Chop Goblins is not a good game in the way that Elden Ring is a good game, but I had fun with this short and silly romp. If you can get it on sale for under $4, I think it's worth it. I have only played a couple David Szymanski's games, but I'm pretty interested.

It'll probably only last you a couple hours if you 100% the thing like I did, but I enjoyed my time here. It's amusing with its nonsensical “story” and love-to-hate goblins. Your arsenal is thematically clashing yet all works well, and I like that you can stab and shoot at the same time. When you're using a two handed weapon, a third hand and arm appear to help you do some extra damage. I don't think it's as memorable as Squirrel Stapler or Iron Lung, but there's also a bit more to see, here.
There's not much to say about this brief boomer shooter other than I'm glad I gave it my time.

I recommend Chop Goblins, especially if you can get it on sale and don't mind the game being pretty short.

A fun little adventure by the creator of DUSK. I was really excited to play DUSK and this game has a base price of $1.99 so I thought I would spin it up first. The Quake aesthetic is awesome and the goblin enemies are dripping with personality. I really liked how the levels looped on themselves a lot without being overly confusing; it definitely feels like the work of a seasoned level designer. Some of the themes were really unique--I especially liked the Greece level, set during the daytime in a seaside Greek temple for no reason. The final level is clearly Star Wars themed, again for no reason, but you can tell Szymanski was just having fun making this game. It's a game for fans of the genre by somebody who isn't disillusioned by the success of their big hit game. I really respect that.

Hey. Szymanski. Now, I know you and Mr. Plier are making the Iron Lung movie. But. And hear me out on this... A Chop Goblins Animated TV Series. Think about it, the kids would love that! You could make toys of each of the goblins and they would fly off the shelves, the comedic and marketing potential of these chopping bastards is limitless! This is where true gold-mine is at! Artistic integrity? That's secondary to funny little gremlins!

Chop Goblins gives off the same feel of a Saturday morning cartoon without having anything to do with one visually nor structurally, but the simple comedic stroke of genius that is the enemies being a bunch of world-ending goobers that only want cheese and the short but fast-paced run-time of the game give the same sensation of sitting in the couch watching a funny cartoon episode.

In the span of one hour you go through a museum, watch the goblins chop cars and buildings, travel through space and time, and also fight Dracula which I don't know why but it seems fitting 'cause sure why not. All the levels are pretty small but very concise and creative spaces that explore different visual styles, being both linear and maze-like at the same time, something I didn't even know was even possible but they pull it off so who am I to complain?

All weapons serve different niches, like the starting pistol being slow as hell but a one shot tool for lesser enemies, and the wand being a ''fuck you'' tool to get out of difficult situations, and then there's the dagger. You can hit axes thrown at you and instakill the enemies with it. The dagger is funny. Everyone loves the dagger and dagger loves us too.

It's not the fastest paced shooter out there by any stretch of the imagination but the lay-out of the rooms and the way each goblin behaves are a puzzle on their own that forces you to think fast and react faster, taking cover and considering what weapon to use or if blowing up the car that's 1 meter away from you is a good decision or not (it usually isn't but I do it anyway), and yeah, it's fun!

Chop Goblins is a short and funny little game and that's pretty much it; after beating it you can try the Goblin difficulty and the Remix levels, but that's pretty much it, and it's fun! I wish there was any way to access the options in the pause menu and that it attempted more interesting set pieces like the ones in the second level, but you know, the game wants to be simple, and I’m not gonna knock that against it, go wild you lovable little bunch of gremlins!

For real tho it’s hilarious this came out just after Iron Lung and was even teased on it, I couldn’t think of games more opposite of each other, and I’m just saying, Iron Lung doesn’t have any goblins, it’s clear who’s the one deserving of an adaptation…