FAITH: The Unholy Trinity is a fantastic retro-style horror game split into three acts, released over a span of 5 years. It follows the journey of Father John Ward as he fights various evils with his crucfix.

Chapter I (2017) is a pretty solid base to begin with. You spend a lot of time wandering around in woods that repeat themselves, in a style somewhat reminiscent of the hunting/foraging segments of Oregon Trail. There are quite a lot of possible endings as you progress through, with notes to collect by exorcising various objects.

Chapter II (2019) was a significant upgrade over Chapter I and IMO my favourite part of the trinity. While more linear, it gave way to a lot more environments and plot, as well as some neat puzzles.

Then finally we have Chapter III (2022), which serves as a great finale. Once again we have more multiple endings with lots of well-hidden secrets to uncover, and some really rad segments. One level in particular did go on for a little too long however.

All in all, this is an excellent choice for fans of horror and retro-styled games alike. The animation/cutscenes are incredibly well done with their eerily high framerates and the atmosphere/music is just the right level of creepy.

Sunflower
1, 2, 3
There's a zombie on your lawn
There's a zombie on your lawn
There's a zombie on your lawn
We don't want zombies on the lawn
I know your type: tall, dark, and dead
You want to bite all the petals off of my head
And then eat the brains of the one who planted me here (noooo!)
I'm just a sunflower but see
Me power an entire infantry
You like the taste of brains
We don't like zombies
I used to play football (football)
Road cones protect my head (my head)
I have a screen-door shield (screen-door shield!)
We are the undead!
There's a zombie on your lawn
There's a zombie on your lawn
There's a zombie on your lawn
We don't want zombies on the lawn
Maybe it's time to reevaluate
I know you have a lot of food on your plate
Brains are quite rich in cholesterol
You're dead so it doesn't matter
Instead we'll use this solar power
To make a lawn defense at any hour
I like the tricycle (tricycle)
There's butter on my head (my head)
I'm gonna eat your brains (no, no, no, no)
We are the undead!
There's a zombie on your lawn
There's a zombie on your lawn
There's a zombie on your lawn
We don't want zombies on the lawn

people are fairly harsh on this i think since it's the new craze and it's not mechanically up to snuff (did anyone play this thinking it was going to be some bemani shit? well ok i realise the irony in saying that given it being a ddr clone)

that being said i cant exactly rate this higher LOL, the songs aren't particularly great and it practically requires being modded to play comfortably. the appeal is just in seeing funny character designs go beep boop ba beep boop basically. which is an ok way to kill an hour or two really

This isn't a joke review. I'm dead fucking serious this time.

I haven't experienced a game that people told me got good at the third act...until this game.

I have issues with this game. Too many to list. Of course, the level "design" is soulless and lacks any sort of fun. Earlier Xeno games would include little puzzles and would have some environmental storytelling. Whatever the fuck that means. The gameplay is bizarre and since I have never played an MMORPG, I am completely unfamiliar with this type of gameplay. And the walking speed is slower than a sloth.

The story? Ah yes. The thing I love about Xeno and video games in general (I'm a Visual Novel fan lol). So when I played this game, I was underwhelmed. Yeah there are cool ideas and such but this reminds me of a filler JRPG to wash your mouth of all the epic masterpieces or when there's nothing coming out at the time. The problem is, Xenosaga and Xenogears were the epics I wanted. And it turns out, this wasn’t meant to be Xeno. Until like they were 80% of the way done and decided “Hey let’s make this a Xeno. Change the already done story? Nah keep it.”

Riki. Holy shit. Riki. Football. That fucking football. I want to kill that piece of shit. That whole thing’s existence is just there to pad time. The fucker doesn’t talk about anything of worth (although this game’s standard of worth is already in the shitter) but when he does talk the dude’s always like “Look look big fishy fish”. Uhhhh yeah no shit Sherlock I know there’s a dinosaur in our presence can you get out of the way of the camera.

Anyways I’m done with this game. For now at least. I’ll pick it back up because I kinda have to because I paid $50 for this shit and I need to get my hard earned money’s worth since I literally never pay for games unless I absolutely have to. And when I play Xenoblade 2 and 3, I’ll be sure to emulate it (though maybe $60 for Xenogears with a harem definitely sounds worth the money).

I’m going back to my porn games.

Games that feel haunted are so cool to me and usually something that will immediately make me appreciate it, and Critters For Sale is no exception in this regard. The mishmash of surreal, abstract twists on a variety of folklore warped through a lens of pop culture from a variety of eras, all closed off with one of the most unique and striking visual styles I've seen makes for an unforgettable aesthetic in any case. It's all further heightened by game's insistence that you immediately know everything that's being talked about while exclusively putting you in the perspective of characters who know absolutely nothing, leaving so much up to you just remembering concepts and making vague connections without truly understanding the deeper consequences of anything that occurs. It's built upon contradictions in a lot of key areas that add a ton to the surreal atmosphere in each chapter, not ever being able to fully trust anything that's said, but always pressing forward regardless to be given context to ideas you haven't even begun to think about.

It's not exactly perfect, as the pop culture elements definitely carefully ride the line between adding to the sense of strange familiarity to see such icons in the context of a world this confusing, while also sometimes unfortunately crossing the line into taking you right out of the experience by leaning into such elements a bit too heavily. This is most prominent with a certain ending in the Goat storyline, where while incredibly funny, the ending pertaining to Death Grips entirely tanked the mystique of the setting you were placed in and felt strangely out of place even in a game as wild as this one. Other than this I really appreciated this though for having such an incredible sense of style combined with gameplay that constantly intrigued, along with playing into a vibe that I've really grown to appreciate where it feels more akin to being a passive observer to the world around you as opposed to being a hugely active force in it. In the context of Critters For Sale this is especially indicative of how distinctly it presents itself for managing to craft such a tone while also having the player save the world multiple times and actively become one of the main driving forces of the trajectory of the world.

Also a huge fan of the ways that a lot of these storylines differ from a gameplay perspective, all sticking within the confines of what you'd expect from a point n click adventure, but emphasising different a different element for each one, often as simple as moving through from location to location or solving puzzles. Providing a sense of variety through nothing but the barest of essentials is just one way that's indicative of how Critters For Sale is able to play into its minimalism to further reinforce the elements it's striving to make the most distinct and memorable, whether it's through the moments of reduced intensity themselves lending themselves towards a vague feeling of formlessly floating through unfamiliar territory, or the contrast with the occasionally nightmarish, maximalist pieces of imagery. In the end though, none of this really matters as much as the simple fact that if you're at all interested in the artstyle of this, you really should give it a shot, because everything the game does serves to push its aesthetic front and centre and entirely absorb you.

As the only clown on this website who has played the whole game (in one sitting right at release to secure a free Pickle Rick back bling in Fortnite), I can say with confidence High on Life is dreadfully weak. And that's a bit of a shame since it theoretically has good bones.

The most glaring problem is, of course, the dialogue. The pre-release comparison to Borderlands 3 is apt as characters literally do not cease their oral spew, and you are forced to listen to them before you can progress at key points. Borderlands has ameliorated this in part with the ECHOnet transmissions, keeping you apprised of plot elements as you messed about on Pandora. Save for key story moments, the dialogue therein is accompanied by your mad dash for loot and slaughter. High on Life quivers in its boots at the mere thought that you might miss a single phoneme. There is no means to skip dialogue. There is no opportunity to play the game when characters are talking. If you are not physically glued in place, you are locked in a distraction-less room. And should you dare to break from the tedium of a suburban hardwood floor and off-white walls by heading upstairs, you are scolded by your guns to pay attention. In a properly written, compelling narrative this would be fine, but a substantial chunk of the game is NPCs yammering incessantly. Fake arguments become auditory static, the white noise penetrated only by mention of racism, misogyny, or a cavalcade of 'fuck's. Does a holstered gun have something to say? Worry not, they'll speak to you over radio. That there is so much dialogue is rather interesting in and of itself, particularly seeing how your different weaponry will engage in conversations with NPCs, but there is not a moment where speech is not occurring. The only moment of respite is if you stay in place.

And some of the writing is passable, some even bordering on good. But it never comes out of Justin Roiland's many mouths. The closest I came to cracking a smile was when Zach Hadel, Michael Cusack, Rich Evans, Jay Bauman, Mike Stoklasa, or Tom Kenny was the focus. In a vacuum, some of their witticisms might have earned a chuckle or at least a considered exhale, but these moments are paltry oases after being duped by an infinitude of mirages. You know in your bones that a joke will not be allowed to stand on its own, and that Roiland or his other hack voice 'actors' will need to get their own two cents in. It is a Reddit comment thread not only in content, but in presentation, someone always retelling the above poster's joke but worse. In Roiland's world, stuttering is a feature, not a bug. His stammering makes Porky Pig seem eloquent. A one-take wonder.

"Is the gameplay good?" This question was asked more times than I can count during my marathon. As I emphatically repeated there, "no." There's a weightlessness to every second of combat that betrays the animations and premise of your guns being living things. There is more weight, more oomph, more impact to Spore's creature stage combat than there is to this gunplay. Your bullets genuinely feel as if they are lobbed foam balls. The only times at which there is some punch is when detonating sigh Sweezy's crystals with her charge shot. I can't tell if it's all a consequence of your enemies being shrouded in goop or not. Your shots take away the goop to expose their regular flesh, but this somehow imparts little feedback. Is it because there is so much flash and bedlam occurring that I can't even tell where and when my shots are landing? I have no idea. At the very least the juggling of enemies is semi-novel (even if it comes after Kenny begs lustfully for me to use his 'Trickhole'), and Creature is semi-satisfying if only because you can launch his children and go find a quiet[er] corner to recuperate mentally in. You get some basic manoeuvrability upgrade which makes this a Metr- Search Action game in some sense when coupled with returning to planets to find extra cash. You can upgrade your weapons and unlock modifiers for them but the changes are so minute I couldn't really tell how much of an impact they were having. What the mods do do is change the colour of your weapons. Given that so much of your screen real estate is occupied by their "beautiful dick-sucking lip" visages, this is the most substantial alteration you can make.

The music is like Temporary Secretary by Paul McCartney but bad.

Visually there is something of value here (in theory). While many of the alien inhabitants blend together with their amorphous sausage anatomies, the unique NPCs typically bear striking designs. Sweezy notwithstanding, the guns are cute as well, even if I feel Kenny is perpetually doing the Dreamworks smirk. Kenny and Gus' iron sights are adorable, and the way Gus clamps onto your hand indoors melts my heart. Creature reminds me of that Skylander that had the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. Inoffensive! Until you see his actual full model and you realise he has three tits and a prolapsed anus for a barrel. And Gus looks like he has a turtle's cock.

Errant thoughts:

Boy howdy is there a lot of mpreg talk.

One of the scenes you can warp in is a movie theatre where you can watch all of Demon Wind with the RLM crew. That would be okay but I don't think the MST3K style commentary works for a film that belongs in a Best of the Worst episode. There's a reason why they show you fragments of them watching it, and why their film commentaries are for more compelling films.

There is so much overlapping of dialogue that I genuinely got a headache that intensified over the game. A horror during a Tylenol shortage in Canada.

I put more effort into gathering my thoughts than they did making this shit.

I wish that I had always been in a grave.

First time I beat it, it changed the way I look at stories in games and understand symbolism and deeper elements. Second time I played, I was older and picked up on a lot more things I never noticed. Third time, I played it while watching Resonant Arc's Analysis videos which was one of the best experiences ever. Now I fully understand every single thing there is in the game and my mind has been blown a third time. There is a scary amount of deeper details in this game you'd never know without looking into the Gnostic themes, alchemy, Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, etc. By the time you fully understand the game, you have a college level understanding of the theme spresent.

Xenogears is a life changing game and something that really has never been replicated. Xenosaga has those deeper elements too but, we'll probably never see something like Xenogears ever again sadly. It's a game that is made with so much passion and so much heart. It shows that video games can be so so SO much more. Something that can change your outlook on life itself.

I don't know how they managed to pull it off but this game was everything I'd hoped it would be and more, I was hooked from start to finish.

Amazing cinematography and texture-work I was not expecting from a PS1 game, the game has it's own film worth of memorable scenes, some dramatic, others are more action heavy, but the game keeps surprising and pushing things further than most.

I expected a standard Square JRPG but this was so much more than that, the story and atmosphere are brooding, mysterious, deep, and thoughtful.
It's a story that tries to explain an entire fictional universe, spanning thousands of years, and somehow it all made sense to me by the end, you'll have a lot of questions playing through this, and most will be answered.

the attention to detail in this game was unprecedented
The battle were mostly enjoyable, not too slow and enemies mostly don't take too long to defeat. The Deathblows you unlock ingame are a spectacle, so many and a lot of them have some nice effects, it made the tedium of some battles a bit more bearable for me.

The battle mechanics aren't that deep, it gets the job done, Xenogears is more about being prepared for battles than descisions you make in battle, there is some depth to be found with gear equipment and some hidden mechanics they introduce of the player wants to look for it. overall it was serviceable, challenge felt perfect and not too gind dependent, sometimes I had to make some tough decisions in boss fights just barely getting by and it was satisfying to overcome.

Locations in-game were varied and every town was fun to explore. The atmosphere is perfectly set up in each area.

Important characters are well written, the writing was very believable. The story can be tense and foreboding, it managed to be emotional, tragic, and hopeful by the end.

There's so many cool and unexpected things in this game I wouldn't even know where to start, there were many highs and not many lows, if you are curious about this game at all, play it for yourself.

If you know anything about this game you've probably heard about disc 2, I did not know when I played. I liked the change, the dungeons were just starting to get tedious and underdesigned, if they'd had a whole extra 40 hours of... That? I don't think I'd like the game as much, disc 2 was extremely to the point, I was glad to get so much plot without it being padded or drawn out.

I know this is a strange opinion, but I like the game exactly the way it is, and I think it has enough content as-is to justify it's existence, a "real" disc 2 would risk ruining that balance.
I don't for wish for "the full experience" because what's here is already everything I wanted no more, no less.

Some games from this time "don't age well" but this isn't one of them, I played this for the first time last year, never had a PS1 no nostalgia, this game hits hard. It made me rethink what kinds of stories could be told in a game and that no idea is too out there as long as it's set up and executed well enough. It was an unforgettable experience.