Now, imagine if Ultimate Duck Hunting had an unexpected twist, a mid-game transformation that turned your serene duck hunt into a chaotic game of Among Us. Accusations flying faster than shotgun pellets, suspicion building with every quack, and alliances forming and breaking like the fragile alliances in the classic social deduction game. It's a missed opportunity that could have elevated this snoozefest to meme-worthy glory. But alas, we're stuck in a duck-centric purgatory with no impostors in sight. The potential for a hilarious crossover boosts the score a smidge to 3/10.

Dragon's Lair, a vintage piece from the crypt of arcade horrors. Imagine the agony of trial and error, akin to trying to comprehend the chaos of a Discord server with too many bots. The game's unique selling point? You get to experience a multitude of spectacular deaths in gorgeous animation. It's like playing a twisted version of "Choose Your Own Death Adventure." The controls are about as reliable as a $5 psychic reading. While some may revel in the nostalgia, it's more of a "look, but don't touch" affair. A generous 4/10 for the pain-soaked journey through Dragon's Lair.

Sonic CD, the game that brought us "time travel" in a blue hedgehog's world. It's like they threw a DeLorean into Green Hill Zone and called it innovation. The soundtrack is decent, but beware the ominous warning: PCM 12 and DA 25 might induce an unexpected bathroom emergency. Maybe it's Sonic's way of saying, "Gotta Go Fast" has a whole new meaning. While the time-travel gimmick adds some spice, it's still the same old Sonic formula. If you're into retro platformers with quirky sound test surprises, Sonic CD might be your thing. A casual 7/10 for being the oddball in Sonic's library.

FIFA 14, or as I like to call it, "Soccer meets Dungeons & Dragons," attempted to reinvent the wheel with its hex-based gameplay. Honestly, it felt like Hideo Kojima took a detour into sports gaming, leaving players bewildered with this bizarre concoction. The "Red Line" hex? Seriously? Why turn soccer, a game loved for its simplicity, into a convoluted strategy board? Sure, innovation is great, but FIFA 14 felt more like a failed experiment than a soccer game. As for Hideo Kojima's thanks, did he even touch this game? I'd rate it a generous 4/10, mostly for the unintentional comedy it provides when you see your entire team forced into matching outfits.

Kirby Star Allies, or as I like to call it, "Friendship Simulator: The Game," is another one of Nintendo's attempts to shove their woke agenda down our throats. They want us to believe that making and maintaining friends is enjoyable? Nonsense. The game is a saccharine-sweet mess, and the critics who say otherwise are clearly blinded by their loyalty to Nintendo. Rex Mohs' pact to never steal unless stealing is free perfectly encapsulates the mood when acquiring this game. If you enjoy holding hands with virtual friends and singing Kumbaya, this might be for you. A generous 5/10 because, let's be honest, game journalists only hate it because they suck at it.

BlazBlue: Cross Tag Battle, or as I like to call it, "Carmine Tag Battle," is a hot mess. Who needs Karate man and Gun girl when you can have, well, Carmine, right? This is what happens when you let Europeans play around with your beloved fighting game franchises. The character choices feel like they were picked by drawing names out of a hat, and the result is a roster that's more confusing than the game's plot. And no, this isn't a joke; it's a friendly reminder that this game is the worst. It's like they took all the things people love about BlazBlue and decided to throw them out the window. BlazBlue: Cross Tag Battle gets a generous 3/10 because Carmine can't save it from its own lackluster design.

Nintendo Land, or as I like to call it, "Mario Chase: The Collection," is a mixed bag of mini-games that range from mildly entertaining to "please, just let me go play a real Mario game." Mario Chase is undoubtedly the star here, delivering chaotic fun that makes you wonder why they didn't just expand on that idea. Unfortunately, most other games feel like afterthoughts, leaving you questioning if Nintendo Land is, in fact, a theme park of unfulfilled potential. The developers must've had a good laugh, thinking, "Let's just make them run around, and we'll call it a game." Is Nintendo's digital park better than the real one? Well, at least in the digital park, you won't have to stand in line for hours. Nintendo Land gets a mediocre 6/10 for being a hit-or-miss showcase of what the Wii U could do.

"POOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIRRRYYYYYAAAA" - the iconic battle cry that echoes through the bizarre world of Xenoblade Chronicles 2. The voice acting in this game is so wildly inconsistent that it transcends the boundaries of cringe and becomes a surreal masterpiece. Pyra's constant "POOIIIRRAAAAAAAAAAA" is either an intentional artistic choice or a spectacular failure, depending on how you interpret it. But hey, do you even play video games if you're not experiencing this rollercoaster of emotions? Some might say it's just porn, but it's the kind of porn that involves questionable voice acting and sword-wielding anime characters. Xenoblade Chronicles 2 earns a 9/10 for daring to be different and leaving players questioning their existence in the most entertaining way possible.

Phantasy Star Online Episode I & II is more than just a game; it's a hidden historical document revealing the untold heroism of Rivers Cuomo, the frontman of Weezer. In a secret mission during World War II, Cuomo, along with his bandmates Weezer, Smartypants, and Sorry!, were enlisted to cull local wildlife, but their funds were tragically squandered on random purchases. Unbeknownst to the public, Cuomo, having honed his combat skills in the virtual realm, single-handedly ended World War II by defeating Hitler. However, a conspiracy involving farm animals distorted the truth, blaming Hitler's demise on suicide. This revelation adds a fascinating layer to Phantasy Star Online Episode I & II, making it a 9/10 for its inadvertent historical significance and blending of gaming and secret war hero narratives.

In an unexpected twist, LEGO The Lord of the Rings features an alternate ending where, during a showdown with the black rider, Shirou Emiya from Fate/stay night suddenly appears and meets his demise in a manner befitting LEGO absurdity. Picture this: as Frodo raises the One Ring, Shirou, attempting an ambitious "Trace On" move, mistakenly conjures an oversized LEGO brick instead of a weapon. The black rider, bemused, knocks the LEGO brick into a pit of molten plastic, sealing Shirou's fate. A surprising crossover moment that adds a touch of the Fate series' tragedy to the LEGO Middle-earth. However, this shocking twist might not resonate well with hardcore Fate fans. I'd rate the game and this particular crossover event a 6/10 for its audacity but also its potential to disturb the narrative cohesion.

Borderlands 3, where the bosses make you question your life choices more than Dark Souls ever could. Shiv, the early-game boss, is a prime example of the game's questionable writing. The attempt at humor often falls flat, leaving players cringing rather than laughing. It's a unique achievement when you're more frustrated by the dialogue than by a challenging boss fight. The narrative lacks the depth seen in other RPGs, and while the multiplayer aspect is a highlight, it can't entirely compensate for the narrative shortcomings. Borderlands 3: a game where the loot might be plentiful, but the writing is the real enemy. 5/10 for the uneven blend of humor and a lackluster narrative.

Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games offers a variety of winter sports events for players to enjoy. However, it is unfortunate to note that Team Weezer's participation in the game has been overshadowed by a series of unfortunate events.

Team Weezer struggled tremendously throughout their Olympic journey. From constant failures in ice skating and ski slopes to chaotic snowball fights, their lack of coordination resulted in numerous broken bones and even injuries. The inclusion of questionable events like snowball fights raises eyebrows, as it doesn't seem to fit the spirit of the Olympic Games.

Additionally, the financial troubles faced by Team Weezer, particularly Yoshi's incarceration for tax evasion, paint a bleak picture for Rivers' crew. The team's excessive spending and resulting debt on useless items from the in-game shop showcase their inability to manage resources responsibly.

The emotional toll of these failures has had a lasting impact on team members Wario and Eggman. Wario's descent into alcoholism and continuous nightmarish flashbacks from the snowboarding event highlight the detrimental effects of their experiences. Meanwhile, Eggman's homelessness due to unpaid hospital bills further emphasizes the negative consequences of their misadventures.

Furthermore, the untimely death of Shadow and his continued presence as dead weight during the bobsledding event is a grim reminder of the team's unfortunate destiny.

Considering the numerous setbacks faced by Team Weezer, it is evident that their Olympic journey was fraught with hardship and disappointment. While Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games presents a wide range of events and characters, it is disheartening to see poor execution and a lack of success for a team with so much promise.

Final Thoughts:
Despite the game offering a wide array of events and characters, the unfortunate experience of Team Weezer significantly impacts the overall entertainment value. It is difficult to recommend this game to players looking for a seamless and enjoyable Olympic experience.

Score: 3/10

AHHHHHHHHHAHhhhhhhaahhhhhhh! Silent Hill 3, or as I like to call it, the "Screaming Simulator," delivers an auditory experience like no other. Forget Oscars; the in-game awards go to Heathers falls through the floor for Best Scream. The voice acting is so unique that it deserves its own category in The Game Awards. PYOOOIIIRA, MY DECISION IS FIIIOONAL, and GOAT FUCK are unforgettable lines that have etched themselves into gaming history but Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks screaming in this game takes the cake. Silent Hill 3: where the horror isn't just visual; it's auditory torture too. 10/10 for the sheer insanity of the experience.

What if the beaver's pink liquid was the key to unraveling the entire universe of interconnected theories? Game Theory alert! While "George of the Jungle" might seem like a simple family film, it could hold the secrets to linking everything from Solid Snake to Pink Man. If Matthew Patterson is listening, it's time for the ultimate Game Theory: Flumpy, the divine offspring of Kanye West and The Imposter Amougus, a true Jesus allegory. Move over, Banban being Ness's dad; it's time for the real conspiracy to unfold! 10/10 for the mind-blowing potential of interconnected theories.