enjoyed this quite a bit!! the floaty jump is fun. i wasn't expecting the level design to have as much verticality and secret hunting as it does! searching for passage and collecting dots at dead ends to spawn in a platform is a satisfying loop. the invincibility power-up gives some nice stimulation as well. you're often on pretty tight timer to break through a door/floor with it, and if you fail, it only takes seconds to walk back and try again. the latter half of the game has some cool precision platforming. paired with the startlingly fast auto-scroller stages, i imagine some would find parts of the journey too hellish for a game about donald duck, but you're given plenty of lives and checkpoints. for 100% completion, you're granted a bonus level consisting of a new locale with unique mechanics and enemies! good stuff!

i've only played like half a dozen gameboy color games, but i'm under the assumption that this is one of the system's most gorgeous. the palettes are pleasant and the whole screen is filled with detail. lotta isometric kinda stuff goin on with the terrain. some super top-notch animation on display here as well! truly the disney of video games...

RANKING OF QUACKERS
1st: gbc
2nd: n64/dreamcast/pc

pretty dull and samey throughout, despite being presented with a mix of linear 3d, 2d, and face-towards-the-camera-run-away-from-something levels. i usually don't care for that last type, but they end up more engaging than the other styles and only appear at half the frequency, so it helps keep things fresh. i went ahead and did all the time trials despite its mediocrity, because why not. its tolerable enough with a video playing in the background. you unlock alternate outfits for your troubles, and they each have their own idle animation, which is a nice touch. unexpectedly, the bosses were the highlight for me. they're all pretty decent and unique. there are five different versions of this fucking game. i kind of want to play them all.

One Minute Review: Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance (Ah, that's a stupid name.) Ready, go!

Could have been better. It plays very smoothly, and the Zandatsu cutting mechanic is very enjoyable and very satisfying to use. But the whole game is marred with bad design choices. For example, there's no dodge button, which means there's no quick escape to get out of the way of an enemy's attack, especially when they're unblockable. They put the parry button on the same button as light attacks; there will be times when you swing your sword instead of trying to block. They did include a stealth mechanic but it's absolutely worthless and it's almost impossible to actually use. Some levels have some obvious padding to make the game last longer, including backtracking throughout an entire stage. The game could have really shined in boss fights but all but one of them are really uninspired and repetitive. If you wanted to play this game for the story, don't. It's worthless. And the game is very short, you'll be able to beat it in about four and a half hours. But for all these problems, cutting dudes is kind of fun. It is worth a rental.

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance gets a 4 out of 10.

its pretty sick. i really appreciate the little bonus flip cancel you can do in the air. my desire for a sequel to mario odyssey hasn't been satiated, but it seems that a renaissance of indie 3d platformers is on the horizon, and pseudoregalia is an appropriate herald.

i think i obtained everything, aside from a piece of heart. this game really could have used a map, but i somehow mostly made it through alright, despite combing the same parts of the Underbelly over and over looking for the key. i had to look that one up, and unfortunately, it isn't in a very fitting place. some spots in this game feel a bit incomplete, but the majority feels intuitive and kinda genius, taking sequence breaking into account. theres a section you can complete early, using wall kicks and the aforementioned mid-air flip, and it rocks. wall run who???

pretty much the only bits of writing in this game are a sentence or two long, spoken by these bunny kids. the humor is very twitter/tumblr-esque, if that makes sense. i think the atmosphere in this game is neat and i wish the writing was used to flesh out the world more. the ending is an underwhelming and honestly pathetic show of introspection from the author, the exact thing you would see on the locked twitter account of someone who broke up with their ex a couple months prior. i'm under the assumption they'd rather move onto making new projects instead of perfecting this one, and i totally get the mindset behind that, but the basis is so damn good that i can't help but find it a shame. regardless, im looking forward to playing their past game jam stuff, and to whatever comes in the future!

pretty disapponted tbh! the ease in air control is probably for the better. being stuck with a single balloon in the original was kind of hellish, but added depth. the illusion of depth is present in Tingle's focus on vertically oriented levels spanning between the system's two screens. despite being a novel and expected idea, it detracts from the game's structure as a whole. while the race towards the top of the screen can be somewhat thrilling, the round is pretty much over once you reach it. there's usually only one cpu hanging near the cutoff point, and after you bop one, the rest will follow in an orderly fashion.

the upper edge plays a more dramatic role in original game. cpus tend to flock there, and you have less space to work with, due to the claustrophobic platform placement, smaller screen size, and boundary-hugging ai, you're often trapped between a couple enemies and obstacles, tension rising, all while a parachuting foe is slowly swaying down to the surface, ready to pump a spare balloon full of air and come back for revenge.

stuff like that doesn't happen in Tingle's, which is a bummer. they totally could have tuned things more aggressively! the game gives you unlimited continues, sending you back to the start of the same round after your lives are depleted. i think this alone is enough to slather levels with obstructions. unfortunately, every round is the same as the last. if you manage to do the chore of clearing all 99 of them, you unlock an alternative mode consisting of faster opponents, buuuuuuuut... after its unlocked...

...!!!the game's save function is fucking disabled!!!

the button to start from the stage you quit on is replaced by the "Game B" option or whatever!!!! this applies to both versions of single-player balloon fight, and the same thing occurs after unlocking the EX version of balloon trip as well! i'd be willing to play through both difficulties to see how much the added challenge benefits, but idk, i don't feel like leaving my ds in sleep mode and i definitely don't wanna do it all in one go...

something else that sucks but not nearly as much as that: the flippers! in the original balloon fight, they flung you around and it was equal parts fun and obnoxious. in this version they just push you back a teensy bit. its so lame... subdued. antithetical of tingle himself. i understand why the game is the way it is, but i desire a version of this that was more than just a promotional reward made by some interns. by the namesake, it deserved to be stupid and experimental. i want a revival of this series with ridiculous stage gimmicks and silly items...

seriously what the FUCK was wrong with the level designer who made Scrambled Egg Zone. in retrospect, its hilarious that every blind playthrough of this game will most likely conclude with that atrocious set of levels followed by its infamous "bad ending", but its infuriating in the moment, particularly so after learning there's another three-act zone locked behind the emeralds. i was gonna play the sega master system version to see if the increased screen real-estate made a difference, but jesus. any goodwill i had towards this somewhat cobbled-together game disappeared the instant i was dropped into a spike pit after going through a tube. unbelievable! i really wanted to give this game a solid two stars out of five! sad!!

its [spoiler]fun[/spoiler]. imagining a version of this with 1.5x to 2x longer levels with a 200 marioseconds time limit instead of 100 and 5 star coins per level instead of 3. but maybe being short is what makes it good. sorry im trying to figure out any addtional numbers i can put in here

its funny that the post game mario blocks found at the start of each level just make your physics normal instead of turning you into mario. and you'd think mario would make a cameo in the ending being like "whoopsie i overslept what did i-a miss" but its just completely unchanged aside from erasing mario akin to that pic of stalin by a canal and adding nabbit in the background. there's statues of luigi in every damn level i don't think he's gonna lose the spotlight lmao

mainly writing this review to talk about the challenge mode, but im going to point out some things first

• the sfx shifting from left to right in tower and auto-scrolling levels is obnoxious and i have no idea why someone thought it was a good idea
• a lot of people call the "bah-bah!"s and the dancing enemies annoying but whats far worse is how your character stares at you through the screen after half a second of no inputs
• the baby yoshis should have been utilized much more. they only appear in like two levels and theyre not even essential to completing it. theyre so easy to lose after recruiting one on the world map, and they throw off the pace of regular levels anyway, so you don't really feel anything when you accidentally chuck one of a cliff. maybe an "lol oops".
• both world 8 and star road are underwhelming and feel unfinished
• more on star road, the mushroom houses there give you the penguin and propeller suit from nsmbwii, but they aren't used in any of the levels themselves?
• the starry night level seriously isn't even that cool, cmon

now with that out of the way, i wouldn't say the difficulty of the challenge mode levels is significant enough to give this game credit for something, but it gives it notoriety other than the "haha same game four times in a row" bit that people mention frequently.

i was very insistent on finishing all of these challenges with gold medals, because mario is a baby game and i am a super player. i'd say more than half of them are maybe a little too strenuous, but with persistence and muscle memory, they are overcame, and bring satisfaction by doing so. enough of them flow smoothly, with the highest rank requiring a near perfect sprint to the end, weaving between enemies, keeping your thumb glued to the dpad and run button. some of these are cut ridiculously close - i finished more than a handful of courses with milliseconds to spare.
a couple of these are more of a chore than a trial, "Penguin vs. Torpedo" being a great example, as it requires specific positioning and speed control in certain parts, on top of movement being accomplished by mashing. (note the section 10 seconds in: making those two torpedoes scrape against each other is essential to getting gold. spawning it in at the right time is much more precise than the video makes it look)

this leads us to my attempts on one of the final challenges in this game titled "Don't. Touch. Anything." done in two sessions each while watching the two-and-a-half hour long video about the disco elysium shareholder fiasco. it was a exhausting, tiring experience, as one would assume. by the end of it, my best run was completing the level with having two coins touched.

this stage commits a grievous sin in my eyes - waiting for cycles, and stupidly precise jumps. and you're not really given any breathing room to plan and think, as you're bombarded by lakitu. unlike earlier stages, it's hard to find a "rhythm". there are two demonstration videos on the official youtube channel: the first, filled with the player waiting for cycles, and the second, uploaded three weeks afterwards, showing an uninterrupted run.

maybe the fast strat is the way to go, but i'm fine without knowing the resolution. jumping from those dizzying moving platforms near the end of the level with exact jump height and position would surely have made me more frustrated than the emptiness i felt going "slow" and listening to interviews with depressed estonian guys.

there are two levels i haven't attempted yet. one is a a repeat of an earlier challenge where you cant run, but now you have to do it without collecting any coins, and the other is an elevator ride using motion controls. idk if its the emulator or the ps4 controller im using, but the elevator often hangs to the side, and the gyro becomes unresponsive for a couple of seconds. i don't want to get my wii remote out. maybe if it was the last level i had left but fuck it. its all meaningless. if a game isn't fun anymore then don't play it. if a review is too long, then don't read it. if it takes you an embarrassingly long time to write a review when you should be in bed, maybe you shouldn't have written it in the first place.

surely, the year of luigi would arrive with refinement, correct?

this game is busted (good way)

the turbo power-up in this game feels fantastic as it improves your not only your speed with each level-up, but your handling as well. thats the item you'll want to be going for most of the time. this is very much a contest of getting ahead of the pack, which is demonstrated by the rival cpu, who zips past everyone else on the first lap. oftentimes, the start of the race is the most important part, so you'd better aim for those green bricks and not mess things up. its a bummer, because a lot of the items are powerful and fun to use!! its just, with the discrepancy in ai difficulty, a lack of rubber-banding, and no real catch-up mechanics, i feel like the game doesn't reach its full potential. would an option to randomize item placement lessen these issues? maybe! idk!

part of that potential, however, still shines through, and a prime example is the grappling hook item, which when shot at an opponent, slows them down and pulls you towards them with a tremendous amount of speed. if you don't bump into their rear end, you can sling yourself past them to keep that boost of speed awhile longer. its incredibly satisfying to use, and when you're given the opportunity to pull it off, its evident that this item fills a bit of a balance gap.

tangentially, you have to be pretty precise to win some of the time trials, which is odd considering 2/3rds of them feel like crapshoots in comparison. in some cases, i've felt like the item boxes should have been bigger, or collision on parts of the environment smaller.

now i haven't played like, every kart racer, and maybe there are some games out there that have more consistent highs, but the majority of lego racers was a blast for me. this game fucks. and i don't say that about a lot of games.

still in awe (AWE?) that they give you a transforming gun, but have the audacity to limit you to a two-form loadout. Too much of my playtime was spent swapping mods between weapons. The main campaign felt like it was missing a couple hours of runtime, as i felt the endgame kinda game from nowhere. i put the DLC on the backburner, because i figured i'd get the most out of it after playing alan wake, but after time away from the game, i realized i didn't like it enough to go out of the way for it.

i have a love and hate relationship with this game. it made me laugh on several different occasions, and i was enamored by the setting, but said loadout problem was a confusing design decision. I found the protagonist's dialogue to be obnoxious as well, but maybe im just a woman hater. split between giving this game 3 stars vs 3 1/2 because the FMV stuff is REALLY good. hope the sequel keeps that spirit.

i had a better time with this than my replay of sonic colors, lol the momentum and control in this game is completely baffling, and there is never a dull moment because of it. for a game about "holding boost to win", there are a few parts that just have you flying off the stage, which i found hilarious, as with the inconsistently designed weapons. i understand why people would be upset about this game (said controls, removing the agency of beloved characters, short length, etc) but also i didn't pay for it so i had fun. lmao.

sidenote, i really like infinite's design, as well as his powers. i think he deserves to be brought back. but hopefully not as a throwaway boss