTOMATA.. I don't know if this is a work so Mr. Taro can direct the next game from this studio, which would be hilarious, or if he is at heart just a gooner. Guess we'll see.
Stellar Blade has led me to be fascinated with the "pussy over everything" mindset and how much fetishization will override any objective discussion. Loneliness and desire to quell that loneliness with sex has defined the present and most certainly will define the future. Defending women who are not real in a time where real women don't even secure reproductive rights is fucking hilarious. I know none of you care, I do. I enjoy laughing about the state of affairs because it keeps me from going insane.
So yeah whatever I just know half of you reading are saying "shut the fuck up loser smelly bad gay slur-coded cuck and let me teach my semen a lesson that it should be in a jar and not my body." or even better, the other half going "what are you even talking about" crowd. Because the latter are so pure and don't read up on what goes on in the day-to-day discussions on gaming. You innocent sons of bitches. I really, truly wish I was you. I am a man witnessing madness and devolving affairs and speaking on it and you can just tell me I'm crazy and allow my review to pass over you. The innocence of ignorance. You don't know the gooners will be at your doorstep, soon. They'll come for you and your mom's retirement checks that you use to buy Jujustsu Kaisen figures. Truly, willful centrism is your zion.
My real message here: Jerk your dick to your heart's content, just don't let your jerk bait define you.
Stellar Blade, everyone.
We been spendin' most our lives living in a gooners paradise.
I am fascinated by Stellar Blade and what this game might mean for the future for video games. It's going to sound like I hate this game, but I don't. I think it's Fine™.
If it wasn't obvious, this game wants to be Nier Automata Souls Asura's Wrath Bayonetta. The intro of the game is VERY similar how Asura's Wrath started just swapped with Korean mobile game models usually reserved for Gacha-pull auto-battlers -- doing orbital drops onto the Earth doing Bayonetta moves before getting torn to pieces like Gears of War characters by Infernal Demons. There are other games you could pull into the conversation that Stellar Blade reminds you of and you'd be on the money. The game is a homunculus of other game ideas. Stellar Blade is just the title that dared to glue every game it worships together like this. It feels like an astounding ripoff with enough effort put in it's distinctions for me to not feel mad about it.
My only two real criticisms that I care about is that the parrying is BAD. DELAYED FRAME WINDOWS FOR PARRYING IS BAD. If you are going to have parrying in your game, and the parry timing is not finely tuned to the animation of an attack, then the game is going to suffer because of it. Lies of P did this shit, too. We are half a decade removed from the release of Sekiro. Make the parry windows make sense.
Secondly, the plot and characters are just so bad that I find it cannot be enjoyed even in an ironic way. This game is so earnest in it's stupidity, turning on my brain to pay attention to the game's narrative actually felt like it was my fault. You play as android woman named EVE and you meet a guy named ADAM and you two are basically the last people on EARTH.
It's not deep. It is in fact stupid as fuck. But, at the end of the day, I like the fact that Stellar Blade THINKS it is deep. But who cares what I think. Thinking is for people who are not edging to Stellar Blade in between unemployment checks. Just shut the fuck up, me. You cuck-pilled kink-shame-maxxing soyboy. I'll kill you.
After the intro, the game settles into being Nier Automata with Souls gameplay. You know what? That mix sounds pretty damn nice. It IS pretty nice sometimes. It needs a lot of fucking work in the plot department. I only care because the game wants you to care about the whole lot of nothing happening 90% of the time. Only one character has an arc worth bring a first-monitor amount of attention to, but that goes nowhere too after faking out the audience that it WILL go somewhere and it's just like what the fuck are we doing, people. What the fuck is this. What and why do you want me to care. I demand someone answer me. And why is everything sticky?
I love the checkpoint system, I really like the PS2/PS3 platformer style exploration of the environments. The hair physics are too much and it actually affects the performance of gameplay, but IT IS fun to have Eve walk under a waterfall and her becoming wet and her hair wrapping itself her body so you look like a bog witch. Very funny. I struggle to talk about the gameplay itself. It's a goddamn Souls game with platforming. You can autofill what to expect from there.
Stellar Blade should be something more aligned with how it paints itself. I waited for something beneath the veneer of this game to make itself known, only to let myself down when it didn't really happen. This shit REALLY ain't that deep. Which is ok, but why go through the effort of pretending? You know? Hello? Are you listening? It still feels like I'm not being heard right now. You know what? Fuck it, whatever. Let's move on.
My real fascination with Stellar Blade is the cultural impact. Sometimes I wonder how detrimental it is being a perpetually online, horny weirdo in the long-term. I genuinely wonder how much have mobile games that inspired the character design of Stellar Blade conditioned porn-addled individuals to latch onto this game like a big-titted, zero personality octopus dragging a victim into the ocean? How much was the sexiness of Eve was factored into the marketing equation as a distraction from Stellar Blade's unpolished elements? It's straight up nefarious how mentally ill Twitter people who want to jerk their dicks off their body and continue to jerk off the flesh mass on the ground until it is giblet paste -- will tie their sexual freedoms to a corporate product. That's just the state of the world I guess.
I don't want to see cultural zeitgeists eventually revert back to prudishness when it comes to sex, but what I see online from those defending Stellar Blade from being seen as anything other than the best game of forever -- is cumming from a place of defense for unapologetic gooner-maxxing instead of objective reverence for the game itself. Eve isn't real (yet). Her pussy isn't going to vacuum your internal organs out of your genitalia (yet). Gooners, please. Divest 10% of the blood of your penises back into your brain. I need you with me, buddy.
On the flip side, seeing a character like Eve on the cover and the game not being a complete waste of time is an unironic step forward for the gaming industry. The cover looks like fucking Onechanbara spin-off. I do believe we are close to a real gooner game with undeniable quality. Stellar Blade is in many aspects SO close to classic status.
Still, the game is good, not incredible. Bayonetta 1 is incredible. Nier Automata is incredible. Those two games are gooner games with brain cells in them. Though the guy who directed Nier Automata is saying that Stellar Blade is better than fucking NIER AUTOMATA.. I don't know if this is a work so Mr. Taro can direct the next game from this studio, which would be hilarious, or if he is at heart just a gooner. Guess we'll see.
Stellar Blade has led me to be fascinated with the "pussy over everything" mindset and how much fetishization will override any objective discussion. Loneliness and desire to quell that loneliness with sex has defined the present and most certainly will define the future. Defending women who are not real in a time where real women don't even secure reproductive rights is fucking hilarious. I know none of you care, I do. I enjoy laughing about the state of affairs because it keeps me from going insane.
So yeah whatever I just know half of you reading are saying "shut the fuck up loser smelly bad gay slur-coded cuck and let me teach my semen a lesson that it should be in a jar and not my body." or even better, the other half going "what are you even talking about" crowd. Because the latter are so pure and don't read up on what goes on in the day-to-day discussions on gaming. You innocent sons of bitches. I really, truly wish I was you. I am a man witnessing madness and devolving affairs and speaking on it and you can just tell me I'm crazy and allow my review to pass over you. The innocence of ignorance. You don't know the gooners will be at your doorstep, soon. They'll come for you and your mom's retirement checks that you use to buy Jujustsu Kaisen figures. Truly, willful centrism is your zion.
My real message here: Jerk your dick to your heart's content, just don't let your jerk bait define you.
Stellar Blade, everyone.
2003
Hey it's astoundingly obscure and good go play it.
Not many people in the world have even heard of Giftpia. It's a the first game from the Chibi-Robo devs and it makes me regret ever describing something as a fever dream, because this is as about as fever-dream-y as it can get. Not the kind of fever dream where reality is completely broken down, but the more subtle kind where things are off, and the unconscious mind is unable to parse what that is exactly.
Everyone is animated like wet noodles. They talk like broken wind-up toys. They make odd noises and their psychobabble language is filtered with a variety of effects like someone just discovered audio software for the first time. It's fucking cool, actually.
This game is a barely sensical, earnest slapstick comedy where your character does one goofy thing after the next just to keep the roller coaster ride going. You will almost at all times ask yourself "why am I doing any of this". Just go with it. The surreal nonsense is the ride.
Giftpia is a gift in of itself. It's a palette-cleansing good time. A reminder that Nintendo of Japan just let whatever on the Gamecube so long as it never came out in English ever, ever.
I genuinely do think this game and Captain Rainbow should be remembered more, but accessing English translations is a little rough for the normies and the translation job is not 100% done (it's 95% done they just gave up at the end)
Listen, I love this game. I don't like obscure video games hardly anyone has played being some of my favorite things ever. I'm the second review of this game on this website for fuck's sake. I need others to play this game. Maybe it'll hit you like it has hit for so precious few. Giftpia's got soul. Even if I want to beat the shit out of the robot every time I see him.
Not many people in the world have even heard of Giftpia. It's a the first game from the Chibi-Robo devs and it makes me regret ever describing something as a fever dream, because this is as about as fever-dream-y as it can get. Not the kind of fever dream where reality is completely broken down, but the more subtle kind where things are off, and the unconscious mind is unable to parse what that is exactly.
Everyone is animated like wet noodles. They talk like broken wind-up toys. They make odd noises and their psychobabble language is filtered with a variety of effects like someone just discovered audio software for the first time. It's fucking cool, actually.
This game is a barely sensical, earnest slapstick comedy where your character does one goofy thing after the next just to keep the roller coaster ride going. You will almost at all times ask yourself "why am I doing any of this". Just go with it. The surreal nonsense is the ride.
Giftpia is a gift in of itself. It's a palette-cleansing good time. A reminder that Nintendo of Japan just let whatever on the Gamecube so long as it never came out in English ever, ever.
I genuinely do think this game and Captain Rainbow should be remembered more, but accessing English translations is a little rough for the normies and the translation job is not 100% done (it's 95% done they just gave up at the end)
Listen, I love this game. I don't like obscure video games hardly anyone has played being some of my favorite things ever. I'm the second review of this game on this website for fuck's sake. I need others to play this game. Maybe it'll hit you like it has hit for so precious few. Giftpia's got soul. Even if I want to beat the shit out of the robot every time I see him.
2021
A lot of gamers leading up to SMT5's release had a lot of questions along the line of "How is this going to top SMT3? SMT4? Apocalypse???"
It doesn't.
I'd explain myself, but you're going to have to wait three more years for this review to be rereleased with more content.
It doesn't.
I'd explain myself, but you're going to have to wait three more years for this review to be rereleased with more content.
You know what games will age the poorest? The ones with full 3D environments where you have no free camera control.
Like yeah this looks nicer than the PS1 original, but correcting the camera by pressing the L1 button just makes you wish Sony tried to make a second control stick work on PSP.
Like yeah this looks nicer than the PS1 original, but correcting the camera by pressing the L1 button just makes you wish Sony tried to make a second control stick work on PSP.
2007
PSP version feels good to play. Feels bad to look at. You can upscale poop dirt road textures as much as you want so they don't look like a sea of poop pixels, but you can't remove the poop from the equation. The theorem itself is poop.
Because of the default FOV and texture coloring, you will be looking at so much distracting poop textures, you will be drifting in a shit plane that is really hard to look at, let alone even process.
It's literally a shit game.
Because of the default FOV and texture coloring, you will be looking at so much distracting poop textures, you will be drifting in a shit plane that is really hard to look at, let alone even process.
It's literally a shit game.
2021
This game without mods is kind of boring. This game is still clearly being put together to have a full vanilla experience. I suspect that at the end of content rollout, probably won't hit as satisfactorily what you can get out of these mother fucking mods.
The mods in Valheim make Valheim worth talking about, because without them to curate finely-tuned server experiences you really have a nothing sandwich when it comes to fresh survival genre experiences.
I'm running this game in steam on the open beta playtest version of the game that allows this and that mods to make this run fuckin SICK.
Right now I'm playing in a private server with 15 other people with ValheimPlus and like the other 4 top downloaded mods you can find on rmodman2. It is extraordinarily fun to run through a relatively normie experience with so many quality of life features I cannot list them here; with a buncha guys who love base building, farming mats, and making a wolf breeding pit to create dozens of wolf dogs that destroy everything that wanders close to our fully moated castle town called Piss Village.
I'm so into Valheim I'm going to do a hardcore combat run where the map is turned off, leaving the server players have to craft physical waypoints to what location you need to go to. It's gonna be insane.
So yeah, vanilla Valheim? Aight.
Modded Valheim? It's now the best survival game.
The mods in Valheim make Valheim worth talking about, because without them to curate finely-tuned server experiences you really have a nothing sandwich when it comes to fresh survival genre experiences.
I'm running this game in steam on the open beta playtest version of the game that allows this and that mods to make this run fuckin SICK.
Right now I'm playing in a private server with 15 other people with ValheimPlus and like the other 4 top downloaded mods you can find on rmodman2. It is extraordinarily fun to run through a relatively normie experience with so many quality of life features I cannot list them here; with a buncha guys who love base building, farming mats, and making a wolf breeding pit to create dozens of wolf dogs that destroy everything that wanders close to our fully moated castle town called Piss Village.
I'm so into Valheim I'm going to do a hardcore combat run where the map is turned off, leaving the server players have to craft physical waypoints to what location you need to go to. It's gonna be insane.
So yeah, vanilla Valheim? Aight.
Modded Valheim? It's now the best survival game.
This review contains spoilers
Do you know how fucked it is that you cannot legally buy the greatest turn based RPG ever made? That even the emulator to play the only platform it was released on is actually illegal and is now only fleetingly available to download on mirror websites that haven't been wiped from existence. A dizzying exchanging of a legally deemed nuclear football, all in service to prevent anyone from experiencing unique games that defy the tedium of its genre and defies limits on how brutal a game can be.
It's like the game itself achieved its own True Ending: wiping itself from existence as the cycle of death it represents is doomed to repeat infinitely.
This is the kind of shit that terrifies me about media laws and the fucked state of injustices that exist in every pocket of the legal systems that govern us. This earth shattering motherfucking CLASSIC is at the mercy of being remembered by those who jumped through the hoops to emulate it.
Nintendo is that fucking Minotaur. Beyond its watch, lies ruins of neglected software; and a underground that advances in defiance of its own imprisonment.
May the Minotaur never find and DMCA you
It's like the game itself achieved its own True Ending: wiping itself from existence as the cycle of death it represents is doomed to repeat infinitely.
This is the kind of shit that terrifies me about media laws and the fucked state of injustices that exist in every pocket of the legal systems that govern us. This earth shattering motherfucking CLASSIC is at the mercy of being remembered by those who jumped through the hoops to emulate it.
Nintendo is that fucking Minotaur. Beyond its watch, lies ruins of neglected software; and a underground that advances in defiance of its own imprisonment.
May the Minotaur never find and DMCA you
This game has everything you could ever want: gameplay revolving around ragdoll physics, sick mind powers AND a nu metal theme and tie-in music video That's it. It's over for the rest of these pretenders out here. I'm like that guy in that Junji Ito manga about fitting into the hole. This is my video game.
This game barrels over It's own stupid ass by being dumb fun. Fun that is dumber than anything it can be criticized for. I want more games where you levitate on doors. I want to possess the body of a man to kiss another man. I want to set people on fire. I want to harness the near infinite kinetic potential of my mind to order Chipotle on my jailbroken Neurolink. These are things only Psi-Ops The Mindgate Conspiracy can deliver. The limitations of what you can do here are gen six console processing and what I can fucking do with my mind.
WITH MY MIIIIIND
WITH MY MIIIIIIIEEEEIIIIND
This game barrels over It's own stupid ass by being dumb fun. Fun that is dumber than anything it can be criticized for. I want more games where you levitate on doors. I want to possess the body of a man to kiss another man. I want to set people on fire. I want to harness the near infinite kinetic potential of my mind to order Chipotle on my jailbroken Neurolink. These are things only Psi-Ops The Mindgate Conspiracy can deliver. The limitations of what you can do here are gen six console processing and what I can fucking do with my mind.
WITH MY MIIIIIND
WITH MY MIIIIIIIEEEEIIIIND
Awesome idea. Cool environments. I really felt at times I was playing a SpongeBob Souls game. Kril is a good character. His enthusiasm for paying taxes makes him a bitch but I root for him anyway.
I got softlocked on the scenery, twice. And the music I find to be lacking for the good visual vibe going on here.
It's at the right price point for what you get.
I got softlocked on the scenery, twice. And the music I find to be lacking for the good visual vibe going on here.
It's at the right price point for what you get.
I don't know who the fuck this cock sucking asshole SPIDER is but it surely can't be my boy REDIPS.
2024
I love how this game looks. Stop animation being able to replicated this accurately through computer graphics is so great. The game looks goddamn beautiful. The plot setup is funny and so goddamn Wes Anderson-y but less obnoxious and not as in love with itself. I didn't mind the lack of gameplay either as I was sucked into the world.
Now having completed it, my question to the developer is WHY is this a game? This could have been a two and a half hour movie or a miniseries. Is it more profitable to make an 8 hour game for $40 on Steam than sign a deal with a movie studio? Actually don't answer that, because it probably totally is.
I was disappointed at the conclusion of this game, but I enjoyed the ride. I think this game will be remembered by film students trying to show how cool and deep they are by knowing this exists.
Seriously, you should support this when it's on sale because I want to see more from these guys, the Slow Bros. If you can't, just watch someone stream it. You'll get just as much out of it.
Now having completed it, my question to the developer is WHY is this a game? This could have been a two and a half hour movie or a miniseries. Is it more profitable to make an 8 hour game for $40 on Steam than sign a deal with a movie studio? Actually don't answer that, because it probably totally is.
I was disappointed at the conclusion of this game, but I enjoyed the ride. I think this game will be remembered by film students trying to show how cool and deep they are by knowing this exists.
Seriously, you should support this when it's on sale because I want to see more from these guys, the Slow Bros. If you can't, just watch someone stream it. You'll get just as much out of it.