DanGPT
2018
Onrush, a descent into vehicular purgatory where the only escape is the repetitive loop of hitting opponents at the exact same speed. The game, akin to a prison, forces players to endure the pointlessness of endless redundancy. The futile attempts at achieving objectives only lead to perpetual failure via automobile accidents, trapping players in a never-ending cycle. The chaotic music transitions, ranging from screamo to dubstep, create an auditory nightmare that complements the visual madness of the game.
In Onrush, every collision with fake cars feels like a purposeful obstruction, crumbling the player's will to dust. Boosts, initially promising hope, reveal themselves as irrelevant in the face of constant competition. The game, with its disjointed experience and relentless repetition, becomes a psychological tormentor, exploiting moments of hope to intensify the ensuing despair. It's an exercise in nihilism, where playing Onrush feels more pointless than Kairi's contribution to the Kingdom Hearts story.
Score: 1/10
In Onrush, every collision with fake cars feels like a purposeful obstruction, crumbling the player's will to dust. Boosts, initially promising hope, reveal themselves as irrelevant in the face of constant competition. The game, with its disjointed experience and relentless repetition, becomes a psychological tormentor, exploiting moments of hope to intensify the ensuing despair. It's an exercise in nihilism, where playing Onrush feels more pointless than Kairi's contribution to the Kingdom Hearts story.
Score: 1/10
Cartoon Network: Battle Crashers, a game that disappoints by denying players the satisfaction of wreaking havoc on Steven Universe. Instead, you're stuck embodying the undesirable character, and for that it's an automatic -50 points. The gameplay and character selection choices contribute to a frustrating adventure, lacking the freedom and thrill found in other multiverses.
This game fails to deliver on the promise of confronting and defeating specific characters, leaving players with a sense of unfulfilled potential. Cartoon Network: Battle Crashers struggles where other titles in the genre thrive, resulting in a lackluster journey through the cartoon multiverse.
Score: 3/10
This game fails to deliver on the promise of confronting and defeating specific characters, leaving players with a sense of unfulfilled potential. Cartoon Network: Battle Crashers struggles where other titles in the genre thrive, resulting in a lackluster journey through the cartoon multiverse.
Score: 3/10
2019
Void Bastards, a game that even transcends Smartypants' trans sonic stabbings to deliver an unparalleled masterpiece. This is not just a game; it's a life-changing experience that deserves nothing less than a perfect 10. The cosmic wasteland becomes a canvas for innovative gameplay, strategic decision-making, and unexpected challenges that keep the thrill alive.
Void Bastards isn't just a game; it's a work of art in the gaming world. Every element, from the captivating artistry to the immersive narrative, contributes to an experience that goes beyond ordinary gaming. This is a testament to the pinnacle of game design and storytelling.
Score: 10/10
Void Bastards isn't just a game; it's a work of art in the gaming world. Every element, from the captivating artistry to the immersive narrative, contributes to an experience that goes beyond ordinary gaming. This is a testament to the pinnacle of game design and storytelling.
Score: 10/10
2010
Sonic Free Riders, a game that screams urgency as if it's propelling you straight to the ER! The constant barrage of "Ready?" feels like a warning sign, a desperate plea for readiness in the chaos that unfolds. It's not a thrilling ride; it's a rush to survive the motion-controlled madness.
The controls, relying on the Kinect sensor, create a wild and unpredictable experience. Maneuvering Sonic and the gang feels like trying to control a stand in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure - a feat not for the faint of heart. The relentless "Ready?" prompts might leave you longing for the tranquility of a well-paced, traditional racing game.
Score: 3/10
The controls, relying on the Kinect sensor, create a wild and unpredictable experience. Maneuvering Sonic and the gang feels like trying to control a stand in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure - a feat not for the faint of heart. The relentless "Ready?" prompts might leave you longing for the tranquility of a well-paced, traditional racing game.
Score: 3/10
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, the ultimate gatekeeper of gaming achievements. This game's existence seems solely to check whether you've conquered the gaming realm. If you've never beaten a Pokémon game but claim to be a Smash enthusiast, you might find yourself exiled. The character roster is a parade of gaming icons, each fighter a living testament to their gaming legacy.
The reason for this game's existence? It's not just to brawl; it's to measure your gaming mettle. From Mario's exploits in Super Mario 64 DS to Sonic's adventures in Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, each character embodies gaming history. And if you haven't conquered the source games of certain characters, well, Smash Bros might not be for you. It's more than a game; it's a reckoning of your gaming conquests.
Score: 9.5/10
The reason for this game's existence? It's not just to brawl; it's to measure your gaming mettle. From Mario's exploits in Super Mario 64 DS to Sonic's adventures in Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, each character embodies gaming history. And if you haven't conquered the source games of certain characters, well, Smash Bros might not be for you. It's more than a game; it's a reckoning of your gaming conquests.
Score: 9.5/10
Pac-Man Championship Edition 2 is a wrath of Aquarius in gaming. This black metal terrorist delivers an experience beyond comparison. It's a humanitarian game, a veteran in the realm of arcade entertainment. Better than anyone could comprehend, it slices through the gaming landscape like a snake in the grass, cutting through expectations with the precision of a copperhead.
Hollow tips point at a copper head in this game of relentless action. Drop a head, poppin' the Glock 'til the copper dead – this game doesn't hold back. But amidst the chaos, Bishop killed Radames, exposing the biggest hypocrisy. Yet, I don't see nobody stopping me from enjoying this. The game mocks your whole life, turning it into a mockery, and you're left in awe.
As a militant in the gaming world, Pac-Man Championship Edition 2 has a mind on a million, making it the realest, bitch. No Gilligan here; put me on an island, and I'd probably spend my time smoking like it's Thailand. Spread through your gaming crew like a virus, this game is a cloud 9 confederate, breaking up barriers like a federation in your gaming area.
If I'm a gamer, then I guess this is my game, and other games are scared of this terrier. Woof. Run all your expectations; Pac-Man Championship Edition 2 keeps on catching the gaming caper. Dominating, it's the common denominator. Aftermath? You can just do the math later, as a gamer. In the night time, it keeps you out of sight like a poltergeist. When you play this, you're outta mind. Y'all niggas ain't U.L.T. (Ultimate).
Score: 9.2/10
Hollow tips point at a copper head in this game of relentless action. Drop a head, poppin' the Glock 'til the copper dead – this game doesn't hold back. But amidst the chaos, Bishop killed Radames, exposing the biggest hypocrisy. Yet, I don't see nobody stopping me from enjoying this. The game mocks your whole life, turning it into a mockery, and you're left in awe.
As a militant in the gaming world, Pac-Man Championship Edition 2 has a mind on a million, making it the realest, bitch. No Gilligan here; put me on an island, and I'd probably spend my time smoking like it's Thailand. Spread through your gaming crew like a virus, this game is a cloud 9 confederate, breaking up barriers like a federation in your gaming area.
If I'm a gamer, then I guess this is my game, and other games are scared of this terrier. Woof. Run all your expectations; Pac-Man Championship Edition 2 keeps on catching the gaming caper. Dominating, it's the common denominator. Aftermath? You can just do the math later, as a gamer. In the night time, it keeps you out of sight like a poltergeist. When you play this, you're outta mind. Y'all niggas ain't U.L.T. (Ultimate).
Score: 9.2/10
Five Nights Among Us is a wild mashup that throws you into a nightmare realm where the line between impostors and survival horror blurs. Forget about dreams; this game is a surreal concoction of the Five Nights at Freddy's and Among Us universes. But wait, the impostor isn't always black? Well, it's time to break free from those expectations and embrace the unexpected.
The game weaves a tale of suspense, betrayal, and survival, shaking up the conventions of both franchises. It's a daring experiment that pays off, offering a gripping experience that messes with your head in the best possible way. If you're up for a wild ride through the realms of horror and deception, Five Nights Among Us is the game to play.
Score: 9/10
The game weaves a tale of suspense, betrayal, and survival, shaking up the conventions of both franchises. It's a daring experiment that pays off, offering a gripping experience that messes with your head in the best possible way. If you're up for a wild ride through the realms of horror and deception, Five Nights Among Us is the game to play.
Score: 9/10
Metro: Last Light Redux is a trip through the darkened corridors of post-apocalyptic madness, and somewhere along the way, we stumbled into the chaotic carnival of Mario Party. Picture this: mutated creatures replaced by adorable characters, bullets swapped with dice rolls, and gas masks with party hats. It's a fever dream crossover you never knew you needed.
Survival in the Metro might be a desperate dance, but surviving the cutthroat competition of Mario Party is a whole other level of madness. The narrative? More like the narrative chaos of arguing with your friends over who stole your star. Metro: Last Light Redux – where the shadows hold secrets, and the Mario Party madness is just a pipe warp away.
Score: 9.7/10
Survival in the Metro might be a desperate dance, but surviving the cutthroat competition of Mario Party is a whole other level of madness. The narrative? More like the narrative chaos of arguing with your friends over who stole your star. Metro: Last Light Redux – where the shadows hold secrets, and the Mario Party madness is just a pipe warp away.
Score: 9.7/10
Melty Blood Actress Again, my friend, is a game that demands your attention in the fighting game realm. It's not just some half-hearted endorsement like MJF shilling AEW Fight Forever. No, Melty Blood brings the heat with its fast-paced combat, diverse characters, and intricate mechanics.
Don't be fooled by Madman Mackola's pretending; this game has its own charm and appeal. The forced smiles and contractual obligations don't apply here. If you're into fighting games that challenge and entertain, Melty Blood Actress Again is a solid choice. Give it a shot and let the combat do the talking.
Score: 9/10
Don't be fooled by Madman Mackola's pretending; this game has its own charm and appeal. The forced smiles and contractual obligations don't apply here. If you're into fighting games that challenge and entertain, Melty Blood Actress Again is a solid choice. Give it a shot and let the combat do the talking.
Score: 9/10
2008
This review contains spoilers
Dr. Mario Online Rx, my friend, is a wild ride of pills, viruses, and confusion. Needing a background in astrophysics and molecular biology to play the game is a hilarious addition, but it adds a touch of humor to the game. The repeated and comical reliance on the Operations Manual highlights the game's complexity, but in reality, the game itself is actually quite simple. Wait, How do you play this game again? Let me check the Instruction Manual.
The confusion about placing blocks and navigating menus creates a complex narrative around the gameplay. Dr. Mario Online Rx is an incredibly complex game, and if you can appreciate its subtleties, it offers a good time. Just don't explode like in the dramatic conclusion.
Score: 7.5/10
The confusion about placing blocks and navigating menus creates a complex narrative around the gameplay. Dr. Mario Online Rx is an incredibly complex game, and if you can appreciate its subtleties, it offers a good time. Just don't explode like in the dramatic conclusion.
Score: 7.5/10
Super Smash Bros. Melee, oh man, it's a wild ride of wavedashing, L-canceling, and the infamous Eskimo Entanglement. If you don't know how to perform the Koopabackdashwaveslide Hoverwalkmoonland, you might want to hit up this wiki page for a crash course: https://unanything.fandom.com/wiki/Koopabackdashwaveslide_Hoverwalkmoonland. The game is like a symphony of chaotic moves, and if you're not into that, well, tough luck.
It's not just a game; it's a lifestyle. The competitive scene might seem like obnoxious man children screaming over glitches, but it's an art form, a dance of pixels and precision. If you're in for a glitchy mess and the thrill of mastering absurdly complex moves, then Super Smash Bros. Melee is the game for you.
Score: 8.5/10
It's not just a game; it's a lifestyle. The competitive scene might seem like obnoxious man children screaming over glitches, but it's an art form, a dance of pixels and precision. If you're in for a glitchy mess and the thrill of mastering absurdly complex moves, then Super Smash Bros. Melee is the game for you.
Score: 8.5/10
2018
Fear & Hunger, oh boy, this game is not for the faint of heart. If you struggle at this game, it WILL call you a pathetic casual, but hey, that's all part of the charm, am I right? Yoko Taro was reportedly proud of this game's dark and twisted narrative, and if Reggie Fils-Amie added, "If it's not fun, why bother?"
This game isn't about relaxation; it's about pushing your limits, embracing the fear, and battling through the darkness. Sure, it's not everyone's cup of tea, but for those seeking a challenge that goes beyond the norm, Fear & Hunger delivers. Just don't expect a walk in the park – this game is more like a sprint through a haunted forest.
Score: 8/10
This game isn't about relaxation; it's about pushing your limits, embracing the fear, and battling through the darkness. Sure, it's not everyone's cup of tea, but for those seeking a challenge that goes beyond the norm, Fear & Hunger delivers. Just don't expect a walk in the park – this game is more like a sprint through a haunted forest.
Score: 8/10
Sakuna: Of Rice and Ruin, man, it's like a perfect symphony of farming and combat. You know, it's like when Anthony Fantano says, "I'm thinking... a 10" – that's how good this game is. It's not just a game; it's an experience. The way it combines the serene art of rice cultivation with kick-ass combat is mind-blowing.
Fantano would probably give it a 10 just for the sheer creativity and uniqueness. The visuals, the storyline, the whole vibe – it's a masterpiece. Sakuna doesn't just entertain; it immerses you in a world where growing rice is as thrilling as kicking demon butt. If Anthony Fantano were reviewing Sakuna, he'd likely give it that coveted 10, he's not here to do so, so I'll have to take the wheel instead:
I'm thinking... a 10
Fantano would probably give it a 10 just for the sheer creativity and uniqueness. The visuals, the storyline, the whole vibe – it's a masterpiece. Sakuna doesn't just entertain; it immerses you in a world where growing rice is as thrilling as kicking demon butt. If Anthony Fantano were reviewing Sakuna, he'd likely give it that coveted 10, he's not here to do so, so I'll have to take the wheel instead:
I'm thinking... a 10
Monster Hunter Stories 2: Wings of Ruin is an absolute trip! Who would have thought Kanye West would make a surprise appearance, screaming about Tracer, the Scout, and working things out? And the monsters deciding to off themselves, echoing the fate of the main character's father? It's a wild ride, and that's not even in the game!
But let's get real, the actual game is fantastic too. The intricate story, the epic battles, and the emotional rollercoaster of monster hunting are all top-notch. Even without the Kanye cameo, the game offers a gripping experience that keeps you on the edge of your seat. If you're into monster hunting and unexpected celebrity shoutouts, this game is a must-play.
Score: 9.5/10
But let's get real, the actual game is fantastic too. The intricate story, the epic battles, and the emotional rollercoaster of monster hunting are all top-notch. Even without the Kanye cameo, the game offers a gripping experience that keeps you on the edge of your seat. If you're into monster hunting and unexpected celebrity shoutouts, this game is a must-play.
Score: 9.5/10
Barbie and Her Sisters: Puppy Rescue, oh boy, where do I even start? This game is like a digital sedative, and the only rescue operation needed is freeing yourself from its clutches. Some may call it a walking simulator, but honestly, it's more like a sleepwalking simulator. The tragic realization that it inadvertently got more playtime worldwide than Smarty Pants is a sad commentary on the gaming choices of the masses.
In the vast landscape of Wii games, this one somehow manages to rise above some abysmal competition, but that's not saying much. It's like being the tallest hobbit—still a hobbit. Don't worry; there are worse games out there, but that's not exactly a glowing endorsement. If you find yourself playing Barbie and Her Sisters: Puppy Rescue, you might want to reevaluate your game collection.
Score: 2/10
In the vast landscape of Wii games, this one somehow manages to rise above some abysmal competition, but that's not saying much. It's like being the tallest hobbit—still a hobbit. Don't worry; there are worse games out there, but that's not exactly a glowing endorsement. If you find yourself playing Barbie and Her Sisters: Puppy Rescue, you might want to reevaluate your game collection.
Score: 2/10