another so-called legendary game that's bogged down by a ton of stupid issues. though on paper, it's great - it feels awesome figuring out each floor and taking down hordes of enemies like it's nothing, the aesthetic and soundtrack are incredible, and i really enjoyed all the different masks available. don't let this review fool you, i actually did like this game a decent amount.

but the number one issue i had was with how inconsistent it felt throughout. sometimes bullets will just phase through enemies (especially at point blank), enemy AI ranges between practically clairvoyant and fucking braindead, and it absolutely flatlines in the final act. the bullshit stealth section (that literally gave me motion sickness) into lame final boss combo almost made me drop this one. the epilogue missions sort of redeem that, but a generic "video game bad" story isn't doing this one any favors. i don't think any game with a message of "ha ha don't you feel horrible and guilty for playing this" has ever stuck.

just judging this as a Shoot Game, though, it's decent. i'd never want to do any high score bullshit or find any secrets, but i had a good amount of fun with it.

really short and decently sweet, but nothing to write home about. i get that it was meant as a short precursor to cave story (sorta?) and its not trying to really be anything substantial, so it's hard for me to review this one. there wasn't anything offensive about this game (other than the backtracking segment at the end), but not really anything noteworthy either. it's cute, it's got a fun aesthetic and tells a silly little story, but then it's over.

it's fine i guess. if you've got a spare hour and need to knock something off your backlog, then here you go. squid games!!

cave story hits sort of a weird middle ground for me. i definitely enjoyed it quite a bit, but it's one of those games where i wonder why it's so iconic and why i have so many friends who care for it so deeply. like, i get that it's one of the first Big Indie Games as we know it and i'm glad people are still passionate about it 20 years later, but it didn't click with me as it did for so many others. still good, though.

i think it strikes a pretty satisfying in-between of being a retro metroidvania-type game with plenty of weirdo shit and exciting secrets, while feeling less janky and more focused in how it expects the player to interact with it. that sounds pretentious as fuck, but there really aren't many games out there with as much weirdo cryptic bullshit as this one that still manage to feel good to play. said bullshit wasn't always a bad thing, i thought it was cool just how many complicated setups for secret weapons/endings there were - though i did feel guilty being glued to a guide the whole time. sure, some of that jank is still there; the game felt pretty floaty and playing it on the 3DS felt like crap, but the fun weapons more than made up for it. i both loved and hated the EXP system, as i thought it was pretty unique but i wanted to die every time i had to grind a weapon back up to lv 3 before a boss (fuck you core).

this game's presentation is wonderful, though. beautiful artstyle, beautiful soundtrack, and the story is really captivating. there are so many unknowns and weird plot points they feed you only for the payoff to come much later, all the way up to the secret final boss. i really love games like this that take such a minimal, bits-and-pieces approach to storytelling. wish we saw more of that these days.

difficulty-wise, there were some weird hiccups. a few bullshit bosses and runbacks that killed a few sections for me, a few fetch quests that seemed really bullshit or that i just skipped entirely, but then once you get the booster and spur the game suddenly becomes a thousand times easier. i dunno if that's a good or bad thing since i was having a ton of fun during that last quarter of the game, i guess it was just a different kind of fun over what i was doing beforehand. still, i had a great time with cave story. it's one of those games that i wished i enjoyed as much as everyone else online seems to, but usually i usually fucking hate games that make me feel that way. so this is a nice change of pace.

cave story hits sort of a weird middle ground for me. i definitely enjoyed it quite a bit, but it's one of those games where i wonder why it's so iconic and why i have so many friends who care for it so deeply. like, i get that it's one of the first Big Indie Games as we know it and i'm glad people are still passionate about it 20 years later, but it didn't click with me as it did for so many others. still good, though.

i think it strikes a pretty satisfying in-between of being a retro metroidvania-type game with plenty of weirdo shit and exciting secrets, while feeling less janky and more focused in how it expects the player to interact with it. that sounds pretentious as fuck, but there really aren't many games out there with as much weirdo cryptic bullshit as this one that still manage to feel good to play. said bullshit wasn't always a bad thing, i thought it was cool just how many complicated setups for secret weapons/endings there were - though i did feel guilty being glued to a guide the whole time. sure, some of that jank is still there; the game felt pretty floaty and playing it on the 3DS felt like crap, but the fun weapons more than made up for it. i both loved and hated the EXP system, as i thought it was pretty unique but i wanted to die every time i had to grind a weapon back up to lv 3 before a boss (fuck you core).

this game's presentation is wonderful, though. beautiful artstyle, beautiful soundtrack, and the story is really captivating. there are so many unknowns and weird plot points they feed you only for the payoff to come much later, all the way up to the secret final boss. i really love games like this that take such a minimal, bits-and-pieces approach to storytelling. wish we saw more of that these days.

difficulty-wise, there were some weird hiccups. a few bullshit bosses and runbacks that killed a few sections for me, a few fetch quests that seemed really bullshit or that i just skipped entirely, but then once you get the booster and spur the game suddenly becomes a thousand times easier. i dunno if that's a good or bad thing since i was having a ton of fun during that last quarter of the game, i guess it was just a different kind of fun over what i was doing beforehand. still, i had a great time with cave story. it's one of those games that i wished i enjoyed as much as everyone else online seems to, but usually i usually fucking hate games that make me feel that way. so this is a nice change of pace.

for the longest time i wondered why i never heard anyone talk about this game - outside of the voice actor drama at launch, that is. past that i never heard a word about it, good or bad. now i get why.

yeah, this one's not good. it's not all bad, though - probably the biggest highlight is that bayonetta's combat didn't take a massive dip in quality like everything else did. lots of weapons that are decently fun and flashy, and while different skill trees for each one took a while of getting used to it feels great once you find your favorites. that being said, demon combat doesn't feel as great, and i usually only pulled it out if i got bored with button mashing. for the most part though, eviscerating enemies with the yoyo was fun enough to keep me engaged throughout the whole thing. same as ever, even if it's a bit easy sometimes. it falters a bit more when you're doing kaiju fights (which is just RPS) or other shit like the on-rails sections, but they don't slow things down too too much.

honestly, that might actually be the only nice thing i can say about this one, and even that's a bit of a stretch. every moment you're not actively playing as bayonetta feels fucking horrible. the jeanne stealth sections are completely worthless filler that made me wanna die every time i was forced through one, and the viola sections may have honestly been worse. why the fuck would you intersperse your high-speed hack and slash with an objectively worse, clunkier comic relief character? why is block a different button from bayo's dodge so i need to re-train my muscle memory every time i go into the Viola Zone? why are there so many bullshit filler sections that drag things out even more?

i know every single review here is dogging on the story in some form or another, but that doesn't do it justice for how bad it really is. the bullshit, edgy-ass multiverse plot fueled by an uninteresting antagonist has zero emotional impact, especially when every single world plays out the exact same. enter new universe > kill hordes of identical enemies > watch underfell bayonetta die > get taunted by cloud face man i'm supposed to be taking seriously > repeat. the moments of campiness and bayonetta's extreme overconfidence are few and far between (though when you do see them it's pretty good), which is a damn shame because that's the entire point of the older games! her character has been completely demolished in this one - she pretty much spends the entire game pointing guns at people begging her to kill them while she looks like she's trying to force some sort of emotion. not to mention the ending in general, or whatever the fuck is going on with her and luka - ole dusty ass could NEVER bag her in a million years, i'm sorry. this game's story is like if you put bugs bunny in a saw movie and expected him to take it seriously.

the only reason this gets two stars is because it's absolutely carried by the combat, and even that's a stretch. just skip this one - there's nothing here that bayo 1/2 aren't leagues better at, and if the series somehow survives into this "new generation" they're teasing i'll give everyone who likes this post a hundred bucks.

also the scene where viola's ass gets lit on fire felt exactly like someone trying to sneak in their obscure fetish. didn't like that!

for the longest time i wondered why i never heard anyone talk about this game - outside of the voice actor drama at launch, that is. past that i never heard a word about it, good or bad. now i get why.

yeah, this one's not good. it's not all bad, though - probably the biggest highlight is that bayonetta's combat didn't take a massive dip in quality like everything else did. lots of weapons that are decently fun and flashy, and while different skill trees for each one took a while of getting used to it feels great once you find your favorites. that being said, demon combat doesn't feel as great, and i usually only pulled it out if i got bored with button mashing. for the most part though, eviscerating enemies with the yoyo was fun enough to keep me engaged throughout the whole thing. same as ever, even if it's a bit easy sometimes. it falters a bit more when you're doing kaiju fights (which is just RPS) or other shit like the on-rails sections, but they don't slow things down too too much.

honestly, that might actually be the only nice thing i can say about this one, and even that's a bit of a stretch. every moment you're not actively playing as bayonetta feels fucking horrible. the jeanne stealth sections are completely worthless filler that made me wanna die every time i was forced through one, and the viola sections may have honestly been worse. why the fuck would you intersperse your high-speed hack and slash with an objectively worse, clunkier comic relief character? why is block a different button from bayo's dodge so i need to re-train my muscle memory every time i go into the Viola Zone? why are there so many bullshit filler sections that drag things out even more?

i know every single review here is dogging on the story in some form or another, but that doesn't do it justice for how bad it really is. the bullshit, edgy-ass multiverse plot fueled by an uninteresting antagonist has zero emotional impact, especially when every single world plays out the exact same. enter new universe > kill hordes of identical enemies > watch underfell bayonetta die > get taunted by cloud face man i'm supposed to be taking seriously > repeat. the moments of campiness and bayonetta's extreme overconfidence are few and far between (though when you do see them it's pretty good), which is a damn shame because that's the entire point of the older games! her character has been completely demolished in this one - she pretty much spends the entire game pointing guns at people begging her to kill them while she looks like she's trying to force some sort of emotion. not to mention the ending in general, or whatever the fuck is going on with her and luka - ole dusty ass could NEVER bag her in a million years, i'm sorry. this game's story is like if you put bugs bunny in a saw movie and expected him to take it seriously.

the only reason this gets two stars is because it's absolutely carried by the combat, and even that's a stretch. just skip this one - there's nothing here that bayo 1/2 aren't leagues better at, and if the series somehow survives into this "new generation" they're teasing i'll give everyone who likes this post a hundred bucks.

also the scene where viola's ass gets lit on fire felt exactly like someone trying to sneak in their obscure fetish. didn't like that!