I mean, what the hell was I expecting, right.

I had tried and failed to play through this game several times in my life, the first being as early as my grade school days. I should’ve seen that as a sign, but for whatever reason I just recently purchased this game (for the first time, mind you - said grade school copy was a friend’s that was borrowed and never returned. Sorry Brandon), which refueled my determination exactly enough to say I did it.

It was shocking, I guess, to see just how humble the beginnings of the series were. I don’t know jack shit about the tale of Sora and co., a story which continues to gain a seemingly bottomless supply of infamy for its overcomplications and addendums, but the fact that this game ended and I went “huh, that was actually pretty straightforward,” is bonkers considering what I was expecting. I mean, that’s not necessarily a compliment considering how trite the dark/light concepts became by the end (I hear the rest of the series continues this trend...), but the story of Sora, Riku, and Kairi confronting their futures as individuals was a compelling FF-type of experience that, unfortunately, was geared for an audience that I’m not a part of. As a personal aside, I always find myself at odds with Square games because they require quite a bit of emotional vulnerability to be impactful, and sometimes that just ain’t me. I’ve made my peace with other games in this world like FFX, a game which is very earnest and tender should you be willing to let it move you. Here? Umm, oops, I think I waited too long to feel impacted by this coming-of-age story!

As for the combat and stuff, it’s surprisingly(?) solid. The fundamentals of your attacks (long-startup, short-startup, final long windup, x100,000 times) don’t get old as much as they get squared against things which always feel like they could be more interesting in either a specifically-RPG or specifically-action context. But they do work, and given that they have to carry you through a 20-30 hour game, that ain’t too bad. However, the magic components here feel pretty weak, both in use and concept. I did go shield/wand at the very beginning, so I’m not sure how much that affected my experience, but especially late-game I found it a lot more effective to just stack physical abilities and equip Divine Rose to erase health bars that were peskily larger than I wanted to deal with. Oh, and graviga, of course. Busted-ass spell.

In the end, though, I think the thing that broke the spell was ultimately just realizing I was sort of playing it out of an obligation to finish. I enjoyed bits, of course: even with the unpleasant level design, it’s hard not to be charmed by these worlds which fit the criteria of their respective movies in a sort of Disney dark-ride way. And as expected, Yoko Shimomura was fucking COOKING here. But the stretches of mediocrity ran too long, and the corners were too tempting to cut when the things I enjoyed were beginning to drift away to leave behind Ansem. What a shithead.

I dunno, sorry I don’t have that many insightful things to say. I just practically shooed the kids out of the Mcdonald’s playplace and then complained that I got stuck in the tubes. I can’t say I regret finally toppling one of my all-time rivals, but I do kind of regret spending time here hoping something would change my mind when clearly this silly little game about a lil boy and his lil-but-slightly-bigger friend who has a crush on him was never going to be my thing, lol. Shoutouts to goofy and donald tho them boys my slime fr😤

what do you do dracula

edit for more serious review: What does RPG mean to you? Swords? XP? For me, and I can only imagine others feel similarly, RPG increasingly means the chance to brainstorm and terraform with friends. When my friends and I meet for RPGs, we aren't beholden to the tropes or strict rules of someone else's idea. We make it, we use it, we enjoy it. Us alone.

There are many reasons why I love this game, but to highlight the most minute (and beautiful) one: no game captures the chaotic specificity of a friendly tabletop campaign better than Space Funeral. Those who know the feeling must see bits of their friend group in the ridiculous names and on-the-spot dialogue. TTRPGs rarely exhibit the grandiosity that high-budget video games sell to you, but you know what they do have? Horses made out of legs.

In Space Funeral, there is a combat action called "Mystery" that causes something completely random to happen. I've been a GM to several campaigns at this point, and boy, let me tell you: there's no button that people love to press more than that one.

This game is a damn mess, maybe the finest example of a “mixed” experience. It’s complex and beautiful and plays like a dream, but paradoxically loses its best traits the more invested you become. The open nature of the castle is rarely a benefit, with the shift in the mid-game pushing that flaw to its absolute limits. It’s also the easiest Castlevania that I’ve played by far, with only a few bosses providing friction in the experience. Worst of all, though? It ends so much lower than it begins, with a fatiguing slog through the castle climaxing with an overpowered weapon shredding the final boss into mince. Dracula didn’t stand a chance.

Scrutiny doesn’t do its airy complexion any favors. It’s a game best experienced almost offhandedly. If you’re like me, you’ve heard about this game for years through hushed tones that helped build its legacy far past what a ‘97 platformer should reasonably be expected to perform at. My advice to those people? Let it stay that way. It’s more interesting to wonder.

Saying this game is "difficult" is like saying getting punched in the face is "dangerous". La-Mulana is outright malevolent. The stench of Konami's decades-old offal will almost make you pass out.

However, I don't think this game's difficulty is the only reason to play, and, speaking frankly, I'm not even "hardcore" enough to think beating this game without assistance is worth it. By maintaining such a level of extremity, La-Mulana is funny like few other games, it is venerable like few other games, and it is certainly rewarding like few other games. Though not always positive, it will insist on leaving an impression.

I mean, I wasn't expecting the Alien Soldier of boob pinching, but this is the only time I've ever played a Treasure game that seemed ideas-first, execution-second. Granted, there are some great ideas! A few bosses land their inventiveness perfectly fine and the presentation of everything is vibrant and clever (besides the EX levels, which kind of suck and are the albatross around this game's otherwise perfect structure).

Cynically, I can't help but think of this game as a canary in the coalmine for Treasure, though; while they made several great games after this (the very next one was Ikaruga), Stretch Panic feels emblematic of a specific decline - that pushing a console to its limits and firing on all cylinders was becoming less viable as a developer calling card. It makes immediate sense that they found a home in the portable consoles, where they were allowed by the standards of the day to continue refining their craft.

I dunno, maybe that's attaching a lot of weight onto a game that at times feels like it's moonlighting as a tech demo, but it's hard not to get in my feelings a little when I play a Treasure game I hadn't before and it disappoints. They're a finite resource these days, so you gotta spread them out! Speaking of which, I hope you're all looking forward to my Sin and Punishment: Star Successor review 20 years from now.

Pretty much the only viable platform for online riichi mahjong for english speakers, (besides trying to figure out tenhou with a guide). Good amount of players, I can pretty much always find a game within a couple minutes. No major glitches, at least from the few months I played. And the presentation is reasonably shiny for a mahjong client. The gacha is incredibly superfluous, and not really implemented well to the gameplay in my opinion. The character designs are okay, though the voice acting's not bad for the few lines the characters speak during a game. Also the quests and events feel incredibly same-y and all kinda blend together, all adding up to a feeling like the extra features just don't really matter at all in the end.

As a way to play mahjong online, it's perfectly quality, though. Probably your best option right now, honestly.