splatoon 3 is fucking awesome. it is the most polished splatoon entry in the franchise, having a great story mode, the most balanced multiplayer experience thus far, permanent salmon run, looks great, and other qol features.

but you know what? every minute i spend playing this game, i go "you know im having a great time, but this is incredibly similar to splatoon 2... which was already very similar to splatoon 1... so why did i pay $60 for this?" and the reality is that i legitimately cannot come up with a good reason other than the fact that my friends bought it.

the game in a vacuum is amazing but it is so safe in it's "innovations" that i almost feel like its insulting to the word to call the new features innovative. the gameplay is fundamentally the same, however you have two new squid abilities and two new weapon types. you now have a usuable lobby instead of a shitty loading screen that would make you want to gouge your eyes out. you have a new campaign, and you have a new gacha card game you can play in the hub and uh... you can play salmon run all the time instead of whenever the game feels like you should be able to. and honestly, that is 90% of the game's changes from 2 to 3. i am not joking. changes that basically every other live service model game would serve as either dlc or a free update for an existing game are changes nintendo is charging their consumers $60 dollars for.

this is frankly insulting. im sure some people will go "uh well bubbles fifa madden and cod do the same thing" which is like, yes they do. however, those games' service models have been critisized in the gaming sphere for ages. second of all, the reality is that in the span those games are released and developed (1 year, maybe 2 or 3 in cod's case) making any truly innovative changes in a sequel should frankly be regarded as miraculous. in any case, the window between the release of splatoon 2 and 3 is 5 years, which i feel like is even worse. 5 years for the developers to realize "hey you know limiting salmon run to only whenever the fuck we want is a moronic, brainless, vacuous, slack jawed, knuckle dragging, sub 20 iq ass backwards dipshitted idea. we should charge the consumer $60 to have them be able to play it whenever." 5 years for the developers to go "hey the ink shield special is incredibly degenerate, horrible and ruins the balance of multiplayer that no one likes lets charge the consumer $60 to get rid of it" seriously suck my fucking dick. these changes are not innovations that warrant a sequel; and if they did, certainly not $60.

but im a fucking thumb sucker, so ill continue to shit my fucking diapy and play splatoon 3. because it is a fucking FUN game. nearly a 10/10 game wise but man fuck you nintendo.