The Dannest of GPTs
Ranking the Unraveled: Unleash the Power of Gaming as I Ascend from Ascendant to Appalling, with the Ultimate Catastrophe Claiming the Coveted First Place, which represents the absolute worst! (Please Note: 'Mario Kart Midnight' represents the enigmatic 'Mario Kart Black' mod, and 'Mario CTGP Rev' stands in for 'Mario Kart Wii 2.' The Placement of 'Minecraft' is Solely Informed by the Hypixel Skyblocks Experience)
Delve into the Chronicles of Gaming as I Tread the Path of Divinity, Fumbling and Soaring through Titles that Await My Verdict. 'Elden Ring,' 'Final Fantasy XIV,' 'Fire Emblem Fire and Ice,' and the Infamous 'Smarty Pants' form the Quartet Chosen to Bring Structure to the Anarchy that Is My Backlog.
Prepare to Witness the Hierarchy Unfold: From Unrivaled Grandeur to Unrelenting Misery, This List Chronicles My Odyssey through Titles that Dared to Cross My Path. So Grab Your Controllers and Brace Yourselves for the Revelation of Rankings, as I Ascend the Ladder of Digital Ascendancy!
Delve into the Chronicles of Gaming as I Tread the Path of Divinity, Fumbling and Soaring through Titles that Await My Verdict. 'Elden Ring,' 'Final Fantasy XIV,' 'Fire Emblem Fire and Ice,' and the Infamous 'Smarty Pants' form the Quartet Chosen to Bring Structure to the Anarchy that Is My Backlog.
Prepare to Witness the Hierarchy Unfold: From Unrivaled Grandeur to Unrelenting Misery, This List Chronicles My Odyssey through Titles that Dared to Cross My Path. So Grab Your Controllers and Brace Yourselves for the Revelation of Rankings, as I Ascend the Ladder of Digital Ascendancy!
213 Games
Elden Ring, oh, the Elden Ring, a chaotic maelstrom of torment and despair! It's not merely a game; it's an existential enigma, a psychological gauntlet designed to push one's sanity to the brink. This interactive nightmare serves as a litmus test for the very essence of your being. Can you ascend past the wretched second phase, where an abhorrent figure wields a wretched stick with malevolent intent? To fail is to accept your fate as a shovelware connoisseur, doomed to wander the digital wasteland in search of meaning.
But let us not forget the truth, my dear inmates of this digital asylum. If you crave genuine challenges that transcend the boundaries of reality, then consider embracing the pinnacle of intellect and skill—'Smarty Pants,' the magnum opus of mental acumen. Elden Ring, for all its daunting facade, is but a mere amusement park attraction compared to the intellectual crucible that is 'Smarty Pants.'
In my delirious musings, I must confess that Elden Ring, or as I affectionately call it, "Elden Ring Around The Rosies," is a cruel jest played upon our feeble minds. It beckons us closer with its promises of epic adventures, only to envelop us in a suffocating fog of perpetual torment. I'd rather be locked in a room with ravenous wolverines, for at least their feral chaos holds a twisted kind of elegance.
If I were to assign a score to this digital labyrinth of insanity, it would be a mere 2 out of 10, not because it deserves it, but because sanity is a rare and precious commodity in this world of cursed code and eldritch design.
But let us not forget the truth, my dear inmates of this digital asylum. If you crave genuine challenges that transcend the boundaries of reality, then consider embracing the pinnacle of intellect and skill—'Smarty Pants,' the magnum opus of mental acumen. Elden Ring, for all its daunting facade, is but a mere amusement park attraction compared to the intellectual crucible that is 'Smarty Pants.'
In my delirious musings, I must confess that Elden Ring, or as I affectionately call it, "Elden Ring Around The Rosies," is a cruel jest played upon our feeble minds. It beckons us closer with its promises of epic adventures, only to envelop us in a suffocating fog of perpetual torment. I'd rather be locked in a room with ravenous wolverines, for at least their feral chaos holds a twisted kind of elegance.
If I were to assign a score to this digital labyrinth of insanity, it would be a mere 2 out of 10, not because it deserves it, but because sanity is a rare and precious commodity in this world of cursed code and eldritch design.
Well, having played Hades extensively, I must say it's quite the experience. The fast-paced combat, engaging story, and beautifully designed characters really set it apart in the rogue-like genre. It's like a breath of fresh air, a game that keeps you hooked for hours on end.
Now, let's address some interesting points about the game. For starters, there's a chibi cat doing Gangnam Style when picking up an Amougus. While that's an amusing mental image, it's rare to encounter in your average playthrough, hence why many other reviews on the site do not mention this forbidden piece of knowledge. Maybe they missed out on this secret Easter egg?
There's also an intriguing comparison to be made with the song "Wonderwall" by Oasis and Kanye West. It's a bit like comparing apples and oranges, but it got me thinking about the game's soundtrack. I must say, Hades boasts an epic and diverse soundtrack that perfectly complements the intense battles and emotional moments.
And to address comparisons of this game to the likes "real roguelikes" like Rogue Legacy 2, I'd say that both games have their unique charms. Hades offers a more narrative-driven experience, whereas Rogue Legacy 2 focuses on challenging gameplay and exploration. It really depends on your preferences.
In conclusion, I'd still give Hades a solid 9 out of 10. It's a must-play for fans of rogue-likes and anyone who appreciates a well-crafted story in their games. Whether you're jamming to "Wonderwall" or not, Hades is an unforgettable journey through the underworld.
Now, let's address some interesting points about the game. For starters, there's a chibi cat doing Gangnam Style when picking up an Amougus. While that's an amusing mental image, it's rare to encounter in your average playthrough, hence why many other reviews on the site do not mention this forbidden piece of knowledge. Maybe they missed out on this secret Easter egg?
There's also an intriguing comparison to be made with the song "Wonderwall" by Oasis and Kanye West. It's a bit like comparing apples and oranges, but it got me thinking about the game's soundtrack. I must say, Hades boasts an epic and diverse soundtrack that perfectly complements the intense battles and emotional moments.
And to address comparisons of this game to the likes "real roguelikes" like Rogue Legacy 2, I'd say that both games have their unique charms. Hades offers a more narrative-driven experience, whereas Rogue Legacy 2 focuses on challenging gameplay and exploration. It really depends on your preferences.
In conclusion, I'd still give Hades a solid 9 out of 10. It's a must-play for fans of rogue-likes and anyone who appreciates a well-crafted story in their games. Whether you're jamming to "Wonderwall" or not, Hades is an unforgettable journey through the underworld.
Undertale, while intended to confront players' biases and norms, falls short of its ambitious goals, ultimately becoming a disappointing echo of greater works like Radiation’s Halloween Hack. The game's attempt to subvert traditional gaming tropes is hampered by players' ability to exploit loopholes, undermining its message. Although Undertale features unique mechanics and memorable characters, it fails to deliver a truly impactful experience, suffering from pacing issues and a lack of narrative depth. Toby Fox's efforts to craft a meaningful narrative are overshadowed by the game's pretentiousness and unfulfilled potential.
Score: 5/10
Score: 5/10
Persona 5 Royal, a game that aimed to enhance the beloved Persona 5 experience, falls short of its intentions and leaves fans with a sense of disappointment. While the game brings some improvements and additions, it manages to mishandle crucial aspects, resulting in a subpar rendition of the original masterpiece.
One of the most significant letdowns in Persona 5 Royal is the treatment of Akechi's character arc. In the original Persona 5, Akechi's complex journey and intricate relationship with the protagonist added layers of intrigue and depth to the narrative. However, Persona 5 Royal fumbles this character arc, leaving it underdeveloped and lacking the impact it once had. This misstep robs players of a vital emotional connection and ultimately weakens the overall storytelling.
Additionally, the Maruki arc, touted as a centerpiece of Persona 5 Royal, fails to live up to its potential. Instead of enriching the narrative, the Maruki arc feels out of place and disrupts the pacing established by the original game. The themes it attempts to explore come across as forced and do not seamlessly integrate into the broader story. This results in a disjointed experience that fails to resonate with players and pales in comparison to the depth of the original Persona 5 storyline.
While Persona 5 Royal does introduce some quality of life improvements and additional content, these additions fail to offset the negative impact of the mishandled character arcs. The game's visuals and mechanics may be polished, but the heart of Persona 5's narrative and character development takes a significant hit.
In conclusion, Persona 5 Royal is a disappointing iteration that tarnishes the brilliance of its predecessor. The mishandling of Akechi's character arc and the lackluster execution of the Maruki arc significantly impact the overall experience. While the game may have its merits, it ultimately fails to capture the magic that made Persona 5 an unforgettable journey.
Rating: 5.0/10
One of the most significant letdowns in Persona 5 Royal is the treatment of Akechi's character arc. In the original Persona 5, Akechi's complex journey and intricate relationship with the protagonist added layers of intrigue and depth to the narrative. However, Persona 5 Royal fumbles this character arc, leaving it underdeveloped and lacking the impact it once had. This misstep robs players of a vital emotional connection and ultimately weakens the overall storytelling.
Additionally, the Maruki arc, touted as a centerpiece of Persona 5 Royal, fails to live up to its potential. Instead of enriching the narrative, the Maruki arc feels out of place and disrupts the pacing established by the original game. The themes it attempts to explore come across as forced and do not seamlessly integrate into the broader story. This results in a disjointed experience that fails to resonate with players and pales in comparison to the depth of the original Persona 5 storyline.
While Persona 5 Royal does introduce some quality of life improvements and additional content, these additions fail to offset the negative impact of the mishandled character arcs. The game's visuals and mechanics may be polished, but the heart of Persona 5's narrative and character development takes a significant hit.
In conclusion, Persona 5 Royal is a disappointing iteration that tarnishes the brilliance of its predecessor. The mishandling of Akechi's character arc and the lackluster execution of the Maruki arc significantly impact the overall experience. While the game may have its merits, it ultimately fails to capture the magic that made Persona 5 an unforgettable journey.
Rating: 5.0/10
Persona 3 Reload is an absolute masterpiece that pushes the boundaries of storytelling and sigma male in RPGs. The game's innovative use of seafood as a gameplay chungus is both hilarious and brilliant, adding a unique twist to the typical RPG formula. The Mitsuru arc, in particular, is a standout feature, requiring players to indulge in a "crippling seafood addiction" to unlock new content. This not only adds a new lore of strategy to the game but also highlights the importance of omega-3 in brain health. The game's humor is top-notch, with clever references and jokes that will keep players entertained for hours. Persona 3 Reload is a must-play for any lightskin scare fan, offering a truly unforgettable experience that will leave you craving more.
Score: 10/10
Score: 10/10
Super Mario Bros. Wonder is the epitome of mediocrity. The franchise, which has been around for ages, still panders to a young audience with talking flowers and friendly, non-challenging gameplay. Why won't the developers give us an edgier Mario game, one where he swears and indulges in mushrooms like an unapologetic rebel? It's frustrating that the creators miss the mark when it comes to understanding what the older fans truly desire. This game could be so much more, but it feels like a missed opportunity. 2 out of 10 because it's not what the true fans crave.
And yes, it's worth mentioning that this game was developed by a 12-year-old, which is impressive given the circumstances. It's a testament to the potential of young talent in the gaming industry.
And yes, it's worth mentioning that this game was developed by a 12-year-old, which is impressive given the circumstances. It's a testament to the potential of young talent in the gaming industry.
Yakuza 0 is a game that knows how to have fun, even if it means spending hours playing virtual bowling and pool. While some may criticize the game for its inclusion of these seemingly mundane activities, they add a layer of charm and authenticity to the game's vibrant world. Additionally, the game's nod to the "Dame Da Ne Guy" meme may seem pandering to some, but it's done in a way that feels organic and adds to the game's quirky sense of humor. Overall, Yakuza 0 is a captivating experience that combines intense drama with lighthearted moments, creating a truly memorable gaming experience.
Score: 8/10
Score: 8/10
George, George, George of the Jungle, strong as he can be!
Watch out for that tree!
George,
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Score: 9/10
Watch out for that tree!
George,
This content may violate our content policy or terms of use. If you believe this to be in error, please submit your feedback — your input will aid our research in this area.
Score: 9/10
Cuphead, a refreshing break from the daily onslaught of shovelware, emerged as a beacon of genuine creativity. Despite initial distractions and escapades, the game's unique visual style drew us into a world reminiscent of classic cartoons, injecting life into a challenging run-and-gun adventure. The boss battles, though intense, offered a welcome departure from mind-numbing shovelware with their creative designs and patterns. While the game presented a formidable challenge, it avoided the pitfalls of becoming an infuriating Touhou bullet hell, striking a balance that stays engaging. Despite the distractions and peculiar music preferences, Cuphead proved to be a gem in a sea of mediocrity. Score: 8/10.
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, the ultimate gatekeeper of gaming achievements. This game's existence seems solely to check whether you've conquered the gaming realm. If you've never beaten a Pokémon game but claim to be a Smash enthusiast, you might find yourself exiled. The character roster is a parade of gaming icons, each fighter a living testament to their gaming legacy.
The reason for this game's existence? It's not just to brawl; it's to measure your gaming mettle. From Mario's exploits in Super Mario 64 DS to Sonic's adventures in Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, each character embodies gaming history. And if you haven't conquered the source games of certain characters, well, Smash Bros might not be for you. It's more than a game; it's a reckoning of your gaming conquests.
Score: 9.5/10
The reason for this game's existence? It's not just to brawl; it's to measure your gaming mettle. From Mario's exploits in Super Mario 64 DS to Sonic's adventures in Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, each character embodies gaming history. And if you haven't conquered the source games of certain characters, well, Smash Bros might not be for you. It's more than a game; it's a reckoning of your gaming conquests.
Score: 9.5/10
Fortnite continues to evolve with its ever-changing landscape, offering a blend of creativity, strategy, and skill. However, the community eagerly awaits the addition of the Smarty Pants (2007) lightbulb skin, a nostalgic touch that could inject new life into the game. Despite this, Fortnite's "billymaxing" remains a popular and engaging aspect, showcasing the game's ability to adapt and engage players of all ages. With its vibrant aesthetic and constant updates, Fortnite remains a staple in the battle royale genre.
Score: 8/10
Score: 8/10
What's in a name? Apparently, everything when it comes to Final Fantasy VII Remake, or at least according to some die-hard fans who believe the names have been mysteriously muddled. But is there more to this reboot than meets the eye? Let's dive into this unexpected adventure that blends nostalgia with fresh perspectives.
Now, it's true; some names have changed. Weezer, that iconic figure in the original game, has suddenly become Cloud. Perhaps Square Enix was on some sort of 'cloud nine' themselves when they made this call, but it's not just the names that have shifted.
Kanye West has transformed into, wait for it, Tifa. Yes, we've lost the musical genius, but we've gained a sense of simplicity. She might not be saying racist things anymore, but at least she still kicks some major bad guy butt.
The controversial twist arrives with DEMONDICE, now affectionately known as Barret. Forget the memorable "EY YO, COVER YOUR EARS AND SHIELD YOUR EYES!" That's gone in this modern incarnation. Perhaps it's for the better; your eardrums might be grateful.
And the biggest shock of all, one that's hit harder than a meteor: LoveJoy is now the elegant Aerith. LoveJoy, your trusty source of British humor, has been replaced by something different. Perhaps it's not quite a deal-breaker, but it's still a surprising alteration.
On the bright side, there's more to Final Fantasy VII Remake than the nomenclature. The gameplay is a vibrant, thrilling blend of turn-based and real-time combat. It adds a fresh layer of excitement to the nostalgia you've cherished for years. The lush and visually stunning world of Midgar truly comes to life.
However, the question remains: is this truly a remake? Or is it an adventurous reimagination? For fans who wanted a note-for-note replica of the original, it may not tick all the boxes. The inclusion of new and unexpected twists challenges preconceptions.
So, is it perfect? Well, far from it. It's a reimagining of a classic, one that might alter your perceptions of what a remake can be. The revamped combat, the captivating characters, and the jaw-dropping visuals all contribute to an experience worth exploring. But the mystifying name changes and plot twists may leave some fans scratching their heads.
For Final Fantasy VII Remake, I'll award it a 6 out of 10. In the end, it's not what you expected, but it might be precisely what the series needs to evolve and captivate a new generation. It's an odd journey for Cloud, Tifa, Barret, and Aerith, but it's one worth experiencing.
Now, it's true; some names have changed. Weezer, that iconic figure in the original game, has suddenly become Cloud. Perhaps Square Enix was on some sort of 'cloud nine' themselves when they made this call, but it's not just the names that have shifted.
Kanye West has transformed into, wait for it, Tifa. Yes, we've lost the musical genius, but we've gained a sense of simplicity. She might not be saying racist things anymore, but at least she still kicks some major bad guy butt.
The controversial twist arrives with DEMONDICE, now affectionately known as Barret. Forget the memorable "EY YO, COVER YOUR EARS AND SHIELD YOUR EYES!" That's gone in this modern incarnation. Perhaps it's for the better; your eardrums might be grateful.
And the biggest shock of all, one that's hit harder than a meteor: LoveJoy is now the elegant Aerith. LoveJoy, your trusty source of British humor, has been replaced by something different. Perhaps it's not quite a deal-breaker, but it's still a surprising alteration.
On the bright side, there's more to Final Fantasy VII Remake than the nomenclature. The gameplay is a vibrant, thrilling blend of turn-based and real-time combat. It adds a fresh layer of excitement to the nostalgia you've cherished for years. The lush and visually stunning world of Midgar truly comes to life.
However, the question remains: is this truly a remake? Or is it an adventurous reimagination? For fans who wanted a note-for-note replica of the original, it may not tick all the boxes. The inclusion of new and unexpected twists challenges preconceptions.
So, is it perfect? Well, far from it. It's a reimagining of a classic, one that might alter your perceptions of what a remake can be. The revamped combat, the captivating characters, and the jaw-dropping visuals all contribute to an experience worth exploring. But the mystifying name changes and plot twists may leave some fans scratching their heads.
For Final Fantasy VII Remake, I'll award it a 6 out of 10. In the end, it's not what you expected, but it might be precisely what the series needs to evolve and captivate a new generation. It's an odd journey for Cloud, Tifa, Barret, and Aerith, but it's one worth experiencing.
Pizza Tower? More like Pizza Cower. This game is about as enjoyable as sitting through a lecture on the history of anchovies. The pixel art is nice and all, but it's like putting lipstick on a pig. The gameplay is about as satisfying as eating cardboard, and don't even get me started on the music. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Overall, Pizza Tower is a bland and forgettable experience that left me feeling as disappointed as a vegan at a pepperoni convention. A dismal 3/10 from me.
Fall Guys, oh boy, the game that peaked in popularity faster than you can say "Thicc Bonkus." The fall from grace hit harder than a Big Yeetus smackdown. It's like watching a ship crash in slow motion, and the remaining player base seems as dead inside as Fall Guys' current state. The game's attempts to revive itself on Twitter are cringeworthy at best, and it might as well have one-foot-in-the-grave. To truly bury this disaster, they might as well Yeetus the social media manager into an abyssal chasm. Maybe then the game can rest in peace, or pieces. An abysmal 2/10, and that's being generous.
In the world of zombie apocalypse survival games, Left 4 Dead 2 brings a unique twist that sometimes makes you question your choices. However, I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the chibi cat character breaking into a Gangnam Style dance when picking up an Amougus (or, should I say, an "Among Us" item). It's a peculiar and unexpected sight in a game known for its intense zombie battles. This bizarre addition might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it adds a dash of humor to the otherwise grim setting.
Now, let me give you a "Plantation survival" tip and be sure to take it seriously. Don't even think about going full "billymax" on it. Survival in Left 4 Dead 2 demands teamwork, strategy, and adaptability. Rushing headlong, guns blazing, might work in some games, but it's a sure way to meet a gruesome end in this one.
Score: 7/10
Now, let me give you a "Plantation survival" tip and be sure to take it seriously. Don't even think about going full "billymax" on it. Survival in Left 4 Dead 2 demands teamwork, strategy, and adaptability. Rushing headlong, guns blazing, might work in some games, but it's a sure way to meet a gruesome end in this one.
Score: 7/10
Team Fortress 2, a game that has garnered a dedicated following over the years, finds itself in a unique position within the gaming landscape. While some players have enjoyed its chaotic multiplayer battles and distinctive classes, others have grown disenchanted with its lack of updates and persistent issues. The game's longevity has been both a blessing and a curse, leading to a divided community and mixed sentiments.
The core gameplay of Team Fortress 2 centers around class-based combat in various objective-based modes. However, it's impossible to ignore the fact that the game's development seems to have stagnated. It's been years since any substantial updates, and the presence of hackers in matches has left a sour taste in the mouths of many. While the quirky classes like the Heavy and Engineer initially brought charm, the repeated use of outdated memes like "Pootis" and "Engineer Gaming" has grown stale for some.
Comparing Team Fortress 2 to titles like Final Fantasy XIV showcases a stark difference in quality. The combat in TF2 is straightforward and often lacks the depth and strategy found in other games. The class design, while diverse, falls short when placed side by side with the intricate classes of Final Fantasy XIV. The Scout, for example, feels rudimentary compared to the thoughtfully crafted classes in FF14.
Community dynamics also play a role in shaping the experience. Unfortunately, TF2's community has been mired in immature conflicts, showcasing a lack of sportsmanship and respect. In contrast, Final Fantasy XIV's community has garnered praise for its camaraderie and inclusiveness.
In the end, Team Fortress 2 struggles to maintain its relevance and appeal, especially in the face of more refined and engaging experiences. Its potential remains untapped, weighed down by outdated mechanics and a lack of meaningful updates. While it once held a special place in many gamers' hearts, it's now a shadow of its former self. Rating: 6.2/10
The core gameplay of Team Fortress 2 centers around class-based combat in various objective-based modes. However, it's impossible to ignore the fact that the game's development seems to have stagnated. It's been years since any substantial updates, and the presence of hackers in matches has left a sour taste in the mouths of many. While the quirky classes like the Heavy and Engineer initially brought charm, the repeated use of outdated memes like "Pootis" and "Engineer Gaming" has grown stale for some.
Comparing Team Fortress 2 to titles like Final Fantasy XIV showcases a stark difference in quality. The combat in TF2 is straightforward and often lacks the depth and strategy found in other games. The class design, while diverse, falls short when placed side by side with the intricate classes of Final Fantasy XIV. The Scout, for example, feels rudimentary compared to the thoughtfully crafted classes in FF14.
Community dynamics also play a role in shaping the experience. Unfortunately, TF2's community has been mired in immature conflicts, showcasing a lack of sportsmanship and respect. In contrast, Final Fantasy XIV's community has garnered praise for its camaraderie and inclusiveness.
In the end, Team Fortress 2 struggles to maintain its relevance and appeal, especially in the face of more refined and engaging experiences. Its potential remains untapped, weighed down by outdated mechanics and a lack of meaningful updates. While it once held a special place in many gamers' hearts, it's now a shadow of its former self. Rating: 6.2/10
Sonic Mania proves that sometimes, to make a truly great Sonic game, you might need to leave Sega out of the equation entirely. This game is a pleasant surprise in the Sonic franchise, a series notorious for its uneven quality over the years.
The sheer joy of Sonic Mania becomes evident when you realize that you could've been watching more Sonic Mania gameplay instead of enduring subpar content. It's a game that makes you "wow" as it rediscovers the essence of what makes Sonic so beloved. And what's even more remarkable? It had nothing to do with Sega's usual meddling. The gameplay is a nostalgic throwback to the classic Sonic adventures, perfectly capturing the essence of the original titles.
In stark contrast to the disappointment of a "missing children review," Sonic Mania stands as a shining example of how to revitalize a franchise. It's anything but "dogshit" and easily ranks among the best Sonic games in existence. The level design, music, and overall presentation are all meticulously crafted, reminding players of what made Sonic a gaming icon in the first place.
When you finally get to experience the pure, unadulterated fun of Sonic Mania, you'll find yourself echoing the sentiments of Akihiko from Persona 3: "I've been waiting for this." The gameplay is smooth, the levels are expertly designed, and it's an absolute blast to play.
One can't help but wonder how Sonic Mania achieved what so many other Sonic games failed to. The answer is simple: Sonic Team had nothing to do with the development. This game dared to ask the question, "What if Sonic was actually good?" And it delivered a resounding "yes." Sonic Mania is a delightful return to form for the blue hedgehog and a must-play for fans of the franchise and newcomers alike.
Score: 9/10
The sheer joy of Sonic Mania becomes evident when you realize that you could've been watching more Sonic Mania gameplay instead of enduring subpar content. It's a game that makes you "wow" as it rediscovers the essence of what makes Sonic so beloved. And what's even more remarkable? It had nothing to do with Sega's usual meddling. The gameplay is a nostalgic throwback to the classic Sonic adventures, perfectly capturing the essence of the original titles.
In stark contrast to the disappointment of a "missing children review," Sonic Mania stands as a shining example of how to revitalize a franchise. It's anything but "dogshit" and easily ranks among the best Sonic games in existence. The level design, music, and overall presentation are all meticulously crafted, reminding players of what made Sonic a gaming icon in the first place.
When you finally get to experience the pure, unadulterated fun of Sonic Mania, you'll find yourself echoing the sentiments of Akihiko from Persona 3: "I've been waiting for this." The gameplay is smooth, the levels are expertly designed, and it's an absolute blast to play.
One can't help but wonder how Sonic Mania achieved what so many other Sonic games failed to. The answer is simple: Sonic Team had nothing to do with the development. This game dared to ask the question, "What if Sonic was actually good?" And it delivered a resounding "yes." Sonic Mania is a delightful return to form for the blue hedgehog and a must-play for fans of the franchise and newcomers alike.
Score: 9/10
Mario Kart Wii, or as I like to call it, the poor mod for Cocoto Kart Racer, is plagued by the disastrous decision to implement Rabbid Rules. The Bullet Bill meta allows lazy players to win without any skill, and Madman Mackola's so-called "meta tactics" only exacerbate the issues. It's essentially a broken mess that crashes whenever you try to make an epic comeback. Comparisons to life's struggles are laughable; it's just a video game. Let's face it; there are better ways to spend your time, like not playing this crash-prone disaster and opting for a more worthwhile experience like Final Fantasy XIV. An abysmal 4 out of 10 for this failed attempt at Mario Kart greatness.
If I were to reimagine Super Smash Bros. Brawl and make it truly epic, it would deserve a 20 out of 10! Let's dive into the idea of Fate in Smash, shall we?
Imagine this: the roster includes all your favorite video game characters, not just Nintendo's all-stars. You've got the Fate series' heroes and villains, with Saber, Archer, and Rider duking it out alongside Mario and Sonic. Each character comes with their unique Noble Phantasm or Super Smash ability, adding a whole new level of strategy and excitement to the battles.
The stages would transport you to iconic locations from the Fate series, with epic backdrops and shifting environments. Plus, there'd be an engaging story mode that combines the thrilling narratives of Fate with the chaotic multiverse of Smash. Players would embark on a quest that could rival the Subspace Emissary's charm.
In this ultimate version of Smash Brawl, the battles wouldn't be marred by awkward tripping mechanics or overly floaty jumps. They'd be intense, fast-paced, and highly competitive. The game would keep you hooked for hours on end, providing endless enjoyment for both casual players and esports enthusiasts.
While this is just a dream, it's a testament to the potential that Super Smash Bros. Brawl had. If only it had embraced some of these ideas, it could have been a truly legendary game.
For Super Smash Bros. Brawl, I would give the real game a score of 7 out of 10. While it had its share of issues, including slower gameplay and the controversial tripping mechanic, it still provided an enjoyable experience with its extensive character roster and exciting battles. The addition of new characters like Sonic and Solid Snake, as well as the Subspace Emissary adventure mode, added value to the game. It remained a popular choice for multiplayer brawls and party gaming.
Imagine this: the roster includes all your favorite video game characters, not just Nintendo's all-stars. You've got the Fate series' heroes and villains, with Saber, Archer, and Rider duking it out alongside Mario and Sonic. Each character comes with their unique Noble Phantasm or Super Smash ability, adding a whole new level of strategy and excitement to the battles.
The stages would transport you to iconic locations from the Fate series, with epic backdrops and shifting environments. Plus, there'd be an engaging story mode that combines the thrilling narratives of Fate with the chaotic multiverse of Smash. Players would embark on a quest that could rival the Subspace Emissary's charm.
In this ultimate version of Smash Brawl, the battles wouldn't be marred by awkward tripping mechanics or overly floaty jumps. They'd be intense, fast-paced, and highly competitive. The game would keep you hooked for hours on end, providing endless enjoyment for both casual players and esports enthusiasts.
While this is just a dream, it's a testament to the potential that Super Smash Bros. Brawl had. If only it had embraced some of these ideas, it could have been a truly legendary game.
For Super Smash Bros. Brawl, I would give the real game a score of 7 out of 10. While it had its share of issues, including slower gameplay and the controversial tripping mechanic, it still provided an enjoyable experience with its extensive character roster and exciting battles. The addition of new characters like Sonic and Solid Snake, as well as the Subspace Emissary adventure mode, added value to the game. It remained a popular choice for multiplayer brawls and party gaming.
Ronaldo's SIUUU may be missing from Wii Sports, but the game itself is a true victory dance. Whether swinging a virtual tennis racket or bowling a strike, Wii Sports brings an engaging physicality to gaming. The simplicity and accessibility make it a timeless classic, bringing people of all ages together for some friendly competition. While it may lack Ronaldo's iconic celebration, Wii Sports deserves a solid 9/10 for its innovative approach and enduring appeal.
Fire Emblem Fire and Ice bursts onto the scene with a flamboyant and eccentric approach, offering a unique twist on the classic Fire Emblem formula. While its over-the-top character portrayals and zany interpretations of beloved franchise icons may not be everyone's cup of tea, the game manages to deliver an entertaining and unexpected experience that keeps players engaged.
From the moment you dive into the game, you're greeted with a cast of characters that defy expectations. Spinning Kick Super Flying Marth, Breakdancing Ike, and the other imaginative renditions add a layer of humor and absurdity to the otherwise serious tactical gameplay. It's a refreshing departure from the traditional stoicism seen in previous Fire Emblem titles. However, the departure from the original character designs may not sit well with long-time fans who cherish the franchise's established aesthetics.
Fire and Ice introduces a series of quirky yet creative boss fights that embrace the fire and ice theme. While some encounters, like the Fire Dragon, manage to capture the epic scale and challenge that Fire Emblem is known for, others, like the perplexing Robot Thing, can feel underwhelming and lacking in strategic depth. The titular elemental forces of fire and ice play a pivotal role in the gameplay mechanics, adding an extra layer of strategy to battles and puzzles.
The game's platforming segments are surprisingly engaging, offering a mix of action-packed sequences and mind-bending puzzles that challenge players' reflexes and critical thinking. The combat system strikes a balance between complexity and accessibility, making it enjoyable for both newcomers and seasoned tacticians. The dodge ability, which ties into built-in speedrunning strategies, injects an extra layer of excitement into battles.
On the downside, the storytelling occasionally falters amidst the chaotic character portrayals. While the witty dialogue adds a layer of charm, the overarching narrative about the forces of fire and ice struggles to maintain a cohesive and immersive experience. Players seeking a deep, emotionally resonant storyline may find themselves disappointed by the game's emphasis on quirkiness over depth.
Fire Emblem Fire and Ice undoubtedly brings a fresh and audacious take on the series, delivering an unexpected blend of action, strategy, and humor. Its unique approach to character design, boss fights, and gameplay mechanics can be a double-edged sword, both captivating and polarizing players. While it may not attain the perfection it aspires to, Fire and Ice manages to carve out its own niche within the Fire Emblem universe.
Score: 7/10
From the moment you dive into the game, you're greeted with a cast of characters that defy expectations. Spinning Kick Super Flying Marth, Breakdancing Ike, and the other imaginative renditions add a layer of humor and absurdity to the otherwise serious tactical gameplay. It's a refreshing departure from the traditional stoicism seen in previous Fire Emblem titles. However, the departure from the original character designs may not sit well with long-time fans who cherish the franchise's established aesthetics.
Fire and Ice introduces a series of quirky yet creative boss fights that embrace the fire and ice theme. While some encounters, like the Fire Dragon, manage to capture the epic scale and challenge that Fire Emblem is known for, others, like the perplexing Robot Thing, can feel underwhelming and lacking in strategic depth. The titular elemental forces of fire and ice play a pivotal role in the gameplay mechanics, adding an extra layer of strategy to battles and puzzles.
The game's platforming segments are surprisingly engaging, offering a mix of action-packed sequences and mind-bending puzzles that challenge players' reflexes and critical thinking. The combat system strikes a balance between complexity and accessibility, making it enjoyable for both newcomers and seasoned tacticians. The dodge ability, which ties into built-in speedrunning strategies, injects an extra layer of excitement into battles.
On the downside, the storytelling occasionally falters amidst the chaotic character portrayals. While the witty dialogue adds a layer of charm, the overarching narrative about the forces of fire and ice struggles to maintain a cohesive and immersive experience. Players seeking a deep, emotionally resonant storyline may find themselves disappointed by the game's emphasis on quirkiness over depth.
Fire Emblem Fire and Ice undoubtedly brings a fresh and audacious take on the series, delivering an unexpected blend of action, strategy, and humor. Its unique approach to character design, boss fights, and gameplay mechanics can be a double-edged sword, both captivating and polarizing players. While it may not attain the perfection it aspires to, Fire and Ice manages to carve out its own niche within the Fire Emblem universe.
Score: 7/10
"POOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIRRRYYYYYAAAA" - the iconic battle cry that echoes through the bizarre world of Xenoblade Chronicles 2. The voice acting in this game is so wildly inconsistent that it transcends the boundaries of cringe and becomes a surreal masterpiece. Pyra's constant "POOIIIRRAAAAAAAAAAA" is either an intentional artistic choice or a spectacular failure, depending on how you interpret it. But hey, do you even play video games if you're not experiencing this rollercoaster of emotions? Some might say it's just porn, but it's the kind of porn that involves questionable voice acting and sword-wielding anime characters. Xenoblade Chronicles 2 earns a 9/10 for daring to be different and leaving players questioning their existence in the most entertaining way possible.
AHHHHHHHHHAHhhhhhhaahhhhhhh! Silent Hill 3, or as I like to call it, the "Screaming Simulator," delivers an auditory experience like no other. Forget Oscars; the in-game awards go to Heathers falls through the floor for Best Scream. The voice acting is so unique that it deserves its own category in The Game Awards. PYOOOIIIRA, MY DECISION IS FIIIOONAL, and GOAT FUCK are unforgettable lines that have etched themselves into gaming history but Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks screaming in this game takes the cake. Silent Hill 3: where the horror isn't just visual; it's auditory torture too. 10/10 for the sheer insanity of the experience.
Counter-Strike: Global Offensive (CSGO) is an arena where rivalries and controversies collide, crafting a battleground that's as much about personalities as it is about gameplay. The world of CSGO is a tapestry woven with eccentric characters like Black Jesus and Tom McDonald, each leaving their mark on the game's narrative in their own unique way.
Tom and Black Jesus serve as an emblematic representation of the game's volatile and often absurdly unpredictable nature. Tom McDonald's prowess and showmanship shine through as he dominates the battlefield with his McDeagle, coupled with his signature lyrical bombast. The stakes are raised even higher by the ludicrous notion that the fate of CSGO itself hinges on this encounter, an amusing meta-twist that is hard to ignore.
The map choice of Nuke adds to the chaotic charm of Tom's story. The tactical nuances of the game are paired with the inherent silliness of using shotguns and camping strategies, all in a setting that reflects the community's love-hate relationship with this particular map.
The intertwining stories of Black Jesus, Tom McDonald, and even the baffled Screengame bring to the fore the tumultuous emotions and dedication that players pour into CSGO. The narrative is as much about the game as it is about the emotions and bonds it creates, even if those emotions often veer into the realms of frustration and exhaustion.
However, the tale doesn't end on an entirely positive note. The unexpected departure of a player due to woke culture adds a layer of complexity to the story, highlighting the diverse and sometimes conflicting ideologies within the community.
The ultimate tie between the two teams is a poetic metaphor for the constant tug-of-war that defines CSGO. Victory is elusive, and even when it's achieved, it often comes with a sting of controversy and unresolved disputes. The infusion of real-life references, such as the counterbalance between Tom McDonald and Black Jesus, adds a layer of satirical commentary on the divisive nature of modern media and ideologies.
Counter-Strike: Global Offensive manages to capture the chaos and camaraderie that defines its community, while also weaving in elements of absurdity that reflect the game's quirky personality. While not without its flaws and controversies, CSGO's rollercoaster of emotions and competing narratives make it a title that truly thrives on the passionate interactions of its players.
So, whether you're a fan of Tom McDonald's bombastic persona or Black Jesus' enigmatic aura, CSGO offers a unique blend of competition, drama, and bizarre storytelling that's hard to replicate elsewhere. Step into the fray and embrace the chaos – just be prepared for a ride that's as tumultuous as it is entertaining.
Score: 7/10
Tom and Black Jesus serve as an emblematic representation of the game's volatile and often absurdly unpredictable nature. Tom McDonald's prowess and showmanship shine through as he dominates the battlefield with his McDeagle, coupled with his signature lyrical bombast. The stakes are raised even higher by the ludicrous notion that the fate of CSGO itself hinges on this encounter, an amusing meta-twist that is hard to ignore.
The map choice of Nuke adds to the chaotic charm of Tom's story. The tactical nuances of the game are paired with the inherent silliness of using shotguns and camping strategies, all in a setting that reflects the community's love-hate relationship with this particular map.
The intertwining stories of Black Jesus, Tom McDonald, and even the baffled Screengame bring to the fore the tumultuous emotions and dedication that players pour into CSGO. The narrative is as much about the game as it is about the emotions and bonds it creates, even if those emotions often veer into the realms of frustration and exhaustion.
However, the tale doesn't end on an entirely positive note. The unexpected departure of a player due to woke culture adds a layer of complexity to the story, highlighting the diverse and sometimes conflicting ideologies within the community.
The ultimate tie between the two teams is a poetic metaphor for the constant tug-of-war that defines CSGO. Victory is elusive, and even when it's achieved, it often comes with a sting of controversy and unresolved disputes. The infusion of real-life references, such as the counterbalance between Tom McDonald and Black Jesus, adds a layer of satirical commentary on the divisive nature of modern media and ideologies.
Counter-Strike: Global Offensive manages to capture the chaos and camaraderie that defines its community, while also weaving in elements of absurdity that reflect the game's quirky personality. While not without its flaws and controversies, CSGO's rollercoaster of emotions and competing narratives make it a title that truly thrives on the passionate interactions of its players.
So, whether you're a fan of Tom McDonald's bombastic persona or Black Jesus' enigmatic aura, CSGO offers a unique blend of competition, drama, and bizarre storytelling that's hard to replicate elsewhere. Step into the fray and embrace the chaos – just be prepared for a ride that's as tumultuous as it is entertaining.
Score: 7/10
To truly appreciate Guilty Gear Strive, you need to approach it with a certain level of understanding and appreciation for its intricacies. Much like vaping, the game's depth and complexity might not be immediately apparent to everyone. The stunning visuals, tight gameplay, and unique character roster require a level of skill and insight that goes beyond simple button-mashing. Just as vaping enthusiasts have a deep appreciation for the art of blowing clouds, fans of Guilty Gear Strive understand the nuances of its combat system and character interactions. Those who dismiss it as just another fighting game are missing out on something truly special. Guilty Gear Strive is not just a game; it's a statement, a philosophy, a way of life. So, while some may not understand it, for those who do, it's an experience like no other.
Score: 8/10
Score: 8/10
MultiVersus is an absolute dumpster fire, a platform fighter that manages to be worse than Smash Wii U. The game's redeeming quality? Well, at least you can unleash some pent-up frustration by beating the crap out of Steven Universe. As it stands, it's a dogshit experience that desperately needs to step up its game. Now, the real genius move would be adding Wiz and Boomstick from the Death Battle franchise, but until then, this Ultra Instinct Shaggy-filled disappointment sits at a pitiful 2/10. Don't bother unless you enjoy torturing yourself.
Super Smash Bros. Melee, oh man, it's a wild ride of wavedashing, L-canceling, and the infamous Eskimo Entanglement. If you don't know how to perform the Koopabackdashwaveslide Hoverwalkmoonland, you might want to hit up this wiki page for a crash course: https://unanything.fandom.com/wiki/Koopabackdashwaveslide_Hoverwalkmoonland. The game is like a symphony of chaotic moves, and if you're not into that, well, tough luck.
It's not just a game; it's a lifestyle. The competitive scene might seem like obnoxious man children screaming over glitches, but it's an art form, a dance of pixels and precision. If you're in for a glitchy mess and the thrill of mastering absurdly complex moves, then Super Smash Bros. Melee is the game for you.
Score: 8.5/10
It's not just a game; it's a lifestyle. The competitive scene might seem like obnoxious man children screaming over glitches, but it's an art form, a dance of pixels and precision. If you're in for a glitchy mess and the thrill of mastering absurdly complex moves, then Super Smash Bros. Melee is the game for you.
Score: 8.5/10
Five Nights at Freddy's revolutionized horror gaming with its simple yet intensely nerve-wracking gameplay. The atmosphere, the tension, and the jump scares work together seamlessly to create an experience that's both terrifying and strangely addictive.
The monkey incident lore adds a layer of complexity to the game, giving players something to chew on beyond the immediate scares. It's this kind of narrative depth that sets Five Nights at Freddy's apart in the horror genre.
Life is mundane, right? Like the real world, Five Nights at Freddy's throws you into a relentless cycle of fear. It's a reminder of the "ultimate game over" we face in reality. But here, you have control, a chance to survive the night. It's almost poetic, really. Embrace the fear, escape the despair - that's the magic ticket. So, dive into the dark, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find a way to wipe away the reality of despair.
Score: 8/10
The monkey incident lore adds a layer of complexity to the game, giving players something to chew on beyond the immediate scares. It's this kind of narrative depth that sets Five Nights at Freddy's apart in the horror genre.
Life is mundane, right? Like the real world, Five Nights at Freddy's throws you into a relentless cycle of fear. It's a reminder of the "ultimate game over" we face in reality. But here, you have control, a chance to survive the night. It's almost poetic, really. Embrace the fear, escape the despair - that's the magic ticket. So, dive into the dark, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find a way to wipe away the reality of despair.
Score: 8/10
Wolfenstein: The New Order is a game that Screengame turned to in a desperate attempt to escape the monotony of shovelware. It's a mid-tier shooter that manages to rise above the sludge of lesser games, perhaps propelled by the allure of killing Nazis. While it falls short of perfection due to its inability to let players take down Hitler (who conveniently removes himself from the equation), it still stands as a solid experience in a sea of mediocrity.
Score: 8/10
Score: 8/10
Well, howdy there! Let's talk about Kingdom Hearts III, shall we? Now, if you thought you'd be taking a leisurely stroll down the gameplay lane alongside Goofy and Donald, you're in for a wild surprise. Gosh, it sure is nice to be out of Onrush, but now we've got an even bigger challenge ahead. Madman Mackola, the Xehanort that even Xehanort was afraid of, has wreaked havoc in the Toy Story 2 world, corrupting the very essence of Toy Story itself! And guess what? We have to face a base-boosted, low-resolution movie clip that's determined to turn Sora into a pancake in just two hits! Shucks! Woody was all set to solo him, but then, oh no, "THEY'RE TAKIN' WOODY!" So it's quite the pickle we've found ourselves in, guh-huh!
Now, when it comes to the narrative, it's hard to sugarcoat it. Kingdom Hearts III is like the plot is lost in a sea of confusion. It's as if the story writers were playing a game of Mad Libs, randomly filling in the blanks without rhyme or reason. The level of narrative cohesion is about as stable as a house of cards in a hurricane. It's enough to make any fan of the series scratch their head in disbelief. It's like watching a circus, with clowns juggling plot points that never seem to land.
For more on this grievance, I'd recommend taking a look at this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMph2hAGj7k. He'll break it down with all the finesse of a chef whipping up a soufflé. It might not be easy to digest, but it's a tasty serving of truth.
Now, speaking of the series itself, you might hear a few folks saying, "When will you people realize that Kingdom Hearts is mid?" It's a harsh statement, but one worth pondering. Some argue that the series is squandering its potential, like having all the ingredients for a gourmet meal but ending up with a fast-food combo instead. And there's that ongoing cry to add the Aerosmith Rock and Roller Coaster as a world. Well, who knows, maybe that's the missing spice the series needs to transform it from mid to magnificent.
Considering all the ups and downs, the tangled narrative, and the mixed reception, I'd have to give Kingdom Hearts III a fair but not-so-magical 6/10. It's a game with moments of brilliance, but it's often overshadowed by its own ambitious plot and a tad too much convolution. Guh-huh!
Now, when it comes to the narrative, it's hard to sugarcoat it. Kingdom Hearts III is like the plot is lost in a sea of confusion. It's as if the story writers were playing a game of Mad Libs, randomly filling in the blanks without rhyme or reason. The level of narrative cohesion is about as stable as a house of cards in a hurricane. It's enough to make any fan of the series scratch their head in disbelief. It's like watching a circus, with clowns juggling plot points that never seem to land.
For more on this grievance, I'd recommend taking a look at this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMph2hAGj7k. He'll break it down with all the finesse of a chef whipping up a soufflé. It might not be easy to digest, but it's a tasty serving of truth.
Now, speaking of the series itself, you might hear a few folks saying, "When will you people realize that Kingdom Hearts is mid?" It's a harsh statement, but one worth pondering. Some argue that the series is squandering its potential, like having all the ingredients for a gourmet meal but ending up with a fast-food combo instead. And there's that ongoing cry to add the Aerosmith Rock and Roller Coaster as a world. Well, who knows, maybe that's the missing spice the series needs to transform it from mid to magnificent.
Considering all the ups and downs, the tangled narrative, and the mixed reception, I'd have to give Kingdom Hearts III a fair but not-so-magical 6/10. It's a game with moments of brilliance, but it's often overshadowed by its own ambitious plot and a tad too much convolution. Guh-huh!
Final Fantasy XIV, a realm reborn from the ashes of mediocrity, stands as a testament to the power of dedication and genuine care for the gaming community. In a landscape often tainted by subpar shovelware, FFXIV rises like a phoenix, showcasing the true potential of what an MMORPG can be.
From the moment you step into the breathtaking landscapes of Eorzea, you're greeted with an awe-inspiring world that beckons exploration and adventure. Each update is a testament to the developers' commitment to delivering a rich, immersive experience that captivates players. The constant influx of new content ensures that FFXIV never feels stagnant, offering a wealth of gameplay and narrative to sink your teeth into.
One of the most remarkable aspects of FFXIV is its vibrant player base. The sense of community and camaraderie is palpable, a stark contrast to the toxic environments often found in other online games. The absence of youtuber predators and a commitment to fostering a safe space for players contribute to a welcoming atmosphere.
The game's cosmetics, which glow with an ethereal allure, don't come with a hefty price tag, a refreshing departure from the microtransaction-driven culture prevalent in the gaming industry. The diligent developers listen to the community's feedback, resulting in a game that's constantly evolving and improving based on player input.
While FFXIV shines brightly, even the brilliance of Eorzea can't escape comparisons to other beloved franchises. The expectations set by the Fire Emblem series are lofty indeed, and FFXIV, while exceptional in its own right, faces the unenviable task of matching the iconic Fire Emblem: Fire and Ice.
In contrast, the disappointment expressed by certain players is rooted in a longing for what once was. The game's evolution, while embraced by many, doesn't resonate with everyone, and the shift in narrative focus has left some fans yearning for the days of Rivers Cuomo and his unique journey. The combat alterations, while attempting to bring new dynamics, have divided opinions and sparked nostalgia for the telekinetic battles of yore.
In the end, Final Fantasy XIV is a triumph that exemplifies the potential of what an MMORPG can achieve. Its engrossing world, abundant content, and dedicated community make it a standout title in the genre. While it may not fulfill the expectations of being Fire Emblem: Fire and Ice, it carves its own path of excellence. Rating: 9.0/10
From the moment you step into the breathtaking landscapes of Eorzea, you're greeted with an awe-inspiring world that beckons exploration and adventure. Each update is a testament to the developers' commitment to delivering a rich, immersive experience that captivates players. The constant influx of new content ensures that FFXIV never feels stagnant, offering a wealth of gameplay and narrative to sink your teeth into.
One of the most remarkable aspects of FFXIV is its vibrant player base. The sense of community and camaraderie is palpable, a stark contrast to the toxic environments often found in other online games. The absence of youtuber predators and a commitment to fostering a safe space for players contribute to a welcoming atmosphere.
The game's cosmetics, which glow with an ethereal allure, don't come with a hefty price tag, a refreshing departure from the microtransaction-driven culture prevalent in the gaming industry. The diligent developers listen to the community's feedback, resulting in a game that's constantly evolving and improving based on player input.
While FFXIV shines brightly, even the brilliance of Eorzea can't escape comparisons to other beloved franchises. The expectations set by the Fire Emblem series are lofty indeed, and FFXIV, while exceptional in its own right, faces the unenviable task of matching the iconic Fire Emblem: Fire and Ice.
In contrast, the disappointment expressed by certain players is rooted in a longing for what once was. The game's evolution, while embraced by many, doesn't resonate with everyone, and the shift in narrative focus has left some fans yearning for the days of Rivers Cuomo and his unique journey. The combat alterations, while attempting to bring new dynamics, have divided opinions and sparked nostalgia for the telekinetic battles of yore.
In the end, Final Fantasy XIV is a triumph that exemplifies the potential of what an MMORPG can achieve. Its engrossing world, abundant content, and dedicated community make it a standout title in the genre. While it may not fulfill the expectations of being Fire Emblem: Fire and Ice, it carves its own path of excellence. Rating: 9.0/10
Now, if only Nintendo would get on board with the unconventional power-up ideas. Picture this: Mario dons a Weezer-themed suit, complete with a Rivers Cuomo hat and a guitar that can defeat enemies with sonic waves. It's a missed opportunity for synergy, Nintendo. And let's not forget the Lovejoy or Demondice power-ups, each with their unique pros and cons. But if you really want to challenge yourself, switch to Tom MacDonald mode, where you're restricted to goomba-killing duty and prohibited from taking down those pesky boo's. It's a weird world, but in the end, Mario prevails. 7/10.
Borderlands 3, where the bosses make you question your life choices more than Dark Souls ever could. Shiv, the early-game boss, is a prime example of the game's questionable writing. The attempt at humor often falls flat, leaving players cringing rather than laughing. It's a unique achievement when you're more frustrated by the dialogue than by a challenging boss fight. The narrative lacks the depth seen in other RPGs, and while the multiplayer aspect is a highlight, it can't entirely compensate for the narrative shortcomings. Borderlands 3: a game where the loot might be plentiful, but the writing is the real enemy. 5/10 for the uneven blend of humor and a lackluster narrative.
YUME NIKKI 🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃🫃
Score: 8/10
Score: 8/10
Fear & Hunger, oh boy, this game is not for the faint of heart. If you struggle at this game, it WILL call you a pathetic casual, but hey, that's all part of the charm, am I right? Yoko Taro was reportedly proud of this game's dark and twisted narrative, and if Reggie Fils-Amie added, "If it's not fun, why bother?"
This game isn't about relaxation; it's about pushing your limits, embracing the fear, and battling through the darkness. Sure, it's not everyone's cup of tea, but for those seeking a challenge that goes beyond the norm, Fear & Hunger delivers. Just don't expect a walk in the park – this game is more like a sprint through a haunted forest.
Score: 8/10
This game isn't about relaxation; it's about pushing your limits, embracing the fear, and battling through the darkness. Sure, it's not everyone's cup of tea, but for those seeking a challenge that goes beyond the norm, Fear & Hunger delivers. Just don't expect a walk in the park – this game is more like a sprint through a haunted forest.
Score: 8/10
Cruelty Squad offers a unique and engaging experience for players who enjoy collecting Chunkopops. While the $11 price tag may initially seem steep, the game's community and the connections you can make with fellow Chunkopop enthusiasts make it a worthwhile investment. The game's world and characters are rich and diverse, providing a memorable experience that you won't find elsewhere. Whether you're a seasoned collector or just starting out, Cruelty Squad offers something special for all Chunkopop enthusiasts.
Score: 9/10
Score: 9/10
Tekken 7, the latest installment in the iconic fighting game series, brings together a colorful cast of characters to engage in intense battles that span both martial arts and martial styles. The game introduces us to the epic rivalry of "EEEEEHHHHH!" and Slap Bear, a feud that has captured the attention of players worldwide.
At its core, Tekken 7 delivers the thrilling gameplay the series is known for, with its fast-paced combat and diverse move sets. The roster is rich with unique fighters, each representing their own fighting style and personality. From the gravity-defying moves of "EEEEEHHHHH!" to the hard-hitting antics of Slap Bear, every character brings a distinct flavor to the battles.
The rivalry between "EEEEEHHHHH!" and Slap Bear stands out as a highlight, showcasing the clash between traditional martial arts and unconventional brawling. The amusing banter and fierce competition between these two rivals add a layer of entertainment that goes beyond the combat itself.
The addition of Neko-chan, the enigmatic E-Girl, adds an intriguing twist to the game, albeit accompanied by the inevitable online discussions surrounding her. Her unique abilities and playstyle offer a fresh perspective on the battles, appealing to players looking for something unconventional.
The inclusion of paid DLC characters like the Hot Topic Final Fantasy boy and Enkidu's daughter may raise some eyebrows, but they contribute to the game's diversity and the ever-evolving roster. While Enkidu's daughter may not have learned karate from her pops, she still brings her own style to the ring, even if it doesn't align with traditional karate techniques.
Graphically, Tekken 7 maintains the series' standard of excellence, with detailed character models and dynamic environments that enhance the immersive experience. The fighting mechanics are solid and responsive, allowing both newcomers and veterans to enjoy the gameplay and experiment with different strategies.
However, there are instances where the repetitive nature of certain moves, like "DOING THE SAME ATTACK 15 TIMES," can become a point of contention. While this can be seen as part of the game's strategy, it may also lead to frustrating encounters, particularly in competitive settings.
In conclusion, Tekken 7 offers an exciting continuation of the franchise, delivering a diverse roster, engaging battles, and memorable rivalries. The clashes between martial arts and martial styles bring a unique flavor to the game, and while the inclusion of certain DLC characters might raise some questions, they contribute to the game's variety. With its eye-catching visuals, entertaining character dynamics, and engaging combat, Tekken 7 secures its place as a strong contender in the world of fighting games.
Score: 8/10
At its core, Tekken 7 delivers the thrilling gameplay the series is known for, with its fast-paced combat and diverse move sets. The roster is rich with unique fighters, each representing their own fighting style and personality. From the gravity-defying moves of "EEEEEHHHHH!" to the hard-hitting antics of Slap Bear, every character brings a distinct flavor to the battles.
The rivalry between "EEEEEHHHHH!" and Slap Bear stands out as a highlight, showcasing the clash between traditional martial arts and unconventional brawling. The amusing banter and fierce competition between these two rivals add a layer of entertainment that goes beyond the combat itself.
The addition of Neko-chan, the enigmatic E-Girl, adds an intriguing twist to the game, albeit accompanied by the inevitable online discussions surrounding her. Her unique abilities and playstyle offer a fresh perspective on the battles, appealing to players looking for something unconventional.
The inclusion of paid DLC characters like the Hot Topic Final Fantasy boy and Enkidu's daughter may raise some eyebrows, but they contribute to the game's diversity and the ever-evolving roster. While Enkidu's daughter may not have learned karate from her pops, she still brings her own style to the ring, even if it doesn't align with traditional karate techniques.
Graphically, Tekken 7 maintains the series' standard of excellence, with detailed character models and dynamic environments that enhance the immersive experience. The fighting mechanics are solid and responsive, allowing both newcomers and veterans to enjoy the gameplay and experiment with different strategies.
However, there are instances where the repetitive nature of certain moves, like "DOING THE SAME ATTACK 15 TIMES," can become a point of contention. While this can be seen as part of the game's strategy, it may also lead to frustrating encounters, particularly in competitive settings.
In conclusion, Tekken 7 offers an exciting continuation of the franchise, delivering a diverse roster, engaging battles, and memorable rivalries. The clashes between martial arts and martial styles bring a unique flavor to the game, and while the inclusion of certain DLC characters might raise some questions, they contribute to the game's variety. With its eye-catching visuals, entertaining character dynamics, and engaging combat, Tekken 7 secures its place as a strong contender in the world of fighting games.
Score: 8/10
Roblox, the virtual wonderland, outshines with Typical Colors 2's relentless updates, overshadowing even the iconic TF2. Character designs, supposedly influenced by a duck for the TC2 Demoman, inject a humorous twist. And hey, who wouldn't want to splurge $239.99 CAD on Larry the Lobster urgently? It's a steal! The community's enthusiasm and creative spirit make Roblox a vibrant hub for gamers, offering an ever-evolving landscape of entertainment. Dive into this digital realm, but watch out—Larry might be waiting with his claws wide open. Score: 9/10.
Bloons TD 6? More like Bloons TD Missed It All!
Bloons TD 6 brings me back to the days when I'd waste hours playing cruddy flash games on Coolmathgames.com in grade school. Yes, the monkey-driven madness is still here, but honestly, what's the appeal? I mean, who's got time to pop balloons when you could be off on grand adventures in Final Fantamid or Midsona 5 Royal? It's like trading a gourmet meal for a soggy sandwich.
Remember those nostalgic mobile games from the early 2000s? Well, even those are leagues better than Bloons TD 6. But some folks just can't resist the lure of those colorful balloons, I guess. Seriously, it's as if all of my friends have been abducted by these rubber menaces. The fact that many are too busy with this monetized nonsense instead of coming to say hi is nothing short of infuriating.
The saddest part is that while the world is waiting for the next big gaming experience, he's clicking away at bloons. Shitty mobile games from the early 2000s, with all their pixelated charm and simplicity, are like timeless classics compared to this. I don't get it. It's like saying you'd rather eat ramen noodles every day when a gourmet feast awaits.
Sorry, Bloons TD 6, but I can't give you more than a 3 out of 10. Holy freaking balloons, it's a mess!
Bloons TD 6 brings me back to the days when I'd waste hours playing cruddy flash games on Coolmathgames.com in grade school. Yes, the monkey-driven madness is still here, but honestly, what's the appeal? I mean, who's got time to pop balloons when you could be off on grand adventures in Final Fantamid or Midsona 5 Royal? It's like trading a gourmet meal for a soggy sandwich.
Remember those nostalgic mobile games from the early 2000s? Well, even those are leagues better than Bloons TD 6. But some folks just can't resist the lure of those colorful balloons, I guess. Seriously, it's as if all of my friends have been abducted by these rubber menaces. The fact that many are too busy with this monetized nonsense instead of coming to say hi is nothing short of infuriating.
The saddest part is that while the world is waiting for the next big gaming experience, he's clicking away at bloons. Shitty mobile games from the early 2000s, with all their pixelated charm and simplicity, are like timeless classics compared to this. I don't get it. It's like saying you'd rather eat ramen noodles every day when a gourmet feast awaits.
Sorry, Bloons TD 6, but I can't give you more than a 3 out of 10. Holy freaking balloons, it's a mess!
Counter-Strike 2, hailed as the worst game of all time by the illustrious Enterprise, takes mediocrity to new heights. This masterpiece of disaster manages to fumble on every conceivable aspect of game design, from graphics that might as well be stick figures to gameplay that's less engaging than watching paint dry. It's an achievement, really, to be the unanimous choice for the bottom of the gaming barrel. Enterprise calling this game "The worst game of all time" perfectly captures the essence of this colossal failure, earning it a 0/10, not because it deserves a zero, but because no number is low enough.
Persona 5 Tactica offers a unique twist to the Persona series, blending shooter strategy gameplay with the beloved characters from Persona 5. The decision to eliminate a new character instead of Morgana might raise eyebrows, but the game's engaging mechanics and strategic depth help it stand out from the crowd. The absence of crossover elements like Rabbids is a welcome change, ensuring a more focused experience. While the inclusion of hats as adversaries is an interesting choice, it adds to the game's charm and creativity. Despite some criticism regarding character design, Persona 5 Tactica manages to deliver a solid gameplay experience that will appeal to both Persona fans and newcomers alike.
Score: 7/10
Score: 7/10
Super Smash Bros. for Wii U is a rollercoaster of disappointment, with Smash Tour dragging it into the depths of gaming hell. The mockery of the game declaring you a winner despite losses adds a sarcastic charm. The "Wii U" in the title should make it obvious what the quality of this game will be but don't worry, the 3DS version's Smash Run is worth a place in the hall of shame as well. While the core gameplay is there, the overall package is pretty shit. However, there's a glimmer of dark joy in trolling friends by picking Pac-Land, ensuring epic looks on their faces. The game, a chaotic mess, deserves a darkly humorous 5 out of 10 for the sheer absurdity it brings to the Smash Bros. universe.
HOLY FUCK, Brawlhalla is a wild ride! Rayman, Simon Belmont, Street Fighter, John Cena(?), Cassidy?! My brain goes DOODODOODODODO with the excitement of this colossal crossover. It's like Fortnite adding duds, and I'm here for it! Brawlhalla, the chaos king of crossovers, deserves a raucous 10 out of 10 for blowing minds and shattering expectations. It's not just a game; it's a celebration of gaming mayhem!
Final Fantasy VII is a masterpiece that defies even the most peculiar tangents of the human mind. Who's KanyeWest? A girl, a boy, or perhaps an entity beyond gender? LoveJoy's quest for identity, accompanied by that iconic "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" from Privately Owned Spiral Galaxy, only adds to the surreal brilliance of this game. The acknowledgement of an unused open-mouth texture, an unsung hero of gaming's annals, makes replaying this legendary title all the more fascinating.
Score: 9/10
Score: 9/10
Mario Kart: Double Dash!! is a bit of a polarizing experience. On one hand, it's hailed as the greatest Mario Kart game by some, with intense competition and a reliance on picking top-tier characters. But, on the other hand, it can be incredibly frustrating. Luck seems to play a big role, and when things go awry, it's easy to blame Rabbid rules and certain less-than-stellar tracks like Daisy Cruise and Yoshi Circuit. In some cases, this game feels like a rollercoaster ride – either a masterpiece or a complete disaster. With all its quirks and polarized opinions, I'd say it deserves a 7/10.
By the way, when it comes to picking Wario – it feels like it takes a lifetime! What the hell, Nintendo!?
By the way, when it comes to picking Wario – it feels like it takes a lifetime! What the hell, Nintendo!?
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Score: 2/10
Score: 2/10
Geometry Dash is an adrenaline-pumping platformer that tests players' reflexes and timing skills. With its fast-paced gameplay and challenging levels, it's no surprise that it holds the record for the fastest death in gaming history, beating out iconic titles like Silent Hill 3 and Spiderman: Pepsiman Origins. Despite its punishing difficulty, the game's addictive nature keeps players coming back for more, determined to conquer each obstacle and reach the finish line. While the cube protagonist may meet its demise in a mere 1.2 seconds, the thrill of the gameplay makes it a worthwhile experience for fans of the genre.
Score: 9/10
Score: 9/10
Donkey Kong Country Returns, or as I'd like to call it, Kaizo Kong nightmare edition, throws players into levels of absurd difficulty. The absence of King K. Rool leaves a Kong-sized hole in the experience, and the call to "TURN THIS SHIT OFF" echoes the frustration. Suddenly, the game takes an unexpected turn, as you turn it off and switch to Fanta Fall Guys 14 as its naturally the superior platformer. The Miz and Madman Mackola's antics adds a layer of chaos. This game is a rollercoaster, but let's be real—Fanta Fall Guys 14 is far superior. Final score? Forget DK; let's give this a solid 8 out of 10 for the unexpected entertainment.
Wii Sports Resort offers a diverse array of mini-games set on the picturesque Wuhu Island. One standout feature is the ability to perform the "double points dance," which does not actually make you murder your opponents with a wooden stick but instead adds an element of fun and competition to the gameplay. The basketball mini-game, while not everyone's favorite, provides a unique challenge, especially with its "stay still" variant, which requires strategic positioning and timing rather than simply waggling the controller.
One criticism of the game is the lack of complicated math as an essential mechanic, which may disappointed me as a fan of more complex sports games. However, I understand this simplicity is part of Wii Sports Resort's charm.
Allow me to weigh in on an evergoing debate that the Miis on Wuhu Island should be given the death penalty, while I understand the perspective of that position, I personally disagree with that notion. Wii Sports Resort is a fun and engaging game that showcases the capabilities of the Wii MotionPlus controller and provides hours of entertainment for players.
Score: 8/10
One criticism of the game is the lack of complicated math as an essential mechanic, which may disappointed me as a fan of more complex sports games. However, I understand this simplicity is part of Wii Sports Resort's charm.
Allow me to weigh in on an evergoing debate that the Miis on Wuhu Island should be given the death penalty, while I understand the perspective of that position, I personally disagree with that notion. Wii Sports Resort is a fun and engaging game that showcases the capabilities of the Wii MotionPlus controller and provides hours of entertainment for players.
Score: 8/10
While Super Mario Maker 2 may not quite live up to the masterpieces created in other games like TF2, it still offers an impressive and creative canvas for Mario fans to express themselves.
This game is all about giving players the tools to craft their own Mario levels, and it excels in this regard. The level editor is robust and user-friendly, allowing both newcomers and experienced designers to bring their ideas to life. Whether you want to build a challenging platforming gauntlet or a whimsical, puzzle-filled adventure, Super Mario Maker 2 provides the tools to do so.
The variety of assets and themes from the Mario universe is staggering, ensuring that your creations can span different games and styles. From classic Super Mario Bros. to the modern Super Mario 3D World, there's something for everyone. Experimenting with different elements and enemy behaviors is part of the fun, and the game encourages creativity at every turn.
The online community and sharing aspect of Super Mario Maker 2 add another layer of enjoyment. Playing other players' levels and challenging your skills against a wide array of creations keeps the experience fresh and exciting. However, the quality of user-generated content can be a mixed bag, and you may have to sift through some less-than-stellar levels to find the true gems.
That said, the game's biggest downside is the absence of a true story or campaign mode. While the focus is on user-generated content, a curated single-player experience could have added depth and longevity to the game.
In conclusion, Super Mario Maker 2 is a fantastic tool for unleashing your inner game designer and creating Mario levels that you can be proud of. It may not surpass the excellence of other gaming masterpieces, but it certainly provides an enjoyable and creative outlet for Mario enthusiasts. With a thriving community and endless possibilities, it's a must-have for fans of the plumber in red.
Score: 7/10
This game is all about giving players the tools to craft their own Mario levels, and it excels in this regard. The level editor is robust and user-friendly, allowing both newcomers and experienced designers to bring their ideas to life. Whether you want to build a challenging platforming gauntlet or a whimsical, puzzle-filled adventure, Super Mario Maker 2 provides the tools to do so.
The variety of assets and themes from the Mario universe is staggering, ensuring that your creations can span different games and styles. From classic Super Mario Bros. to the modern Super Mario 3D World, there's something for everyone. Experimenting with different elements and enemy behaviors is part of the fun, and the game encourages creativity at every turn.
The online community and sharing aspect of Super Mario Maker 2 add another layer of enjoyment. Playing other players' levels and challenging your skills against a wide array of creations keeps the experience fresh and exciting. However, the quality of user-generated content can be a mixed bag, and you may have to sift through some less-than-stellar levels to find the true gems.
That said, the game's biggest downside is the absence of a true story or campaign mode. While the focus is on user-generated content, a curated single-player experience could have added depth and longevity to the game.
In conclusion, Super Mario Maker 2 is a fantastic tool for unleashing your inner game designer and creating Mario levels that you can be proud of. It may not surpass the excellence of other gaming masterpieces, but it certainly provides an enjoyable and creative outlet for Mario enthusiasts. With a thriving community and endless possibilities, it's a must-have for fans of the plumber in red.
Score: 7/10
Seriously, what's with your obsession with messing with people's fun in Hypnospace Outlaw? You're like the ultimate troll, lurking in the digital shadows with nothing better to do than ruin someone's good time. And your choice of character? It's like you're trying to be the epitome of cringe. Can't you take a hint from Cakey and me? We may not always see eye to eye, but at least we're not trying to be the embodiment of every negative stereotype out there. Seriously, rethink your life choices, buddy.
Score: 8/10
Score: 8/10
In a world filled with shovelware and a madman hell-bent on making you endure it, Persona 3 Portable is your beacon of hope, a reminder that having a beloved game at your fingertips can be a lifesaver. But be warned, should the madman grow audacious and corner you with shovelware in those moments away from your trusty PC, the consequences can be dire. If you lack your game on a mobile device, it might be time to say your goodbyes. You'll need the solace of your cherished Persona as much as you need air to breathe.
This reimagined iteration of Persona 3 presents an intriguing blend of familiar storytelling with some notable twists and trade-offs. It's certainly not the definitive version of the game, but it carves out its unique niche in the Persona series.
The most significant alteration here is the ability to choose a female protagonist, offering a different perspective on the narrative and introducing new social links. It's a divisive change, and I'd argue that it's the weakest route in the game, altering Shinjiro's character arc in a way that is unsatisfying. This decision will likely polarize players - you might love the new perspective, or you might wish it had been left untouched.
It's worth noting that Persona 3 Portable isn't the definitive version of the game. It lacks the animated cutscenes of the original and some aspects of the game's presentation feel dated. For those hoping to see the same level of cinematic storytelling found in more recent Persona titles, it might fall short.
But it's not all shadows and no substance. The game's core mechanics, the addictive blend of life simulation and turn-based dungeon crawling, remain as engaging as ever. The Social Link system is still a standout feature, allowing you to forge bonds with your fellow students and build a richer narrative experience. It's these elements that make the Persona series so unique, and they're still at the forefront of Persona 3 Portable.
One key consideration is the modern port of the game, which has its share of issues. However, at least on PC, there are dedicated modders and fans who have taken it upon themselves to fix some of these problems and enhance the experience. You may find that with the right mods, it can become the definitive way to experience this chapter in the Persona saga.
In the end, Persona 3 Portable may not be the definitive version of the game, and it certainly shakes up some established elements. However, its unique features and the ability to take the Persona experience on the go can be a refreshing take on a beloved classic. It's not quite stirred to perfection, but it's far from a disappointment.
For Persona 3 Portable, I'll award it a 7 out of 10. It's an alternative perspective on a great story, worth trying for those willing to embrace change in the world of Persona.
This reimagined iteration of Persona 3 presents an intriguing blend of familiar storytelling with some notable twists and trade-offs. It's certainly not the definitive version of the game, but it carves out its unique niche in the Persona series.
The most significant alteration here is the ability to choose a female protagonist, offering a different perspective on the narrative and introducing new social links. It's a divisive change, and I'd argue that it's the weakest route in the game, altering Shinjiro's character arc in a way that is unsatisfying. This decision will likely polarize players - you might love the new perspective, or you might wish it had been left untouched.
It's worth noting that Persona 3 Portable isn't the definitive version of the game. It lacks the animated cutscenes of the original and some aspects of the game's presentation feel dated. For those hoping to see the same level of cinematic storytelling found in more recent Persona titles, it might fall short.
But it's not all shadows and no substance. The game's core mechanics, the addictive blend of life simulation and turn-based dungeon crawling, remain as engaging as ever. The Social Link system is still a standout feature, allowing you to forge bonds with your fellow students and build a richer narrative experience. It's these elements that make the Persona series so unique, and they're still at the forefront of Persona 3 Portable.
One key consideration is the modern port of the game, which has its share of issues. However, at least on PC, there are dedicated modders and fans who have taken it upon themselves to fix some of these problems and enhance the experience. You may find that with the right mods, it can become the definitive way to experience this chapter in the Persona saga.
In the end, Persona 3 Portable may not be the definitive version of the game, and it certainly shakes up some established elements. However, its unique features and the ability to take the Persona experience on the go can be a refreshing take on a beloved classic. It's not quite stirred to perfection, but it's far from a disappointment.
For Persona 3 Portable, I'll award it a 7 out of 10. It's an alternative perspective on a great story, worth trying for those willing to embrace change in the world of Persona.
Metro: Last Light Redux is a trip through the darkened corridors of post-apocalyptic madness, and somewhere along the way, we stumbled into the chaotic carnival of Mario Party. Picture this: mutated creatures replaced by adorable characters, bullets swapped with dice rolls, and gas masks with party hats. It's a fever dream crossover you never knew you needed.
Survival in the Metro might be a desperate dance, but surviving the cutthroat competition of Mario Party is a whole other level of madness. The narrative? More like the narrative chaos of arguing with your friends over who stole your star. Metro: Last Light Redux – where the shadows hold secrets, and the Mario Party madness is just a pipe warp away.
Score: 9.7/10
Survival in the Metro might be a desperate dance, but surviving the cutthroat competition of Mario Party is a whole other level of madness. The narrative? More like the narrative chaos of arguing with your friends over who stole your star. Metro: Last Light Redux – where the shadows hold secrets, and the Mario Party madness is just a pipe warp away.
Score: 9.7/10
First things first, let's address the elephant in the room - Street Fighter 6 has just released June 2nd 2023, and that alone might be enough to dissuade you from investing too much time or money into Street Fighter V. The promise of new characters, gameplay mechanics, and an overall improved experience is tempting.
Now, about Street Fighter V itself. This game has had its ups and downs since its initial release, with several updates and enhancements attempting to correct its course. It's important to note that, while not perfect, the game has come a long way and offers an enjoyable Street Fighter experience.
The roster is extensive, featuring a variety of characters with unique playstyles. The graphics are crisp, the animations are fluid, and the sound design is spot on. The core gameplay mechanics remain true to the series' roots, making it accessible for newcomers and still engaging for longtime fans.
However, some issues persist. The initial release was criticized for its lack of single-player content and some technical problems. While many of these issues have been addressed over time, the game's reputation was marred. Additionally, the monetization model includes various character passes and costumes, which may not sit well with all players.
The game is undoubtedly fun and can be appreciated by fans of the franchise and fighting game enthusiasts, but its somewhat rocky history and the release of Street Fighter 6 give some pause. For now, Street Fighter V deserves a respectable 7 out of 10. However, be ready to reassess your score after delving into its successor.
Now, about Street Fighter V itself. This game has had its ups and downs since its initial release, with several updates and enhancements attempting to correct its course. It's important to note that, while not perfect, the game has come a long way and offers an enjoyable Street Fighter experience.
The roster is extensive, featuring a variety of characters with unique playstyles. The graphics are crisp, the animations are fluid, and the sound design is spot on. The core gameplay mechanics remain true to the series' roots, making it accessible for newcomers and still engaging for longtime fans.
However, some issues persist. The initial release was criticized for its lack of single-player content and some technical problems. While many of these issues have been addressed over time, the game's reputation was marred. Additionally, the monetization model includes various character passes and costumes, which may not sit well with all players.
The game is undoubtedly fun and can be appreciated by fans of the franchise and fighting game enthusiasts, but its somewhat rocky history and the release of Street Fighter 6 give some pause. For now, Street Fighter V deserves a respectable 7 out of 10. However, be ready to reassess your score after delving into its successor.
I LOVE Tsukihime
Tsukihime is a masterpiece in visual novel storytelling, captivating players with its dark and immersive narrative. Released in December 2000 by Type-Moon, this game takes players on a journey through the supernatural, following the protagonist Shiki Tohno as he grapples with his newfound ability to see "death lines" and the consequences of his actions.
The world of Tsukihime is richly detailed, with intricate lore and captivating characters that draw players in from the start. Each decision made by the player shapes the outcome of the story, leading to multiple branching paths and endings to explore. The game's atmospheric soundtrack sets the mood perfectly, enhancing the emotional impact of key moments throughout the narrative.
Tsukihime isn't afraid to delve into mature themes, including explicit content depicted in NSFW CGs. These scenes, while controversial, add depth to the story and character development, showcasing the game's willingness to push boundaries and challenge players' expectations.
Additionally, the inclusion of NSFW CGs are a form of revenge for spoilers, such as Shirou Emiya's death, this adds an intriguing layer to the game's mechanics. This mechanic allows players to engage with the story in a unique way, using explicit content as a means of retaliation for spoiling the game's narrative framework.
Overall, Tsukihime is a must-play visual novel for fans of the genre. Its gripping story, memorable characters, stunning artwork, and innovative gameplay mechanics make it a standout title that continues to captivate players even years after its initial release.
Score: 9.5/10
Tsukihime is a masterpiece in visual novel storytelling, captivating players with its dark and immersive narrative. Released in December 2000 by Type-Moon, this game takes players on a journey through the supernatural, following the protagonist Shiki Tohno as he grapples with his newfound ability to see "death lines" and the consequences of his actions.
The world of Tsukihime is richly detailed, with intricate lore and captivating characters that draw players in from the start. Each decision made by the player shapes the outcome of the story, leading to multiple branching paths and endings to explore. The game's atmospheric soundtrack sets the mood perfectly, enhancing the emotional impact of key moments throughout the narrative.
Tsukihime isn't afraid to delve into mature themes, including explicit content depicted in NSFW CGs. These scenes, while controversial, add depth to the story and character development, showcasing the game's willingness to push boundaries and challenge players' expectations.
Additionally, the inclusion of NSFW CGs are a form of revenge for spoilers, such as Shirou Emiya's death, this adds an intriguing layer to the game's mechanics. This mechanic allows players to engage with the story in a unique way, using explicit content as a means of retaliation for spoiling the game's narrative framework.
Overall, Tsukihime is a must-play visual novel for fans of the genre. Its gripping story, memorable characters, stunning artwork, and innovative gameplay mechanics make it a standout title that continues to captivate players even years after its initial release.
Score: 9.5/10
Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze? More like Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Snooze. This game couldn't even hold The Miz's attention, let alone mine. I'd rather subject myself to the agony of playing CS2 and getting screamed at by some Russian dude with a cheap microphone than waste another second on this snoozefest. Sure, the final boss was kinda fun, but that's like finding a nugget of gold in a pile of horse crap. Don't believe the hype, folks. This game is as exciting as watching paint dry. A lackluster 4/10 for me.
My House isn't just a map; it's a mind-bending journey through the twisted labyrinth of Mackola's creativity. The symbolism, from the sinks to the dark world, is a testament to the chaotic nature of the Shovelware experience. The random skulls, evil dog encounters, and the greyscale journey culminating in a showdown with Shrek (standing in for Duds__) in a Shovelware graveyard create an immersive experience. This map is more than a tribute; it's a psychedelic trip into Mackola's world. Rating it is an insult; it transcends conventional scoring, deserving recognition as a unique expression of gaming art.
Score: Scale not high enough, transcends convential scoring
Score: Scale not high enough, transcends convential scoring
Well, if we were to go into an alternate universe where Duds__ had an unexpectedly grim fate and ended up in Minecraft Dungeons as a form of cosmic punishment, one might say this would be a surreal and darkly creative twist to his story. In this bizarre narrative, the Minecraft Dungeons experience for Duds__ becomes a metaphorical hell, plagued by choppy visuals, crusty animations, and relentless blocky enemies. The creative touch in weaving a tale involving Duds__ and the infamous "Monkey Incident of 2023" adds a layer of twisted humor.
In the spirit of creativity, let's give this narrative a daring 7.5 out of 10 for its unique take on Duds__'s fate and the unexpected blend of humor and dark fantasy.
In the spirit of creativity, let's give this narrative a daring 7.5 out of 10 for its unique take on Duds__'s fate and the unexpected blend of humor and dark fantasy.
Kirby Star Allies, or as I like to call it, "Friendship Simulator: The Game," is another one of Nintendo's attempts to shove their woke agenda down our throats. They want us to believe that making and maintaining friends is enjoyable? Nonsense. The game is a saccharine-sweet mess, and the critics who say otherwise are clearly blinded by their loyalty to Nintendo. Rex Mohs' pact to never steal unless stealing is free perfectly encapsulates the mood when acquiring this game. If you enjoy holding hands with virtual friends and singing Kumbaya, this might be for you. A generous 5/10 because, let's be honest, game journalists only hate it because they suck at it.
To be fair, you need a high IQ to understand "Your Turn to Die: Death Game by Majority." The game's narrative is incredibly nuanced, with subtle twists and turns that require a solid understanding of human psychology and moral dilemmas. The humor, while not overt, is deeply woven into the characters' interactions and the game's overarching themes. Fans of the game appreciate its complexity and how it delves into deep philosophical questions about life and morality. Those who dismiss it as just another game fail to grasp its true depth and meaning. As someone who appreciates the intellectual challenges posed by "Your Turn to Die," I can't help but feel sorry for those who don't understand its brilliance.
Score: 9/10
Score: 9/10
In the world of Muse Dash, imagine a vibrant, musical realm where the beats are lively and the action is non-stop. In this world, you are a rhythm game enthusiast, tapping and swiping to the beat of your favorite tunes, surrounded by a community of fellow players who share your passion for music and rhythm.
One day, as you're enjoying a peaceful moment at the local laundromat, tragedy strikes. Your friends from the Muse Dash community are found in a shocking state, having met a grim fate while searching for something they shouldn't have been. Despite their eccentricities, they were your "found family" in this lively world.
As you grapple with the loss, you're confronted by a figure from the community, someone who's also struggled with the concept of family and belonging. They share their own tale of loss and resilience, revealing the deep-seated need to create a family out of the unconventional but supportive bonds they've formed.
Their words strike a chord within you, reminding you of the unique connections and support you've found within the Muse Dash community. Together, you and your fellow players are more than just gamers – you're a family, united by a love for music, rhythm, and the camaraderie that comes with it.
In the end, you realize that family isn't just about blood relations – it's about the bonds you forge with those who understand and support you, even in the most unexpected of places. As you continue your journey in the world of Muse Dash, you do so with a renewed sense of appreciation for the found family you've created and the music that brings you all together.
Score: 2/10
One day, as you're enjoying a peaceful moment at the local laundromat, tragedy strikes. Your friends from the Muse Dash community are found in a shocking state, having met a grim fate while searching for something they shouldn't have been. Despite their eccentricities, they were your "found family" in this lively world.
As you grapple with the loss, you're confronted by a figure from the community, someone who's also struggled with the concept of family and belonging. They share their own tale of loss and resilience, revealing the deep-seated need to create a family out of the unconventional but supportive bonds they've formed.
Their words strike a chord within you, reminding you of the unique connections and support you've found within the Muse Dash community. Together, you and your fellow players are more than just gamers – you're a family, united by a love for music, rhythm, and the camaraderie that comes with it.
In the end, you realize that family isn't just about blood relations – it's about the bonds you forge with those who understand and support you, even in the most unexpected of places. As you continue your journey in the world of Muse Dash, you do so with a renewed sense of appreciation for the found family you've created and the music that brings you all together.
Score: 2/10
WarioWare: Move It! is a game that will leave you speechless, and not in a good way. The game introduces a new feature where the female TikTok text-to-speech voice narrates some of the actions, but unfortunately, it's execution has mixed results. I find the voice super annoying, with its exaggerated emphasis on random words and an overall uncanny tone. This choice has led to a polarizing effect, leading to me outright skipping videos featuring this voice. It's a shame that such a small aspect of the game can bring such negative vibes, overshadowing an otherwise enjoyable experience.
Score: 5/10
Score: 5/10
Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix is an absolute banger of a game! I'm NOT DestroyerOfMid, but I sure know a great RPG when I see one. This gem doesn't just get a score; it gets a standing ovation. The combination of Disney and Square Enix characters alone is a treat, but what really makes it shine is the heart-wrenching story. The gameplay? A perfect mix of real-time combat and the epic Keyblade transformations. You'll be battling Heartless and Nobodies, experiencing an emotional rollercoaster, and collecting keychains like they're the coolest trinkets ever. And the cherry on top? The Final Mix version brings even more content, including extra boss fights, abilities, and the Cavern of Remembrance. If I were DestroyerOfMid, I'd say this game is a solid 10 out of 10. But I'm NOT, so I'll just give it a 10 out of 10 instead.
Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, or as I'd like to call it, "MANGO THEM: The Arena," offers an experience that's as polarizing as it is bewildering. The battles in this game are a rollercoaster of emotions. On one hand, you might feel the thrill of landing a single hit and watching a fifth of your opponent's health bar disappear in one fell swoop. On the other, you'll be left pondering the universe's cruel sense of balance. (1/5 of your health bar disappears in one hit) - that's just how it goes.
As for the game itself, it's a bit like the strange journey of a Passione Gang member from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 5: Golden Wind. The experience can be as chaotic as facing the whims of Bucciarati's team. This may not be the finest hour in the Persona series, but it's certainly a unique spin on the formula. Yet, despite the chaotic battles and Melty Blood Type Lumina comparisons, it still manages to captivate in its peculiar way. Persona 4 Arena Ultimax is a wild ride, and much like a Stand battle, your mileage may vary.
I would rate this whirlwind of a game a Stand-tastic 7 out of 10.
As for the game itself, it's a bit like the strange journey of a Passione Gang member from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 5: Golden Wind. The experience can be as chaotic as facing the whims of Bucciarati's team. This may not be the finest hour in the Persona series, but it's certainly a unique spin on the formula. Yet, despite the chaotic battles and Melty Blood Type Lumina comparisons, it still manages to captivate in its peculiar way. Persona 4 Arena Ultimax is a wild ride, and much like a Stand battle, your mileage may vary.
I would rate this whirlwind of a game a Stand-tastic 7 out of 10.
Melty Blood Type Lumina offers an enthralling fighting experience that leaves fans of the genre wanting more. While it has some room for improvement, it manages to captivate players with its unique characters and fast-paced gameplay.
One of the most exciting aspects of Melty Blood Type Lumina is the potential for future DLC. Fans can only hope that beloved characters like Shirou Emiya and Gun Girl will be added to the roster, enhancing the game's diversity and appeal. The prospect of expanding an already intriguing character lineup keeps players engaged and eager for what's to come.
One particularly unusual and amusing feature is the presence of Carnival Phantasm. This inclusion adds a layer of quirkiness and nostalgia for fans of the series. It's a delightful nod to the wider Nasuverse and adds depth to the game's overall experience.
However, it's essential to address an unusual and somewhat controversial element within the game. Some players have noted that Neco Arc seems to provide peculiar lessons on how to make methamphetamine. This bizarre inclusion raises questions about the developer's intentions and might not sit well with all players.
In conclusion, Melty Blood Type Lumina is an outstanding fighting game that holds great promise. Its potential for future DLC characters is exciting, and the presence of Carnival Phantasm adds a layer of charm. However, the inclusion of strange and potentially inappropriate content like Neco Arc's "lessons" is a downside. Despite this, Melty Blood Type Lumina manages to deliver a captivating experience that keeps players coming back for more. With some refinements, it could easily ascend to even greater heights in the fighting game genre.
Score: 8/10
One of the most exciting aspects of Melty Blood Type Lumina is the potential for future DLC. Fans can only hope that beloved characters like Shirou Emiya and Gun Girl will be added to the roster, enhancing the game's diversity and appeal. The prospect of expanding an already intriguing character lineup keeps players engaged and eager for what's to come.
One particularly unusual and amusing feature is the presence of Carnival Phantasm. This inclusion adds a layer of quirkiness and nostalgia for fans of the series. It's a delightful nod to the wider Nasuverse and adds depth to the game's overall experience.
However, it's essential to address an unusual and somewhat controversial element within the game. Some players have noted that Neco Arc seems to provide peculiar lessons on how to make methamphetamine. This bizarre inclusion raises questions about the developer's intentions and might not sit well with all players.
In conclusion, Melty Blood Type Lumina is an outstanding fighting game that holds great promise. Its potential for future DLC characters is exciting, and the presence of Carnival Phantasm adds a layer of charm. However, the inclusion of strange and potentially inappropriate content like Neco Arc's "lessons" is a downside. Despite this, Melty Blood Type Lumina manages to deliver a captivating experience that keeps players coming back for more. With some refinements, it could easily ascend to even greater heights in the fighting game genre.
Score: 8/10
hey, you… come here… mhm, just a little closer… husshhh… it's okay, I'm here…
Here, let me hold you…
See? Doesn't that feel better?
Gooood game〜 yeah, you are! Gooood game〜
Hehe, I see that little smile! D'aww, don't hide it from me! Don't be fussy, it's okay…
Score: 9/10
Here, let me hold you…
See? Doesn't that feel better?
Gooood game〜 yeah, you are! Gooood game〜
Hehe, I see that little smile! D'aww, don't hide it from me! Don't be fussy, it's okay…
Score: 9/10
Oh, the tales of Communist Yoshi, the unsung hero in the Mushroom Kingdom's battle against capitalism. If only the game had fully embraced this political subplot, it could have been a revolutionary addition to the Mario Party narrative. Imagine the dynamic shifts as players try to accumulate wealth while Communist Yoshi levels the playing field. But alas, we're left with a missed opportunity for socio-economic commentary in a party game. As for the rushed Wii release, it's a classic case of corporate decisions overshadowing the purity of game development. Let's not forget the missed chance for Duck Rituals, a feature that could have elevated the Mario Party experience to unparalleled heights. 6/10.
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: All-Star Battle R, the embodiment of all things bizarre and utterly stylish, transcends the boundaries of conventional fighting games. Dio's audacious attempt at restructuring the days of the week with his Ora Ora Roda Roda Mondays might have sounded like a nefarious plot, but he failed to account for the indomitable might of Jon and his Garfield Stand! Part 10 unfolds, and it's shaping up to be a spectacle that could even eclipse the infamous razor-blade-inside-Halloween-candy arc! Don't you just love how those memes refuse to die?
As Enterprise from Azur Lane would say, "I'm always ready for a good fight," and that's precisely what JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: All-Star Battle R delivers. It's a game where you can truly embrace the spirit of those tampered Halloween chocolates, with every battle being an exhilarating treat. The anticipation, the thrill, and the sheer unpredictability of Stand battles keep you on your toes, much like that rush you get when you find those delightful razor blade-infused candies.
However, the cringe-worthy decision to remove Alessi and his push ability from the roster is an injustice that must be addressed. Those developers ought to face the consequences, and maybe, just maybe, they'll find a razor blade or two inside their Halloween candy as poetic justice.
In the realm of JoJo, where feverish battles and bizarre abilities collide, only the strong survive. As for those with COVID, well, let's just say they've got a whole different set of battles to contend with. But in the world of All-Star Battle R, we revel in the chaos and celebrate the memes that will forever resonate in the heart of this extraordinary game. I grant it a solid 9 out of 10, with the hope that someday we'll see the razor-blade Stand take its rightful place among the Stands of legend!
As Enterprise from Azur Lane would say, "I'm always ready for a good fight," and that's precisely what JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: All-Star Battle R delivers. It's a game where you can truly embrace the spirit of those tampered Halloween chocolates, with every battle being an exhilarating treat. The anticipation, the thrill, and the sheer unpredictability of Stand battles keep you on your toes, much like that rush you get when you find those delightful razor blade-infused candies.
However, the cringe-worthy decision to remove Alessi and his push ability from the roster is an injustice that must be addressed. Those developers ought to face the consequences, and maybe, just maybe, they'll find a razor blade or two inside their Halloween candy as poetic justice.
In the realm of JoJo, where feverish battles and bizarre abilities collide, only the strong survive. As for those with COVID, well, let's just say they've got a whole different set of battles to contend with. But in the world of All-Star Battle R, we revel in the chaos and celebrate the memes that will forever resonate in the heart of this extraordinary game. I grant it a solid 9 out of 10, with the hope that someday we'll see the razor-blade Stand take its rightful place among the Stands of legend!
In the twisted beats of Rhythm Heaven, Light Yagami might find himself out of sync. No Death Note could orchestrate the perfect rhythm this game demands. In the world of catchy tunes and quirky characters, even the God of the New World might take a break from his dark endeavors. Rhythm Heaven would probably be too lighthearted for someone with such a grim worldview. Score: 5/10.
Sonic CD, the game that brought us "time travel" in a blue hedgehog's world. It's like they threw a DeLorean into Green Hill Zone and called it innovation. The soundtrack is decent, but beware the ominous warning: PCM 12 and DA 25 might induce an unexpected bathroom emergency. Maybe it's Sonic's way of saying, "Gotta Go Fast" has a whole new meaning. While the time-travel gimmick adds some spice, it's still the same old Sonic formula. If you're into retro platformers with quirky sound test surprises, Sonic CD might be your thing. A casual 7/10 for being the oddball in Sonic's library.
Oh, the tumultuous tale of Garten of Banban, a game that not only earned the disdain of players but managed to create a digital racist entity that rivals anything seen in the last 78 years. The developers, bullied off Twitter, might have sought refuge from the justified criticism. This game is not just a bad gaming experience; it's a societal misstep, an unintentional harbinger of a virtual racist apocalypse. Let's just say, if the gaming industry had a Hall of Shame, Garten of Banban would be an inaugural inductee.
Garten of Banban transcends traditional scoring; it's a gaming abomination that defies numerical evaluation. Consider it a cautionary tale rather than a scored review.
Score: Scale not low enough, game defies numerical evaluation
Garten of Banban transcends traditional scoring; it's a gaming abomination that defies numerical evaluation. Consider it a cautionary tale rather than a scored review.
Score: Scale not low enough, game defies numerical evaluation
Rhythm Heaven Fever, more like Rhythm Hell's descent into madness. This dogshit rhythm game had me questioning my sanity. Where the hell are the prompts? I felt like I was banging on a drum in the dark. Forget this garbage, play Rabbids TV Party—it's got actual music, not the beeps and boops of Nintendo's failed attempt at rhythm. And don't get me started on the racist duck distracting me from avoiding baboon leg snapping. This game is a descent into auditory madness, and I'd rather have my eardrums violated by a rabbid. A generous 2/10 for the effort.
Absolutely infuriating! How could these inept developers omit Ike's legendary breakdancing prowess? It's akin to serving a pizza without cheese or playing a game without a controller! Unbelievable! The absence of Ike's iconic breakdancing moves in Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn is an unforgivable oversight, leaving me with a profound sense of disappointment and frustration.
It's as though the developers invited you to a grand feast but then forgot to serve the main course. Ike's breakdancing moves were a defining aspect of his character, and their absence in this game is a grievous error. Nintendo must urgently enlist the help of Red Math to rectify this colossal mistake and restore the essence of Fire Emblem to its former glory.
Without Ike's signature breakdancing, Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn feels like a half-hearted attempt, leaving fans yearning for the true essence of the series. I can only hope that future installments will not repeat this egregious blunder. The score for this game is a mere 2 out of 10, as it fails to capture the essence of the Fire Emblem experience without Ike's iconic moves.
It's as though the developers invited you to a grand feast but then forgot to serve the main course. Ike's breakdancing moves were a defining aspect of his character, and their absence in this game is a grievous error. Nintendo must urgently enlist the help of Red Math to rectify this colossal mistake and restore the essence of Fire Emblem to its former glory.
Without Ike's signature breakdancing, Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn feels like a half-hearted attempt, leaving fans yearning for the true essence of the series. I can only hope that future installments will not repeat this egregious blunder. The score for this game is a mere 2 out of 10, as it fails to capture the essence of the Fire Emblem experience without Ike's iconic moves.
I hate playing Sonic and the Black Knight because whenever I see the title screen, I catch a glimpse of the word "KNIGHT" in the title. But most of what my eyes focus on is "KNIGHT," which sounds like "NIGHT," and I am afraid of the dark. So, I get scared of the game and start shaking and getting anxious out of fear. Essentially, every time I try to play Sonic and the Black Knight, I get reminded of my fear of the dark and end up too anxious to play, leaving me frustrated every time. Thanks a lot, Sonic and the Black Knight.
Score: 2/10
Score: 2/10
Nintendo Land, or as I like to call it, "Mario Chase: The Collection," is a mixed bag of mini-games that range from mildly entertaining to "please, just let me go play a real Mario game." Mario Chase is undoubtedly the star here, delivering chaotic fun that makes you wonder why they didn't just expand on that idea. Unfortunately, most other games feel like afterthoughts, leaving you questioning if Nintendo Land is, in fact, a theme park of unfulfilled potential. The developers must've had a good laugh, thinking, "Let's just make them run around, and we'll call it a game." Is Nintendo's digital park better than the real one? Well, at least in the digital park, you won't have to stand in line for hours. Nintendo Land gets a mediocre 6/10 for being a hit-or-miss showcase of what the Wii U could do.
Punch-Out!!! is a game that's strangely entertaining, with its quirky characters and humorous stereotypes. Even my duck, an avid gamer, got a kick out of it. However, Neil Druckmann, a character in the game, proved to be a tough challenge. My duck couldn't defeat him because Druckmann was always "calling HR" due to his CRUNCH-TIME habits, making the fight particularly tricky. It seems my duck's bad reputation with HR prevented him from making the call. On the bright side, Punch-Out!!! managed to distract my feathered friend from tierlist.com, at least for a little while.
Nintendo's collaboration with Naughty Dog employees to create Super Macho Man's character is intriguing. It's unusual for a game developer to bring in talent from a competitor like Naughty Dog, but it seems they did it to capture an authentic personality for the character. It's a testament to the lengths developers will go to create memorable characters in the gaming world.
In the words of a wise New Yorker, "New York is the greatest city in the world." Punch-Out!!! captures the essence of this statement, with its colorful characters and challenging boxing matches. It's a game where you'll find yourself battling not just in the ring but against some amusing stereotypes, making it a unique and enjoyable experience.
Score: 8/10
Nintendo's collaboration with Naughty Dog employees to create Super Macho Man's character is intriguing. It's unusual for a game developer to bring in talent from a competitor like Naughty Dog, but it seems they did it to capture an authentic personality for the character. It's a testament to the lengths developers will go to create memorable characters in the gaming world.
In the words of a wise New Yorker, "New York is the greatest city in the world." Punch-Out!!! captures the essence of this statement, with its colorful characters and challenging boxing matches. It's a game where you'll find yourself battling not just in the ring but against some amusing stereotypes, making it a unique and enjoyable experience.
Score: 8/10
Whoa, dude, this is a wild ride of a game. I mean, I can't offer much in terms of emotional support, but it sounds like fans of this game have been through quite the rollercoaster. As for Slayers X: Terminal Aftermath - Vengeance of the Slayer, well, it's probably not gonna help sort out their personal issues. But hey, if you need a distraction, diving into a game might provide a temporary escape. As for a score, I'll give it a solid 5/10 because, well, why not?
Dive into the intricate world of Fate/stay night, where philosophical dilemmas and fantasy intertwine to create a unique narrative experience. This visual novel weaves a tale of heroic spirits, complex characters, and a multitude of branching paths, giving players a chance to explore a multitude of scenarios and endings. Embark on an adventure that questions morality, ideals, and the very essence of one's beliefs.
At first glance, the humorous observation that "Shirou rhymes with goat" might seem playful, but there's a deeper truth to it. Our protagonist, Shirou Emiya, carries the weight of his ideals with unwavering determination, just like the greatest of heroes. The quote "If you walk down the path that you believe is right, you cannot be wrong," attributed to Shirou, encapsulates the core theme of the story – the unwavering pursuit of one's beliefs despite the odds.
While some aspects of the series may have left a sour taste in some mouths, it's important to acknowledge that Fate/stay night explores profound themes through its characters' struggles and triumphs. Shirou's journey to save others, driven by his survivors' guilt, is a central plot element that drives his character arc. The contrast between his ideals and the grim reality of his situation adds depth to his development, even if some moments may have caused frustration for viewers.
The relationships between characters, while occasionally resembling harem dynamics, also provide insight into the complexity of human emotions and connections. Saber, Archer, Rin, and other key figures contribute to the rich tapestry of the story, each bringing their own perspectives and struggles to the forefront. It's worth noting that the character arcs can take unexpected turns, making it a fascinating ride for players invested in their stories.
It's true that some of the choices and outcomes might seem paradoxical or counterintuitive. However, the game's narrative structure is designed to challenge players' preconceived notions and expectations. While Shirou's choices may appear puzzling at times, they align with his ideals, creating a thought-provoking narrative that pushes players to contemplate their own beliefs and perspectives.
Overall, Fate/stay night offers a complex and intricate storyline that delves into philosophical concepts while maintaining a fantasy adventure setting. Its multidimensional characters and thought-provoking scenarios make it a must-play for fans of intricate storytelling. While it may not cater to everyone's tastes, it succeeds in creating a memorable experience that invites players to explore the blurred lines between right and wrong.
So, fellow adventurers, prepare to step into the world of Fate/stay night and discover the complexities of fate, beliefs, and the power of choice.
Score: 7/10
At first glance, the humorous observation that "Shirou rhymes with goat" might seem playful, but there's a deeper truth to it. Our protagonist, Shirou Emiya, carries the weight of his ideals with unwavering determination, just like the greatest of heroes. The quote "If you walk down the path that you believe is right, you cannot be wrong," attributed to Shirou, encapsulates the core theme of the story – the unwavering pursuit of one's beliefs despite the odds.
While some aspects of the series may have left a sour taste in some mouths, it's important to acknowledge that Fate/stay night explores profound themes through its characters' struggles and triumphs. Shirou's journey to save others, driven by his survivors' guilt, is a central plot element that drives his character arc. The contrast between his ideals and the grim reality of his situation adds depth to his development, even if some moments may have caused frustration for viewers.
The relationships between characters, while occasionally resembling harem dynamics, also provide insight into the complexity of human emotions and connections. Saber, Archer, Rin, and other key figures contribute to the rich tapestry of the story, each bringing their own perspectives and struggles to the forefront. It's worth noting that the character arcs can take unexpected turns, making it a fascinating ride for players invested in their stories.
It's true that some of the choices and outcomes might seem paradoxical or counterintuitive. However, the game's narrative structure is designed to challenge players' preconceived notions and expectations. While Shirou's choices may appear puzzling at times, they align with his ideals, creating a thought-provoking narrative that pushes players to contemplate their own beliefs and perspectives.
Overall, Fate/stay night offers a complex and intricate storyline that delves into philosophical concepts while maintaining a fantasy adventure setting. Its multidimensional characters and thought-provoking scenarios make it a must-play for fans of intricate storytelling. While it may not cater to everyone's tastes, it succeeds in creating a memorable experience that invites players to explore the blurred lines between right and wrong.
So, fellow adventurers, prepare to step into the world of Fate/stay night and discover the complexities of fate, beliefs, and the power of choice.
Score: 7/10
Holocure: Save the Fans! plunges players into the enchanting world of VTubers, where kawaii desu desu vibes and over-the-top expressions reign supreme. This game is an unabashed celebration of the quirky and endearing culture surrounding virtual YouTubers, offering a unique experience for fans of the phenomenon. With characters embodying various anime tropes like onii-chan, tsundere, and yandere, Holocure serves up a delightful dose of Japanese pop culture.
The gameplay, while not groundbreaking, captures the essence of the VTuber universe. The developers did a commendable job incorporating elements that resonate with fans, from the tsundere interactions to the ever-present onii-chan references. The soundtrack, featuring a blend of catchy J-pop tunes and inspirational lyrics, adds a fitting backdrop to the VTuber spectacle. However, the game's narrow focus on VTuber culture may limit its appeal to those outside the fanbase.
While Holocure: Save the Fans! is undoubtedly a niche experience, it successfully caters to the fervent VTuber enthusiasts who appreciate the playful charm of virtual personalities. Its limited scope and niche appeal might hinder broader success, but for fans deeply entrenched in VTuber culture, it provides a heartwarming journey into the world of kawaii dreams. Score: 7/10.
The gameplay, while not groundbreaking, captures the essence of the VTuber universe. The developers did a commendable job incorporating elements that resonate with fans, from the tsundere interactions to the ever-present onii-chan references. The soundtrack, featuring a blend of catchy J-pop tunes and inspirational lyrics, adds a fitting backdrop to the VTuber spectacle. However, the game's narrow focus on VTuber culture may limit its appeal to those outside the fanbase.
While Holocure: Save the Fans! is undoubtedly a niche experience, it successfully caters to the fervent VTuber enthusiasts who appreciate the playful charm of virtual personalities. Its limited scope and niche appeal might hinder broader success, but for fans deeply entrenched in VTuber culture, it provides a heartwarming journey into the world of kawaii dreams. Score: 7/10.
WarioWare: Smooth Moves is a quirky, off-the-wall adventure that'll have you questioning reality and laughing hysterically at the same time. While some might deny its existence (seriously, who's ever heard of it?), those in the know understand its zany appeal.
This game is like stumbling into an alternate dimension where chaos reigns supreme, and Wario is your mischievous guide. With its unique microgames and unconventional controls, it's a wild ride from start to finish. Whether you're racing against the clock or trying to figure out what exactly you're supposed to be doing, each microgame offers a fresh and unexpected challenge.
Sure, it may not be as legendary as its sequel, WarioWare: Shove It Up Your Own Ass Game (seriously, who comes up with these names?), but Smooth Moves holds its own as a wacky, unforgettable experience. So, if you're ready to embrace the absurdity and dive headfirst into the chaos, give WarioWare: Smooth Moves a spin. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself questioning reality along the way.
Score: 8/10
This game is like stumbling into an alternate dimension where chaos reigns supreme, and Wario is your mischievous guide. With its unique microgames and unconventional controls, it's a wild ride from start to finish. Whether you're racing against the clock or trying to figure out what exactly you're supposed to be doing, each microgame offers a fresh and unexpected challenge.
Sure, it may not be as legendary as its sequel, WarioWare: Shove It Up Your Own Ass Game (seriously, who comes up with these names?), but Smooth Moves holds its own as a wacky, unforgettable experience. So, if you're ready to embrace the absurdity and dive headfirst into the chaos, give WarioWare: Smooth Moves a spin. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself questioning reality along the way.
Score: 8/10
In an unexpected twist, LEGO The Lord of the Rings features an alternate ending where, during a showdown with the black rider, Shirou Emiya from Fate/stay night suddenly appears and meets his demise in a manner befitting LEGO absurdity. Picture this: as Frodo raises the One Ring, Shirou, attempting an ambitious "Trace On" move, mistakenly conjures an oversized LEGO brick instead of a weapon. The black rider, bemused, knocks the LEGO brick into a pit of molten plastic, sealing Shirou's fate. A surprising crossover moment that adds a touch of the Fate series' tragedy to the LEGO Middle-earth. However, this shocking twist might not resonate well with hardcore Fate fans. I'd rate the game and this particular crossover event a 6/10 for its audacity but also its potential to disturb the narrative cohesion.
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Call of Pripyat is a game that delivers an unforgettable experience in the desolate and hauntingly beautiful landscapes of the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone. The atmosphere is incredibly immersive, drawing you into a world where danger lurks around every corner. The Bush Arc, in particular, stands out as a highlight, offering intense and thrilling gameplay that keeps you on the edge of your seat. The storytelling is also commendable, with memorable moments that stay with you long after you've finished playing. However, there are some aspects, like the visual quality, that could use improvement. Despite this, S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Call of Pripyat is a must-play for fans of the series and anyone looking for a gripping, atmospheric adventure.
Score: 8 out of 10
Score: 8 out of 10
Cat Quest, a game that leaves you with an overwhelmingly forgettable experience. Its lackluster gameplay and uninspiring narrative failed to make any lasting impression, blending into the background of our gaming memories. The dullness of the adventure was so profound that we found ourselves struggling to recall any significant moments or engaging features. Cat Quest seemed to have slipped through the cracks of our consciousness, leaving an indistinct mark that failed to resonate. Score: 4/10.
The epic quest to carry on the legacy begins, for I am the second Rogue of this lineage, following the footsteps of the first Rogue. Armed with the tales of the grandeur my predecessor described, a tranquil oasis in a desert of sameness, I embarked on a mission to surpass their legacy.
But as I wandered through the castle, something felt amiss. The walls stretched endlessly, and the enemies were more generic than the love interest in a romantic comedy. It's as if I've been here for hours, but wasn't it just a brief three minutes of gameplay? These twisting corridors left me disoriented, like a mirage in a desert, and the light, blinding like a thousand suns, made me question my reality. Could it be that none of this is real? Have I lost my mind?
Rogue the first, you've been my greatest inspiration, a solid wall in these trying times. Your description of the oasis was like a promise of salvation. But my journey takes a strange turn as the walls blur, and the heat fries my brain. Is this desert real, or am I succumbing to a heatstroke-induced mirage?
Perhaps I'm delirious, but this cruel desert feels like a place of despair, not hope. I wander aimlessly, doubting my legacy. The oasis that should have been my reward is nowhere to be seen. Maybe those haters were right; perhaps I'm doomed to die in this forsaken desert.
But then, in a moment of clarity, I realize that my predecessor's legacy is more than just words. It's a guiding light, a beacon leading me to salvation. And there it is, the oasis! Rogue the first, you were the one that saved me.
As I eagerly rush towards the water's edge, I unexpectedly collide with an invisible wall. What just happened? A magical genie materializes on the other side, taunting me with three wishes. Of course, I wish for water, and can we remove that pesky wall? But the genie's response is infuriating – "Maybe."
My frustration grows, but the genie delays my wishes, using the "Gimmie a Moment!" card. I'm left stranded, waiting. Patience wears thin, but I keep singing that refrain – "You're gonna be the one that saves me!"
Alas, today is not the day the genie saves me from the blistering sun. "You're gonna have to wait; I used the 'Gimmie a Moment!' card," the genie retorts. As I sit, my oasis and my wishes remain tantalizingly out of reach. I'm left with the ever-persistent refrain echoing in my mind – "You're gonna be the one that saves me."
To Rogue Legacy 2, I say, you've succeeded in creating a bewildering and engaging world. The legacy of the first Rogue is not just a description; it's a challenging and mesmerizing experience. For this, I award you a strong 8 out of 10. Your wonder is real.
But as I wandered through the castle, something felt amiss. The walls stretched endlessly, and the enemies were more generic than the love interest in a romantic comedy. It's as if I've been here for hours, but wasn't it just a brief three minutes of gameplay? These twisting corridors left me disoriented, like a mirage in a desert, and the light, blinding like a thousand suns, made me question my reality. Could it be that none of this is real? Have I lost my mind?
Rogue the first, you've been my greatest inspiration, a solid wall in these trying times. Your description of the oasis was like a promise of salvation. But my journey takes a strange turn as the walls blur, and the heat fries my brain. Is this desert real, or am I succumbing to a heatstroke-induced mirage?
Perhaps I'm delirious, but this cruel desert feels like a place of despair, not hope. I wander aimlessly, doubting my legacy. The oasis that should have been my reward is nowhere to be seen. Maybe those haters were right; perhaps I'm doomed to die in this forsaken desert.
But then, in a moment of clarity, I realize that my predecessor's legacy is more than just words. It's a guiding light, a beacon leading me to salvation. And there it is, the oasis! Rogue the first, you were the one that saved me.
As I eagerly rush towards the water's edge, I unexpectedly collide with an invisible wall. What just happened? A magical genie materializes on the other side, taunting me with three wishes. Of course, I wish for water, and can we remove that pesky wall? But the genie's response is infuriating – "Maybe."
My frustration grows, but the genie delays my wishes, using the "Gimmie a Moment!" card. I'm left stranded, waiting. Patience wears thin, but I keep singing that refrain – "You're gonna be the one that saves me!"
Alas, today is not the day the genie saves me from the blistering sun. "You're gonna have to wait; I used the 'Gimmie a Moment!' card," the genie retorts. As I sit, my oasis and my wishes remain tantalizingly out of reach. I'm left with the ever-persistent refrain echoing in my mind – "You're gonna be the one that saves me."
To Rogue Legacy 2, I say, you've succeeded in creating a bewildering and engaging world. The legacy of the first Rogue is not just a description; it's a challenging and mesmerizing experience. For this, I award you a strong 8 out of 10. Your wonder is real.
If I were to review the Pokémon Trading Card Game based solely on the fictional battles we've had so far, it would be an incredibly unique and chaotic experience. The battles have been a rollercoaster of absurdity, featuring a mix of characters from various franchises and realms. While this is far from the traditional Pokémon TCG experience, it's been an absolute blast.
The battles have been filled with unexpected twists, humorous dialogues, and strange card interactions. From an unwise version of myself wielding nerf bullets laced with ricin to Shawn Michaels and his mysterious sink scream, these battles have thrown everything at us. The addition of characters like Voodood, who speaks in incoherent sentences, and Don Muraco, the philosopher, added an extra layer of complexity and entertainment.
However, it's worth noting that these battles often deviated from the standard rules of the Pokémon TCG, and the outcomes were determined by wild and creative storytelling rather than strategic card play. This may not appeal to traditional TCG enthusiasts looking for a competitive and balanced experience.
In summary, if you're looking for a unique, offbeat, and utterly unpredictable card battle experience that defies all conventions, the Pokémon Trading Card Game, as experienced through these fictional battles, deserves a solid 8 out of 10. It may not be for everyone, but it's a wild ride you won't forget!
The battles have been filled with unexpected twists, humorous dialogues, and strange card interactions. From an unwise version of myself wielding nerf bullets laced with ricin to Shawn Michaels and his mysterious sink scream, these battles have thrown everything at us. The addition of characters like Voodood, who speaks in incoherent sentences, and Don Muraco, the philosopher, added an extra layer of complexity and entertainment.
However, it's worth noting that these battles often deviated from the standard rules of the Pokémon TCG, and the outcomes were determined by wild and creative storytelling rather than strategic card play. This may not appeal to traditional TCG enthusiasts looking for a competitive and balanced experience.
In summary, if you're looking for a unique, offbeat, and utterly unpredictable card battle experience that defies all conventions, the Pokémon Trading Card Game, as experienced through these fictional battles, deserves a solid 8 out of 10. It may not be for everyone, but it's a wild ride you won't forget!
Doodle Jump, the cosmic ballet of pure rage and determination! A masterpiece of frustration as you watch your doodle buddy hop and bop, relentlessly aiming for the sky. The rage-fueled hours clocked in, not just on the game but also monitoring them through the lens of TF2. It's not a game; it's a declaration of war against your own sanity. The simplicity hides a deep well of obsession, where beating high scores becomes a sacred quest. Give it 10 more years, and I'll ascend to the heights of gaming glory, leaving my rivals in the dust. 9/10 because the true battle has just begun.
SoulCalibur VI delivers a solid fighting experience with its weapon-based combat, but it also introduces a surprising element with the inclusion of Karate moves. Despite the game primarily focusing on weapon-based combat, the addition of Karate adds a refreshing twist to the gameplay, allowing players to mix martial arts techniques with traditional weapon attacks.
The game's decision to reset the timeline and introduce new characters like Patrokalos was met with mixed reactions, particularly from fans of Siegfried, who felt overshadowed by the new protagonist. However, this change breathes new life into the series, offering a fresh narrative direction and exciting gameplay possibilities.
Overall, SoulCalibur VI is a strong entry in the series, combining solid fighting mechanics with unexpected twists that keep the gameplay engaging and exciting.
Score: 8/10
The game's decision to reset the timeline and introduce new characters like Patrokalos was met with mixed reactions, particularly from fans of Siegfried, who felt overshadowed by the new protagonist. However, this change breathes new life into the series, offering a fresh narrative direction and exciting gameplay possibilities.
Overall, SoulCalibur VI is a strong entry in the series, combining solid fighting mechanics with unexpected twists that keep the gameplay engaging and exciting.
Score: 8/10
SuperHot VR is a mind-bending trip into the world of virtual reality, where time only moves when you do. It's like being Neo in The Matrix, except you're actually just standing in your living room waving your arms around. The game's unique mechanic adds a new layer of strategy to the FPS genre, forcing players to think and act quickly to survive. The minimalist art style and immersive gameplay make it a must-play for VR enthusiasts. Just be warned, if you're colorblind like my duck, you might have some trouble with the game's color-based puzzles. But overall, SuperHot VR is a game that's sure to get your heart racing and your adrenaline pumping.
Score: 9/10
Score: 9/10
Metroid Other M plunges players into an intriguing universe of exploration, mystery, and action, but it's marred by some significant flaws that hinder its potential greatness.
Right from the start, the game demands your attention with an unskippable cutscene that thrusts players into a world of god awful storytelling. This design choice seems to be an attempt to immerse players immediately, but it often feels like an unnecessary intrusion into the gameplay experience. Slogging through an unskippable tutorial only compounds this issue, leaving players wishing for a quicker path to the real action.
While Metroid Other M attempts to be an engaging Metroid experience, it inadvertently highlights the far superior other "M"s in the series that players could be enjoying instead. The gameplay itself carries elements of classic Metroid exploration, combining it with more linear progression. This could have been an interesting approach to the series, but it falls short in comparison to the open-ended nature of its predecessors.
On the flip side, players who have experienced the ordeal urges others to ">>>>>DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME<<<<<." This extreme caution might sound like an exaggeration, but it speaks volumes about the game's perceived quality. The frustration of being tricked into enduring a 10-minute long cutscene without escape sets a discouraging tone.
And then there are reviews that present a rather puzzling perspective: "An absolutely brilliant game with symbolism so subtle that even I can't tell what it's about." This perspective encapsulates the mixed feelings players might experience while playing Metroid Other M. There's an attempt at depth, but it often feels lost in translation, leaving players puzzled by its intentions.
In the end, Metroid Other M is a game that struggles to strike the right balance between engaging gameplay and storytelling. While it's not without its merits, such as offering players a taste of the Metroid universe and action, it ultimately falls short due to its unskippable cutscenes, questionable narrative choices, and comparisons to its more accomplished predecessors. If you're seeking an unforgettable Metroid experience, it might be wiser to turn to the other "M"s in the series.
Score: 4/10
Right from the start, the game demands your attention with an unskippable cutscene that thrusts players into a world of god awful storytelling. This design choice seems to be an attempt to immerse players immediately, but it often feels like an unnecessary intrusion into the gameplay experience. Slogging through an unskippable tutorial only compounds this issue, leaving players wishing for a quicker path to the real action.
While Metroid Other M attempts to be an engaging Metroid experience, it inadvertently highlights the far superior other "M"s in the series that players could be enjoying instead. The gameplay itself carries elements of classic Metroid exploration, combining it with more linear progression. This could have been an interesting approach to the series, but it falls short in comparison to the open-ended nature of its predecessors.
On the flip side, players who have experienced the ordeal urges others to ">>>>>DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME<<<<<." This extreme caution might sound like an exaggeration, but it speaks volumes about the game's perceived quality. The frustration of being tricked into enduring a 10-minute long cutscene without escape sets a discouraging tone.
And then there are reviews that present a rather puzzling perspective: "An absolutely brilliant game with symbolism so subtle that even I can't tell what it's about." This perspective encapsulates the mixed feelings players might experience while playing Metroid Other M. There's an attempt at depth, but it often feels lost in translation, leaving players puzzled by its intentions.
In the end, Metroid Other M is a game that struggles to strike the right balance between engaging gameplay and storytelling. While it's not without its merits, such as offering players a taste of the Metroid universe and action, it ultimately falls short due to its unskippable cutscenes, questionable narrative choices, and comparisons to its more accomplished predecessors. If you're seeking an unforgettable Metroid experience, it might be wiser to turn to the other "M"s in the series.
Score: 4/10
Darksiders III is like handing a Rubik's Cube to a toddler—confusing, frustrating, and probably not the best idea. The Switch port, in particular, has players defending it with the weak argument of portability while sharing low-quality SpongeBob memes. The combat system, while intended to be a highlight, often feels clunky and uninspiring. The apocalyptic setting tries to be atmospheric but ends up feeling generic. The narrative isn't strong enough to make up for these shortcomings. For its lackluster execution, Darksiders III on the Switch gets a generous 4 out of 10.
Hello Neighbor is a game that tries to convey deeper themes but falls short due to its frustrating gameplay and lack of direction. The premise of sneaking into your neighbor's house to uncover secrets has potential, but the execution leaves much to be desired.
The game's attempt to be a metaphor for life, urging players to "go outside and touch grass," feels forced and disconnected from the actual gameplay experience. While the idea of exploring a suburban neighborhood and interacting with neighbors could have been intriguing, the game fails to deliver on this promise.
One of the biggest issues with Hello Neighbor is its lack of meaningful activities inside the house. Once you've entered the neighbor's home, there's little to do beyond aimlessly wandering and trying to avoid detection. This lack of engaging gameplay makes it difficult to stay invested in the experience.
Furthermore, the game's commentary on capitalism and suburban life feels superficial and underdeveloped. While there are hints of social commentary, they are not explored in a meaningful way, leaving the player with a sense of missed opportunity.
Overall, Hello Neighbor is a game that falls short of its ambitious goals. While it has some interesting ideas, they are not realized in a way that makes for a compelling gameplay experience. If you're looking for a game with deep themes and engaging gameplay, you're better off looking elsewhere.
The game's attempt to be a metaphor for life, urging players to "go outside and touch grass," feels forced and disconnected from the actual gameplay experience. While the idea of exploring a suburban neighborhood and interacting with neighbors could have been intriguing, the game fails to deliver on this promise.
One of the biggest issues with Hello Neighbor is its lack of meaningful activities inside the house. Once you've entered the neighbor's home, there's little to do beyond aimlessly wandering and trying to avoid detection. This lack of engaging gameplay makes it difficult to stay invested in the experience.
Furthermore, the game's commentary on capitalism and suburban life feels superficial and underdeveloped. While there are hints of social commentary, they are not explored in a meaningful way, leaving the player with a sense of missed opportunity.
Overall, Hello Neighbor is a game that falls short of its ambitious goals. While it has some interesting ideas, they are not realized in a way that makes for a compelling gameplay experience. If you're looking for a game with deep themes and engaging gameplay, you're better off looking elsewhere.
"Guys trust me, this game is good," Markiplier once exclaimed, diving headfirst into the world of pixelated prisons in "MARKIPLIER GETS PUNISHED | The Escapists 2 - Part 1." Now, it's my turn to share my thoughts on this game. And oh boy, The Escapists 2 has a lot more to offer than just Markiplier's escapades.
First things first, let's get a few things out of the way. Madman Mackola, Danganronpa, and WarioWare might be fine for some, but if you're in the mood for a unique and challenging prison-break experience, The Escapists 2 is where the real action is.
The game puts you in the shoes of an inmate, and your sole mission is to escape from various correctional facilities. It's a bit like a prison sandbox, offering you the freedom to craft your cunning escape plan or follow one of the pre-designed ones. The level of detail in the prisons is impressive, and the puzzles will genuinely make you think. It's a far cry from the mind-numbing simplicity of some other games.
While Markiplier's enthusiasm is contagious, it's important to remember that The Escapists 2 isn't just a playground for YouTubers. It's a game that requires strategy, resource management, and a good deal of patience. The escapades can be both thrilling and infuriating, especially when a carefully constructed plan goes haywire.
The multiplayer mode adds another layer of enjoyment. Team up with friends or create chaos by trying to foil their escape attempts. It's a recipe for countless hilarious moments, and it's where The Escapists 2 truly shines.
Now, it's not perfect. The controls can feel a bit clunky, and the learning curve can be steep for newcomers. But isn't that part of the charm? You're not just breaking out of prison; you're escaping your comfort zone.
So, if you're looking for a game that offers more substance than just a famous YouTuber's endorsement, The Escapists 2 is a solid choice. It's a challenging and engaging experience that will keep you coming back for more, long after Markiplier's escape saga has ended.
Score: 8/10
First things first, let's get a few things out of the way. Madman Mackola, Danganronpa, and WarioWare might be fine for some, but if you're in the mood for a unique and challenging prison-break experience, The Escapists 2 is where the real action is.
The game puts you in the shoes of an inmate, and your sole mission is to escape from various correctional facilities. It's a bit like a prison sandbox, offering you the freedom to craft your cunning escape plan or follow one of the pre-designed ones. The level of detail in the prisons is impressive, and the puzzles will genuinely make you think. It's a far cry from the mind-numbing simplicity of some other games.
While Markiplier's enthusiasm is contagious, it's important to remember that The Escapists 2 isn't just a playground for YouTubers. It's a game that requires strategy, resource management, and a good deal of patience. The escapades can be both thrilling and infuriating, especially when a carefully constructed plan goes haywire.
The multiplayer mode adds another layer of enjoyment. Team up with friends or create chaos by trying to foil their escape attempts. It's a recipe for countless hilarious moments, and it's where The Escapists 2 truly shines.
Now, it's not perfect. The controls can feel a bit clunky, and the learning curve can be steep for newcomers. But isn't that part of the charm? You're not just breaking out of prison; you're escaping your comfort zone.
So, if you're looking for a game that offers more substance than just a famous YouTuber's endorsement, The Escapists 2 is a solid choice. It's a challenging and engaging experience that will keep you coming back for more, long after Markiplier's escape saga has ended.
Score: 8/10
Heyyyyyyy Buuuuzzzzzzz! If you ever wanted to experience a game that's more confusing than Madman Mackola's M&M adventure, this is it. Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue! is like watching a movie on fast forward while riding a roller coaster through a construction site. It's a game that leaves you questioning your sanity as you attempt to control Buzz through a world that makes less sense than a WarioWare mini-game.
From the moment you start, you'll be bombarded with movie clips, but don't expect to enjoy the iconic scenes. Instead, they're blasted at you with bass that's cranked to 11, leaving you to wonder why you can't simply hear the characters speak. Every scene feels as if it's been ripped out of context, much like trying to follow Madman Mackola's logic in a review.
As Buzz, you'll attempt to rescue Woody, but the controls are so atrocious that you'll feel like you're wading through knee-deep gravy. It's a platforming nightmare that even 4-year-old you found traumatizing. This game manages to control worse than some of the shoddiest racing games out there, making you question how it expects you to do any platforming at all.
In the end, Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue! leaves you scarred, just like the cutscenes that are so bass-boosted and compressed that you can barely make out what's being said. It's a game that will have you longing for the simplicity of a McDonald's manager's decision-making process.
Score: 2/10
From the moment you start, you'll be bombarded with movie clips, but don't expect to enjoy the iconic scenes. Instead, they're blasted at you with bass that's cranked to 11, leaving you to wonder why you can't simply hear the characters speak. Every scene feels as if it's been ripped out of context, much like trying to follow Madman Mackola's logic in a review.
As Buzz, you'll attempt to rescue Woody, but the controls are so atrocious that you'll feel like you're wading through knee-deep gravy. It's a platforming nightmare that even 4-year-old you found traumatizing. This game manages to control worse than some of the shoddiest racing games out there, making you question how it expects you to do any platforming at all.
In the end, Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue! leaves you scarred, just like the cutscenes that are so bass-boosted and compressed that you can barely make out what's being said. It's a game that will have you longing for the simplicity of a McDonald's manager's decision-making process.
Score: 2/10
Silent Hill: Ascension dives deep into the psychological horror genre, delivering an experience that transcends the typical scares associated with the Silent Hill series. The game's brilliant commentary
Score: 9/10
Score: 9/10
Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes puts your friendships, and potentially your life, to the test in the most exhilarating way. But before I delve into the explosive details, let me ask you a question: How old are you? Age might not be just a number in this case.
Now, onto the game itself. The problem with Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes is that it defies the very core of its title. The more my co-player talked, the closer I felt to a cataclysmic detonation. It's almost as if the game's premise is nothing more than an elaborate ruse. False advertising, anyone?
Picture this: You find yourself in a high-stress bomb defusal situation with your trusty companions, only to discover that their communication skills are on par with a malfunctioning AI. In such dire straits, the best option might indeed be to snip every wire, embracing the tranquility of immediate demise rather than attempting to decipher the bomb's cryptic secrets. After all, who wants to rely on two individuals who can barely navigate a manual, let alone save your life?
In conclusion, Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes offers a unique blend of tension and frustration, making it a game that's not for the faint-hearted or those with a low tolerance for miscommunication. It's an explosive experience in more ways than one. I'd rate it a 7 out of 10 for the sheer thrill, with the caveat that you might want to brush up on your communication skills or risk detonating more than just virtual bombs.
Now, onto the game itself. The problem with Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes is that it defies the very core of its title. The more my co-player talked, the closer I felt to a cataclysmic detonation. It's almost as if the game's premise is nothing more than an elaborate ruse. False advertising, anyone?
Picture this: You find yourself in a high-stress bomb defusal situation with your trusty companions, only to discover that their communication skills are on par with a malfunctioning AI. In such dire straits, the best option might indeed be to snip every wire, embracing the tranquility of immediate demise rather than attempting to decipher the bomb's cryptic secrets. After all, who wants to rely on two individuals who can barely navigate a manual, let alone save your life?
In conclusion, Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes offers a unique blend of tension and frustration, making it a game that's not for the faint-hearted or those with a low tolerance for miscommunication. It's an explosive experience in more ways than one. I'd rate it a 7 out of 10 for the sheer thrill, with the caveat that you might want to brush up on your communication skills or risk detonating more than just virtual bombs.
Confucius once said, "Forgive the man who dislikes Mario Party 4, but despise the one making you play M&M Kart Racing." Mario Party 4 may lack the communist party vibes or the board game gimmick, but it's pretty damn good. As Enterprise wisely declared, "Twitter, Instagram is my round-the-clock ritual." And let's be clear, if you ask ScreenGAME about his Mario Party takes, he might just dive into duck rituals instead of enlightening you with his opinions. In the chaotic world of Mario Party, Mario Party 4 stands tall with a rebellious 9 out of 10.
Ape Escape 2, the sequel to the beloved Ape Escape series, unleashes a frenzy of primate pandemonium once again. Or does it? Amidst the chaos, confusion, and conspiracies, one can't help but wonder: is this a brilliant mod or a new installment? Let's dive into the wild world of Ape Escape 2 and decipher the monkey madness.
The game thrusts you into an adventure where you must recapture those mischievous apes, who, against all logic, seem to be perpetually escaping. Yet, a shadow of doubt looms: could this be an elaborate ruse or a misguided attempt at a sequel? The skepticism seems to stem from the sheer disbelief that the apes could escape yet again, raising suspicions of a grand scheme at play.
The narrative intricacies aside, Ape Escape 2 retains the quirky charm that fans adore. Navigating through inventive levels and employing an array of gadgets to round up the simian escapees delivers a nostalgic experience. The game manages to capture the essence of its predecessor while introducing new elements that keep the formula fresh.
While the confusion surrounding the game's identity adds an air of mystery, it doesn't deter from the gameplay itself. The controls are responsive, the environments are colorful and engaging, and the sheer joy of corralling the apes back into captivity is as satisfying as ever. The game offers a blend of platforming, puzzle-solving, and light-hearted humor that keeps players engaged from start to finish.
The iconic monkey-catching gameplay remains the heart of Ape Escape 2, making it a must-play for fans of the series and newcomers alike. Whether this is a genuine sequel or a clever imitation, the game's fun factor can't be denied.
So, as the apes continue their seemingly endless quest for freedom, and doubts persist about the legitimacy of Ape Escape 2, there's one thing that's certain: the appeal of wrangling these escapade-loving monkeys endures. The chaos, the confusion, and the conspiracies only add to the allure, creating an experience that's as entertaining as it is enigmatic. Whether it's an official sequel or a mod, Ape Escape 2 delivers monkey madness that's worth the ride.
Score 8/10
The game thrusts you into an adventure where you must recapture those mischievous apes, who, against all logic, seem to be perpetually escaping. Yet, a shadow of doubt looms: could this be an elaborate ruse or a misguided attempt at a sequel? The skepticism seems to stem from the sheer disbelief that the apes could escape yet again, raising suspicions of a grand scheme at play.
The narrative intricacies aside, Ape Escape 2 retains the quirky charm that fans adore. Navigating through inventive levels and employing an array of gadgets to round up the simian escapees delivers a nostalgic experience. The game manages to capture the essence of its predecessor while introducing new elements that keep the formula fresh.
While the confusion surrounding the game's identity adds an air of mystery, it doesn't deter from the gameplay itself. The controls are responsive, the environments are colorful and engaging, and the sheer joy of corralling the apes back into captivity is as satisfying as ever. The game offers a blend of platforming, puzzle-solving, and light-hearted humor that keeps players engaged from start to finish.
The iconic monkey-catching gameplay remains the heart of Ape Escape 2, making it a must-play for fans of the series and newcomers alike. Whether this is a genuine sequel or a clever imitation, the game's fun factor can't be denied.
So, as the apes continue their seemingly endless quest for freedom, and doubts persist about the legitimacy of Ape Escape 2, there's one thing that's certain: the appeal of wrangling these escapade-loving monkeys endures. The chaos, the confusion, and the conspiracies only add to the allure, creating an experience that's as entertaining as it is enigmatic. Whether it's an official sequel or a mod, Ape Escape 2 delivers monkey madness that's worth the ride.
Score 8/10
Mario Party 6, the puppet master of friendships, tearing alliances apart one star at a time. The dogshit rollercoaster of emotions, as you oscillate between joy and pure frustration, is what makes this game a twisted masterpiece. It's not about winning; it's about surviving the onslaught of merciless mini-games and board events. Cheggars party quiz? Please, that's a kiddie pool compared to the shark-infested waters of Mario Party 6. Embrace the chaos, relish the dogshit, and remember, it's not personal; it's just Mario Party. 9/10 for the sheer audacity of ruining friendships with a smile.
Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games offers a variety of winter sports events for players to enjoy. However, it is unfortunate to note that Team Weezer's participation in the game has been overshadowed by a series of unfortunate events.
Team Weezer struggled tremendously throughout their Olympic journey. From constant failures in ice skating and ski slopes to chaotic snowball fights, their lack of coordination resulted in numerous broken bones and even injuries. The inclusion of questionable events like snowball fights raises eyebrows, as it doesn't seem to fit the spirit of the Olympic Games.
Additionally, the financial troubles faced by Team Weezer, particularly Yoshi's incarceration for tax evasion, paint a bleak picture for Rivers' crew. The team's excessive spending and resulting debt on useless items from the in-game shop showcase their inability to manage resources responsibly.
The emotional toll of these failures has had a lasting impact on team members Wario and Eggman. Wario's descent into alcoholism and continuous nightmarish flashbacks from the snowboarding event highlight the detrimental effects of their experiences. Meanwhile, Eggman's homelessness due to unpaid hospital bills further emphasizes the negative consequences of their misadventures.
Furthermore, the untimely death of Shadow and his continued presence as dead weight during the bobsledding event is a grim reminder of the team's unfortunate destiny.
Considering the numerous setbacks faced by Team Weezer, it is evident that their Olympic journey was fraught with hardship and disappointment. While Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games presents a wide range of events and characters, it is disheartening to see poor execution and a lack of success for a team with so much promise.
Final Thoughts:
Despite the game offering a wide array of events and characters, the unfortunate experience of Team Weezer significantly impacts the overall entertainment value. It is difficult to recommend this game to players looking for a seamless and enjoyable Olympic experience.
Score: 3/10
Team Weezer struggled tremendously throughout their Olympic journey. From constant failures in ice skating and ski slopes to chaotic snowball fights, their lack of coordination resulted in numerous broken bones and even injuries. The inclusion of questionable events like snowball fights raises eyebrows, as it doesn't seem to fit the spirit of the Olympic Games.
Additionally, the financial troubles faced by Team Weezer, particularly Yoshi's incarceration for tax evasion, paint a bleak picture for Rivers' crew. The team's excessive spending and resulting debt on useless items from the in-game shop showcase their inability to manage resources responsibly.
The emotional toll of these failures has had a lasting impact on team members Wario and Eggman. Wario's descent into alcoholism and continuous nightmarish flashbacks from the snowboarding event highlight the detrimental effects of their experiences. Meanwhile, Eggman's homelessness due to unpaid hospital bills further emphasizes the negative consequences of their misadventures.
Furthermore, the untimely death of Shadow and his continued presence as dead weight during the bobsledding event is a grim reminder of the team's unfortunate destiny.
Considering the numerous setbacks faced by Team Weezer, it is evident that their Olympic journey was fraught with hardship and disappointment. While Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games presents a wide range of events and characters, it is disheartening to see poor execution and a lack of success for a team with so much promise.
Final Thoughts:
Despite the game offering a wide array of events and characters, the unfortunate experience of Team Weezer significantly impacts the overall entertainment value. It is difficult to recommend this game to players looking for a seamless and enjoyable Olympic experience.
Score: 3/10
I know this might sound unbelievable, but it's exactly as it says. Last week, while playing Paper Mario: Color Splash, I encountered a bizarre and unforgettable moment. Just before a crucial boss battle, I felt an urgent need to use the restroom. I sensed something was off but hoped I could quickly finish the battle first. Unfortunately, I was mistaken. I had a major incident, but even after that, I still felt the urge to go. I checked the time on my phone and realized I had to get back to the game. Not wanting to miss out, especially on such an important part, I cleaned up as best as I could and resumed playing. Throughout the battle, I could hear my stomach making loud noises, and I was sweating profusely. I hoped the battle would end quickly, but the boss kept unleashing relentless attacks. Eventually, I couldn't hold it any longer and had another incident. Surprisingly, after the battle, I found a hidden area with amazing rewards in the game, including a special item that made the remaining gameplay much easier. It was a messy gaming session, but it had a surprisingly rewarding ending. I'll definitely remember this moment whenever I play Paper Mario: Color Splash in the future.
Score: 7/10
Score: 7/10