A man snatched my phone from me on the street the other day. I tried chasing after him but he was too fast, I was close to giving up. But suddenly he stopped, staring down at my unlocked phone screen in silence. I was mentally preparing for a fight as he turned to face me but as he turned around I saw a look in his eyes of pure sadness. He pointed at the PvZ 3 app on my homescreen and shook his head slowly. He placed the phone in my hand and gestured toward it. Eventually I realised what he was getting at and I deleted the app. With a weary smile on his face he proceeded to give me a full body bear hug, I whispered "Thank you" into his ear, tears now streaming down my face, he replied "You're free now". The man left without saying another word, I thank him every day for setting me down the right path.

One of my favorite units in any RTS are the AoE2 Teutonic Knights, which like many things in this have been historically modified for the sake of gameplay.

The real Teutonic Knights were a bunch of catholic dudes on horseback, while in this game they fight on foot and walk very slowly towards their opponents with their swords at their sides and beat the shit out of cavalry, trebuchets, and entire castles with nothing but that same sword. They're little tin can armor fellas in capes with stats equivalent to Mammoth Tanks from Command & Conquer, except they'd probably solo Kirov Airships too if you gave them jetpacks. Hell, could you imagine what would happen if you gave them a skateboard or a set of rollerblades? It's nightmarish imagining such a scenario, every archer would piss their pants at the sight of these guys sliding at them downhill with their swords pointed towards them.

Simplicity is sometimes the most endearing thing.

This had to have been my dad's favorite game ever at least on the ol' piece of shit Gateway PC. He was always a sucker for medieval warfare, and honestly I ain't exactly straying from the same path of interests he had, at least in this instance. It was an all too common occurrence to constantly hear the "under attack" alert ring out through the apartment. It was only slightly less funnier than the Empire Earth alert that was some pompous bastard bellowing "WE'RE UNDER ATTACK" even when an unthreatening bronze age slinger was bouncing stones off a space age chicken walker.

Between playing this, Balatro, and Picross I can't help but feel like I'm slowly turning into a hodgepodge of both my dad and my grandma. ;-;

I recall buying this for a rock bottom price on Amazon a few years ago, heard shitty things about it, but the kid in me really wanted to try the character customizer at least.

Couldn't recreate my character, because apparently Sega doesn't think Fox OCs exist. No Blue Tails for me, imagine making a game whose character customizer gets it's ass kicked by a game from 1994. No reptile characters, so no lizard boy OC. Couldn't even make a nice rabbit character because the ear options were all dogshit. That's fine, I never wanted to be Sonic's friend anyway, bad guy OCs for life.

Big word of advice for aspiring fan fiction writers, never trust a corporation to bring you what you want. Your own creativity with pencil and paper will always win.