Hi-Fi Rush is one of the most exciting releases from a major studio in the last decade, not because of it being shadow-dropped on its reveal, but because it's so FUN. people say being "like a PS2 game" as an insult but this game's got the identity, creativity, and style of the best of that era with modern polish and some of the most gorgeously animated visuals in any video game. it's refreshing, it's the kind of game that you don't really see outside of the indie space anymore - something bold, confident, and unique. it doesn't feel like it was made to be consumed, it feels like it was made to be played and loved. Hi-Fi Rush radiates joy and it makes me do the same. very few video games go this hard, more should.

i've been following SLARPG ever since it was a different, worse project and i'm delighted to report that: it fucking rules and you should absolutely play it. SLARPG is one of the best RPGs i've played in years with some of the most fun characters, great writing, and tunes in a video game. i worry some people will write it off as a meme game or cashgrab targeting queer people but it's absolutely not that. SLARPG has, on top of being a great game in its own right, an incredibly earnest and heartfelt story with characters who's identities aren't played for drama, plot twists, or tragedy. shit's just casual and cool and sweet, it's really refreshing. the over-arching story is pretty simple on its face but it's mostly used as a wacky adventure for the cast to get fleshed out and developed. everyone's got some shit going on and it's the kinda shit that a lot of people are probably gonna go "damn she's like me fr fr" towards. it's also the best type of game - a satisfying 15-20 hour RPG that never gets stale and is only the good parts of a game. a real passion project type of game.

SLARPG is also the first RPGmaker game where i can call it an RPGmaker game and NOT mean it derogatorily. SLARPG's combat is remarkably great, even beyond the standards of its engine. each character has a ton of really creative moves that lead to fun experimentation and "oh, wait!" moments. on top of each character's normal moves, there's the spellbooks - a set of equip-able items that give a second moveset of sick magic to its owner. both of these interact with the star power metre, which fills as you perform your RPG role correctly and gives you access to the character's best special moves. the combat never got boring for me, even into the late game when you inevitably find the best way to kill everything it never feels static or tiring. shoutout to Allison's special move that plays one of the best songs i've ever heard in a video game.

i have two complaints. sometimes dialogue can just go on a bit too long, a few jokes don't land as well because of this (the capitalism comment from Allison at the kids' shop for example) and it can make the pacing a little weird. second, it sucks ass that the reaper spellbook has the 'make healing hurt enemies' spell but you can't even target enemies with healing as Melody. that's really it, though.

everyone's said it but yeah, this game's story is terrible. Bayonetta's never really had great stories, but they had a lot more energy and comedy and character than this one. Bayonetta herself is largely uninterested, unmotivated, and has no other characters popping around for her to play off of like in the past games - except for the shockingly dull 'multiverse' Bayonettas that all die instantly while Bayonetta stands there watching. idk why the multiverse thing is even in this one? it doesn't really take great advantage of it, you never really get fun interactions with multiple Bayos and you don't get any real standout characters or moments from those other worlds. in particular, the egypt world sucked total ass because the music in the start led me to think it was gonna be a wild west world and FUCK i want cowboy Bayonetta SO bad.

gameplay wise, this is (at times) the best the series has ever been. i think. pretty much all of the new weapons fucking rule, each being more complex than the majority of the past title's alt weapons and they're usually insanely cool. every single one could be the sole weapon your use throughout the game if you wanted, they're all on the level of Bayo's default guns and all have their own fun little quirks. each one of them has their own demon too and i cannot tell you how much i love that goddamn clock tower. the amount of options you have at any given time can be overwhelming almost, but i'm a sick freak and i live for this stuff. though, admittedly, i wasn't huge on summoning demons most of the time - it's just not as satisfying as throwing chainsaw-yoyos into someone's face and the moment i got the accessory that let demons move independently i never stopped using it. i kinda wished there were less gimmick sections just because i wanted to fuck around with the tools more. the gimmick sections (a Kamiya staple) are the most playable they've been so far, but they're also the most plentiful they've been and rob Bayonetta of those kickass moments where she would defiantly murder a giant fucking thing that talked shit. no one in this really talks shit, or talks at all, to Bayonetta. i think the gameplay is (for better and for worse) the most complex in the series so far and the amount of shit to play with as Bayonetta never left me bored.

there's also Viola, though. i actually love her, she's a horrible cringe fail girl who looks like she smells weird and writes fanfic and has opinions on sonic the hedgehog. her woefully sucky faux-punk attitude absolutely won me over but fuck does she have nothing to do in this game, which is a huge problem considering the ending. she mostly just chases Luka around the entire time, never even getting to interact with Bayo (or anyone, really) at all and jobbing to everything in cutscenes. she doesn't even get a cool moment during the final boss, which sincerely pissed me off. her gameplay revolves around a parry that activates witch time, which is cool on paper, but ultimately feels too stiff. witch time feels great because of the flow it adds to combat, the parry requires you to just stand still. i hope in the future (if these games have one) they give her Raiden's MGR parry instead. otherwise, i actually really like Viola and her moveset. kinda. her moveset never meaningfully evolves throughout the game and when Bayonetta has like 14 individual unique weapons and demons with full movesets, it feels weird to go to Viola and get one sword and one demon. a very cool sword and a very great demon, but still.

i've replayed enough of the game to wash the foul taste of its ending out of my mouth but when i got there initially i stared at the screen like that one panel in Tails Gets Trolled for like 20 minutes straight. unironic 'what were they THINKING?!?!" type moment. it's a shame that the story and writing is so bad this time around because this is one of the most video game ass video games that has come out in a long time. it's fun! it's Bayonetta, baby! but it's also on the switch and it absolutely should not be. poor Platinum have been hitched to 360-tier hardware for Bayo's entire series, this game pushes that shitty 'lil handheld to its limits but it really deserves better fidelity and quality than what was capable on this thing. its extra emphasis on scale and spectacle during regular gameplay only exacerbates this issue, with the visuals overall feeling drab and lacking in detail. that added scale also fucks with the camera far too often, found myself wishing enemies were just smaller. hopefully whenever the hell nintendo finally releases a successor console it'll be backwards compatible and there'll be a patch or something. the music, at least, is the best it's ever been. Viola doesn't need more than one battle theme because her song is the best shit ever and i want more. did notice some really bad sound-mixing and design during cutscenes tho, oddly flaccid. the cutscenes themselves are also extremely flaccid, with far less character moments and not even a fraction of the silly insane bullshit from the first title. still, despite my issues with its writing and aesthetic problems, this game rules and as someone who likes fun and cool games, i had a great time with this one.




oh, and Jeanne was in this game too.

i feel like i should be given some form of legal recourse against sonic fans for gaslighting me into expecting a good time from this. it's like if every single level in Mario Sunshine was the pachinko one.

the music, story, and graphics range from great to adorable but genuinely nothing else about this one is fun or good. Sonic Adventure 2 is a game full of the worst levels in a platformer, every stage is a battle with a camera that doesn't work, physics that don't work, constant glitches (a lot of clipping thru walls and floors), and design that rarely ever feels seamless or functional. Sonic and Shadow's levels are the best (and smallest) part and a few specific Shadow levels were cool, the rest are spent wildly flinging into bottomless pits because the camera doesn't show you what you need to see and the game doesn't work. Tails and Eggman's levels are insufferably dull and are far too plentiful. Rouge and Knuckles' levels are on some straight-up warcrime shit, especially the space ones. all of the space levels suck bad and they're the entire back half of the game - which is great if you like the same exact level theme 6 times. there's boss fights, which are either entirely unremarkable or some of the worst boss designs in a game, specifically the Biolizard and that fuckin ghost. i LOVE waiting one minute to hit a boss in its giant obvious weakspot and getting 4 minutes into the fight before having to use the homing dash that just decides to fucking kill me instead of the boss.

the game's aesthetics and presentation are undeniably and overwhelmingly charming but playing this game makes my blood pressure rise, nothing about it ever once feels right. it stressed me out so bad. i bet for fans who've grown up with it and know every level and are accustomed to its janky ass, they probably have fun with it. but for someone who's just a normal person, this shit was mind-blowingly painful. like, it should be illegal to recommend this one to people who haven't played it. i kinda liked the first one but having heard people talk up this game for most of my life, i expected it to be at least kinda good. i really wanted to like it! it kinda bums me out how badly i ended up hating this one.

like a dog having emptied its bowels on a newly purchased carpet, staring up in abject shame at its disappointed and solemnly sighing owners, i admit that i 100% completed this game. did i get anything out of it? no. Vampire Survivors is the kind of 'game' i can only recommend to other people with ADHD who just want some little thing to fuck around with while watching a movie or a show or a video online, but calling it a game is maybe a bit generous. it's more like a slot machine than a game, your actual control is minimal and it's largely built around big number going up and flashy thing happening. once you know how to win, you never lose again. there's not much to discover or interact with, so games really quickly become you waiting around for 20 minutes while nothing happens but numbers and gold go up. this might be the meanest thing i can say about a game, but its feedback loop and lack of meaningful interaction/gameplay made me think it would really fit a gacha. it's not interesting or engaging on its own, but as a background thing where you can jiggle around for a little bit, it kinda works. is that an honourable or valuable thing? no.

You're walking down a dark, dank alleyway at night. Skittish, your fear is apparent in the unease of your gait. Passing assorted dumpsters and turning a corner, you're faced with the presence of a mysterious man. Not one you want to interact with. Hoping you can just get by without incident, you do your best to look like you're busy and avoid any eye contact. Sadly, the man sees right through your facade and blocks your path. His hands disappear into the inner lining of his long, stained trench coat. You can barely make out his face from his scruffy beard and numerous grease stains. You freeze up. He takes one hand out, waving it at you - he tells you to stay calm, he tells you he KNOWS you and knows what you want. Sweat cakes your forehead. He continues, pulling his other hand from his coat pocket with a few rectangular objects you can't quite discern. He tells you that you have two options - the good way, or the bad way. He steps forward into the glow of an old street sign, the light revealing the objects in his hands to be two Sega Genesis games. Your fear colludes with your confusion. He notices your expression twist and tries to dissuade you your discomfort, stating that he's an expert one two things - Sega games and Opossums. He tells you you have a choice, a choice between two games - the only Opossum lead titles. Before you are copies of Rocket Knight Adventures and Awesome Possum. You choose Awesome Possum and die instantaneously.

i think this is the sorta game you need to be a teenage boy to really get into. its entire appeal is its tryhard edge - if you don't like the game's humor, it won't work. if you have fond memories of playing xbox live, the iraq war, and watching south park, it'd probably do it for you. the actual game really isn't worth talking about much either, it's about as crudely made and tedious as its very funny and very smart jokes. there's a lot of freedom in how you go about your day, kinda like the world's stinkiest immersive sim. you'll only find the gameplay and the wacky scenarios therein fun if you fuck with the writing. i don't. not gonna pretend there's nothing to this one, but i'm not seeing it.

also when i quit it after 13hrs of playtime steam fucked up and said i played 130hrs, making it one of the most played games and forcing me to remove it from my account out of shame.