While Im charitable to the fact that this game has First Draft Syndrome, its impossible to ignore how the ugly Brown Aesthetic of late 2000s video games merged with this austere desert looter shooter to form the most rancid vibes known to man. It is so mind-numbingly bare that it almost feels like a surrealist project, some David Lynch psyop where theres just an uncomfortable amount of dead air.

And in some ways thats interesting, its like Borderlands 1 is a peek into an alternate reality. Its a much more dismal, less successful reality to be clear, and this is something that can only be appreciated retrospectively; its difficult to regard Borderlands as the “starting point” of the series when its such a distant relative to what the series is at this point (and really its estranged relationship with the series is the only worthwhile thing about it worth talking about)

If you're a 12-year-old that thinks Deadpool is the peak of comedy or you're a 42-year-old man that thinks racial stereotypes and loud voices can make anything funny, then Borderlands is made for you. Do not play this game if you're outside these limited age ranges, or if you have the mind of someone outside of those age ranges, because then Borderlands starts looking lame and unfunny and fucking boring. And we wouldn't want that, now would we?

(Saying I 'completed' this game feels disingenuous. I beat the game online with friends back when it came out and I was only 2 months old or whatever, but I dropped it after giving it a solo replay last year and deciding I was fucking done with this one boss at the top of a canyon that had like three turrets and could rocket one-shot you with pinpoint accuracy at random. I think his name was Krom. Fuck Krom. I hate Krom. I hope Krom gets his balls dipped in a vat of acid.)

Borderlands 1 is somehow the perfect blend between obnoxious and boring. Borderlands is loud, crude, and utterly loaded with quirky-murderer characters that refuse to shut the fuck up for even a second, but it's also a grindey and repetitive slog dominated by fetch quests and samey setpieces and dogshit map design that simultaneously feels too limited and barren to be truly expansive but so preposterously big that the only way to traverse through most of the zones in the second half is by vehicle. And the vehicles are absolute hogwash, but at least they're funny - they're bulky and weighty and yet they'll spaz out, flip over, and explode at the drop of a sudden pin. Whenever the vehicles explode you either fucking die or get stranded in the middle of nowhere, both of which are unacceptable in a game as slow as this, but honestly who even gives a fuck after a certain point. At least Borderlands has something that makes me genuinely laugh, even if it's by total accident, because the Deadpool meets Homestuck brand of psychopath humor doesn't cut it for me. In a game as plot-sparse as this, dialogue really matters, but you spend most of the game wanting to just gag everyone and be done with it. Even your player character never shuts the fuck up!

Combat is a bland, monotonous, grating experience, full of enemies that have a negligible amount of stun at best, and even then I feel like I'm being generous because it feels like everyone and everything has super armor in this game, Fallout 3-style, and it makes the process of shooting feel unrewarding, unsatisfying, and fucking boring. Please just REACT to getting shot in the head at least, I am BEGGING you. Borderlands does give you a bajillion guns to pick from, but guaranteed 96% of them are total shit you won't want anything to do with after thirty minutes have passed and you find a new one that does the exact same thing but slightly better. Most of the guns also have garish coloring schemes that range from the super muddy to the obnoxiously bright, and you can't customize their color schemes so you're pretty much stuck with em. There's a nice enemy variety on display here, but pretty much all of the mooks are either piss-easy to deal with or have an obnoxious tendency to swarm or snipe you to death, there is no in-between. The bosses of Borderlands are what really makes this game ludicrously hard, because they're tanky and damage-spongey and dying resets their FUCKING HEALTH BAR AND IT ALSO COSTS MONEY TO COME BACK FROM DEATH, CREATING AN INFINITE FUCKING MOBIUS STRIP OF DYING AND BEING ANNOYED AND DYING AGAIN

This game is fucking rank. It's fucking rancid. The 1/5 rating is a courtesy because I do have to give Borderlands credit on visual flair alone. It's got a unique style, a pulpy cel-shaded comicbook look that's helped the game age pretty well visually and helps distract you from the fact that the environments are aggressively samey. I also like Claptrap's design even if Claptrap can go to hell. Fuck this game. Handsome Jack sucks. He's not even in this game, I just felt like saying that because the truth needs to be stated and I ain't playing Borderlands 2 again, I got better bad games to play.

Repetitive gameplay, anticlimactic ending, bad vehicle controls, horrendous UI, no early fast travel, arbitrary level requirements for missions... And to top it all off, that stupid BioShock death mechanic in which every time you die money is automatically spent to respawn you. Except it's worse here, because it also refills enemy health bars, so the cycle in which you die, lose money, lose ammo and slowly become unable to continue is easier to produce.

Claptrap funny tho, so 1.5 stars instead of 1.

borderlands 1 absolutely nails a complete and utter sense of dread and carries that into its very bleak atmosphere perfectly. every character feels like someone thats gone insane from living in a world where theyre lonely and have to fear for their life every single day. i honestly adore the way the game sometimes makes you take long drives across the maps with the ost setting the tone in the background. driving through both of the rust commons is a very memorable experience. some of the side quest content is also genuinely haunting (is tk ok? and tannis' echo logs primarily). unfortunately this game is kinda crushed under the weight of its own ambitions. the gunplay - while extremely satisfying - is also extremely basic, and despite the large amount of weapons in the game, most of them kinda feel the same to use. the balancing is also really wack with how weapons are more about parts than level. a level 25 double anarchy will still do you very well at level 50, its a little goofy. nothing's ever stopping you from using the sledge's shotgun or a double anarchy for the entire duration of the game. the story is also rather minimal, and while i partly do enjoy its wordless minimalistic nature, its hard not to feel like the game is using its atmosphere as a cover for the lack of any substance. the sense of balance is especially made goofy by the fact that two out of four vault hunters are significantly worse than the rest. there is very little reason to run anyone but lilith and brick on high level play. regardless of all of this, i still absolutely love this game. its absolutely something special and nails such a specific niche in my heart that i just cant help being in love with it (a little like dark souls 1, except that game is still actually amazing). all in all, i'd say this game is definitely worth experiencing, and it makes me sad that this game's poor reception when it came out from gamer dudebros who just called it boring resulted in them developing borderlands 2 as the opposite of everything borderlands 1 was (especially on the sense of humour lmao)

Written September 17, 2011

For the past 9 months I have been playing Borderlands. After acquainting myself with its niches and quirks, playing through all of the Downloadable content, searching for the best guns, grenade mods, shields, abilities, fighting through every boss, and doing the best I can to defeat the single most difficult enemy in the entire game (it's impossible to do it on your own), I can now comfortably review Borderlands in its entirety. Though it can be played as a single-player game, Borderlands is best enjoyed with at least one other person. Playing by yourself is the least interesting way to play Borderlands and is not recommended at all. Part of the fun of the game comes with dicking around with teammates and making wise cracks at your friends about how much they suck at the game. I'm serious.

Gameplay
I have been known to describe Borderlands as the inverse of Fallout. While Fallout is mostly an RPG with Shooter elements, Borderlands and mostly a Shooter with RPG elements. And that's where the comparisons to Fallout end. Borderlands is quite unique in its execution of gameplay. It's a fast paced Shooter with a fair share of explosions, vehicles, alien creature things, Challenges for killing X alien creature things or killing X enemies with X type of guns, class-specific skills, leveling, and Critical Hits. The game controls much like a Call of Duty title, in terms of button layout on the XBOX 360 controller (and yes, I only reviewed the XBOX 360 version. Owning multiple copies of the same exact game on different systems is for people who hate having fun), and needless to say it works. The only thing that would be new to a CoD player would be the Action Skill, which is Class-specific and bound to the Left Bumper, and the D-Pad used for weapon swapping between (up to) 4 equipped weapons.

Each class has his or her own Action Skill. The Soldier deploys a turret that, with upgrades can shoot a barrage of bullets, shoot rockets, heal players, regenerate ammo, and help up a downed ally. The Siren's Action Skill turns her invisible, allowing her to move at an incredible speed through enemies. She can also use the skill to attack an enemy with a Force Push-like melee attack. The Hunter summons a Bloodwing (which is a very deadly bird) that attacks an enemy by basically mauling their face off. The Berserker's Action Skill will not only heal him, but cause him to -- you know, go berserk. In Berserk mode, you can run up to people and punch them in the face repeatedly until they go plop. Each action skill can also be upgraded to have elemental effects from Artifacts.

Guns can also have elemental damage. Every gun you find in the game is randomly generated on the spot (except for a few key weapons, but even then those have variations). In addition to the random chance for certain guns to have scopes, or large magazines, or low recoil, they also have a chance of doing elemental damage. Every gun has their own manufacturer and each manufacturer has their own special rules to their guns. For example, Maliwan only manufactures elemental guns, while Jakobs never manufactures elemental weapons. Certain manufacturers will have certain styles, like white guns from Atlas, or red guns from Hyperion. Often times I simply can't find the a gun with the specs I'm looking for, but once I do, I never let go... Until of course I find a better one.

Grenades and shields also have their own traits based on the manufacturer. There are various grenade types, though Transfusions are very helpful in stealing enemy health to replenish your own. Additionally, healing shields are good, but often times have low amounts of actual shielding. There are also class mods that can add to your Class' skills depending on the type of Class Mod.

Story
The story is nothing special and isn't really necessary to enjoy the game, but I could never feel like I was actually part of the Borderlands universe. Missions are given and you can accept them, but any backstory is written in text, and this being a fast paced shooter and all, I simply couldn't be bothered to do that. All I ever really did was go to where the checkpoint told me to go, finish the checklist, return to the quest giver, and collect my rewards. I never even knew why I was doing the missions or for what reason they needed to be done, I just did them. No, I will not go so far as to say that it's a social commentary on how people will take any job so long as there is a reward. I will not excuse Gearbox for not including a "Read This Text To Me Because I'm a Lazy Bum" option.

Downloadable Content
There are 4 pieces of DLC for Borderlands. The Zombie Island of Dr. Ned, Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot, The Secret Armory of General Knoxx, and Claptrap's New Robot Revolution. A main issue I have with the DLCs is the pure lack of a Fast Travel system I had grown accustomed to using throughout the main game. Monotony is an understatement here. There is nothing I enjoy less than traveling for 15 minutes in a video game to pick up a quest, only so I can travel 15 minutes back to do the quest, and then another 15 minutes to hand it in. Then there's Mad Moxxi's lack of a save feature, forcing you to either complete the round, or be forced to restart that entire Colosseum. Not to mention that an entire Colosseum play through of just 5 rounds can last a good 3-4 hours. And the "It Stopped Being Cool 50 minutes ago" Moxxi theme song doesn't help. To be entirely honest, the only reason I bought Moxxi was because of the Bank feature which lets you store some of your items. Oh, and you get no experience for killing enemies either, so if you thought Moxxi would be a good, easy way of leveling up, you were wrong.

Verdict
As long as you have someone else to play with and go 50-50 on the DLC (unless you're not like me and waited for the Game of the Year Edition, and in that case I hate you), I recommend Borderlands and most of its DLC. The game can be fun if played with others and is satisfying when your weapons don't suck.

(Played before 2023)
Thinking about it, I don't like the game as much as I thought I did. Pandora is seen as a boring desert with nothing interesting, the psychos were cool but the only unique enemies (outside of the DLC). Guns were okay but not nearly as unique in sequels, and the characters just... Weren't interesting? I think the ones you play as are cool but their skill trees are awfully simply and that makes them feel pretty boring until you get to max level which requires three playthroughs. Yay. I think the sequels are a lot better.