ToiletDrummer
4 reviews liked by ToiletDrummer
Lies of P
2023
Lies of P copies from Bloodborne and Sekiro like a child does from his friend's homework, it has all the answers but it doesn't understand the assignment.
Developer Round8's main takeaway from Dark Souls is that you die a lot, and everyone seems to really like that about it. After all, it's telling you to Prepare to Die right in the title, so clearly that's what people show up for. Well, Lies of P would like you to die too, only it's not so invested in making anything about that loop fun. Round8 has not read deep enough to figure out what makes Dark Souls so engaging and has produced a frustratingly clumsy imitation for it, one that is at times mean-spirited and cheap because that's what Round8 assumes Souls to be.
Lies of P's combat system places a significant emphasis on perfect-parries, which are initiated by hitting the block button a few frames before the enemy's attack lands. Against normal field enemies who throw out one or two attacks at a time, this feels pretty good. Bosses, however, love to initiate absurd 15-hit combos full of staggered animations and straight up fake-outs intended to trip you up and punish you, and that's where I start to fall off with how Lies of P operates. The speed at which your parry is initiated and the level of precision involved makes this system unreliable against flurry attacks, and a severely neutered dodge roll gives you little to fall back on. The game also takes a very Dark Souls 3 "poise for me but not for thee" stance, so I hope you don't mind watching Timothee Chalamet slowly get his wooden ass back up until you save enough Quartz to upgrade his P-Organ so he can dodge while prone.
Perfect-parries, fable arts (see: Dark Souls 3's weapon arts), and charge attacks are all necessary for quickly building stagger damage, because of course this game has a stagger mechanic. It also makes no attempt to convey when you should be pressing the attack or playing defensively, because it obfuscates its stagger meter for absolutely no good reason. Almost all bosses have a second health bar, too, because they all want to be the giant monkey from Sekiro so badly. At this point, I think Sekiro's impact on game design has been a net negative.
Round8's rote copying doesn't end there, however. The door knights from Dark Souls 2, giants from Dark Souls 3, sawtooth blade from Bloodborne, and animation for attempting to use an out-of-stock consumable from Dark Souls are all here. A veritable greatest hits. Round8's wholesale theft isn't limited to Fromsoft, however. Skip this next paragraph if you don't want to spoil some late game character beats and reveals:
Lorenzini Venigni, a friendly NPC who upgrades your Legion Arm (think Sekiro's shinobi prosthetic), is an orphan turned playboy millionaire whose parents were murdered after watching a fantasy-adventure film with their son, leaving him in the care of his faithful butler. The identity of his parent's killer? The King of Riddles, of course. Italian Riddler saying "riddle me this" is as funny as it is brazen, but the biggest laugh Lies of P's borderline-litigious character writing got from me was the post-credits reveal of Giangio being a double agent, which is presented in an extremely Metal Gear-esque way, complete with a "Mr. President..." level name-drop that sets up a potential series of public domain Souls-likes.
Doing something new with something old seems to be the overarching theme of 2023, and Lies of P plays hopscotch on that thin line between inspiration and mimicry. Thankfully, Round8's attempts to recontextualize Carlo Collodi's Adventures of Pinocchio do often result in success, and a strong emphasis on narrative helps pull together borrowed and original ideas to tell a cohesive story that builds upon its primary source material in interesting ways. I was way more invested in the lore of Krat and its inhabitants - yes, even Italian Batman - than I thought I'd be, and some solid art direction and excellent music left me flirting with the idea of a second run.
I also had a great time with the crafting system. You can strap a gigantic blunt wrench head to a pole and use it like a spear, which is exactly the level of stupid I want out of something like this. Hilts determine scaling and attack animations, while blades affect speed and raw damage. Being able to configure a greatsword that's usable on a dexterity build made me feel more inclined to try out weapons without ever feeling like I built my character wrong or locked myself out of something. It's also nice that throwable items remain viable throughout the game, meaning I always had them in my kit whereas I typically phase them out pretty early in most Souls games.
I'm sure this game will attract some annoying people that are very good at video games who will insist Lies of P is beyond reproach, where every flaw is in fact borne from a lack of skill, asserted in a way that reads more as veiled self-aggrandizement than serious criticism. Par for the course with Souls games and the "get good" crowd they attract. I firmly believe that Lies of P is a deeply flawed and derivative game in dire need of re-balancing and new ideas, regardless of how long it took for me to realize I needed to continually dodge left to beat the King of Puppets.
Anyway, I should've stolen Larry Davis' review and changed one or two things about it. Really give you all the true Lies of P experience.
Developer Round8's main takeaway from Dark Souls is that you die a lot, and everyone seems to really like that about it. After all, it's telling you to Prepare to Die right in the title, so clearly that's what people show up for. Well, Lies of P would like you to die too, only it's not so invested in making anything about that loop fun. Round8 has not read deep enough to figure out what makes Dark Souls so engaging and has produced a frustratingly clumsy imitation for it, one that is at times mean-spirited and cheap because that's what Round8 assumes Souls to be.
Lies of P's combat system places a significant emphasis on perfect-parries, which are initiated by hitting the block button a few frames before the enemy's attack lands. Against normal field enemies who throw out one or two attacks at a time, this feels pretty good. Bosses, however, love to initiate absurd 15-hit combos full of staggered animations and straight up fake-outs intended to trip you up and punish you, and that's where I start to fall off with how Lies of P operates. The speed at which your parry is initiated and the level of precision involved makes this system unreliable against flurry attacks, and a severely neutered dodge roll gives you little to fall back on. The game also takes a very Dark Souls 3 "poise for me but not for thee" stance, so I hope you don't mind watching Timothee Chalamet slowly get his wooden ass back up until you save enough Quartz to upgrade his P-Organ so he can dodge while prone.
Perfect-parries, fable arts (see: Dark Souls 3's weapon arts), and charge attacks are all necessary for quickly building stagger damage, because of course this game has a stagger mechanic. It also makes no attempt to convey when you should be pressing the attack or playing defensively, because it obfuscates its stagger meter for absolutely no good reason. Almost all bosses have a second health bar, too, because they all want to be the giant monkey from Sekiro so badly. At this point, I think Sekiro's impact on game design has been a net negative.
Round8's rote copying doesn't end there, however. The door knights from Dark Souls 2, giants from Dark Souls 3, sawtooth blade from Bloodborne, and animation for attempting to use an out-of-stock consumable from Dark Souls are all here. A veritable greatest hits. Round8's wholesale theft isn't limited to Fromsoft, however. Skip this next paragraph if you don't want to spoil some late game character beats and reveals:
Lorenzini Venigni, a friendly NPC who upgrades your Legion Arm (think Sekiro's shinobi prosthetic), is an orphan turned playboy millionaire whose parents were murdered after watching a fantasy-adventure film with their son, leaving him in the care of his faithful butler. The identity of his parent's killer? The King of Riddles, of course. Italian Riddler saying "riddle me this" is as funny as it is brazen, but the biggest laugh Lies of P's borderline-litigious character writing got from me was the post-credits reveal of Giangio being a double agent, which is presented in an extremely Metal Gear-esque way, complete with a "Mr. President..." level name-drop that sets up a potential series of public domain Souls-likes.
Doing something new with something old seems to be the overarching theme of 2023, and Lies of P plays hopscotch on that thin line between inspiration and mimicry. Thankfully, Round8's attempts to recontextualize Carlo Collodi's Adventures of Pinocchio do often result in success, and a strong emphasis on narrative helps pull together borrowed and original ideas to tell a cohesive story that builds upon its primary source material in interesting ways. I was way more invested in the lore of Krat and its inhabitants - yes, even Italian Batman - than I thought I'd be, and some solid art direction and excellent music left me flirting with the idea of a second run.
I also had a great time with the crafting system. You can strap a gigantic blunt wrench head to a pole and use it like a spear, which is exactly the level of stupid I want out of something like this. Hilts determine scaling and attack animations, while blades affect speed and raw damage. Being able to configure a greatsword that's usable on a dexterity build made me feel more inclined to try out weapons without ever feeling like I built my character wrong or locked myself out of something. It's also nice that throwable items remain viable throughout the game, meaning I always had them in my kit whereas I typically phase them out pretty early in most Souls games.
I'm sure this game will attract some annoying people that are very good at video games who will insist Lies of P is beyond reproach, where every flaw is in fact borne from a lack of skill, asserted in a way that reads more as veiled self-aggrandizement than serious criticism. Par for the course with Souls games and the "get good" crowd they attract. I firmly believe that Lies of P is a deeply flawed and derivative game in dire need of re-balancing and new ideas, regardless of how long it took for me to realize I needed to continually dodge left to beat the King of Puppets.
Anyway, I should've stolen Larry Davis' review and changed one or two things about it. Really give you all the true Lies of P experience.
This review contains spoilers
they really should just commit to making a musical at this point
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Following up on remake's worst tendencies, the rest of disc 1 of final fantasy 7 is turned into a low stakes road trip game. Seeing the 7 party banter and have fun is enjoyable, it was my favorite part of this game, but it comes at the cost of making this game's pacing bizarre. Every town the party exclaims "let's hang out for a bit and have some fun!" even though all they've been doing is hanging out and having fun the entire game. Another downside to the hanging out is the character writing is way less consistent in this game than in Remake. Remake’s characterization of everyone was rock solid and well done, whereas stuff like Tifa and Aerith forming the weird Anime Girl Hivemind in most scenes they share here was really awkward. The additions of Elena, Yuffie, and Cait Sith were all really well done though, those three really shine in this game.
Every open world section between towns is completely cut off and unrelated to the rest of the game, and unlike FF’s last open world game, party interaction or dialogue is completely absent unless you’re on a sidequest. The maps are filled with Tasks to do, and none of it matters or even gives you much besides some light combat challenges or minigames (though the game is not in short supply of these, wow). Chadley and Mai are the only two characters in 90% of the open world, and while they’re fun, the world feels so strange and empty the entire game.
Despite my slight disappointment with the open world though, nearly all of my negative feelings on this game are centered on its story. Despite all of the fuss of the last game, this game rarely deviates from final fantasy 7’s plot, and even when it does it quickly snaps back into line, seemingly afraid you’ll actually have anything interesting to ponder during the 100+ hours it’ll ask of you.
Every emotional scene of the original is recreated here, but always with a terrible twist. Barret and Dyne are having a deeply emotional confrontation, the fight is compelling, the voice acting is well done, the scene is working BUT WAIT the camera pans from Barret clutching Dyne’s body to Palmer the goofy Shinra man in a dumb mech for a comedy boss fight in the middle of the cutscene for absolutely no reason. The return to Dyne after the fight as if the moment could still possibly work was so insane I set the controller down to just sit, stunned, for a minute. After a massively protracted dungeon, Red XIII is finally learning the truth about his father, the statue sheds a tear, the music is swelling, and the camera swings to the side to reveal an unhinged tribal caricature ghost man who opens the wall to lead you to a new dungeon about how the Cetra are now racist and so we can give the black materia Lore instead of it being part of the very obvious metaphor of the original.
These twists are all leading to The Moment though, the one everyone’s been debating about since Remake came out, Are They Going To Kill Aerith Again? And to answer that question, awful MCU brainrot has been introduced, with a new AU timeline where Zack is around (though it amounts to basically nothing) and Sephiroth 2 from the last game trying to combine the multiverses to ensure the plot of final fantasy 7 happens as it did originally (for some reason???) and fighting Cloud at a different edge of creation from the last game, and blowing a Sephiroth boss form from the end of 7 for good measure. All of this culminates in Cloud saving Aerith, but the game saying “just kidding” and killing her anyway. Even the scenes after her death are ruined by cutting the burial altogether, a completely baffling move.
In the end, I’m walking away from Rebirth with a bad taste in my mouth, but I still had fun throughout. Despite the open world feeling strange and the game feeling much too long, the gameplay part was pretty fun! Several of the minigames were engaging, the open world was good looking, andTriple Triad 2 Queen’s Blood was genuinely really fun. I really enjoyed the battle system this time too, it clicked way better for me this time than it did in Remake. It’s no FF13 ATB but it’s pretty good. It’s just a shame about the rest of it.
(Also, this is mostly a consequence of the game not being static detailed backgrounds anymore but FF7 has some truly incredible backgrounds, and shinra manor and the forgotten capital were some of the strongest in the original game. Rebirth shinra manor being one floor and a characterless basement and the forgotten capital being two screens long and filled with dementors from the last game was deeply disappointing compared to the remarkable atmosphere the original backgrounds had.)
((also holy shit 3D brawler is the hardest thing in the game by a huge margin, i think that minigame is evil))
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Following up on remake's worst tendencies, the rest of disc 1 of final fantasy 7 is turned into a low stakes road trip game. Seeing the 7 party banter and have fun is enjoyable, it was my favorite part of this game, but it comes at the cost of making this game's pacing bizarre. Every town the party exclaims "let's hang out for a bit and have some fun!" even though all they've been doing is hanging out and having fun the entire game. Another downside to the hanging out is the character writing is way less consistent in this game than in Remake. Remake’s characterization of everyone was rock solid and well done, whereas stuff like Tifa and Aerith forming the weird Anime Girl Hivemind in most scenes they share here was really awkward. The additions of Elena, Yuffie, and Cait Sith were all really well done though, those three really shine in this game.
Every open world section between towns is completely cut off and unrelated to the rest of the game, and unlike FF’s last open world game, party interaction or dialogue is completely absent unless you’re on a sidequest. The maps are filled with Tasks to do, and none of it matters or even gives you much besides some light combat challenges or minigames (though the game is not in short supply of these, wow). Chadley and Mai are the only two characters in 90% of the open world, and while they’re fun, the world feels so strange and empty the entire game.
Despite my slight disappointment with the open world though, nearly all of my negative feelings on this game are centered on its story. Despite all of the fuss of the last game, this game rarely deviates from final fantasy 7’s plot, and even when it does it quickly snaps back into line, seemingly afraid you’ll actually have anything interesting to ponder during the 100+ hours it’ll ask of you.
Every emotional scene of the original is recreated here, but always with a terrible twist. Barret and Dyne are having a deeply emotional confrontation, the fight is compelling, the voice acting is well done, the scene is working BUT WAIT the camera pans from Barret clutching Dyne’s body to Palmer the goofy Shinra man in a dumb mech for a comedy boss fight in the middle of the cutscene for absolutely no reason. The return to Dyne after the fight as if the moment could still possibly work was so insane I set the controller down to just sit, stunned, for a minute. After a massively protracted dungeon, Red XIII is finally learning the truth about his father, the statue sheds a tear, the music is swelling, and the camera swings to the side to reveal an unhinged tribal caricature ghost man who opens the wall to lead you to a new dungeon about how the Cetra are now racist and so we can give the black materia Lore instead of it being part of the very obvious metaphor of the original.
These twists are all leading to The Moment though, the one everyone’s been debating about since Remake came out, Are They Going To Kill Aerith Again? And to answer that question, awful MCU brainrot has been introduced, with a new AU timeline where Zack is around (though it amounts to basically nothing) and Sephiroth 2 from the last game trying to combine the multiverses to ensure the plot of final fantasy 7 happens as it did originally (for some reason???) and fighting Cloud at a different edge of creation from the last game, and blowing a Sephiroth boss form from the end of 7 for good measure. All of this culminates in Cloud saving Aerith, but the game saying “just kidding” and killing her anyway. Even the scenes after her death are ruined by cutting the burial altogether, a completely baffling move.
In the end, I’m walking away from Rebirth with a bad taste in my mouth, but I still had fun throughout. Despite the open world feeling strange and the game feeling much too long, the gameplay part was pretty fun! Several of the minigames were engaging, the open world was good looking, and
(Also, this is mostly a consequence of the game not being static detailed backgrounds anymore but FF7 has some truly incredible backgrounds, and shinra manor and the forgotten capital were some of the strongest in the original game. Rebirth shinra manor being one floor and a characterless basement and the forgotten capital being two screens long and filled with dementors from the last game was deeply disappointing compared to the remarkable atmosphere the original backgrounds had.)
((also holy shit 3D brawler is the hardest thing in the game by a huge margin, i think that minigame is evil))
Persona 3 FES
2007
it's been weeks since i finished persona 3 fes, and yet i still find myself searching for the words to summarize how i feel about it.
this game is truly stunning in every way. the combat is layered, expertly weaving main plot theme and narrative with it's use of tactics and tartarus. the characters are independent of the mc, with the game being entirely unafraid to explore them in both flaw and strength, writing them in the most natural and real of any persona game. the protagonist is one of the strongest silent protagonists i've ever experienced, ending up as my favourite character for so many reasons, and the skill in which the writers round him out and make him a fully living being in this dark, scary world is unbelievable.
every single shred of persona 3 fes is dripping with its themes, every ending and variable in the game gives you such immense emotion and outlook, with the tone and the atmosphere never shying away.
p3's themes are treasured in my heart, and yet plays with ideas that keep me up at night with worry. it delivers on both with exceptional skill. my all time favourite persona, and a new favourite game of all time.
this game is truly stunning in every way. the combat is layered, expertly weaving main plot theme and narrative with it's use of tactics and tartarus. the characters are independent of the mc, with the game being entirely unafraid to explore them in both flaw and strength, writing them in the most natural and real of any persona game. the protagonist is one of the strongest silent protagonists i've ever experienced, ending up as my favourite character for so many reasons, and the skill in which the writers round him out and make him a fully living being in this dark, scary world is unbelievable.
every single shred of persona 3 fes is dripping with its themes, every ending and variable in the game gives you such immense emotion and outlook, with the tone and the atmosphere never shying away.
p3's themes are treasured in my heart, and yet plays with ideas that keep me up at night with worry. it delivers on both with exceptional skill. my all time favourite persona, and a new favourite game of all time.
Silent Hill 2
2001
this game truly hit me in so many unexpected ways, i went in a coward, expecting horror and jumpscares and terrible things, and i came out a coward, having expereinced horror and jumpscares and terrible things, but now also feeling like my brain had been left on a bbq for like 5 days or smth
james is so fascinating and should be put through rigirous scientific testing to examine what the hell is up with that, what an amazing character who will leave me thinking for many days t o come.
maria is so incredibly written idk if any ananlyiss on her oculd even do her justice tbqh.
laura is the best.
this game is honestly just fascinating, well worth even if ur afraid like me, the story and unravelling is impeccable and awful and wow and yes and ahhhhhhhhhh
(i knock off .5 stars for apartment building)(edit nvm i changed it to 5 i can't stop thinking about this game)
james is so fascinating and should be put through rigirous scientific testing to examine what the hell is up with that, what an amazing character who will leave me thinking for many days t o come.
maria is so incredibly written idk if any ananlyiss on her oculd even do her justice tbqh.
laura is the best.
this game is honestly just fascinating, well worth even if ur afraid like me, the story and unravelling is impeccable and awful and wow and yes and ahhhhhhhhhh
(i knock off .5 stars for apartment building)(edit nvm i changed it to 5 i can't stop thinking about this game)