Seré un poco insoportable por un par de líneas y citaré a Druckmann cuando decía para vender el The Last of Us aquello de: “Simple story, complex characters”. Mis juegos favoritos son así. No exactamente hablando de historia, pero sí siguen la filosofía de “Premisas sencillas, sistemas complejos”.

Me fascina la idea de coger algo tan trillado como un beat’em up de vieja escuela, pequeñito y conciso, y decir, “no pero escucha, van a ser los mejores puñetazos que vas a pegar nunca”.

Y lo son. La madre que me parió. Qué baile de botones. Qué animaciones más ricas a la vez que legibles. Qué adrenalina. A lo largo de cinco niveles que tienes que repetir como un condenado tú mismo te puedes convertir en un maestro kung fu con el mando. Y las sensaciones al superar ciertas zonas o al clavar ciertos combos es inigualables. En un mundo donde (seré insoportable otra vez) la fórmula Souls o un derivado de ella parece la única capaz de crear un combate action-rpg estratégico a la vez que visceral y estimulante, la gente de Sloclap ha creado y perfeccionado un sistema de combate original y redondo. Sencillo de manejar, pero complejo de dominar. Flashy y cinemático a la vez que reactivo y estratégico. La mezcla perfecta entre cómo se ve el combate de Arkham pero cómo se siente el combate de Sekiro.

El que nació en el Caribe
Goza de una facultad
Al sentir su libertad
Se identifica y la vive
Al cambiar la que lo inhibe
Por su mar, por su palmera
Una eterna primavera
O un sol que nutre su piel
Va sintiendo que no es él
Y pierde hasta su bandera

Absolute dire writing in this one, yeah bite me I play this games for the story. What are you going to do? Wipe the tears off my face and tell me everything's going to be alright and that I should find my better self? Coward, I will destroy me in the most fashionable spectacle. I'm an absolute fucking dreg and I'm living it to the fullest, baby.

There's nothing much to say about the gameplay itself, it's the standard ubisoft FPS with dumb "guerrilla" aesthetic that translates to bottles being used as silencers and garbage around the weapons to make them look DIY. It's worth noting that the weapons you use are US made and based on models used by the americans, while the other guerillas and even the soldiers of the country use AKs and and other assortment Poor People Rooty Tooty Point and Shootys (tm). You also get to ride horses in this one and learn why people complain about FOV.

Turns out Ubisoft can actually be political when they aren't writing about white people's land and the results might be the single most offensive game I have played (that isn't actively trying to be offensive).

Every single character speaks as if they were auditioning for the main role of Spanglish with Adam Sandler and somehow failing misserably at it. Every single character, without fail, talks in the most obnoxious way in a mix of spanish and english, utterly destroying any meaning both languages could convey and making them biological weapons to any person who plays this and is able to speak both. "You have great Resolver" says the protagonist to a guy who's telling him how he commits war crimes daily and is supposed to be the good guy because he calls the americans yanquis, despite the fact the game states he works for them and is in Not-Cuba after a failed Not Bay of Pigs invasion, which is good because they were trying to overthrow a dictator that was elected by the people, but turned out to be evil because the US is doing a blockade on the country and people starve because of him and his plantation of....cancer curing plants, for which he uses slaves because he's evil and he's bad and he's the only explicitly black character in the game as far as I can tell a bad person who sends soldiers to capture more people to be slaves but they just kill them and he's muy malvado.

It feels like they went and asked each and every single cuban living in the US that was forced to leave because they either owned actual slaves or was in cahoots with Batista what they thought the country turned out to be, and then rewrote it to be even more dumber. One example I can throw is how the game uses red and white with stars to tell you when someone's bad and blue and white with stars to tell you when someone's a glorious guerrillero with cojones ready to overthrow the fascist dictator of Yara. My grandmother from my father's side lived in poverty and couldn't learn to read or write before Castro dismantled your fucking casinos, gusano.

After the tenth time this same character named Juan used spanglish to tell me about how he tortured people in a funny way I just couldn't outweight it with the fairly mediocre shooting and looting so I ended up uninstalling it. But please, if you actually finished this, tell me if it's all a cover and the game actully gets good, I genuinely want to believe you and try this in full, because I can't honestly believe this thing is real.

In conclusion, I'm from Cuba and I say kill 'em all.