FUCK YOU I FUCKING DID IT.
IT TOOK 350 MATCHES BUT I WON.
AFTER OVER 100 HOURS OF FUCKING FEEDING MY FISH APPLES AND USING THE SAME FUCKING HIPPO GIRAFFE COMBO I DID IT
NOTHING IN GAMING HAS FELT THIS GOOD
THIS FUCKING CARD GAME IN DISGUISE IS THE THING THAT WILL END ME
IF YOU USE THE FUCKING WHALE AND DEER COMBO I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP
FUCK THE DUMB ASS SNAIL I WILL NEVER BUY YOU
I FUCKING HATE THIS GAME ITS PERFECT

Man my heart is so full writing this. I had to physically stop myself from playing this game when the Battle Pass ended because I felt the middle schooler in me coming out daily when I got home from work to hop into my daily Deathmatch server and talk shit with complete Randoms for hours on end. I don't need to reiterate what I already said about 1.6 here but I'll start out by saying I really never thought that this game was for me, fuck it's over 10 years old and it just clicked with me fully. Everything great about 1.6 and source are here with just more love and structure and while it let me regress it's also a game I felt aged properly with me. There isn't just porn sprays and copy written wav files blasting in my ears. Now you have to pay for skins and pay for much worse copy written music but while that sounds like I'm speaking negatively it feels like it's the only way this can exist on such a huge scale and still have it's charm. I would catch myself at work looking at videos on throwing the perfect nade on every map and spending hours learning the recoil on every gun and I just remembered why I fell in love with counter stike in the first place. It is the best part of every shooter that came before and after it. You don't need leveling up guns and getting attachments. You learn to love what they give you and use it to your best ability. Everyone is on an even playing field and if you die it's your fault and you better get better or you will die again. This review sucks but this game fucking rules.

I remember when Rocket League came out and it had everyone like AMPED for like a week and then everyone who's normal stopped playing and there were a bunch of fucking nerds who learned how to fly through dimensions or some shit and ruined for everyone looking to just play soccer like a normal person. Well this captured my FULL attention for like a few of weeks, like my go to game I would just ignore people while spamming the GG and Laughing emotes at what I can only assume were just 6 year old hopefully crying while I flew through the air and beating them 12-0. Then I realized I was the weird nerd who I hated and promptly uninstalled.

So I had COVID around Christmas time and all I heard was how this game was the fucking BEE'S KNEES. And while I was stuck in bed and all I could do was stare at my iPad because doing anything else made my Bones hurt, I spent the ($5?? $10?????) to finally play this game and it was pretty fun. As a person who hates deck-building but loves rouge-likes, it surprisingly got it hooks in me hard. I spent the next week grinding and trying to figure out the perfect deck to Slay the Proverbial Spire, and then I did and it felt great. And then I tried a new character, realized I fucking hate deck building and have not opened the app since. I'm sure I didn't actually beat the game and I'm sure there 95 endings or some shit but I have 0 interest in revisiting it because deck buildings for nerds.

Man I was so fucking amped when this dropped, I spent like 5 hours alone in the armory practicing the guns and really it was the most fun I've had on Halo since Reach (which is the perfect MP imo). But I played so much for like 1 month and then it just stopped clicking. I don't know why. Maybe there was nothing to work towards, even though I bought the battel pass. I wish I had the desire to play this more because it is so solid. Maybe once it's "Fully" released I'll check back in but man this just bums me out.

I needed to come here after reviewing Doom to discuss just Episode 4. Now after beating episode 3 I was like "WOW what a solid ending but I felt like the difficulty Plateaued and I was really ready to test my skills." This episode delivers on that, and it makes you regret asking for more of a challenge because HOLY SHIT are some of these levels BRUTAL. It's all of the best parts of Doom turned up to 11, in the respect that, the "Conserve your ammo and health because you are getting 50 shotgun shells for 50 enemies levels." Make you use every secret area to your advantage you need to learn every enemy placement perfectly. The Puzzle levels make you explore the whole map multiple times to figure out where the fuck you are going and what you could possibly be missing. And finally the DOOM levels are just so satisfying mowing down a sea of enemies with a cache of weapons and ammo you spent 3 episodes grinding out. And at this point my aim was so on point and I was SKATING around these levels hitting my shots ducking under fireballs and it just felt so incredible that I get excited just talking about it. Episode 4 while painfully hard at time is seriously some of the best Doom.

Man, this game is so fucking good.
For some reason I couldn't stop thinking about when I was growing up I had a shareware floppy disk of Wolf 3d, I used to play it on an old Windows machine in my basement. It was terrifying, even with all the lights on 5 year old me would sit there and jump at every monster closet and was just completely hooked. Fast Forward to me at 26, I fired up Ultrakill and felt that as incredible as I think it is, I wasn't fully appreciating the early 90's shooter ascetic because I haven't played them so I couldn't just start at quake I had to start at the beginning DOOM. I had previously purchased this game on Xbox 360 around 10 years ago , remember playing E1M1-E1M4 and sort of putting it down and saying I get it. I didn't get it. Because in firing up doom I was expecting faster paced Wolf 3d like I remember playing. But there's one Crucial difference, I played it on Ultraviolence. This turned even the simplicity of Episode 1 into a a test into my reaction time and movements. This game is still a masterclass in every single respect. Starting off with the guns and the shooting, the shotgun is literally my favorite weapon in any shooter, it feels so great EVERY. SINGLE. SHOT. the variety makes you know what to use in every situation because the game teaches you through trial and error. There were so many times early on where I would be going up against a sea of enemies and my shotgun wasn't firing fast enough and I thought I just sucked, nope time to switch to the minigun. Was there a lot of hitscan enemies, Switch to shotgun, was there enemies that took a lot of hits rockets or plasma rifle. Every weapon serves its purpose and the game at the higher levels gives you just enough ammo to so that it keeps the game tense and rewarding. And as a little side note, people love saying that Doom isn't survival horror but these people just proved they didn't play on Ultraviolence because if they did they would know the terror of being on your 20th run of a level realizing there was still a 8 Imps left but you only had 6 shotgun shells left and maybe 12 pistol shots, it's terrifying, and then BOOM a Cacodemon shows up and you jump. And that's also just credit to how fucking incredible the Level Design is here. As soon as credits rolled on Episode 4 I went back to play E1M1 and was like taken aback by how expertly it's crafted because when I first played that level I was like wow this is a hard level but over time they sprinkle in just enough new elements per level that by the end you are managing so much you don't realize how simple the early levels are in comparison, the game teaches you how to play it with no tutorials. Like I think about how I can tell you how many shots it takes to kill every enemy in this game with every enemy because it's just muscle memory knowing by the middle of the game okay if I hit my shots right I will have just enough to clear this room and you are PRAYING there's maybe 1 more box of ammo after that. The rush of getting to the end of a level with some ammo , health and shield was so rewarding. I loved how every new episode half the fun was just learning the map. Figuring out where to go, sprinting across a room of enemies thinking you were safe and turning around and there's even more enemies there. I couldn't get over how each episode had it's own distinct feel and while some were way more puzzle solving and others were more endurance and reflex tests. They always balanced it out so the game never felt stale or predictable. The atmosphere of all of them are so great and it knew when to play the heavy, "I'm going to fuck things up" to the "You're all alone and there's death lurking around every corner" Lighting and Music. I really can't get over how much I loved this game and how much every aspect of it just still feels so fresh, a FPS WITH NO VERTICLE MOUSELOOK feels so timeless and you still felt that you had complete control over everything. Seriously it is the definition of a masterpiece.

Well considering I made this entry on IGDB because I've spent the last 8??? months playing this I think it's only fitting that I'm the only review. This is weird because I fucking hate this game and I probably put like a solid 400 hours into it. It's gatcha for sports fans and while the only microtransaction I ever purchased was to remove ads (Best $5 maybe ever spent) it literally was because this game is a clicker. I rarely ever actually PLAYED this game, I auto sim through seasons and would actually get annoyed when I had to play baseball in it. The fun is grinding through menus auto-playing games and the constant chase of upgrading a team. There is always going to be better players to get and all through the season ever month they would add a new tier that would make your team obsolete. I hate this game it sucks but I also had so much fun sinking time into mindlessly clicking and being part of one of the biggest clubs, but baseball seasons over so I'm retiring, it was fun.

So I'm an idiot and completely forgot that this was listed by season so I guess I should put my thoughts on the state of my relationship with COD here. I already chronicled my love affair with Modern Warfare 2019 it was a very flawed masterpiece that consumed my life pretty much. It somehow perfected the art of the Call Of Duty grind. Just going into a game using .01% of your brain and somehow releasing enough serotonin to make it nearly impossible to stop. So why am I saying this well because this COD sort of picks up the pieces of where the MW left off. To make this not too long, when Cold War dropped I loved it. The engine change made this feel like such a different game, I can't properly describe it but this game felt smoother. MW was gritty and tough this one felt very more light and breezy. Due to the shorter TTK the game felt faster and more impactful and because I put like 500 hours into MW I fell off halfway into season 1 and didn't touch it until my girlfriend left me and I needed to keep myself distracted, it was my comfort food. I grinded out 100 battlepass levels and I think around 175 account levels in this season because it was the perfect get stone put on futurama and mindlessly shoot game. I needed this, it was my home for a little over a month and for that this season means a lot to me. This game is very flawed but it fills that hole of a fast and fun shooter, and a serious addiction is needed.

Honestly blown away by this and it was genuinely such a shock to actually play this and like sort of get transported to what is just like a dream Sony theme park and I'm not even a fanboy I just have such a soft spot for the PS1 and PS2. It really felt like the video game version of a Disney ride where all the bright lights and the fun music and just exploring these little islands and finding all the easter eggs just warmed my heart. This was such a fun little game and the constant gameplay changes they made were also so great. There's not much to say it's just a really just a celebration of Sony and it's history wrapped in a really fun platformer that showcases the PS5 Hardware so well.

I have put a lot of hours into this game but not enough to say it hooked me. I remember playing the Beta and loving it and when it came out and it needed to be played in portrait mode I was really turned off. It isn't predatory in it's micro transactions, it plays really well, I like the design of the characters and the variety of the abilities, it just doesn't click with me. I literally bought this seasons battlepass hoping it would get me back into it and I literally deleted it because it was just taking up space. It's fine and if it's for you thats cool I just wish I liked it more.

THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT BABY!
This is what I wanted after being disappointed by Super Metroid. A Metroid game that expands on the simplicity of Zero Mission but kept the Tight Controls and great visuals and added the incredible boss design of Super Metroid. While I called Samus Returns 3DS a perfect game honestly it's hard to argue that the highs of this game may be better than that in Metroid 2. Starting off with the things this does wrong which honestly I just want to get out of the way so I can gush about the great, the fucking Pixel hunting is maybe the worst in the series so far. Not so much in the first half of the game where they do a good job of pushing you in the right direction while not directly holding your hand, there were too many times late game where I would super bomb an area jump and ball up and roll everywhere only to find out after like 10 minutes that the block I was looking for was hidden by some grass and you had to be almost perfect in your jump to land in it. While this was only a few times at the end it really killed the fast frenetic pace of the end game and without it I'd also argue that this was a flawless game. Now onto the Excellent parts because oh boy is there so much this game did right. First off this game plays so fucking well and so tight and so fun and the shooting feels the best it has (Outside of Metroid 2 3DS). Exploring this map was so much fun and while at the beginning I had reservations with the Navigation rooms, afraid that it would take away from the exploratory nature of the first game it really blew me away how the addition of the 6 different sectors actually added to my enjoyment of exploration. While there are times at the beginning where the journey could feel a bit linear, it opens up very quick and all the navigation room will tell you is to go explore one of the sectors each of which has their own unique feel and brings about their own challenges. Those challenges mainly come in the best part of the game which is these fucking bosses which are just really mind blowing that they really outdid my favorite part of the Super Metroid series which was these Set Piece challenges which were not only incredibly brutal and challenging and fun but also really mind blowing even on a portable the scale of these fights and how each one felt wholly unique from each other obviously outside of Ridley which is kind of weaker than it's super Metroid fight and not to give away spoilers but both The Nightmare and the last real fight of the game is one of my favorites in the entire series. There is a real sense of terror in this game which really makes sense given how oozing this atmosphere Super Metroid. While you think for the first time Samus having someone to talk to would make you feel less alone it actually adds this sense of wanting to get to the next navigation center just to talk to make sure everything was okay. And with that comes my final point and that's about the story, while maybe the least important aspect in previous Metroid games, it's really great and engaging here. I really got into the mystery that unfolds through the game and it meshed perfectly with the way the game unfolds and really makes you care for not only samus but the world. It gives the game the life that the previous games were missing and it was honestly something I didn't know I needed in a Metroid game. Considering a lot of people find this game polarizing I didn't think it would arguable be probably my favorite Metroid game in the series. This is really an incredible experience front to back with only a few minor hiccups but outside of those this game really blew me away.

Okay so this is my fault. I wanted to play the Metroid games in chronological order, while Metroid 1 on the NES and Metroid 2 on the Gameboy are honestly borderline unplayable now due to the way games progressed I opted into playing their remakes Metroid Zero Mission and Samus Returns 3DS instead. While I though Zero mission was an incredible start, I thought Samus returns was a masterpiece one of the most fun games I ever played. So going into Super Metroid which is widely regarded as one of the greatest games of all time I had my expectations set really high and while it didn't blow me away like Samus returns I still think most of what's here is honestly pretty great. I'll start with what's better. The non linearity of the map made exploring so much more exciting. Like I felt like I could tackle these areas in any order and looking at walkthrough at the end to see the few missile locations I missed, I honestly did it in a complete different order than any of the guides I looked at and I love shit like that, like my playthrough was unique. I seriously for the first time felt like a true outsider on this planet and each different section felt tonally different, this is also help by the music which is easily my favorite of the series by far. I loved how the combat all throughout the game felt it had a lot of weight and while I honestly missed the parrying system, there was so much enemy variety and ways to tackle each encounter that it made up for it. Finally the thing that I LOVED most in this game were the boss fights, while my one minor critique of Samus returns was the slightly repetitive boss fights that by the end while gaining in difficulty none of them aside from a couple were super unique. Every single fucking boss fight in this game was INCREDIBLE, seriously they way they each had this grand scale to them and the intimidation honestly they felt like Dark Souls bosses with studying their pattern and figuring out when I could attack their weak point. The difficulty was brutal but in the best way and even the gimmicky fights were fun figuring out what they wanted you to do. Seriously I loved each of these encounters and looked forward to them. Now when I say the reasons for me disliking this game is my fault it's because I'm following up a game Made in 2017 with a game made in 1994. The Quality of life changes made in Later remakes make small things in this just too frustrating. First off, not marking if an item was received or not when you go through the room made back tracking SUCH a chore, which was one of my favorite parts in previous games, like not remembering if that dot on the map was a Rocket I couldn't get because I didn't have the right power up or if I did get it SUCKED, and honestly the reason this is the first Metroid game I didn't 100% because I couldn't care enough to try to remember every single location. Second off traversing the entire map while constantly needing to pause because the mini-map was too zoomed in to make me remember where I was and on top of that the inability to not be able to switch different areas on the map so I had to physically travel across the map which in parts are so confusing because if you go through a secret area and then leave and come back that is never marked on your map so I constantly had to keep switching to the X-ray attachment to be like oh there WAS an invisible wall there but I've gone through it a million times JUST MARK IT OR MAKE IT UNINVISIBLE AFTER I GO IN IT THE FIRST TIME. Like my biggest problem was half way through I had to pull up a map of the game on my iPad and make notes of where I've been where power ups I didn't get where and it felt like I was doing home work and I know the graph paper thing is an appeal to people who grew up on Metroid 1 but it just felt like I was doing homework at a point and constantly took me out of the game, which honestly was so fun when I'd get into a groove but it was the breaking up by those things that really just killed me. Also I felt like I was fighting with the controls for sections of the game, specifially the wall jumping and the screw attack, there were just too many points where I know I was doing the inputs correct and Samus would fall and I'd have to wrap back around to make sure the jump went through, same with the grappling hook. When it felt good it felt great but there were too many times where you would SEE it make connection with the block and you would just not connect and that was frustrating. But even with those complaints what is here for the time is such a great game in so many respects and seriously hold up so well, it just makes me want to ROM hack it to add those QOL changes so that it could be the perfect game I wanted it to be so bad. Either way for an almost 30 year old game it holds up pretty impressively.