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Games I Dislike That Everybody Else Likes
Possibly ruined this one for myself by playing Hitman (2016) first, but I can certainly see why people love this - the story is kind of cool, the levels are kind of cool, the weapons and open-endedness are kind of cool, so on and so forth. But that's the thing, they're only kind of cool here - if you so happened to play most of the later games first then this just feels pared-down in comparison. Obviously for its day this was revolutionary and it still sports that classic PS2-era charm which is hard not to respect, but I refuse to subscribe to the idea that just because something was revolutionary at one point means that it will always stand the test of time. And even despite all that, the controls are shoddy and the executions are mostly lame, sometimes broken/janky, and stupidly specific to the point of not being that fun in general. But I digress, that final mission is - to put it frankly - fucking awesome, and it does feature the best version of "Ave Maria" which has rightfully since become iconic. But also... whatever, I have no idea what I would get out of this over playing the more refined 2016-and-on installments. Slightly better than Hitman: Absolution because there's more charisma, the narrative isn't dogshit, and Agent 47 doesn't look like a hemorrhoid. Oh, and the disguise system actually works.
Possibly ruined this one for myself by playing Hitman (2016) first, but I can certainly see why people love this - the story is kind of cool, the levels are kind of cool, the weapons and open-endedness are kind of cool, so on and so forth. But that's the thing, they're only kind of cool here - if you so happened to play most of the later games first then this just feels pared-down in comparison. Obviously for its day this was revolutionary and it still sports that classic PS2-era charm which is hard not to respect, but I refuse to subscribe to the idea that just because something was revolutionary at one point means that it will always stand the test of time. And even despite all that, the controls are shoddy and the executions are mostly lame, sometimes broken/janky, and stupidly specific to the point of not being that fun in general. But I digress, that final mission is - to put it frankly - fucking awesome, and it does feature the best version of "Ave Maria" which has rightfully since become iconic. But also... whatever, I have no idea what I would get out of this over playing the more refined 2016-and-on installments. Slightly better than Hitman: Absolution because there's more charisma, the narrative isn't dogshit, and Agent 47 doesn't look like a hemorrhoid. Oh, and the disguise system actually works.
Even though I think this is only marginally worse than the highly praised Hitman: Blood Money, it's interesting to look back on a time in gaming where so frequently franchises asked themselves: "What makes our games not only work, but really stand apart from the pack?" and then proceed to absolutely fucking break them lmao. Takes almost everything that makes the Hitman series what it is and turns them cheap and un-fun; every so often you'll get a couple levels reminiscent of the IP until you're immediately reminded of its completely nonfunctional disguise system or some of the most heinously butt-ugly cutscenes ever put into a video game (including but not limited to Agent 47's worst design ever, his face looks like a bad bowl of bread pudding). I'll cop to having fun navigating its bizarre collection of levels in fits and starts (being able to knock out like 150 people in a bar for some reason being a highlight) and its voice cast is totally innocent - including Traci Lords and totally unhinged Keith Carradine + Powers Boothe. But so often its mechanics and rules are just godawful, and its equally terrible story betrays everything this series/character is. So it's just too much crap to justify a little dumb fun in the end.
Airless. Even by the standards of the reboot this feels dinky, and this is speaking as one of the few defenders of that game and literally every single other DLC from it (yes, even the cosmetic/vehicle packs). Like seriously, no Gwen homie?? The base only has 3-4 homies as it is, you couldn't have even given us the MAIN follower for this questline (who imo after The Nahualli is the best character in the game) as Volition continues to sweep these other three side characters who they once propped up so high under the rug? Not like the characters were all that good anyway, but damn this is embarrassing. The Chill Queen is a total nonentity in her own expansion, and the missions mostly feel rehashed and overwhelmingly mechanical - in fact this whole addition already seems like a lesser version of the LARP plot in the base game as it is, which actually was my favorite storyline from it! Some of the rewards are cool, the Ban Hammer is neat - and I actually decently enjoy the ghost events. But Vallejo << Sunshine Springs.
Games I Like That Everybody Else Dislikes
"There's a corpse born every minute!"
Consistently amusing, intense, hilarious, and more methodical than your average class shooter - assuredly the best of the Saints Row DLCs, though not without its caveats. Feels like Volition's stab at a games-as-a-service type deal without the always-online requirement or predatory microtransaction shops - which is certainly something I can get behind. Yeah it's nothing but blowing through bodies at the end of the day but come on, which one of these types of class-based shooters isn't repetitive? And people sang the praises of those other ones, this honestly really isn't all that different than a lot of those 2015/2016 GOTY contendors lmfao. Really emphasizes why the base's Takedown system is God-tier imo, you can't just sit behind cover and regen over and over - you have to act at every move, always thinking three steps ahead before and during each battle. And once again the art design really shines through here, the mangled carnival meets nuclear waste dump aesthetic is seriously splendid and lends itself nicely to the LiveLeak/Nerve (2016) aura this expansion manages to create. My biggest gripe is the same one I have with the other SR2022 products - and it's that this does sadly feel like a rushed product that didn't get the time in the oven it would have benefitted from (arbitrarily caps level progression at 8??). But as someone who can't spend a lot of time on these sorts of games anyway, it's still an unfortunate smudge but not quite a crushing blow of death. Enjoyed my time with it greatly. Chief Justice MVP.
"There's a corpse born every minute!"
Consistently amusing, intense, hilarious, and more methodical than your average class shooter - assuredly the best of the Saints Row DLCs, though not without its caveats. Feels like Volition's stab at a games-as-a-service type deal without the always-online requirement or predatory microtransaction shops - which is certainly something I can get behind. Yeah it's nothing but blowing through bodies at the end of the day but come on, which one of these types of class-based shooters isn't repetitive? And people sang the praises of those other ones, this honestly really isn't all that different than a lot of those 2015/2016 GOTY contendors lmfao. Really emphasizes why the base's Takedown system is God-tier imo, you can't just sit behind cover and regen over and over - you have to act at every move, always thinking three steps ahead before and during each battle. And once again the art design really shines through here, the mangled carnival meets nuclear waste dump aesthetic is seriously splendid and lends itself nicely to the LiveLeak/Nerve (2016) aura this expansion manages to create. My biggest gripe is the same one I have with the other SR2022 products - and it's that this does sadly feel like a rushed product that didn't get the time in the oven it would have benefitted from (arbitrarily caps level progression at 8??). But as someone who can't spend a lot of time on these sorts of games anyway, it's still an unfortunate smudge but not quite a crushing blow of death. Enjoyed my time with it greatly. Chief Justice MVP.
Games I Like That Everybody Else Dislikes
A better Cyberpunk gaming experience than Cyberpunk 2077. Also a little better than the Stunt Sets DLC, though I have the exact same issues with both - you're done with them each combined in like an hour or two. But still, the amount of off-the-wall fun you're able to conjure here in those couple of hours is not insignificant (especially if you've got a friend). The entire setting looms over the map, shrouded in fog and laser lights with some really cool designwork - and you can blast from one end of it to the other via improvised jetpack, bust your shit on the top somewhere, and comically tumble all the way back down. I'm pleased with that!
A better Cyberpunk gaming experience than Cyberpunk 2077. Also a little better than the Stunt Sets DLC, though I have the exact same issues with both - you're done with them each combined in like an hour or two. But still, the amount of off-the-wall fun you're able to conjure here in those couple of hours is not insignificant (especially if you've got a friend). The entire setting looms over the map, shrouded in fog and laser lights with some really cool designwork - and you can blast from one end of it to the other via improvised jetpack, bust your shit on the top somewhere, and comically tumble all the way back down. I'm pleased with that!
An energetic, pretty, and very adept beat 'em up that unfortunately has its possible greatness muffled by a series of crushingly annoying bugs and crashes. The amount of softlocks, visual glitches, and general momentum-halting errors in this is way too high to forgive for a game with such speedy and demanding play (especially on hard difficulty) - which is a damn shame because otherwise this runs like a dream (minus its half-functioning lock-on system). Does exactly as advertised - lines up a docket of fan-favorite Spidey villains to be knocked around by four different Spider-Men with distinct playstyles and appearances. If that sounds awesome it's because it totally is. Personally my favorites are Noir and Ultimate, but they're all cool in their own way. One thing this does very well is how it manages to subvert of-the-era stereotypes which I'm normally averse to and makes them fun again - you've got QTE Hell and proto-MCU "uh... so that just happened!" millennial humor in no short supply here, but there's such a sense of infectious vitality to them that it's impossible not to be roped in and have a good time. They fit this world like a glove, and I honestly have no real complaints about them in this case. Deep, methodical combat; wonderful voice acting from a stacked cast; crisp comic book visuals; cutscenes that look great; and even Stan Lee narration - this is a good one, but it could have been even better.
2016
Top 50 Favorites: #20
All the different ways you can sign yourself up for a garotte to the neck. Whether it be a high-end fashion show, military coup, or the cover-up of an unscrupulous celebrity's transgressions - the respective trigger being held often has matching fingerprints that are unable to be washed off. The inhuman, dangerous things people will do for knowledge - and how we reckon with them. Pathologizing/humanizing Agent 47 so successfully after the huge misfire of Hitman: Absolution's story seemed like an impossible task but by God they've done it. The concept of "just enough": Drip-feeding you only what's necessary about these people piecemeal, going only ever so slightly more in detail with each new piece of info ended up being such a profound choice in the end - opening itself up so many more windows and always has you pondering. I remember the episodic nature of this being criticized on release, but I honestly think it's the best way this sort of gameplay can be delivered. And even if it wasn't, it'd be hard to complain with mechanics this tight and humor this macabre (the always-online requirement sucks though). There are a seemingly infinite amount of ways you can take out your targets in this - in such gorgeous, meticulous environments no less - this is the first one of these that really felt like the Hitman series had finally gotten to where it had been trying to land for the previous 16 years. Unlimited retribution, a playground of calculated violence. This is more like it.
All the different ways you can sign yourself up for a garotte to the neck. Whether it be a high-end fashion show, military coup, or the cover-up of an unscrupulous celebrity's transgressions - the respective trigger being held often has matching fingerprints that are unable to be washed off. The inhuman, dangerous things people will do for knowledge - and how we reckon with them. Pathologizing/humanizing Agent 47 so successfully after the huge misfire of Hitman: Absolution's story seemed like an impossible task but by God they've done it. The concept of "just enough": Drip-feeding you only what's necessary about these people piecemeal, going only ever so slightly more in detail with each new piece of info ended up being such a profound choice in the end - opening itself up so many more windows and always has you pondering. I remember the episodic nature of this being criticized on release, but I honestly think it's the best way this sort of gameplay can be delivered. And even if it wasn't, it'd be hard to complain with mechanics this tight and humor this macabre (the always-online requirement sucks though). There are a seemingly infinite amount of ways you can take out your targets in this - in such gorgeous, meticulous environments no less - this is the first one of these that really felt like the Hitman series had finally gotten to where it had been trying to land for the previous 16 years. Unlimited retribution, a playground of calculated violence. This is more like it.
2014
Top 50 Favorites: #21
Games I Like That Everybody Else Dislikes
🎶"He wears: tan shoes with pink shoelaces, a polka-dot vest and MAN oh MAN!"🎶
This being rushed is the single greatest sin in gaming imo. Not only did it crush one of the ultimate franchises in video game history - but it squandered what definitely was shaping up to be the best entry in the series. Because even with its litany of bugs, overlong load screens, and - its most grievous fault imo - a way-too-short story mode, this still just OOZES childlike wonder in every frame. Swoop, Oddsock, and Toggle are perfect new additions to the world who all feel exciting to play (in addition to of course Sackboy), Hugh Laurie's Newton is a hoot (as are all the other side characters), it's got the most fleshed-out create mode, campaign is loaded tight with some of the very best levels in the whole series (Shake Rattle and Roll, High Stakes Heist, Masque Maker's Tower, Flip-Flopped Folios, Deep Space Drive-In, Cloud Caravan, etc., etc.), side quests were an amazingly implemented feature that fit these games like a glove, and not only does it have the greatest soundtrack in the franchise imo but also one of the best in all of gaming period. With this, Sumo Digital created a loving, cozy, and quite honestly seamless pastiche of what Media Molecule was so expertly doing with the previous games. I like that new Sackboy game and all but I really feel like they sterilized the formula with it, unpopular opinion but it can't touch this one. If Sony wouldn't have been greedy fucks and let this have more time in the pot like it needed, there's not a doubt in my mind it would have been a masterpiece.
Games I Like That Everybody Else Dislikes
🎶"He wears: tan shoes with pink shoelaces, a polka-dot vest and MAN oh MAN!"🎶
This being rushed is the single greatest sin in gaming imo. Not only did it crush one of the ultimate franchises in video game history - but it squandered what definitely was shaping up to be the best entry in the series. Because even with its litany of bugs, overlong load screens, and - its most grievous fault imo - a way-too-short story mode, this still just OOZES childlike wonder in every frame. Swoop, Oddsock, and Toggle are perfect new additions to the world who all feel exciting to play (in addition to of course Sackboy), Hugh Laurie's Newton is a hoot (as are all the other side characters), it's got the most fleshed-out create mode, campaign is loaded tight with some of the very best levels in the whole series (Shake Rattle and Roll, High Stakes Heist, Masque Maker's Tower, Flip-Flopped Folios, Deep Space Drive-In, Cloud Caravan, etc., etc.), side quests were an amazingly implemented feature that fit these games like a glove, and not only does it have the greatest soundtrack in the franchise imo but also one of the best in all of gaming period. With this, Sumo Digital created a loving, cozy, and quite honestly seamless pastiche of what Media Molecule was so expertly doing with the previous games. I like that new Sackboy game and all but I really feel like they sterilized the formula with it, unpopular opinion but it can't touch this one. If Sony wouldn't have been greedy fucks and let this have more time in the pot like it needed, there's not a doubt in my mind it would have been a masterpiece.
Weezer jumpscare. Confident I'm beating a dead horse here but, just because you could doesn't mean you should. I'm all for weird gimmicks from time to time as long as they know their place, but this never for a single second feels good to play. Even if you didn't have to use that uncomfortable, wiggly, plastic tumor jutting out of the Game Boy port of your DS this thing is still barely functional - the stylus strumming misses at least one out of every dozen or so inputs you make on it no matter how definable they are. And the soundtrack is meh, mostly lazily recycled from other rhythm games - I mean how many fucking times are we going to put Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle" on one of these?
Top 50 Favorites: #29
Hardly a new statement to argue that this is the most "vibey" GTA game, but if I have any semi-controversial remark to make it's that imo this smokes not only Grand Theft Auto III but also Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for nearly everything they're worth. The gunplay is incomparably better than the former, and the map here is much more contained - removing the long stretches of nothing that padded out a lot of missions from the latter. I will even defend those little RC missions, Rockstar weirdness matters! Obviously this still shows its age: not everything is as precise as the 7th gen games and upwards would make it. But above all else, this is just a downright fucking TONIC - vibrant characters blowin' off heads in neon-lit bloom at nightfall, so magnetic, man... like how summer vacation used to feel like as a kid. Vaporwave dreamscape. Totally sucks you right in and keeps you there. All that plus voice acting from a murder's row of Hollywood "who's who" from the era this is inspired by, Rockstar's timeless cynical-yet-juvenile sense of humor, and a soundtrack that will knock your socks off (Hyperactive!, Self Control, and Keep On Loving You have been stuck in my head for almost four years now) - chef's kiss. The first of these games that really felt like they found their identity moving forward. Lovely (even if this version does remove such CRUCIAL songs from the soundtrack).
Hardly a new statement to argue that this is the most "vibey" GTA game, but if I have any semi-controversial remark to make it's that imo this smokes not only Grand Theft Auto III but also Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for nearly everything they're worth. The gunplay is incomparably better than the former, and the map here is much more contained - removing the long stretches of nothing that padded out a lot of missions from the latter. I will even defend those little RC missions, Rockstar weirdness matters! Obviously this still shows its age: not everything is as precise as the 7th gen games and upwards would make it. But above all else, this is just a downright fucking TONIC - vibrant characters blowin' off heads in neon-lit bloom at nightfall, so magnetic, man... like how summer vacation used to feel like as a kid. Vaporwave dreamscape. Totally sucks you right in and keeps you there. All that plus voice acting from a murder's row of Hollywood "who's who" from the era this is inspired by, Rockstar's timeless cynical-yet-juvenile sense of humor, and a soundtrack that will knock your socks off (Hyperactive!, Self Control, and Keep On Loving You have been stuck in my head for almost four years now) - chef's kiss. The first of these games that really felt like they found their identity moving forward. Lovely (even if this version does remove such CRUCIAL songs from the soundtrack).
Games I Like That Everybody Else Dislikes
Endearingly janky in that early-PS2 way that's just impossible to hate, with an authentic sense of adventure and pretty much perfect progression for this type of game. I'll be honest, I hated this show as a kid - I thought it was butt-ugly and reminiscent of the most noxious stereotypes/fads of the late 90s/early 00s. But the way this game uses the show's extreme sports template to essentially create a looney, sprawling Point Break-esque robot eco-terrorism conspiracy is ridiculously fun. There's tons of variety in the gameplay and you can go from chill, cozy exploration sections to over-the-top races to puzzles to shooting minigames to beaming robots with exploding hockey pucks to puzzles to skateboard/rollerblade competitions to jet ski boss fights to diet espionage and... man, it's really good. Plus you can pick your character pretty much at will. A classic.
Endearingly janky in that early-PS2 way that's just impossible to hate, with an authentic sense of adventure and pretty much perfect progression for this type of game. I'll be honest, I hated this show as a kid - I thought it was butt-ugly and reminiscent of the most noxious stereotypes/fads of the late 90s/early 00s. But the way this game uses the show's extreme sports template to essentially create a looney, sprawling Point Break-esque robot eco-terrorism conspiracy is ridiculously fun. There's tons of variety in the gameplay and you can go from chill, cozy exploration sections to over-the-top races to puzzles to shooting minigames to beaming robots with exploding hockey pucks to puzzles to skateboard/rollerblade competitions to jet ski boss fights to diet espionage and... man, it's really good. Plus you can pick your character pretty much at will. A classic.
Top 50 Favorites: #29
Hardly a new statement to argue that this is the most "vibey" GTA game, but if I have any semi-controversial remark to make it's that imo this smokes not only Grand Theft Auto III but also Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for nearly everything they're worth. The gunplay is incomparably better than the former, and the map here is much more contained - removing the long stretches of nothing that padded out a lot of missions from the latter. I will even defend those little RC missions, Rockstar weirdness matters! (And they aren't that hard imo). Obviously this still shows its age: not everything is as precise as the 7th gen games and upwards would make it. But above all else, this is just a downright fucking TONIC - vibrant characters blowin' off heads in neon-lit bloom at nightfall, so magnetic, man... like how summer vacation used to feel like as a kid. Vaporwave dreamscape. Totally sucks you right in and keeps you there. All that plus voice acting from a murder's row of Hollywood "who's who" from the era this is inspired by, Rockstar's timeless cynical-yet-juvenile sense of humor, and a soundtrack that will knock your socks off (Hyperactive!, Self Control, and Keep On Loving You have been stuck in my head for almost four years now) - chef's kiss. The first of these games that really felt like they found their identity moving forward. Lovely.
Hardly a new statement to argue that this is the most "vibey" GTA game, but if I have any semi-controversial remark to make it's that imo this smokes not only Grand Theft Auto III but also Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for nearly everything they're worth. The gunplay is incomparably better than the former, and the map here is much more contained - removing the long stretches of nothing that padded out a lot of missions from the latter. I will even defend those little RC missions, Rockstar weirdness matters! (And they aren't that hard imo). Obviously this still shows its age: not everything is as precise as the 7th gen games and upwards would make it. But above all else, this is just a downright fucking TONIC - vibrant characters blowin' off heads in neon-lit bloom at nightfall, so magnetic, man... like how summer vacation used to feel like as a kid. Vaporwave dreamscape. Totally sucks you right in and keeps you there. All that plus voice acting from a murder's row of Hollywood "who's who" from the era this is inspired by, Rockstar's timeless cynical-yet-juvenile sense of humor, and a soundtrack that will knock your socks off (Hyperactive!, Self Control, and Keep On Loving You have been stuck in my head for almost four years now) - chef's kiss. The first of these games that really felt like they found their identity moving forward. Lovely.
Games I Dislike That Everybody Else Likes
The weakest of the four Sly games, in my opinion. Bar-none. Every new addition feels superficially cool but airless to execute - I'm sorry but I found all of the pirate stuff (ship battles, treasure maps, the missions in the level itself) to be grueling. The removal of the clue bottle collectibles - one of my favorite elements from the others - also hasn't gone unnoticed here, nor has the regressed mission structure. Plus the levels, apart from Venice and the airstrip place, just aren't as good. Feels like a rushed, less charming reskin of 2 at best and a serious bore at worst. Plus there's those truly abysmal boss fights. Tiring to even write about, what is there left to say?
The weakest of the four Sly games, in my opinion. Bar-none. Every new addition feels superficially cool but airless to execute - I'm sorry but I found all of the pirate stuff (ship battles, treasure maps, the missions in the level itself) to be grueling. The removal of the clue bottle collectibles - one of my favorite elements from the others - also hasn't gone unnoticed here, nor has the regressed mission structure. Plus the levels, apart from Venice and the airstrip place, just aren't as good. Feels like a rushed, less charming reskin of 2 at best and a serious bore at worst. Plus there's those truly abysmal boss fights. Tiring to even write about, what is there left to say?
Another 20 minutes of gameplay in a rushed level pack (calling it that is really generous) that fails to capitalize on all the wacky fun that could have been had with this IP. Granted, this one does offer a nice color scheme - and I have to give it points for variety in its gameplay for what it is. But again, blink and you'll miss it. Not awful by any stretch of the imagination, but also nothing really much else. The third best of these.
My relative 'favorite' of the LEGO DC Super-Villains DLCs but is still only like 10/15 minutes of actual gameplay that feels like it was made in three seconds. The cel shaded art style looks nice, and Captain Clown is neat - but honestly that's all that can be said about this.