I don't know what to score this game, obviously such a nightmare but I'm so glad it exists. In some ways these are my favourite games, just complete freakshows. Total Frankenstein's monster games that have been given a few too many bolts of electricity to their dead, beating hearts. I played almost all the way through this w a friend one time, using save states and a walkthrough to get around it's absolute unplayability. And there was only one walkthrough we could find online, and midway through the guy writing had just given up and written "sorry I can't do this anymore". Like it was a suicide note or something. I mean, that has to count for something. Gamers will famously swallow a lotta bullshit but this one may be true kryptonite. Love it.

Truly the product of an evil time and culture. One of the most Iraq War era games of all time. Where James Bond quips become rape jokes and saving the world is as easy as calling terrorists retards. The gold AR trophy referencing Saddam is an insane inclusion. And as always in video games, we must suffer a bunch of nerd's ideas of how hot, badass people would talk, as if they've ever met any. I really love that this game exists. The craziest thing about it might be that they stuck with calling their superspy, assassin protagonist Mike. So funny lol. Mike the spy.

The funniest moments in games always happen when you feel like you're getting away with something the game never expected or wanted you to do. Even if it's an illusion every double act needs a straight man who's in on the joke but never cracks a smile. Having a game lean into your face and choke hot laughter at you saying, "isn't this all so FUNNY! Isn't it RANDOM!? There's a TIGER in the car with you all of a sudden!" is like the gaming equivalent of having a drunk dude corner you at the party and recite Anchorman.
The game mostly has you witness scheduled "funny bits" instead of allowing you to truly participate in, or instigate them. It hands you the "funny weapon" and tells you, "this is the funny weapon". And personally I find it hard to laugh at the joke when the guy telling it won't stop winking at me or honking his big red clown nose.

Wanna unlock the level where you trample chibi with a push mower.

Not really but he's a shitty little robot.
I respect that the game convincingly simulates being a tiny, stubborn/limited body where simple tasks take foreeeever. But the rest of the design shouldn't have also followed that principle. There are so many little quality of life fixes that could've made the game the "stop and smell the roses" game it seems to want to be. Just being able to skip through dialogue you've heard a million times would cut hours out of the playtime. I know a lot of gaming is just burning hours of your life on fake achievements but there's only so much scrubbing imaginary stains with a toothbrush I can take before I remember I'm not a prisoner of war being forced to do this.
The writing is bad. The character designs (with the exception of chibi who looks incredible) are mostly ugly and off putting. The sound design is a CURSE! Those atonal footstep variations are so brutal. Boot up the game and walk across a carpet if you think I'm exaggerating. And it is literally and emotionally a chore of a game.
It gets points for being such an oddity and for nostalgia, but it's not the overlooked gem I remembered it being.

A great example of a game that fucks up on the simple stuff and makes me hate it. Just moving through the castle is torture. Having to walk to the edge of the screen in every room over and over again at your stupid, leisurely monarch pace. I feel like game-makers get let off the hook way to easy for this shit. Mechanically there's nothing interesting going on and no effort to connect mechanics w content. This is core game shit imo. Played it a while ago and probably had more concrete complaints then but I don't remember them.