Hey. Szymanski. Now, I know you and Mr. Plier are making the Iron Lung movie. But. And hear me out on this... A Chop Goblins Animated TV Series. Think about it, the kids would love that! You could make toys of each of the goblins and they would fly off the shelves, the comedic and marketing potential of these chopping bastards is limitless! This is where true gold-mine is at! Artistic integrity? That's secondary to funny little gremlins!

Chop Goblins gives off the same feel of a Saturday morning cartoon without having anything to do with one visually nor structurally, but the simple comedic stroke of genius that is the enemies being a bunch of world-ending goobers that only want cheese and the short but fast-paced run-time of the game give the same sensation of sitting in the couch watching a funny cartoon episode.

In the span of one hour you go through a museum, watch the goblins chop cars and buildings, travel through space and time, and also fight Dracula which I don't know why but it seems fitting 'cause sure why not. All the levels are pretty small but very concise and creative spaces that explore different visual styles, being both linear and maze-like at the same time, something I didn't even know was even possible but they pull it off so who am I to complain?

All weapons serve different niches, like the starting pistol being slow as hell but a one shot tool for lesser enemies, and the wand being a ''fuck you'' tool to get out of difficult situations, and then there's the dagger. You can hit axes thrown at you and instakill the enemies with it. The dagger is funny. Everyone loves the dagger and dagger loves us too.

It's not the fastest paced shooter out there by any stretch of the imagination but the lay-out of the rooms and the way each goblin behaves are a puzzle on their own that forces you to think fast and react faster, taking cover and considering what weapon to use or if blowing up the car that's 1 meter away from you is a good decision or not (it usually isn't but I do it anyway), and yeah, it's fun!

Chop Goblins is a short and funny little game and that's pretty much it; after beating it you can try the Goblin difficulty and the Remix levels, but that's pretty much it, and it's fun! I wish there was any way to access the options in the pause menu and that it attempted more interesting set pieces like the ones in the second level, but you know, the game wants to be simple, and I’m not gonna knock that against it, go wild you lovable little bunch of gremlins!

For real tho it’s hilarious this came out just after Iron Lung and was even teased on it, I couldn’t think of games more opposite of each other, and I’m just saying, Iron Lung doesn’t have any goblins, it’s clear who’s the one deserving of an adaptation…

What really sells Chop Goblins is how much game-y it is. Pretty weird thing to say about something that doesn't try to experiment or present some unique with its gameplay at all. The only thing that could be said is that Chop Goblins features lack of jump button just like in first comers of the FPS-genre like original Wolfenstein and first Doom. In that sense, it's definitely retro besides the graphics.
This limitation for the player resulted in more grounded look towards the design of Chop Goblins. While the arenas themselves can't present a challenge for similar game with the ability to jump, here (it seems) player will have to think twice before moving forward. Carelesness is something that most modern shooters try to aboid by giving more options to escape, but this game goes the other direction and asks to just consider your movement.
Strictly speaking, shooters are always about navigation more than anything else. Even the act of shooting a target can't be done without putting your cursor on it. While movement shooters present an additional challenge with more options to navigate, it can be argued that they're temporarily break the 'shooter' gameplay for one moment and become only about 'movement'. Getting rid of options to move helps focus on combat more closely.
Obviously I'm not saying that movement shooters are bad in any way, I just wanted to point that out.

I care for this little silly game too much to admit. It's short and won't waste any of your time.

This should be like the poster child for what is actually meant by I want shorter games with worse graphics because this incredibly silly goofy little 40 minute shooter is so cozy and charming and yet still shows the hallmarks of what made Dusk's level design and gun play so satisfying and special, just in a smaller funnier package for 5 bucks

That soundtrack fucking slaps too