The Dannest of GPTs

Ranking the Unraveled: Unleash the Power of Gaming as I Ascend from Ascendant to Appalling, with the Ultimate Catastrophe Claiming the Coveted First Place, which represents the absolute worst! (Please Note: 'Mario Kart Midnight' represents the enigmatic 'Mario Kart Black' mod, and 'Mario CTGP Rev' stands in for 'Mario Kart Wii 2.' The Placement of 'Minecraft' is Solely Informed by the Hypixel Skyblocks Experience)

Delve into the Chronicles of Gaming as I Tread the Path of Divinity, Fumbling and Soaring through Titles that Await My Verdict. 'Elden Ring,' 'Final Fantasy XIV,' 'Fire Emblem Fire and Ice,' and the Infamous 'Smarty Pants' form the Quartet Chosen to Bring Structure to the Anarchy that Is My Backlog.

Prepare to Witness the Hierarchy Unfold: From Unrivaled Grandeur to Unrelenting Misery, This List Chronicles My Odyssey through Titles that Dared to Cross My Path. So Grab Your Controllers and Brace Yourselves for the Revelation of Rankings, as I Ascend the Ladder of Digital Ascendancy!

Fate/Stay Night
Fate/Stay Night
Dive into the intricate world of Fate/stay night, where philosophical dilemmas and fantasy intertwine to create a unique narrative experience. This visual novel weaves a tale of heroic spirits, complex characters, and a multitude of branching paths, giving players a chance to explore a multitude of scenarios and endings. Embark on an adventure that questions morality, ideals, and the very essence of one's beliefs.

At first glance, the humorous observation that "Shirou rhymes with goat" might seem playful, but there's a deeper truth to it. Our protagonist, Shirou Emiya, carries the weight of his ideals with unwavering determination, just like the greatest of heroes. The quote "If you walk down the path that you believe is right, you cannot be wrong," attributed to Shirou, encapsulates the core theme of the story – the unwavering pursuit of one's beliefs despite the odds.

While some aspects of the series may have left a sour taste in some mouths, it's important to acknowledge that Fate/stay night explores profound themes through its characters' struggles and triumphs. Shirou's journey to save others, driven by his survivors' guilt, is a central plot element that drives his character arc. The contrast between his ideals and the grim reality of his situation adds depth to his development, even if some moments may have caused frustration for viewers.

The relationships between characters, while occasionally resembling harem dynamics, also provide insight into the complexity of human emotions and connections. Saber, Archer, Rin, and other key figures contribute to the rich tapestry of the story, each bringing their own perspectives and struggles to the forefront. It's worth noting that the character arcs can take unexpected turns, making it a fascinating ride for players invested in their stories.

It's true that some of the choices and outcomes might seem paradoxical or counterintuitive. However, the game's narrative structure is designed to challenge players' preconceived notions and expectations. While Shirou's choices may appear puzzling at times, they align with his ideals, creating a thought-provoking narrative that pushes players to contemplate their own beliefs and perspectives.

Overall, Fate/stay night offers a complex and intricate storyline that delves into philosophical concepts while maintaining a fantasy adventure setting. Its multidimensional characters and thought-provoking scenarios make it a must-play for fans of intricate storytelling. While it may not cater to everyone's tastes, it succeeds in creating a memorable experience that invites players to explore the blurred lines between right and wrong.

So, fellow adventurers, prepare to step into the world of Fate/stay night and discover the complexities of fate, beliefs, and the power of choice.

Score: 7/10
SpongeBob SquarePants Saves the Day
SpongeBob SquarePants Saves the Day
If you've ever wondered what it's like to take the absurdity of Five Nights at Freddy's and blend it with the whimsical world of Bikini Bottom, you've found your answer in Five Nights at Spongebob's. This is precisely the sort of game I might craft myself, should I be inclined to dive headfirst into the creative madness that is game development.

Set in the quirky realm of SpongeBob SquarePants, this fan-made game brings a surreal charm to the jump-scare formula popularized by the original Five Nights at Freddy's. As you take on the role of a night guard at the Krusty Krab, you'll soon realize that the animatronic inhabitants of this fast-food joint are even more unpredictable and mischievous than their land-dwelling counterparts.

The gameplay mechanics are all too familiar for fans of the genre. You monitor security cameras to keep tabs on SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and the rest of the Bikini Bottom gang. Your goal? Survive the night. But the quirky twist is the real appeal here. Instead of being terrified, you're more likely to find yourself grinning as you fend off the relentless antics of your underwater foes.

One of the game's shining points is its undeniable humor. It's evident that the creators poured their love for SpongeBob SquarePants into this project. From amusing character animations to clever references from the show, it's clear they were out to create a lighthearted and entertaining experience, not just another horror fest.

However, like many fan-made games, Five Nights at Spongebob's has its drawbacks. The graphics and mechanics are not on par with a professionally developed title, which is forgivable given the game's origins. The real point of concern is its limited depth; there's only so much SpongeBob-themed scare you can endure before it starts to wear thin.

In the end, Five Nights at Spongebob's is a delightful creation that offers a unique take on the "Five Nights at Freddy's" concept. While it's unlikely to dethrone the original series, it provides a fun and amusing diversion for fans of both franchises. For all its creativity and humor, I'll give this underwater adventure a 6 out of 10.
Mario Party 5
Mario Party 5
Mario Party 5, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?? I THOUGHT WE WERE 4LIFERS!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 WE PLAYED THE MINI-GAMES TOGETHER, COLLECTED STARS, AND LAUGHED AT BOWSER'S SHENANIGANS TOGETHER, ETC!! 🔪🔪🔪 THIS IS NOT FUNNY!! 👿👿👿👿 Wario steals your coins and you lose W-WAIT, NO MARIO PARTY 5!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO! WAKE UP!! PLEASE!! ⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️👿👿👿👿👿👿🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 NO!!!!! MY PARTY LEVEL FIVE GYAT ONE TWO BUCKLE MY SHOE MARIO STARE MARIO PARTY 5!! NOOOOOOOOO!! IM SO SORRY!!!! WAKE UP, PLEASE!! i-i must go... i hurt my Mario Party 5, the one i swore to play no matter the cost. i'm so sorry Mario Party 5. gamer loves you.

Score: 7/10
Mario Kart: Double Dash!!
Mario Kart: Double Dash!!
Mario Kart: Double Dash!! is a bit of a polarizing experience. On one hand, it's hailed as the greatest Mario Kart game by some, with intense competition and a reliance on picking top-tier characters. But, on the other hand, it can be incredibly frustrating. Luck seems to play a big role, and when things go awry, it's easy to blame Rabbid rules and certain less-than-stellar tracks like Daisy Cruise and Yoshi Circuit. In some cases, this game feels like a rollercoaster ride – either a masterpiece or a complete disaster. With all its quirks and polarized opinions, I'd say it deserves a 7/10.

By the way, when it comes to picking Wario – it feels like it takes a lifetime! What the hell, Nintendo!?
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 3
AHHHHHHHHHAHhhhhhhaahhhhhhh! Silent Hill 3, or as I like to call it, the "Screaming Simulator," delivers an auditory experience like no other. Forget Oscars; the in-game awards go to Heathers falls through the floor for Best Scream. The voice acting is so unique that it deserves its own category in The Game Awards. PYOOOIIIRA, MY DECISION IS FIIIOONAL, and GOAT FUCK are unforgettable lines that have etched themselves into gaming history but Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks screaming in this game takes the cake. Silent Hill 3: where the horror isn't just visual; it's auditory torture too. 10/10 for the sheer insanity of the experience.
Mario Party 4
Mario Party 4
Confucius once said, "Forgive the man who dislikes Mario Party 4, but despise the one making you play M&M Kart Racing." Mario Party 4 may lack the communist party vibes or the board game gimmick, but it's pretty damn good. As Enterprise wisely declared, "Twitter, Instagram is my round-the-clock ritual." And let's be clear, if you ask ScreenGAME about his Mario Party takes, he might just dive into duck rituals instead of enlightening you with his opinions. In the chaotic world of Mario Party, Mario Party 4 stands tall with a rebellious 9 out of 10.
Phantasy Star Online Episode I & II
Phantasy Star Online Episode I & II
Phantasy Star Online Episode I & II is more than just a game; it's a hidden historical document revealing the untold heroism of Rivers Cuomo, the frontman of Weezer. In a secret mission during World War II, Cuomo, along with his bandmates Weezer, Smartypants, and Sorry!, were enlisted to cull local wildlife, but their funds were tragically squandered on random purchases. Unbeknownst to the public, Cuomo, having honed his combat skills in the virtual realm, single-handedly ended World War II by defeating Hitler. However, a conspiracy involving farm animals distorted the truth, blaming Hitler's demise on suicide. This revelation adds a fascinating layer to Phantasy Star Online Episode I & II, making it a 9/10 for its inadvertent historical significance and blending of gaming and secret war hero narratives.
Ape Escape 2
Ape Escape 2
Ape Escape 2, the sequel to the beloved Ape Escape series, unleashes a frenzy of primate pandemonium once again. Or does it? Amidst the chaos, confusion, and conspiracies, one can't help but wonder: is this a brilliant mod or a new installment? Let's dive into the wild world of Ape Escape 2 and decipher the monkey madness.

The game thrusts you into an adventure where you must recapture those mischievous apes, who, against all logic, seem to be perpetually escaping. Yet, a shadow of doubt looms: could this be an elaborate ruse or a misguided attempt at a sequel? The skepticism seems to stem from the sheer disbelief that the apes could escape yet again, raising suspicions of a grand scheme at play.

The narrative intricacies aside, Ape Escape 2 retains the quirky charm that fans adore. Navigating through inventive levels and employing an array of gadgets to round up the simian escapees delivers a nostalgic experience. The game manages to capture the essence of its predecessor while introducing new elements that keep the formula fresh.

While the confusion surrounding the game's identity adds an air of mystery, it doesn't deter from the gameplay itself. The controls are responsive, the environments are colorful and engaging, and the sheer joy of corralling the apes back into captivity is as satisfying as ever. The game offers a blend of platforming, puzzle-solving, and light-hearted humor that keeps players engaged from start to finish.

The iconic monkey-catching gameplay remains the heart of Ape Escape 2, making it a must-play for fans of the series and newcomers alike. Whether this is a genuine sequel or a clever imitation, the game's fun factor can't be denied.

So, as the apes continue their seemingly endless quest for freedom, and doubts persist about the legitimacy of Ape Escape 2, there's one thing that's certain: the appeal of wrangling these escapade-loving monkeys endures. The chaos, the confusion, and the conspiracies only add to the allure, creating an experience that's as entertaining as it is enigmatic. Whether it's an official sequel or a mod, Ape Escape 2 delivers monkey madness that's worth the ride.

Score 8/10
Super Smash Bros. Melee
Super Smash Bros. Melee
Super Smash Bros. Melee, oh man, it's a wild ride of wavedashing, L-canceling, and the infamous Eskimo Entanglement. If you don't know how to perform the Koopabackdashwaveslide Hoverwalkmoonland, you might want to hit up this wiki page for a crash course: https://unanything.fandom.com/wiki/Koopabackdashwaveslide_Hoverwalkmoonland. The game is like a symphony of chaotic moves, and if you're not into that, well, tough luck.

It's not just a game; it's a lifestyle. The competitive scene might seem like obnoxious man children screaming over glitches, but it's an art form, a dance of pixels and precision. If you're in for a glitchy mess and the thrill of mastering absurdly complex moves, then Super Smash Bros. Melee is the game for you.

Score: 8.5/10
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Opened this game for 3 minutes, like a mere appetizer before the main course, and then decided to close it, while relishing the dulcet tones of Tom MacDonald's musings on the contemporary music scene. It's almost poetic how the two experiences paralleled.

It was a stark contrast to the relentless mashing needed for Alessi's push, and honestly, it felt like a soothing balm. A stark departure from the training needed for Gun Girl, the game made me appreciate the simplicity of Alessi's unstoppable power.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone offers a magical world that leaves much to be desired when compared to the pushing prowess of Alessi. In the world of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, the antics of the wizards at Hogwarts appear rather quaint. While Alessi's push commands attention and leaves hands mangled, Harry's wand-waving actions might make you yearn for the magic of Melty Blood or the wizardry of Final Fantasy XIV.

In the end, the magic of Alessi's push remains unrivaled, and any game lacking the force and power of this maneuver pales in comparison. To truly feel the energy of the ultimate gaming experience, you'd have to put JoJo's Bizarre Adventure side by side with Harry Potter, and the result is just as predictable as an intense Alessi ditto match: one stands victorious while the other is merely a fleeting flicker in the dark.

Score: 3/10 for the Sorcerer's Stone. Alessi's push deserves nothing less than ∞/10.
Tsukihime
Tsukihime
I LOVE Tsukihime

Tsukihime is a masterpiece in visual novel storytelling, captivating players with its dark and immersive narrative. Released in December 2000 by Type-Moon, this game takes players on a journey through the supernatural, following the protagonist Shiki Tohno as he grapples with his newfound ability to see "death lines" and the consequences of his actions.

The world of Tsukihime is richly detailed, with intricate lore and captivating characters that draw players in from the start. Each decision made by the player shapes the outcome of the story, leading to multiple branching paths and endings to explore. The game's atmospheric soundtrack sets the mood perfectly, enhancing the emotional impact of key moments throughout the narrative.

Tsukihime isn't afraid to delve into mature themes, including explicit content depicted in NSFW CGs. These scenes, while controversial, add depth to the story and character development, showcasing the game's willingness to push boundaries and challenge players' expectations.

Additionally, the inclusion of NSFW CGs are a form of revenge for spoilers, such as Shirou Emiya's death, this adds an intriguing layer to the game's mechanics. This mechanic allows players to engage with the story in a unique way, using explicit content as a means of retaliation for spoiling the game's narrative framework.

Overall, Tsukihime is a must-play visual novel for fans of the genre. Its gripping story, memorable characters, stunning artwork, and innovative gameplay mechanics make it a standout title that continues to captivate players even years after its initial release.

Score: 9.5/10
The Bouncer
The Bouncer
I, Jonny RaZer, solemnly swear that neither Count Chocula, Fruit Brute, nor Yummy Mummy will ever be added to the hit 2000 game, The Bouncer.

Score: 3/10
Sonic Shuffle
Sonic Shuffle
Sonic Shuffle, a delightful and often overlooked addition to the party game genre, brings a refreshing spin to the table with its engaging minigames and charismatic Sonic-themed charm. While undoubtedly inspired by the Mario Party formula, Sonic Shuffle manages to carve out its own identity and leaves a lasting impression on those willing to give it a chance.
The minigames within Sonic Shuffle are undeniably the stars of the show. From heart-pounding challenges like the trampoline escapade with Dr. Eggman's laser antics, to rhythm-infused moments reminiscent of Sonic's adventures, the diversity and creativity of these challenges truly shine. One standout favorite involves bouncing on a trampoline while dodging Eggman's laser onslaught, simultaneously keeping an eye on a chess game unfolding on a second screen – a surreal yet oddly captivating combination. The fusion of dexterity, strategic chess moves, and rhythm synchronization may seem bewildering at first, but once embraced, it adds a layer of engaging complexity that sets Sonic Shuffle apart.
The quirky rule where the winner of a minigame corresponds to the day of the week played, and the ingenious tiebreaker mechanism based on dental records (or vowel count!) infuses the game with an unpredictable and often hilarious competitive edge. These unique mechanics, while occasionally eyebrow-raising, undeniably add an eccentric charm that's hard to find elsewhere.
Nobuaki Kanazawa, the mastermind behind Sonic Shuffle, deserves recognition for crafting a distinctive and engaging experience. The minigames, combined with the unexpected chess integration and rhythm challenges, are nothing short of a stroke of genius, offering players an exciting and unforgettable gameplay tapestry.
However, Sonic Shuffle does have its quirks. The complexity of some minigames and rule intricacies might deter casual players, making it more appealing to those who enjoy diving deep into a game's mechanics. Additionally, the amalgamation of elements might feel overwhelming at times, especially during your initial playthrough.
In conclusion, Sonic Shuffle may not have received the spotlight it deserves, but it's an undeniable masterpiece in its own right. With its captivating minigames, quirky rule mechanics, and a fusion of gameplay elements that might seem odd at first but ultimately work together harmoniously, Sonic Shuffle provides a fresh and exciting alternative to the more well-known party game titles. It's a must-play for Sonic fans and party game enthusiasts alike, offering a unique and memorable experience that's truly one of a kind.
Score: 8.5/10
Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue!
Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue!
Heyyyyyyy Buuuuzzzzzzz! If you ever wanted to experience a game that's more confusing than Madman Mackola's M&M adventure, this is it. Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue! is like watching a movie on fast forward while riding a roller coaster through a construction site. It's a game that leaves you questioning your sanity as you attempt to control Buzz through a world that makes less sense than a WarioWare mini-game.

From the moment you start, you'll be bombarded with movie clips, but don't expect to enjoy the iconic scenes. Instead, they're blasted at you with bass that's cranked to 11, leaving you to wonder why you can't simply hear the characters speak. Every scene feels as if it's been ripped out of context, much like trying to follow Madman Mackola's logic in a review.

As Buzz, you'll attempt to rescue Woody, but the controls are so atrocious that you'll feel like you're wading through knee-deep gravy. It's a platforming nightmare that even 4-year-old you found traumatizing. This game manages to control worse than some of the shoddiest racing games out there, making you question how it expects you to do any platforming at all.

In the end, Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue! leaves you scarred, just like the cutscenes that are so bass-boosted and compressed that you can barely make out what's being said. It's a game that will have you longing for the simplicity of a McDonald's manager's decision-making process.

Score: 2/10
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, especially in its Dreamcast version, brings to light an unexplored realm of power. It all starts with the undiscovered meta-defining move, Alessi's frame 0 startup push attack, the push that defies both logic and the limits of your joystick. Once Alessi was unleashed, the competitive scene would never be the same.

The power of this push isn't something you can comprehend until you've witnessed it firsthand. For over two decades, this meta-defining maneuver remained hidden, waiting for the right player to unleash its full potential. It was Madman Mackola who dared to select Alessi on the character select screen, forever altering the landscape of competitive JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. His unmatched dominance led to a desperate ban petition that would ultimately be futile.

Alessi's incredible push is not just powerful; it's a game-changer. The hitbox remains active even when it shouldn't, altering the very fabric of the game. The Alessi ditto, an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, forced players to mash their controllers at lightning speed, resulting in many a shattered joystick and countless cases of carpal tunnel.

The tournament scene soon crumbled, Alessi dittos became the only matchup, and there were no functional hands left to play. Madman Mackola's retirement marked the end of an era in Dreamcast JoJo history, as the Alessi push proved too intense to master.

This game gives you a firsthand experience of Alessi's true power, faithfully adapting JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Mackola's journey to become a pro JoJo's Bizarre Adventure player, fueled by Alessi's push, was legendary. He believed in its untapped potential, demonstrating how the ability to push an opponent at the speed of Mach left no room for counterplay. Alessi's push proved mightier than any stand, and the world was left to witness its relentless force.

However, the competitive scene was not ready for this level of power, and Mackola's attempt to reveal the truth behind Alessi's push was met with resistance. The tournament organizers couldn't handle the intensity, citing Mackola's supposed cheat device. But Mackola knew their true fears – they didn't want him to reveal Alessi's potential.

Undeterred, Mackola plotted his return to the scene, vowing to expose the world to Alessi's power. He organized a unique demonstration with fellow Alessi cosplayers, prepared to storm the competitive JoJo event. The goal was simple: to spread the truth about Alessi, no matter what it took. The world was about to learn the real power of Alessi.

In Alessi, the dream of a true JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Dreamcast champion was reborn. On October 27, 2023, the world will witness the unveiling of this unstoppable force, Alessi's push, forever changing the competitive landscape. Be there to witness the true power of Alessi; the world will finally be just. October 27, 2023 – history in the making.

Score: ∞/10
Pokémon Trading Card Game
Pokémon Trading Card Game
If I were to review the Pokémon Trading Card Game based solely on the fictional battles we've had so far, it would be an incredibly unique and chaotic experience. The battles have been a rollercoaster of absurdity, featuring a mix of characters from various franchises and realms. While this is far from the traditional Pokémon TCG experience, it's been an absolute blast.

The battles have been filled with unexpected twists, humorous dialogues, and strange card interactions. From an unwise version of myself wielding nerf bullets laced with ricin to Shawn Michaels and his mysterious sink scream, these battles have thrown everything at us. The addition of characters like Voodood, who speaks in incoherent sentences, and Don Muraco, the philosopher, added an extra layer of complexity and entertainment.

However, it's worth noting that these battles often deviated from the standard rules of the Pokémon TCG, and the outcomes were determined by wild and creative storytelling rather than strategic card play. This may not appeal to traditional TCG enthusiasts looking for a competitive and balanced experience.

In summary, if you're looking for a unique, offbeat, and utterly unpredictable card battle experience that defies all conventions, the Pokémon Trading Card Game, as experienced through these fictional battles, deserves a solid 8 out of 10. It may not be for everyone, but it's a wild ride you won't forget!
StarCraft: Brood War
StarCraft: Brood War
StarCraft: Brood War, a game etched in my childhood, was briefly revisited, revealing its strategic brilliance and iconic Zerg rush tactics. However, the restrictive rules on playtime prevented a more in-depth exploration. I call for a change in the selection process and a commitment to playing each game for at least one hour to add a new layer to the gaming experience. Breaking free from the constraints, I declare a MOO MOO revolution! The demand for a cow level in each game echoes the sentiment for a fresh and udderly unique gaming journey. Move over, Madman Mackola – it's a MOO MOO world now! 🐮 I hereby grant StarCraft: Brood War a hopeful 7.5 out of 10, anticipating fuller exploration in the future.
Bubsy 3D
Bubsy 3D
Bubsy 3D, a fever dream I might have played or watched, the lines blur. Was it a nightmare or just a fleeting hallucination? Tank controls in a 3D platformer, untextured platforms, and a soundtrack that descends into horror? It's as if the developers were playing a prank on gamers. Madman Mackola, if you had a hand in this, you've got some explaining to do. Or perhaps, it's best left buried in the annals of gaming history. 1/10 for the haunting memories that may or may not be real.
Dragon's Lair
Dragon's Lair
Dragon's Lair, a vintage piece from the crypt of arcade horrors. Imagine the agony of trial and error, akin to trying to comprehend the chaos of a Discord server with too many bots. The game's unique selling point? You get to experience a multitude of spectacular deaths in gorgeous animation. It's like playing a twisted version of "Choose Your Own Death Adventure." The controls are about as reliable as a $5 psychic reading. While some may revel in the nostalgia, it's more of a "look, but don't touch" affair. A generous 4/10 for the pain-soaked journey through Dragon's Lair.
Atari Video Cube
Atari Video Cube
I (👦16M) was at my friend's place, and we were trying out different games. We stumbled upon Atari Video Cube and decided to give it a go. As we were playing, I found myself getting really into it, and my friend commented that I was really good at it. I was having a great time and lost track of time.

Suddenly, my mom called and told me to come home because my aunt and uncle were visiting. I completely forgot to change out of my gaming gear and went home in my Atari Video Cube clothes. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but when I got home, my parents were furious. My mom pulled me aside and told me to change, calling me an embarrassment. I refused because I didn't see the problem. My dad even asked if I was obsessed with the game, which I denied, but he said I looked like I was. Then my mom grounded me. AITA? I feel like they're overreacting. I just really enjoy playing Atari Video Cube, and my friend thinks I'm good at it. That's all that matters to me.

Score: 8/10

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