Most NES games have aged like milk. This aged like milk but with loads of preservatives. If I played this in 1985 I would've cummed my little pants off. But I did not. I played it 39 years after the fact: when every single merit of this game has been triumphed tenfold. Thus, my pants remain firmly un-cummed in.

Ultimately, it was pretty fun to see where it all began. It was not fun to see how bullshit the hammer bros are, or how annoying the bloopers are, or how level 7-4 is the dumbest thing ever made by the hands of man.

There's a category at the Bafta Game Awards called "Game Beyond Entertainment". About an hour and half ago I would have ridiculed the idea that art and entertainment are such separate bodies. In 2021, Before Your Eyes received said award. When games like this and Assasins Creed exist with little differentiation, perhaps art like this should be raised above the pack, and placed on such a pedestal.

This joins a very very small list of games that made me cry, and an even smaller list of games with something to say.

Realises the original vision of Jet Set Radio incredibly. Delivering on everything I wanted that game to be and then some. The movement is so fun and responsive. It’s comparable to the 3D Mario games, where the game would still be pretty fun if you were just moving around in an empty space. Thankfully, you are not in said empty space. Every level boasts rich colours and broad variety. Each one is intricately designed to give the game's incredible movement the jungle gym it needs to reach its heights. Also the music officially goes insano mode (apart from the song that just says “ass” fifty times).

It is kinda pricey though, a £33.50 RRP is ridiculous. I paid 70% of that and it was perhaps still a bit much. Though, I don’t really think something like that should weigh into an assessment of a game’s quality; its just a note.

8 years after I first heard about Pepper Grinder it finally, finally releases. And thus, I can now report that the game is... fine.

Using the drill feels incredible. It's fluid and responsive and lends itself really well to great level design. Everything else however, is not up to this standard. There is way too much in this game that is not the fun drill-based platforming.

The combat in particular is pretty grim. Your shockingly small offensive range is coupled with overtly aggressive enemies that leverage questionable hitboxes against you. There is way too much of this, and it just isn’t fun. The enemies feel like padding to make the levels take longer, rather than actual substance in the levels. There are 2 90% combat levels that are completely miserable. If I made Pepper Grinder I would not have included them. The bosses are sick though they ruled.

There are also quite a few sections of platforming where the drill is not used at all, or is only used as an interface with another mechanic. Few of these are fun; most feel stiff and over-simplified, assumingly so that attention could be placed upon the parts of the game where you’re actually using the drill. This is a questionable decision considering how many of these segments there are. Especially in the last 40% of the game these segments are absolutely too frequent. Couple this with a frustratingly limited standard jump and you do not exactly have the recipe for greatness.

This game does inarguably have its highs, but they are not exceptional enough to counter it’s lows. Music is nice and has a really cohesive sound throughout the game, which is also nice. Every level has a decently unique mechanic that makes it different, which is inarguably impressive. But this means the quality of every level leans strongly upon how good this mechanic is, creating an almost binary system for each level. If the mechanic is fun or not fun, the same thing can be said of the entire level.

I did have some fun but my socks remained firmly not knocked-off for the entire game. I would wait for a sale on this one.

Bit too easy compared to it's predecessor, I just completely blitzed through this one. This is the first game I've played in years that I've thought was too short. And not in a "man I wish there was more" sense, in a "that's it?" sense. They also removed the leaderboard for some reason? This removes any and all motivation to improve your times, even though this game seems to be built around that idea still?

there is cool stuff in this though. soundtrack is still nice and the new jump lends itself much better to performing skips. massive fan of all the new mechanics introduced. especially when you teleport to the enemies. it's really cool, kinda reminds me of this hidden gem called neon white.

Absolutely incredible. Games like this are why the Final Fantasy name carries the pedigree that it does. A truly magnificent, world-spanning epic.

The combat is flawless. The music is flawless. The visuals are flawless. I have no notes about any of them. The world feels so vivid and so alive; chock-a-block with delightful characters with stories to tell. You are truly convinced that this is a world worth saving.

Rather surprisingly, to me at least, this game is pretty funny. That is not really something I associate with this series, not even in the game that preceded this. All the charm that was missing from FF16 is here in spades. So many silly little moments that make this game the delight that it is.

Though, perhaps the biggest surprise in this entire game, to me, was that the side quests are good. FF16 has the worst side quests in any game I’ve ever played, FF7 Remake was not far behind, and to be honest, I can’t even remember a single side quest from 15, which I think says enough. Every side quest in this game however, is lovely. Bringing cute little character moments with your party. They are simple very fun to do.

And what a party to have those character moments with. God I love every party member in this game. I would die for like half of them. Barret is easily the strongest-written character in this game, and he gets some really incredible moments that flesh him out to such a wonderful degree. Tifa and Red get some lovely moments too, and the 4 new party members all have an opportunity to shine. Don’t tell anybody but I’m kinda eh on Aerith, she feels so dry and distant, but I far from dislike her. It's hard to talk about Cloud beyond him being cool because I don’t really know what was going on with him at the end, but yeah he’s cool like I said.

The story that accompanies this cast is serviceable, good even, but it’s not great. Honestly all the new stuff does is seem to muddy the game’s strongest moments from the original, but it’s not too bad, I enjoyed it. My one and only main gripe is that the ending makes absolutely no fucking sense, but this is part 2 of 3. Thus, for now, I will give them the benefit of the doubt.

In FF7 Remake, they established the tone, combat, and general direction for this trilogy, with relative success. With those hard parts done, this game goes absolutely wild and provides a sprawling adventure unlike anything I’ve experienced in this franchise. The training wheels are truly off, and I can only hope this momentum can carry forward to the closing act of Final Fantasy VII.