Low brain capacity podcast chic (children's game). Genuinely impressed by so many aspects of this game and glad most of my apprehensions were subverted.

I think seeing a screenshot of a Total Collectables screen years ago filled me with primal dread and put off trying this right until now. What really helped ease me in was learning that most of the pickups (the eggs, Red and gold feathers) are all charitably spread around the levels and act as infinitely replenishable resource pools. The hunt for Jiggies was exhilarating because they're never earned through the same means twice, demanding of a level of mastery or attentiveness to the little details of the densely designed highly interactive maps, and rewarding you with pure variety.
Genuinely love this hulking monolith of a central hub world that is cumbersome bullshit to navigate, the quality of the subtle character animations, the "na-na-nananah, you can't catch me" playground taunt for the invincibility jingle, Big Jinjo.

Love revisiting this amorphous blob of skinner box contente every hundred-or-so days to see it take on a whole new form, almost unrecognisable to the one I experienced prior. The closest I'll get to channel hopping custom maps in TF2.
On one hand this fuckin game is an embarrassing heap of licences, brands and monetization. Stealing content from internet creators and selling them as pristinely packaged Emotes N Skins, gentrifying the culture of the moment into what is essentially a 33gb Nerf Gun advert.

On the other, there's a relative level of generosity on the user level that strings me along in a way that I need brain correction to effectively fight against. I bought one (1) season pass back in 2017 and have been able to afford every subsequent one through their rewards scheme. When the nefariously intended FOMO kicks in I still know they have my back to keep me a regular. The island of Fortnite goes through drastic changes with a suspicious enough regularity that I'm assuming the devs are crunching nonstop to keep the ship afloat. Entire mechanics and equipment can be introduced to the pool only to be removed without fanfare a few weeks later - They flooded the island and made a Waterworld season because why not. Should also be noted that Fortnite has a history of stealing unique mechanics from competitors hacking them in for themself.

This frustratingly enjoyable mid level engagement is kind of peculiar for me because my preference will always be single-player games, and I think Fortnite accommodates people like me, without a competitive bone in their body, by orienting a good three-quarters of the quest system around things that aren't related to combat. My sticking point with most of these games are that they just don't know when to chill, look at all the challenges on Apex or something, they're all different flavours of "deal xxx damage with x weapon". I throw on a movie or podcast and carve a path across the world map gathering materials, speaking to NPCs, doing environmental puzzles and prop hunts and finish a match in 3rd place under two rival streamers hopped up on GFuel haunted by the spirits of great architects, and still gain enough exp to unlock a handful of Battle Pass rewards. I unlocked Lara Croft by ringing doorbells until they broke. Help!!!!!!!
Also I know this will be contentious but I just straight up like the way the game looks. Any skin that isn't default is so meticulously modelled and textured it blows me away, the lighting as the day/nite cycle rolls over the trees and fog in the marsh and the autumn trees and the lakes and!!!!!! i could eat the screen and it'd taste like skittles. Anyway im logging this as mastered because i got 10 kills on the board right now.

(played Sega CD version)
The hardest I've been impressed with the visuals of a game in years, some of these stages and their tunes are absolutely exhilarating. That sprint across the beehive maze space station ooooh mama. For real implore anyone to dive in blind if at all possible.
What drags Silpheed down is the lack of boss variety, as you're facing up against increasingly annoying variants of the same three ships ad nauseum. Lots of projectiles that get camoflaged by the background and damage that rarely ever feels fair, made worse by the weird 3D tunnel boundary you're supposed to navigate. The final boss is insanely demanding and I respect the nerve of it all.

[PROTECT THE WORLD, EVEN IF THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD IS UNCERTAIN.]

[THE POWER OF ESP. ONE WHO HAS THE POWER IS DESTINED FOR TRAGEDY.]

[DESPERATE CRIES ECHO. THE SCREAM OF ANGER SHAKES THE EARTH, AND YOU DISCOVER THAT IT CAME FROM YOUR SOUL.]

Extremely sick, and very easy to pretend that this is a Mob Psycho shmup. Love how much character is built from the five-second long introductions for the cast, and the rollercoaster of psy spectacle keeps ramping up until the final moment.

Played this on a whim because I couldn't sleep one night, chosen specifically because its art style is kind of stellar. The character designs and lavish amount of unique animations therein are the perfect concoction to bring Ruby Gloom ass kids into the realm of gambling - welcome to the world of vice and brain rot, children. The first three hours or so is literally just tapping Next on tutorial prompts, which is hilarious considering this game essentially just plays itself. You've seen it all before, base building character upgrading stat treadmill that will only end when you, dear reader, physically perish. Deviously designed quests that reward JUST beneath what you need to meet your next progression requirement, spurring the lizzid brain into Just One More Mission fancy. The bare minimum level of player input combat that runs at like 15fps tops, just spitting upgrade items into units until the numbers cease to mean anything and you're left completely zombified. Mobile games are so good dude.

The dream is that maybe this studio will use what I can safely assume to be their incalculable "fuck you" profits to make a game that uses these designs for something less like a pachinko machine, but maybe i should just get really into cartoon network instead.

Boomershooters are kind of outside of my wheelhouse because they TEND to veer towards complete labyrinthine spaghetti bowls of winding paths and buildings, leaving me completely seasick and lost in an impossible measure of exploration density. I'm the type to burn myself out looking for secrets on the average opening level.

Arcane Dimensions, inversely, is slap incarnate. I've never played the base Quake before this, and now I don't even know if I can. On top of being STUNNING to look at from all angles, the maps in this mod pack flow so beautifully that I never feel the time go by. I don't know what balance these games need to strike before my brain fizzles out like a catherine wheel, but Arcane Dimensions manages it with a gonzo pile of disparate ideas, excitedly and wonderfully implemented. It's a wonderful feeling to step into a new level portal and KNOW you're in for something special.

Honestly, a pretty sick Virtual-on esque action arcade thing that has left me in complete awe of its final boss. Every battle that comes prior is designed to force the player to make full use of their land and air traversal abilities, dodging and dealing damage, all the while the adversary's high speeds make them very difficult to keep on-screen. During my first playthrough, this struck me as a detriment; I barely know anything about the Saturn controller and was honestly under the impression I didn't bind the buttons correctly, on top of simply feeling that the game wasn't all too well designed.

The game has a "M.I.S.S." navigator function that acts as a boss lock-on, which could turn out to be completely missable because you need to find and pick them up on the map physically. This is where the replayability factor comes in. Each navigator has their own abilities, different designs and personalities on top of cute unlockable artwork based on overall score-based performance. Each stage has one unique navigator - and if you want to challenge yourself, you can choose to play through almost the entire game without a lock-on to unlock a later navigator. This is..... kind of genius!!!! What a great challenge and way to bring the game's clunky controls to the forefront with a mindful nudge and wink to the player as a reward for toughing through it! I love anime pics!!

Anyway, after realising that the game is all about maintaining focus on a slippery enemy, I come to the final boss. Instead of doing everything it can to outmanoeuvre you and attack from your flank, this boss is fucking BOLTED to your nose. You can't avoid the guy no matter how hard you juke and jive; they even increase in size and ferocity as the overbearing fight goes on. The ability to switch between land and air used to allow the player to feel as though they had a sense of control over the way the boss needed to approach you, but now you're in the lion's den. I love it so much it's terrifying and exhilarating and already one of my favourite final bosses ever.

The rest of the game is alright, too! I love that it shakes up the rulebook every couple of stages with different clear conditions and level design ethoses. When these controls finally clicked, I found myself replaying on max difficulty purely to revel in a rare sense of mastery as what was previously clunky and abstract is now second nature!

J'adore the presentation too, chunky mechs and chunky explosions with some of the 2D charm of like, Pilotwings.

I wish Doug Tennapel a very log off. Just one of those Genesis-like platformers I personally can't stand, each level being a board of floating platforms that sprawls in every direction and only vaguely makes you feel like you're actually going anywhere.

Grew up a fan of The Neverhood and never really saw or heard anything from Skullmonkeys until this playthrough, so I was quite excited! Sadly this just kinda aint it. Wild how much is lost in the transition from point n click to platformer. Sacrificing animation tenets for the sake of having a character that controls wildly fast and snappy, and barely making any use of the claymation environments outside of the FMV cutscenes. It was uniquely disappointing to see Klaymen burst into a sprint and grind to a halt with barely any inbetween animation. The soundtrack talks the talk though, these tunes slap, thanks Terry.

Where Neverhood would immerse you as you drudge at a snail's pace across lovingly crafted playdough worlds and characters, Skullmonkeys is more contempt to breadcrumb you at a blistering pace to its anticlimactic end. You could tell me that this was a massively lower-budget production than what came before and not only would I believe you, it'd explain a lot. Sadly, this isn't a case where adversity bred creativity.