BeachEpisode
2011
Pretty fun seeing and agreeing with this tweet yesterday & blindly starting From Dust only to realise it was exactly the same thing.
I think being an observer of the press cycle and online blowback in 2011 for this game coloured my expectations a little - those were my halcyon Born Different, Born Innocent days - I expected shit from a butt I'll be perfectly honest with you. Thoughts and prayers for the unfortunates who purchased this game at release, full price, expecting a fully-fledged God Game by the then on-top-of-the-world Ubisoft. People were pretty scathing as a result of their expectations being sidestepped, to the extent that I was successfully scared away from even trying the game all the way until now, over a decade later.
Anyway I thought this was fine lol. A fun little puzzle game where you worm around a map, scooping up elements and plopping them where they'd hopefully aid and protect your villagers from natural disasters. Hits some surprisingly high notes at points with thanks to some surprisingly good fluid physics and overall level of presentation - making tsunamis, terrain-warping earthquakes and volcano eruptions a truu thrill. Routinely £2 on Steam, which I'd say is apt, but you're honestly better off pirating the thing. The version of uPlay From Dust is packaged with is about ten layers deep into being fucked beyond repair, and the port in general feels like it's peddling to power its own iron lung.
I think being an observer of the press cycle and online blowback in 2011 for this game coloured my expectations a little - those were my halcyon Born Different, Born Innocent days - I expected shit from a butt I'll be perfectly honest with you. Thoughts and prayers for the unfortunates who purchased this game at release, full price, expecting a fully-fledged God Game by the then on-top-of-the-world Ubisoft. People were pretty scathing as a result of their expectations being sidestepped, to the extent that I was successfully scared away from even trying the game all the way until now, over a decade later.
Anyway I thought this was fine lol. A fun little puzzle game where you worm around a map, scooping up elements and plopping them where they'd hopefully aid and protect your villagers from natural disasters. Hits some surprisingly high notes at points with thanks to some surprisingly good fluid physics and overall level of presentation - making tsunamis, terrain-warping earthquakes and volcano eruptions a truu thrill. Routinely £2 on Steam, which I'd say is apt, but you're honestly better off pirating the thing. The version of uPlay From Dust is packaged with is about ten layers deep into being fucked beyond repair, and the port in general feels like it's peddling to power its own iron lung.
The unenviable task of developing a "revamped and remade version of Princess Maker 2" by truncating PM2 PC's filesize from 50mb to a Super Famicom cartridge's 4mb laid waste to all manner of content and the sloppy debugging is riddled with bulletholes as a result. Even though the presentation here is kind of lovely and I adore the animations for events and the new cast and artwork - this is a game about planting your feet into the matrix, reaching into the fold, and pulling out 50,000 gold coins from the ether alongside a marriage event flag you never asked for.
Pretty great season honestly. The Italo map is up there with the strongest the game has ever had, I don't even mind that I'm playing it on max settings and hitting 40fps because it's worth the lumens. Not keen on mods as someone who thinks games keen out too much on firearms as is, and all its implementation here really accomplishes is making half of the sniper rifle drops useless. The medallions are cool because they’re something of a bluffing game. Is this dude carrying the medallions around because he’s a huge badass who can handle multiple players knowing where he is on the map, or is he just an incompetent iPad 9 year old being kept alive by the stock market value of Peter Griffin Coin. I know the additions of Rocket Racing, Lego Fortnite & Festival are technically counted as entirely new standalone games but it's funnier to consider them as just little distractions/cooldowns for after you and your friends have wrapped up a Battle Royale sesh. Like when it comes down to it the Harmonix skeleton crew created a gamemode that is no better than an Only Up obstacle course map. Rly fun, I've been strapped into the Tim Sweeney metaverse electric chair since 2017 and I don't see myself breaking free any time soon, why should I when the Butter Barn's got butter plate specials that'll treat ya right?
2022
A tremendously handsome visual novel, illustrated by the talented Aogachou. The character designs are pretty good across the board, but the key art in particular is nothin short of breathtaking and captures that brothers grimm vibe the story is trying to shoot for..
Believe me, I find nothing more boring than technical complaints in a video game review, but if this thing was held together with spit and a dream it'd only be more structurally sound. We're talking 'every launch is a dice roll as to whether or not u'll make it past the intro fmv'-grade craftsmanship here.
There is no save system - the text scroll animation is so agonisingly slow - no skip function - crashes constantly - there is a folder in the game's root titled & i'm not shittin u: "BackUpThisFolder_ButDontShipItWithYourGame" lol. At a certain point you just need to cut your losses and just remake the game in Ren'Py my guy.
Apparently the story and screenplay was by Suzuki Kazunari, one of the writers behind Shin Megami Tensei - and more convincingly "Additional Crew" for a bunch of other shit. He's on the Steam store description looking really funny in a little credit portrait they gave him. I dunno man it's kinda rough, yet another unmarinated dark fairy tale from a twisted mind type beat. A horse has sex with a sleeping 14 year old almost immediately as a tone setter. I can't be fucked with it honestly.
Believe me, I find nothing more boring than technical complaints in a video game review, but if this thing was held together with spit and a dream it'd only be more structurally sound. We're talking 'every launch is a dice roll as to whether or not u'll make it past the intro fmv'-grade craftsmanship here.
There is no save system - the text scroll animation is so agonisingly slow - no skip function - crashes constantly - there is a folder in the game's root titled & i'm not shittin u: "BackUpThisFolder_ButDontShipItWithYourGame" lol. At a certain point you just need to cut your losses and just remake the game in Ren'Py my guy.
Apparently the story and screenplay was by Suzuki Kazunari, one of the writers behind Shin Megami Tensei - and more convincingly "Additional Crew" for a bunch of other shit. He's on the Steam store description looking really funny in a little credit portrait they gave him. I dunno man it's kinda rough, yet another unmarinated dark fairy tale from a twisted mind type beat. A horse has sex with a sleeping 14 year old almost immediately as a tone setter. I can't be fucked with it honestly.
2023
The Finals' servers will close on 08/11/2024. Screenshot this.
2023
This review contains spoilers
The fucking way my heart sank whenever I'd turn a corner to see a big fat Zero.
Don't want to handwring, because this is far too specific, but I think there's something to be said about the magic of a truly blind playthrough, and how a game's delivery process can be the be-all and end-all. When I first learned of The Exit 8, it was because I did my daily poorboy due diligence by browsing Skidrow for new games to pilfer from the back of an unmarked van. (I'd honestly recommend people to do the same, I've discovered so many games this way, but I'm a psychopath, so sink to my level if u dare.)
The Exit 8, unassumingly, only sells itself on the Skidrow listing with the description - "The Exit 8 is a short walking simulator inspired by Japanese underground…". Kinda boring pitch, doesn't jump out much - I didn't have any expectations or pretence because I had no way to create any. why I gravitated towards it instead of Trucks and Logistics Simulator is anyone's guess.
Frankly, I was only expecting one of those lusciously-rendered mundane locale tech demos, and the initial hump of The Exit 8 practically delivers that. I did a few runs on its recursive subway underpass thinking little more than how I was experiencing essentially a student's little Unreal Engine flex or something. The texture work, lighting, reflections, modelling - it's all on point, a still captured from any angle could be utterly convincing as a genuine photograph of a real-world location. Then I stopped sprinting around the map and finally took in the finer detail on offer - instructions! In English! Unwinding into (- and I hope you've played the game before reading this -) a game of non-Euclidian spot-the-difference. It doesn't feel like the floor falls out from under me very often these days, man. I kind of sunk into this and was enraptured, pouring over every loop's details in a desperate fervour to reach Exit 8 - gaslighting myself countless times and getting genuinely spooked at the prospect of unknowingly missing anomalies. Loved it all the way to the end, very cool lean little thing.
THEN I looked at the Steam page and how it fucking spelled the whole thing out. At some of my pals already having it in their wishlist, knowing for god-knows-how-long what the gimmick of The Exit 8 would actually be. The first screenshot on the Steam store page is the END of the game!! You should spend the whole playthrough wondering if it even has one!! I'm sure the coming few days will be plastered w/ thumbnails of gormless Youtuber faces, setting people up for The Exit 8 being something far more TERRIFYING than it really is. It's kind of crushing and I know that's a bit unfair but like. I think this is the kind of game you should just put in front of people to see what they make of it. Place it in an unlabelled USB stick and slide it across their desk or something. And stop calling everything 'liminal' ur gay.
Don't want to handwring, because this is far too specific, but I think there's something to be said about the magic of a truly blind playthrough, and how a game's delivery process can be the be-all and end-all. When I first learned of The Exit 8, it was because I did my daily poorboy due diligence by browsing Skidrow for new games to pilfer from the back of an unmarked van. (I'd honestly recommend people to do the same, I've discovered so many games this way, but I'm a psychopath, so sink to my level if u dare.)
The Exit 8, unassumingly, only sells itself on the Skidrow listing with the description - "The Exit 8 is a short walking simulator inspired by Japanese underground…". Kinda boring pitch, doesn't jump out much - I didn't have any expectations or pretence because I had no way to create any. why I gravitated towards it instead of Trucks and Logistics Simulator is anyone's guess.
Frankly, I was only expecting one of those lusciously-rendered mundane locale tech demos, and the initial hump of The Exit 8 practically delivers that. I did a few runs on its recursive subway underpass thinking little more than how I was experiencing essentially a student's little Unreal Engine flex or something. The texture work, lighting, reflections, modelling - it's all on point, a still captured from any angle could be utterly convincing as a genuine photograph of a real-world location. Then I stopped sprinting around the map and finally took in the finer detail on offer - instructions! In English! Unwinding into (- and I hope you've played the game before reading this -) a game of non-Euclidian spot-the-difference. It doesn't feel like the floor falls out from under me very often these days, man. I kind of sunk into this and was enraptured, pouring over every loop's details in a desperate fervour to reach Exit 8 - gaslighting myself countless times and getting genuinely spooked at the prospect of unknowingly missing anomalies. Loved it all the way to the end, very cool lean little thing.
THEN I looked at the Steam page and how it fucking spelled the whole thing out. At some of my pals already having it in their wishlist, knowing for god-knows-how-long what the gimmick of The Exit 8 would actually be. The first screenshot on the Steam store page is the END of the game!! You should spend the whole playthrough wondering if it even has one!! I'm sure the coming few days will be plastered w/ thumbnails of gormless Youtuber faces, setting people up for The Exit 8 being something far more TERRIFYING than it really is. It's kind of crushing and I know that's a bit unfair but like. I think this is the kind of game you should just put in front of people to see what they make of it. Place it in an unlabelled USB stick and slide it across their desk or something. And stop calling everything 'liminal' ur gay.
1999
Some of my favourite things HL1 has to offer, in an adowable bitesized little demo. I always yearn for this gigafacility built out of meringues and drywall. Even as a Valve Oldhead I'm still amazed by how much oldass legacy content I've never heard of can still find ways to bubble to the surface. Anyway dis is nice 😊, touches on what I wish HL1 included more of in the way of secret areas & rewards by interacting with the world. Good-humoured and lovely, just like you dear reader x
Completely captures the feeling of a fantranslated PS2 adaptation of a forgotten 90's shoujo manga. Almost dizzyingly textured & artisanal in its devotion to presenting this kind of rose-thorny traditional German folktale. Feels so genuine, inspired, fully realised in a way I desperately needed as a palate cleanser.
For me to become completely convinced of its gameplay and narrative goals, I’d have to replay it with alternate routes in mind, which I’m not quite able to facilitate with my current limited free time - and Little Goody Two Shoes doesn’t exactly make going down these forks in the story particularly breezy. I don’t tackle games with completionism in mind these days but I find myself a little bummed about how much work I’d need to put into this if I wanted to see the stories I’ve missed. Nothing a timeline/"skip seen dialogue" update somewhere down the line can’t fix, please don’t make me watch a Youtube video.
For me to become completely convinced of its gameplay and narrative goals, I’d have to replay it with alternate routes in mind, which I’m not quite able to facilitate with my current limited free time - and Little Goody Two Shoes doesn’t exactly make going down these forks in the story particularly breezy. I don’t tackle games with completionism in mind these days but I find myself a little bummed about how much work I’d need to put into this if I wanted to see the stories I’ve missed. Nothing a timeline/"skip seen dialogue" update somewhere down the line can’t fix, please don’t make me watch a Youtube video.
2023
Wow kind of loved this. One of those plinky ploinky IcoXJourney type games that actually manages to completely seal the deal with some genuinely astounding world design that compliments the character movement. This laser focus on the goal of verticality and the notches inbetween - tactile, weighty, arduous toil as you use your climbing gear to best the challenges the geometry imposes. Gushing with a sense of true scale, milestoned by countless opportunities to pan the camera back at the places you’ve come from and the mountaineering feats you’ve cleared. Dense and well-considered little pockets of civilisation in between crumbling pathways and inclines, full of the kind of coastal town fishery imagery I am a cow for. Beautiful and breathless game imo. Shame it undoes itself with all of these collectables and wordy diary entries that explain away the superlunary mystery of da world, although I’m fickle enough to kind of think I’d have given them a pass if the font choice was more diegetic lol.
Jusant is 1 for da perverts who blush at the Google Image Search: “Abandoned Crab Traps stacked rly high”.
Jusant is 1 for da perverts who blush at the Google Image Search: “Abandoned Crab Traps stacked rly high”.
2022
A sapphic love letter - a daisy chain of vignettes that offer glimpses into other creative and influential media powerhouses, metered out by the task of juggling keys and receptacles in limited inventory slots across a vast steel complex. Too much mule work for its weight in silver in my humble. This search for lost love where ur body is weighed down by deprivations of liberty and soul rings so hollow to me when it's so clockable under a very narrow scope of media that strikes the same chimes so much better. More to the point I think I'm just too depressed to find any spark in this. Since I've been resorting to it recently, the flashes of self-harm imagery just piss me the fuck off.
Signalis a visual juggernaut that can dole out amazing one-two punches of sight and sound when it wants to, but the genre darling glazing is too sickly for my blood, I'd roll my eyes at practically every cutscene calling to something in the creators' Anilist Previously Watched stack. Not a classic survival horror head either, sorry not for me, not a problem in and of itself.
Signalis a visual juggernaut that can dole out amazing one-two punches of sight and sound when it wants to, but the genre darling glazing is too sickly for my blood, I'd roll my eyes at practically every cutscene calling to something in the creators' Anilist Previously Watched stack. Not a classic survival horror head either, sorry not for me, not a problem in and of itself.
Hit ten hours of playtime in this game, although How Long to Beat threatens me with another seven or so before the campaign is cleared. When I realised my biggest pop-off was from finding and activating the option to skip puzzles I realised it was best I just tapped out.
I try to be polite and only log the games I've finished, but wow I am not enamoured by how much this glossy boot slurping sim traded my precious time for such little reward. This overly smooth slick and oily control scheme elicits nothing in me. The webslinging has no weight no turbulence no torque, it only serves in favour of noclipping from waypoint to waypoint collecting endless upgrade tokens to unlock exciting new flavours of web, all the while empowering the police state thru ubitowers. Pure slop no matter how gorgeously the sun bakes the building tiles. What is with this Hannah Barbara Voice acting direction also.
I try to be polite and only log the games I've finished, but wow I am not enamoured by how much this glossy boot slurping sim traded my precious time for such little reward. This overly smooth slick and oily control scheme elicits nothing in me. The webslinging has no weight no turbulence no torque, it only serves in favour of noclipping from waypoint to waypoint collecting endless upgrade tokens to unlock exciting new flavours of web, all the while empowering the police state thru ubitowers. Pure slop no matter how gorgeously the sun bakes the building tiles. What is with this Hannah Barbara Voice acting direction also.
2023
Absolutely spellbound by this mod’s lofty creative and narrative ambitions. They’ve done a frankly brilliant job at realising a Central Asian post-Soviet locale in a world embittered by HL2’s Combine forces, ideologically split resistance forces and an MC with a hilariously unfortunate concussion. There’s this very keen eye for attention to detail by way of populating this campaign with an incredibly unique style of architecture and set-dressing. I don’t want to understate how blown away by the environment design I am - this feels like such a labour of love that deserves to be explored. punctuated by one of the most knockout game soundtracks I’ve heard in years - sometimes taking it upon itself to re-imagine classic Half Life songs for the setting, it’d be corny if it wasn’t honestly so hard. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8Ar8lKYsQA
There’s a bit more of a focus on realism here, which is intriguing enough for a HL2 game - does lend itself to its more down to earth downtrodden rebel unrest narrative focus, with cool little additions like tossing aside used health items as physics objects. Enemy fire seems to hit harder and you can’t just HEV Faceroll around the pitch like Gordie.
What stops Swelter from really falling into my all killer no filler stockade is in how much it feels to be buckling under the weight of the Source Hammer Editor, it’s somewhat telling to me how once you blossom your HL2 puzzle design beyond a few switches and physics see-saw puzzles the cracks start showing. Has its own overly-lengthy train section and HL2:E2 roadrip for good measure as well. Turning cranks to slowly open gates and the devious addition of those god damn wired electrical plugs. Strongly dislike the new weapons and how the enemies feel to shoot. Twitter lowbie VA quality plodding around a story that kind of bites. Ah well!!!
Very very charming little thing. Free, too. Dat’s what’s so magical about hl2 mods 🕊️
There’s a bit more of a focus on realism here, which is intriguing enough for a HL2 game - does lend itself to its more down to earth downtrodden rebel unrest narrative focus, with cool little additions like tossing aside used health items as physics objects. Enemy fire seems to hit harder and you can’t just HEV Faceroll around the pitch like Gordie.
What stops Swelter from really falling into my all killer no filler stockade is in how much it feels to be buckling under the weight of the Source Hammer Editor, it’s somewhat telling to me how once you blossom your HL2 puzzle design beyond a few switches and physics see-saw puzzles the cracks start showing. Has its own overly-lengthy train section and HL2:E2 roadrip for good measure as well. Turning cranks to slowly open gates and the devious addition of those god damn wired electrical plugs. Strongly dislike the new weapons and how the enemies feel to shoot. Twitter lowbie VA quality plodding around a story that kind of bites. Ah well!!!
Very very charming little thing. Free, too. Dat’s what’s so magical about hl2 mods 🕊️
With great shame, I've always been apathetic to Mario's plight. His journey is a noble one, but I do not see myself in his bings, nor his bings. His wahoos do not reach me. I feel like a cunt rat bastard for giving this Three Succulent Backloggd Stars ⭐⭐⭐ and absconding with the ultimate sayaway that this is "still one of the better Marios" but that's-a my burden, not yours - my paesano in cristo. I pirated and completed the game days ago and earnestly found myself worrying I'd forget I even played it before it released and I could officially log the game on BL.
It's good!!! Honest and true!!! Nice to see what felt like notes of 3D World in here with the little rosary bead structure and rhythm of each level having their own little wonder flower acting as an F5 button, refreshing the level's objective into a unique blink-and-you'll-miss-it sleight of hand trick. It keeps u guessing but only so much. It's still Mario, it's still the charisma of a cereal box free toy, but credit where it's due - the soundtrack is nice and they did a great job in shuffling the artstyle up into representing illustrative 3D. Not losing my nut over this but it's nice to see some sparks of personality rattling around behind mario's shark eyes.
It's good!!! Honest and true!!! Nice to see what felt like notes of 3D World in here with the little rosary bead structure and rhythm of each level having their own little wonder flower acting as an F5 button, refreshing the level's objective into a unique blink-and-you'll-miss-it sleight of hand trick. It keeps u guessing but only so much. It's still Mario, it's still the charisma of a cereal box free toy, but credit where it's due - the soundtrack is nice and they did a great job in shuffling the artstyle up into representing illustrative 3D. Not losing my nut over this but it's nice to see some sparks of personality rattling around behind mario's shark eyes.
Much to my surprise, RayForce ended up being my favourite in this lil trilogy. For as much as the latter two entries gorge themselves on the L8 90's wireframe & jungle aesthetiq I typically love, I was utterly spellbound by the mastery in the pin puppetry carried out in a continuous cruise through RayForce's parallaxed spritework. It's always so genuinely uplifting to me to see artistry completely show up technological advancement. never need to see a polygon again.
My only real exposure to Armored Core was this MAD I had somehow stumbled into back in 2011, so I honestly couldn’t say that I fully knew what this series was about (aside from laser lightshows and missile contrail carnivals) until I finally gave AC6 a shot.
Game good! With courteous thanks to how easy it is to fall into builds that turn enemies into drywall it kind of eliminated all concerns I had about spending more time diagnosing my mech in the equipment menu than actually playing the game. Moreover, the straight-from-the-tap gameplay delivery system of a farcking mission select screen, it’s so lean and mean in a way I had long since given up on the idea of FromSoft ever going for.
In all honesty more than anything I just think this game is beautiful. Such a fully-fledged and well-rounded exploration of what “mech” means. You have your piloted robots run the gamut from sleek and amphibian Metal Gear RAYs, to cubic mili-utilitarian Mechwarriors, to plastic-looking Small Soldiers. There’s an impressive devotion to building a sense of historicity and design ethos for each of the factions and corporations.
I love the sheer depth, detail and scale put into the environs. There is a relatively understated mission where you go down into a mine and it had me gawking at the set dressing for nearly half an hour, just this absolutely painstakingly realised devotion to depicting ‘Industry x1000’. One thing that always gets me is these overhanging industry locales, like an impossibly large train junction hanging precariously miles above the ground, city-wide of tracks landing on the factories below and standing bolt upright. The smell of lead paint absolutely fucking HUMS off this game man. With little human-sized walkways and doors and staircases peppering the landscape for good measure the illusion of scale is thoroughly sold to me. Incredibly illustrative quality to this game. Just gushing with calamitous industrial might, a world suffocating itself in an iron eggshell. Architecture that commands tone and mood. It's cooler than the mechs themselves.
also holy shit allmind‼️‼️‼️
Game good! With courteous thanks to how easy it is to fall into builds that turn enemies into drywall it kind of eliminated all concerns I had about spending more time diagnosing my mech in the equipment menu than actually playing the game. Moreover, the straight-from-the-tap gameplay delivery system of a farcking mission select screen, it’s so lean and mean in a way I had long since given up on the idea of FromSoft ever going for.
In all honesty more than anything I just think this game is beautiful. Such a fully-fledged and well-rounded exploration of what “mech” means. You have your piloted robots run the gamut from sleek and amphibian Metal Gear RAYs, to cubic mili-utilitarian Mechwarriors, to plastic-looking Small Soldiers. There’s an impressive devotion to building a sense of historicity and design ethos for each of the factions and corporations.
I love the sheer depth, detail and scale put into the environs. There is a relatively understated mission where you go down into a mine and it had me gawking at the set dressing for nearly half an hour, just this absolutely painstakingly realised devotion to depicting ‘Industry x1000’. One thing that always gets me is these overhanging industry locales, like an impossibly large train junction hanging precariously miles above the ground, city-wide of tracks landing on the factories below and standing bolt upright. The smell of lead paint absolutely fucking HUMS off this game man. With little human-sized walkways and doors and staircases peppering the landscape for good measure the illusion of scale is thoroughly sold to me. Incredibly illustrative quality to this game. Just gushing with calamitous industrial might, a world suffocating itself in an iron eggshell. Architecture that commands tone and mood. It's cooler than the mechs themselves.
also holy shit allmind‼️‼️‼️