I thought Zaeed was kinda cool when I first met him but then I got him back to the ship and this MF starts telling all these cringey stories everytime I look at any object in his musty ass room for more than a second. "Oh that paperclip? I once killed three krogans inside an elevator with that thing for looking at me funny. Didn't even break a sweat. Did I mention how much money I have? (also 6 foot tall by the way)" Shut the fuck up bro your companion mission is boring as hell and you literally join my crew after two dialogue choices outside a parking lot, stop tryna act tough. Why would anyone pick this guy when the top G Grunt is available as a companion.

More 'fun' to play than - say - Cyberpunk 2077, but somehow more of a splintered mess that barely runs correctly. I never got the appeal of these types of misogynistic, crass, painfully unfunny dudebro sex-capades whether it be movies, shows, or video games and this one is no different. I'd estimate that maybe one out of every fifteen or twenty jokes actually even come close to landing, and it features one of the absolute most abysmal combat systems of the 2000s. There's constant framerate blackouts and hitbox problems, and most of the missions are your usual brainless fetch quests or remedial tasks like loading crates as slow as humanly possible. Though I confess that there is a certain slimy appeal to its randomly stacked voice cast which includes the likes of Peter Graves, Artie Lange, Jane Lynch, Patrick Warburton, etc. And I have to admit that I think it has a really crisp, cartoony color palette that would look great on an actual good game unlike this one. But also how was this ever allowed to be released in this state?