apocalipstick
BACKER
2008
I know he doesn't know this, but Jonathan Blow and I are mortal enemies, and this is where it all began.
2019
Goddammit. They got me with fun medieval-inspired art (that turned out to be completely bland and one-note) and what sounded like a fun premise. Little did I suspect that it's practically a platinum trophy auto-popper, and fucking miserable to play to boot.
2015
Really sweet and admirable - in theory - and sadly a bit of a punishing slog in practice. It's saved by being quite pretty and rocking up with a pretty devastating ending.
2007
Would be five stars if not for the fact that the remaster exists, because hot damn did that feel so much better to play. Still one of the best of all time, and instantly made me a Vanillaware die-hard for life when I first played through it back in 2010.
2020
So, the story is, uh, insane, but everything else is pretty damn delightful, with some really neat puzzles.
The reason I will always and forevermore be suspicious of Sometimes You games. A few moments of 'almost vaguely interesting' wrapped in an insultingly dull and obnoxious 50-minute 'game.' No matter how little coin this may go on sale for, it will always be way too much.
2008
Lol to 19-year-old me who'd just bought herself a 360 this was a five-star obsession of a game. Then I made the mistake of replaying it a few years later and, wow, it immediately fell apart on me. It's not the jank, because I can absolutely appreciate some fucked up jank. It's Bethesda's entire approach to game design and storytelling at a fundamental level that just utterly rubs me the wrong way, and once I saw it I've never been able to unsee it since. It's not helped by the fact that New Vegas, the absolute gem that it is, came out in the meantime, nor the fact that I finally caught up on the original Fallouts somewhere in between it all and saw just how badly mishandled this one was. It's just a big old paper-thin nothing, albeit with some smashing tunes and that one 'Gary' vault that still makes me laugh to this day.
2021
This awful excuse for a game is the main reason why I now refuse to pick up games without thorough research. Not a single drop of competence or care went into making this, and I'm still kicking myself more than a year later over getting stuck with this, the stinkiest of platinums, just because I naively didn't look at the trophies first.
2018
Some of my usual picks went MIA, but best girl 2B more than makes up for it.
Skipping all cutscenes like nature intended should have made this a slam dunk, but we've got a new problem now: Someone did not think this port through, and going from itty-bitty handheld to massive TV with no real adjustments was frankly horrendous. The game is still fun, but if your screen is bigger than the devs anticipated, prepare for frequent frustration.
The story is truly fucking abysmal but come post-game this didn't leave my Vita for actual years, so fair's fair.
2016
This game made my partner and I cry so much, repeatedly, that I don't think either of us can ever go back to it for a replay. As a dog-mum it hits a bit too hard, but also, that's the beauty of it.